-Delile
- Izindaba zesimanje ziyahlukumeza
- Inqubo yokwelashwa ibuhlungu futhi ayipheli
- Ukuhlala emshadweni ngemuva kokungathembeki - Uhambo olubuhlungu
- Ukungathembeki emthethweni akuyona into edingekayo ukuze kwenziwe ushintsho
Kufanele ukuthi uzwe abantu bethi ukungathembeki akukubi konke noma ukukopela kungenza umshado wakho uqine. Lokhu kwenze bonke abantu ebudlelwaneni bazibuze ukuthi ukungathembeki kuyikhambi labathile uma kungezona zonke izinkinga zomshado. Futhi, ngabe kusho ukuthi kulungile ukuthi omunye wabalingani abakhohlise?
Ngikholwa ukuthi okunye kwalokhu kucabanga akulungile. Yebo, ukungathembeki kuvula iso ezinkingeni emshadweni wakho kepha akuwusindisi njalo umshado. Eqinisweni, ezinye izindaba zingalimaza ngempela. Angiyena 'ozondayo okhohlisayo' noma umuntu ongakholelwa ekunikezeni amathuba wesibili; Ngilapha ukuzokhanyisa ngeqiniso lokuthi akuyona yonke imishado engasindiswa ngemuva kokucocwa.
U-Esther Perel enkulumweni yakhe ye-TED ethi 'Rethinking Infidelity' uyachaza ukuthi emshadweni, umlingani kufanele abe ngumuntu othandana naye, othembekile othembekile, umzali, umlingani onobuhlakani nomlingani wezemizwa. Ukungathembeki emthethweni akukhona nje ukukhaphela izifungo zomshado; futhi ukwenqaba yonke into umbhangqwana okholelwa kuyo. Kungalimaza ngokoqobo ubunikazi bomlingani okhonjiwe. Uzizwa ululazekile, unqatshiwe, ulahliwe - futhi lena yimizwa uthando okufanele ngabe isivikela kuyo.
Izindaba zesimanje ziyahlukumeza
Izindaba zendabuko zazivame ukuba lula - ukuthola uphawu lwe-lipstick kukhola noma ukuthola amarisidi wokuthenga okusolisayo futhi kwaba njalo (iningi lezikhathi). Izindaba zesimanje ziyahlukumeza ngoba ungathola umkhondo wendaba yonke ngenxa yamadivayisi wokulandelela nezinhlelo zokusebenza ezinjenge-Xnspy, amakhamera wepeni, nokunye okuningi okusha kwezobuchwepheshe. Lawa mathuluzi asinikeza ithuba lokumba imiyalezo, izithombe, ama-imeyili nokunye ukuxhumana kwansuku zonke kozakwethu abakhohlisayo. Lonke lolu lwazi luba lukhulu ukugaya, ikakhulukazi uma ubucabanga ukuthi ubusemshadweni ojabulayo.
Noma sithola ithuba lokubuza imibuzo mayelana nalolu daba njengokuthi, 'Uyamcabanga uma unami?' 'Ngabe umfisa kakhulu?' 'Awusangithandi?' njll. Kepha ukuzwa izimpendulo zalezi akufani nokuzibuka zidlala empeleni. Konke lokhu kuyabuhlungu futhi abukho ubudlelwano obungalulama kalula kulokhu kukhathazeka.
Inqubo yokwelashwa ibuhlungu futhi ayipheli
Kunzima impela ukuyeka ukugxila ekungathembekini nasekuqhubekeni nempilo. I-athikili yocwaningo enesihloko Uhlangothi Olunye "Olunye" Lokungathembeki uthi izisulu empeleni zihlushwa yiPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) futhi zizwa ukwesaba nokungabi namandla emva kokukhohliswa ebudlelwaneni. Le mizwa isukela ekwesabeni ukulahlekelwa yisinanyathiselwa. Abantu abanjalo futhi bathambekele ekuxosheni amafulegi abomvu njengokuthi bayaqhubeka nokuhlala beshadile, bezama ukufaka lolu daba lube nencazelo enhle bakhohlwe ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi umlingani wabo uhlala emshadweni wezingane kuphela.
Ngibonile imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye ngisho nangemva kwamacala angaphezu kweyodwa okungathembeki hhayi ngoba ijabule ndawonye noma iselaphile kepha ngenxa yezizathu ezinjengomthelela wesahlukaniso ezinganeni, ukwesaba ukungashadi futhi, imiphumela yezimali noma izizathu ze-PR .
Ucwaningo oluningi luthi abesilisa bathinteka kakhulu ngokuya ocansini komlingani wabo kanti nabesifazane bathinteka kakhulu yilokho okuthinta imizwa. Kunedlanzana labelaphi nezingcweti zobudlelwano eseziqalile ukugcizelela umbono wokuthi izindaba zingahlenga umshado kodwa abakhohlwayo ukukuchaza kuziphi izimo ezingaba yiqiniso. Kunamathuba okuthi ukhombe izinkinga zomshado bese uzilungisa ngemuva kwesiqephu sokungathembeki kepha kuya ngohlobo lobudlelwano onalo nomlingani wakho kanye nogqozi lomlingani wakho lapho bekukhohlisa.
Ezinye izisulu zihlala zikhumbula umunyu nokuhlukumezeka kwendaba; kwabanye, indaba iba yinto eguqukayo futhi abanye bayakwazi ukubuyela esimeni sempilo. Kungokuhlangenwe nakho okuhlukile kwabantu abahlukile.
Ukuhlala emshadweni ngemuva kokungathembeki - Uhambo olubuhlungu
Ukuhlala emshadweni noma ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kokungathembeki empeleni kuyihlazo kakhulu kulowo ohlukunyezwayo kunomkhohlisi. Akuhlukanisi isisulu nomlingani waso kuphela kodwa nakwabangane nasemndenini waso. Abanye abasho ngoba besaba ukwahlulelwa ngokungashiyi abalingani babo.
Ukuthandana kukhiya izithandani ngesibopho sokwesaba necala okungapheli isikhashana. Noma izithandani zingadivosi, lokho akusho ukuthi ubuhlobo bazo sebuyalulama. Noma ngabe udaba seluphelile, bobabili bavame ukuzizwa bevalelekile.
Indlela eya ekululameni yinde. Kuthatha umsebenzi omningi ukubuyisa ukwethenjwa. Kungathatha unyaka noma emibili ngaphambi kokuba umbhangqwana ululame. Kunezinto eziningi ezidinga ukwenzeka ukuze umbhangqwana uqhubeke ebudlelwaneni. Akwanele ukusho ukuthi 'Ngizothembeka kabuhlungu noma ngizoxhumana ngokukhululeka kusukela manje kuqhubeke.' Umkhohlisi kufanele athathe umthwalo ophelele ngezenzo zakhe. Kudingeka nokuba aqonde futhi abekezele ngoba ukwelashwa kungathatha isikhathi. Bese kulandela ingxenye yokubuyisa bonke ubuhlobo. Umphumela wendaba ungaphathwa kuphela ngokwethembeka okwabiwayo nokuqonda okunzima ukukufeza. Akuwona wonke umuntu olungele ukufaka lolo hlobo lomsebenzi.
Ukungathembeki emthethweni akuyona into edingekayo ukuze kwenziwe ushintsho
Ngokubona kwami, umqondo wokuthi ubudlelwano bakho bukhula ngemuva kokungathembeki buyimbudane. Ukungathembeki emthethweni akuyona into edingekayo ukuze kube noshintsho noma inhlansi kunoma imuphi umshado. Ukube nje umkhohlisi ubengaletha okweshumi kwesibindi kanye nesifakazelo asibeke endabeni, emshadweni wakhe, mhlawumbe ubengeke ashelele kwasekuqaleni. Ngakho-ke, ungakholelwa nje noma ngubani othi ukungathembeki angenza ubudlelwano bakho buqine. Angisho ukuthi kufanele uhlukanise zisuka nje kepha khumbula ukuthi kungasebenza noma kungasebenzi esimeni sakho.