-Delile
Yonke imishado inesabelo samazinga aphezulu naphansi. Yize kungekho nkinga yokudlula ezikhathini zenjabulo, ukunqoba izinkinga zomshado kuyinselele impela.
Ukuze umshado uphumelele, okubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ungahamba kanjani kulezo zinkinga futhi ufunde ukuzixazulula. Ukuvumela izinkinga zakho zomshado zikhule kungadala umonakalo ebuhlotsheni bakho.
Izeluleko zomshado ezivela kochwepheshe
Yonke imibhangqwana idlula ezigabeni ezinzima, ifaka izinkinga eziyinkimbinkimbi nezisicefe. Akunandaba ukuthi usunesikhathi esingakanani ushadile, ukungena kuzo akutholi lula.
Kepha ezinye izeluleko ezivela kochwepheshe zingakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nezinkinga kangcono, ngaphandle kokulimaza umshado wakho.
Sikunikeza iseluleko esihle kakhulu somshado ngabachwepheshe bezobudlelwano obuhle kakhulu ukukusiza ube nokuphila komshado okujabulisayo nokwanelisayo-
1. Gcina umoya wakho ukuze uthole isikhathi lapho usesikhundleni sekhanda esipholile
UJoan Levy, uLcsw
Yeka ukuzama ukuxhumana uma uthukuthele. Noma yini ozama ukuyisho ngeke izwakale ngendlela obungathanda ukuthi ibe ngayo. Cubungula intukuthelo yakho kuqala:
- Bheka ukuqagela kusuka kwezinye izimo nabanye abantu bakudala;
- Kungenzeka yini ukuthi ungeza okushoyo kulokho umlingani wakho akusho noma angakusho, ukwenzile noma akakwenzanga lokho okungahle kukwenze ucasuke kakhulu kunaleso simo esidingekayo?
- Zibuze ukuthi ngabe unesidingo esingagcwaliseki yini esinomthelela ekucasukeni kwakho? Ungasethula kanjani leso sidingo ngaphandle kokwenza umlingani wakho enze iphutha?
- Khumbula ukuthi lo ngumuntu omthandayo futhi okuthandayo. Anisona isitha somunye nomunye.
2. Yazi ukuthi ulalela kanjani futhi ubekhona ngokugcwele kumlingani wakho
UMelissa Lee-Tammeus, Ph.D., LMHc
Umeluleki Wezempilo Yengqondo
Ekusebenzisaneni nemibhangqwana engikwenzayo, omunye wemithombo emikhulu yezinhlungu eziyimbangela uqhamuka ekungazizweni uzwakala noma ungaqondakali. Imvamisa lokhu kungenxa yokuthi siyakwazi ukukhuluma, kepha asilaleli.
Yiba khona ngokugcwele kumlingani wakho. Beka phansi ifoni, ususe imisebenzi, bese ubheka umlingani wakho umane ulalele. Uma ungacelwa ukuthi uphinde lokho okushiwo umlingani wakho, ungakwenza lokho? Uma ungakwazi, amakhono okulalela angadinga ukuqiniswa!
3. Ukunqanyulwa akunakugwenywa, kanjalo nokuxhuma kabusha
UCandice Creasman Mowrey, Ph.D., LPC-S
Ukunqanyulwa kuyingxenye yemvelo yobudlelwano, ngisho nalezo ezihlala njalo! Sijwayele ukulindela ukuthi ubudlelwano bethu bothando bugcine izinga elifanayo lokusondelana ngaso sonke isikhathi, futhi lapho sizizwa thina noma ophathina bethu bekhukhuleka, kungazizwa sengathi ukuphela sekusondele. Ungethuki! Zikhumbuze ukuthi kuyinto ejwayelekile bese usebenza ukuxhuma kabusha.
4. Ungayidlali iphephile ngaso sonke isikhathi
UMirel Goldstein, MS, MA, LPC
Ngingancoma ukuthi imibhangqwana yabelane ngento ethintekayo usuku ngalunye ngoba imibhangqwana eyeka ukuba sengozini futhi "iyidlale iphephile" ingazithola izizwa iqhela kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka nemithwalo yemfanelo yansuku zonke incintisana nezidingo zobudlelwano.
5. Faka umsebenzi ukuze ujabulele umshado onomvuzo
ULynn R. Zakeri, uLcsw
Umshado usebenza. Abukho ubudlelwano obungasinda ngaphandle kokuthi zombili izinhlangothi zifake umsebenzi. Ukusebenza emshadweni ojabulayo, onempilo awuzizwa njengomsebenzi oyisisekelo somsebenzi noma uhlobo lwezinto ezizokwenziwa.
Kepha ukuthatha isikhathi sokulalela, ukuhlela isikhathi sekhwalithi, ukubeka phambili izinto ezibekiwe, nokwabelana ngemizwa konke kungumsebenzi ozuzisayo. Thembanani, ngokuba sengozini, futhi nihloniphane ngobuqiniso (hhayi ubudlova). Lolo hlobo lomsebenzi luzokunikeza imivuzo yempilo yonke.
6. Vula okuningi kumlingani wakho futhi wakhe ubuhlobo obuqinile
UBrenda Whiteman, BA, R.S.W
Lapho usho okuningi, lapho ukhuluma ngokwengeziwe, lapho uveza ngokwengeziwe imizwa yakho, kulapho utshela khona umlingani wakho ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi ucabangani, kulapho uvuleka khona uqobo lwakho uqobo - maningi amathuba okuthi wena kuzokwakha isisekelo esiqinile sobuhlobo bakho manje nasesikhathini esizayo.
Ukufihla imicabango nemizwa kuyindlela eqinisekile yomlilo yokwambula isisekelo sobudlelwane bakho.
7. Yiba nozwelo ngemizwa yomunye nomunye futhi uxazulule izinkinga ndawonye
UMary Kay Cocharo, LMFT
Iseluleko sami esihle kakhulu kunoma imuphi umbhangqwana oshadile ukuthi uthathe isikhathi sokufunda ukuthi ungaxhumana kanjani ngempumelelo. Iningi labantu abashadayo abagcina belashwa ngomshado bakudinga kakhulu lokhu! Ukuxhumana okusebenzayo kuyinqubo lapho umuntu ngamunye ezwa ezwakala futhi eqondakala.
Kubandakanya ukuba nozwelo ngemizwa yomunye nokuza nezixazululo ndawonye. Ngikholwa ukuthi ubuhlungu obuningi emshadweni buza lapho imibhangqwana izama ukuxazulula izinkinga ngaphandle kwamathuluzi. Isibonelo, eminye imibhangqwana igwema ukungaboni ngaso linye ukuze "kugcinwe ukuthula".
Izinto azixazululeki ngale ndlela futhi intukuthelo iyakhula. Noma, eminye imibhangqwana iyaxabana futhi ilwe, iqhubekisele phambili inkinga futhi ichithe ukuxhumana kwayo okubalulekile. Ukuxhumana okuhle kuyikhono elifanele ukufundwa futhi kuzokuvumela ukuthi udlule ezihlokweni ezinzima ngenkathi ujulisa uthando lwakho.
8. Yenza umzamo wokwazi ukuthi yini eyenza umlingani wakho aqine
USuzy Daren MA LMFT
Yiba nesifiso sokwehluka komlingani wakho bese uzama ukuqonda ukuthi yini ebalimazayo nokuthi yini ebenza bajabule. Njengoba ulwazi lwakho lokunye landa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, cabanga kahle - khombisa uzwela lwangempela lapho luvuselelwa futhi ukhuthaze unomphela lokho okwenza kukhanye.
9. Yiba umngane kumlingani wakho ovula ingqondo yakhe, hhayi umzimba kuphela
UMyla Erwin, MA
Kubathandi abasha abanethemba lokuthi noma yini "ama-quirks" abangawabona kozakwabo angashintshwa, ngiyabaqinisekisa ukuthi lezo zinto zizokhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukuze ngiqiniseke ukuthi abathandi lowo muntu kuphela kodwa nokuthi bayamthanda ngokweqiniso lowo muntu.
Ukushisekela kuzoxhuma futhi kunciphe. Ngesikhathi sonyaka esinciphileyo, uzokujabulela ukuba nomngane ongavula ingqondo yakho ngendlela efanayo naleyo abake ngayo umzimba wakho. Enye into ukuthi umshado uthatha umsebenzi ongaguquguquki, njengoba kwenza ukuphefumula.
Icebo ukuthi usebenze ngokuzikhandla kulo uze ungazi yonke imisipha oyisebenzisayo. Kodwa-ke, ake umuntu akhathazeke futhi uzokuqaphela nakanjani. Isihluthulelo ukuqhubeka nokuphefumula.
10. Thembeka ezinhlosweni nasemagameni akho; khombisa uthando oluningi
UDkt Claire Vines, Psy.D
Hlala usho lokho okushoyo bese usho okushoyo; ngomusa. Ngaso sonke isikhathi gcina ukuthintana kwamehlo. Funda umphefumulo. Ezingxoxweni zakho gwema ukusebenzisa amagama athi, "Njalo futhi Ungalokothi."
Ngaphandle kokuthi, kunjalo, Ungalokothi uyeke ukuqabulana, Yiba nomusa Njalo. Thinta isikhumba esikhunjeni, bamba izandla. Ungabheki kuphela lokho okushoyo kumlingani wakho, kodwa nokuthi ulwazi luthunyelwa kanjani; ngomusa.
Hlala ubingelela omunye nomunye ngokumanga, lapho ufika ekhaya. Akukhathalekile ukuthi ngubani ofinyelela kuqala, khumbula ukuthi owesilisa nowesifazane bayizinhlobo kanti izindima zofuzo zehlukile. Zihloniphe futhi uzazise. Uyalingana, nokho, wehlukile. Hambani uhambo ndawonye, hhayi oluxubekile, nokho, nihlangene.
Khulisa esinye, isinyathelo esisodwa esingeziwe. Uma wazi ukuthi umphefumulo wabo ubukhathazekile esikhathini esedlule, basize bahloniphe okwedlule. Lalela ngothando. Uthole okufundile. Uthole ukukhetha.
Ufunde ukuqonda, uzwela, uzwela nokuphepha. Faka isicelo. Bangenise emshadweni ngothando lwakho. Xoxa ngekusasa kodwa phila okwamanje.
11. Yabelana ngemizwa yakho ethambile nomlingani wakho ngokusondelana okuhlala njalo
UDkt Trey Cole, Psy.D.
Abantu bavame ukwesaba ukungaqiniseki nokungajwayeleki. Lapho siphikisana, sifunda ngemicabango, noma sabelana ngemizwa ebukhali nabalingani bethu, lokho kuvame ukwethusa ukwesaba kuye ngokungaqiniseki ebudlelwaneni.
Esikhundleni salokho, ukuhlola ukuthi imizwa yethu “ethambile” iyini, njengokuthi indlela ozakwethu aziphatha ngayo kuvuselela lokho kwesaba kokungaqiniseki, nokufunda ukuthi kungabelwana kanjani ngalokhu kungasusa amandla futhi kukhulise ukusondelana.
12. Umshado udinga ukugcinwa njalo, ungakhathali ngawo
UDkt Mic Hunter, LMFT, Psy.D.
Abantu abenza ukulungiswa njalo ezimotweni zabo bathola ukuthi izimoto zabo zihamba kangcono futhi zihlala isikhathi eside. Abantu abenza ukunakekelwa okujwayelekile emakhaya abo bathola ukuthi bayaqhubeka nokujabulela ukuhlala lapho.
Imibhangqwana ephatha ubudlelwano bayo okungenani nokunakekelwa okuningi njengoba yenza izinto zayo ezibonakalayo ijabule kakhulu kunaleyo mibhangqwana engabenzi.
13. Yenza ubuhlobo bakho buze kuqala
UBob Taibbi, uLCSW
Gcina ubuhlobo bakho kusishisi sangaphambili. Konke kulula kakhulu ezinganeni, emisebenzini, empilweni yansuku zonke ukusebenzisa izimpilo zethu futhi imvamisa ubuhlobo bobabili obuthatha isihlalo sasemuva. Yakha kulesi sikhathi, isikhathi sezingxoxo zombili ezisondelana nokuxazulula izinkinga ngakho-ke hlala uxhumekile futhi ungashayeli izinkinga ngaphansi kombhoxo.
14. Yakha ikhono lakho ekukhulumisaneni ngamazwi nangamazwi
UJaclyn Hunt, MA, ACAS, BCCS
Ucezu lokuqala lweluleko umelaphi noma omunye uchwepheshe angalunika umbhangqwana oshadile ukuxhumana nomunye! Ngihlala ngihleka lesi seluleko ngoba kuyinto eyodwa ukutshela abantu ukuthi baxhumane nenye into ukubakhombisa ukuthi kusho ukuthini lokhu.
Ukuxhumana kubandakanya zombili izinkulumo zomlomo nezingezona ezomlomo. Uma ukhulumisana nomlingani wakho qiniseka ukuthi ubabhekile, qiniseka ukuthi uhlangabezana ngaphakathi nalokhu abakudlulisela kuwe ngaphandle bese ucela ukulandelela imibuzo bese ubakhombisa ngaphandle ukuqonda kwakho noma ukudideka kuze kube nobabili niyafana ikhasi futhi wanelisekile.
Ukuxhumana kuyaphindisela kokubili ngamazwi nangezinkomba eziyinkimbinkimbi ezingezona ezomlomo. Leso iseluleko esihle kakhulu engingasinikeza umbhangqwana.
15. Nakekela impilo yakho yomshado futhi uyivikele ‘ezidlekeni’
UDOUGLAS WEISS PH.D
Gcina izakhiwo zomshado wakho ziphilile. Yabelana ngemizwa yakho nsuku zonke. Dumisani omunye nomunye okungenani kabili ngosuku. Xhuma ngokomoya nsuku zonke. Gcina ubulili buhambisana futhi nobabili niqala njalo. Yenza isikhathi sokuba nosuku okungenani izikhathi ezimbalwa ngenyanga. Phathanani njengezithandani esikhundleni sabantu abashadile. Hloniphanani njengabantu nabangane. Vikela umshado wakho ezilwaneni eziyingozi ezifana nalezi: ukuba matasa kakhulu, obunye ubudlelwano bangaphandle nokuzijabulisa.
16. Gwema izinqumo zokuxhamazela ngokwamukela imizwa yakho
URussell S Strelnick, uLCSW
Ukusuka 'ungahlali nje wenze okuthile', uye 'musa nje ukwenza okuthile uhlale lapho' yikhono elihle kakhulu lokulakha ngaphakathi kimi ukuqinisa ubuhlobo obusondelene.
Ukufunda ukwamukela nokubekezelela imizwa yami nemicabango yami ukuze nginciphise isidingo sami esesabekayo, esisheshayo nesiphuthumayo 'sokwenza okuthile ngakho' kuvumela isikhathi esidingekayo kimi ukubuyela ekucaceni komcabango nokulinganisela okungokomzwelo ukuze ngiphume obishini esikhundleni sokwenza kube kubi kakhulu.
17. Yiba eqenjini elilodwa futhi injabulo izolandela
UDkt Joanna Oestmann, LMHC, LPC, LPCS
Yiba ngabangane kuqala futhi ukhumbule ukuthi useqenjini elilodwa! Njengoba kuza iSuper Bowl isikhathi esihle sokucabanga ngokuthi yini eyenza iqembu eliphumelelayo neliphumelelayo likhuphuke ngaphezu kokuhamba phambili?
Okokuqala, ukukhomba lokho enikulwela ndawonye! Okulandelayo, ukusebenzisana, ukuqonda, ukulalela, ukudlala ndawonye nokulandela ukuhola komunye nomunye. Ubani igama leqembu lakho?
Khetha igama leqembu lomndeni wakho (Ithimba lakwaSmith) bese ulisebenzisa ukukhumbuza omunye nomunye emndenini ukuthi nikwiqembu elilodwa nisebenza ndawonye. Nquma ukuthi yini le oyilwelayo ngokungafani nokulwa futhi injabulo izolandela.
18. Yiba ngumnikazi wamaphutha akho
UGerald Schoenewolf, Ph.D.
Thatha umthwalo wakho ngeqhaza lakho ezinkingeni zomshado wakho. Kulula ukukhomba umlingani wakho ngomunwe, kepha kunzima kakhulu ukukhomba wena umunwe. Lapho usungakwenza lokhu ungaxazulula izingqinamba kunokuba nengxabano engalungile.
19. Buza imibuzo eminingi, ukucabanga akulungile empilweni yobudlelwano
U-Ayo Akanbi, M.Div., MFT, OACCPP
Iseluleko sami esisodwa silula: Khuluma, khuluma futhi ukhulume futhi. Ngikhuthaza amaklayenti ami ukuthi acubungule noma ngabe yisiphi isimo futhi athole isikhathi sokukhuluma ngaso. Ukukhuluma kuyisihluthulelo. Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi balalelane futhi babuze imibuzo. Futhi akufanele bacabange ukuthi bazi.
20. Vulekela izingxabano, ukuqhekeka nokulungiswa okulandelayo
U-Andrew Rose, uLPC, MA
Abantu badinga ukuzizwa bavikelekile ebudlelwaneni babo ukuthola inani lokuhlangana. Ezokuphepha zakhiwa ngokugqashuka nokulungiswa. Ungabi namahloni ngezingxabano. Yenza indawo yokwesaba, usizi, nentukuthelo, bese uxhuma kabusha futhi niqinisane ngemuva kokuphuka ngokomzwelo noma kokusebenza.
21. Udinga umlingani omkhulu? Yiba munye kumlingani wakho kuqala
UClifton Brantley, MA, LMFTA
Gxila KOKUBA ngumlingani omkhulu esikhundleni SOKUTHOLA umlingani omkhulu. Umshado ophumelelayo umayelana nokuzilawula. Ukuba ngcono (kangcono ekuthandeni, ekuxoleleni, ekubekezeleni, ekuxhumaneni) kuzokwenza umshado wakho ube ngcono. Yenza umshado wakho ube yinto eza kuqala kusho ukwenza oshade naye kuqala.
22. Ungavumeli ukuba matasatasa kudle ubudlelwano bakho, hlala ubophelene
U-Eddie Capparucci, MA, LPC
Iseluleko sami emibhangqwaneni eshadile ukuthi sihlale sisebenza ngokubambisana. Imibhangqwana eminingi kakhulu ivumela ukuba matasatasa kwempilo, izingane, umsebenzi nezinye iziphazamiso ukuthi kudale ibanga phakathi kwazo.
Uma ungathathi isikhathi usuku ngalunye ukukhulisana, wandisa amathuba okuhlukana. Inani labantu elinenani eliphakeme kakhulu lesehlukaniso namuhla imibhangqwana eshade iminyaka engama-25. Ungabi yingxenye yalezo zibalo.
23. Thatha isikhathi ukucubungula isimo ngaphambi kokuphendula 
URaffi Bilek, LCSWC
Qiniseka ukuthi uyakuqonda okushiwo ngumlingani wakho ngaphambi kokunikeza impendulo noma incazelo. Qiniseka ukuthi ifayela lakho le- oshade naye uzizwa ukuthi uyamqonda naye. Kuze kube yilapho wonke umuntu ezwa ukuthi basekhasini elilodwa nanoma ngabe iyiphi inkinga, awukwazi ngisho nokuqala ukuxazulula inkinga.
24. Hloniphanani ningabambeki enkambeni yokunganaki emshadweni
U-Eva L. Shaw, Ph.D.
Uma ngeluleka izithandani ngigcizelela ukubaluleka kwenhlonipho emshadweni. Kulula kakhulu ukunganaki lapho uhlala nomuntu 24/7. Kulula ukubona izinto ezimbi bese ukhohlwa okuhle.
Kwesinye isikhathi okulindelwe akuhlangatshezwana, iphupho lomshado wezinganekwane kungenzeka lingagcwaliseki, futhi abantu bavame ukubhekelana bodwa kunokusebenza ndawonye. Ngifundisa ukuthi lapho 'ukuqomisana' kubalulekile ukwakha ubungani obuhle kakhulu bomngani futhi ukuphatha njalo oshade naye njengoba wenza umngani wakho omkhulu ngoba yilokho abayikho.
Ukhethe lowo muntu ukuthi enze uhambo lwempilo naye futhi kungahle kungabi yinganekwane oyicabangile. Kwesinye isikhathi izinto ezimbi zenzeka emindenini - ukugula, izinkinga zezezimali, ukufa, ukuhlubuka kwezingane, - futhi lapho kufika izikhathi ezinzima khumbula ukuthi umngani wakho omkhulu uza ekhaya kuwe, nsuku zonke, futhi bafanelwe ukuhlonishwa nguwe.
Vumela izikhathi ezinzima zikusondeze ndawonye kunokukuhlukanisa. Bheka futhi ukhumbule ubuhle obubonile kozakwenu ngenkathi nihlela impilo ndawonye. Khumbula izizathu zokuba nobabili futhi ungazinaki amaphutha ezinhlamvu. Sonke sinazo. Thandanani ngaphandle kwemibandela futhi nikhule ngezinkinga. Hloniphanani ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi ezintweni zonke thola indlela.
25. Sebenzela ukwakha ifayela le- ushintsho oluhle emshadweni wakho
ILISA FOGEL, MA, LCSW-R
Emshadweni, sivame ukuphinda amaphethini kusuka ebuntwaneni. Oshade naye wenza okufanayo. Uma ungakwazi ukushintsha amaphethini wokuthi uphendula kanjani kowakwakho, inkolelo yezinhlelo ikhombisile ukuthi kuzoba khona noguquko ekuphenduleni komuntu oshade naye.
Uvame ukuphendula oshade naye futhi uma ungenza umsebenzi wokushintsha lokhu, ungadala ushintsho oluhle hhayi kuwe kuphela kepha nasemshadweni wakho.
26. Yisho iphuzu lakho ngokuqinile, kodwa ngobumnene
U-Amy Sherman, MA, LMHC
Khumbula njalo ukuthi umlingani wakho akasona isitha sakho nokuthi amagama owasebenzisayo ngentukuthelo azohlala isikhathi eside impi isiphelile. Ngakho yenza iphuzu lakho liqine, kodwa ngobumnene. Inhlonipho oyikhombisa umlingani wakho, ikakhulukazi ngentukuthelo, izokwakha isisekelo esiqinile eminyakeni eminingi ezayo.
27. Gwema ukuphatha umlingani wakho ngendelelo; ukuphathwa buthule kungu-cha omkhulu
U-ESTHER LERMAN, MFT
Yazi ukuthi kulungile ukulwa kwesinye isikhathi, inkinga ukuthi ulwa kanjani nokuthi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi ululame? Ungasombulula noma uxole noma udedele ngesikhathi esifushane?
Uma nilwa noma nihlanganyela nje niyazivikela futhi / noma nigxeka? Noma ingabe usebenzisa “ukungakhulumi”? Okubaluleke kakhulu ukukuqapha ukwedelela.
Lesi simo sengqondo sivame ukuchitha ubuhlobo. Akekho kithi ongaba nothando ngokuphelele ngaso sonke isikhathi, kepha lezi zindlela ezithile zokuxhumana zilimaza umshado wakho.
28. Yiba neqiniso ekukhulumisaneni kwakho
IKERRI-ANNE BROWN, LMHC, CAP, ICADC
Iseluleko esihle kakhulu engingasinikeza umbhangqwana oshadile ukuthi ungawabukeli phansi amandla okuxhumana. Ukuxhumana okungakhulunywa nokukhulunywayo kunomthelela omkhulu ekutheni imibhangqwana ivame ukungazi ukuthi indima yesitayela sokuxhumana ibaluleke kangakanani ebudlelwaneni babo.
Xhumana kaningi nangobuqiniso. Ungacabangi ukuthi umlingani wakho uyazi noma aqonde ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Ngisho nasebudlelwaneni lapho kade nihlangene ndawonye, umlingani wakho akasoze akwazi ukufunda ingqondo yakho futhi iqiniso liwukuthi, awufuni nabo.
29. Ditch lezozibuko ezinombala ophuzi! Funda ukubona umbono womlingani wakho
UKERI ILISA SENDER-RECEIVER, LMSW, LSW
Ngena ezweni lomlingani wakho ngangokunokwenzeka. Sonke siphila ebholeni lethu leqiniso elisuselwa kokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwangaphambilini futhi sigqoka izingilazi ezinombala we-rose eziguqula imibono yethu. Esikhundleni sokuzama ukwenza umlingani wakho ukuthi akubone futhi akuqonde nombono wakho, yenza konke okusemandleni akho ukubona nokuqonda ezabo.
Ngaphakathi kwalowo moya wokupha, uzokwazi ukubathanda ngokweqiniso futhi ubazise. Uma ungakuhlanganisa lokhu nokwamukela okungenamibandela lokho okutholayo lapho ungena ngaphakathi emhlabeni wabo, uzokwazi ukubambisana.
30. Sika umlingani wakho kancane 
INkantoloney Ellis, LMHC
Nikeza umlingani wakho ithuba lokungabaza. Bathathe ngokwezwi labo futhi uthembe ukuthi nabo, bayazama. Lokho abakushoyo nabakuzwayo kuvumelekile, njengoba nje lokho okushoyo nokuzizwa kuvumelekile. Yiba nokholo kubo, ubakholelwe ezwini labo, futhi uthathe okuhle kubo.
31. Funda ukwehlukanisa phakathi kokujabula nokudumazeka
SARA NUAHN, MSW, LICSW
Lindela ukungajabuli. Ngiyazi ukuthi ucabangani, ngubani osho lokho !? Akusona iseluleko esiwusizo kubantu abashadile. Noma okuhle nganoma iyiphi indlela. Kodwa ngizwe. Singena ebudlelwaneni nasemshadweni, sicabanga, silindele ukuthi kuzosenza sijabule futhi siphephe.
Futhi empeleni, akunjalo. Uma ungena emshadweni, ulindele ukuthi, lowo muntu noma imvelo ikwenze ujabule, khona-ke kungcono uqale ukuhlela ukuthukuthela nokucasuka, ungajabuli, isikhathi esiningi.
Lindela ukuba nezikhathi ezimangazayo, nezikhathi ezikhungathekisayo nezishubisayo. Lindela ukuthi ungazizwa uqinisekisiwe, noma ubonwe, uzwakala, futhi unakwa kwesinye isikhathi, futhi futhi lindela ukuthi uzobekwa endaweni ephakeme kangaka inhliziyo yakho ingase ingakwazi ukuyiphatha.
Lindela ukuthi nizothandana njengosuku enihlangana ngalo, futhi futhi lindela ukuthi nizoba nezikhathi eningathandani ngazo ngokuphelele. Lindela ukuthi uzohleka futhi ukhale, futhi ube nezikhathi ezimnandi kakhulu nezinjabulo, futhi futhi ulindele ukuthi uzodabuka futhi uthukuthele futhi wesabe.
Lindela ukuthi uwena, futhi yibo futhi uxhume, futhi washada ngoba lona bekungumngane wakho, umuntu wakho, nalowo obenomuzwa wokuthi ungawunqoba umhlaba.
Lindela ukuthi ngeke ujabule, nokuthi nguwe wedwa ongazithokozisa ngempela! Kuyinqubo yokuphuma ngaphakathi, ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kungumsebenzi wakho ukucela okudingayo, unikele ngengxenye yakho ukuze ukwazi ukuzwa konke lokho okulindelwe, okuhle nokubi, futhi ekugcineni kosuku, usalindele ukuthi lowo muntu azokuqabula ubusuku obuhle.
32. Hlakulela umkhuba wokungawanaki amaphutha nezinsumpa
UDkt Tari Mack, Psy. UD
Ngingaluleka izithandani ezishadile ukuthi zibheke okuhle komunye nomunye. Kuzohlala kunezinto ngomlingani wakho ezikucasulayo noma ezikudumazayo. Lokho ogxila kukho kuzowakha umshado wakho. Gxila ezimfanelweni ezinhle zomlingani wakho. Lokhu kuzokhulisa injabulo emshadweni wakho.
33. Gxilisa ubucayi bebhizinisi lomshado ngokuzijabulisa nokudlala
URONALD B. COHEN, MD
Umshado wuhambo, ubudlelwane obuguquguqukayo obudinga ukulalelwa, ukufunda, ukuzivumelanisa nezimo, nokuvumela ithonya. Umshado ngumsebenzi, kepha uma ungemnandi futhi ngokudlala, mhlawumbe awufanele umzamo. Umshado ongcono kakhulu awuyona inkinga okufanele ixazululwe kepha iyimfihlakalo okufanele ithokoziswe futhi yamkelwe.
34. Tshala imali emshadweni wakho - Usuku lobusuku, ukuncoma kanye nezimali
ISANDRA WILLIAMS, LPC, NCC
Tshala Imali Emshadweni Wakho Njalo: Hlanganani nikhombe izinhlobo zotshalo-mali (okusho ukuthi ubusuku bosuku, isabelomali, ukwazisa) okubalulekile emshadweni wakho. Ngokwehlukana, bhala izinto ezibalulekile kini ngamunye.
Okulandelayo, xoxani ngotshalomali enikholelwa ukuthi lubalulekile emshadweni wenu. Zibophezele ekwenzeni okudingekayo ukuze ube nengcebo yomshado.
35. Xoxa ngokuthi yini eyamukelekayo nokuthi yini engamukeleki
SHAVANA FINEBERG, PH.D.
Thatha isifundo ndawonye ku-Non-Violent Communication (Rosenberg) bese uyisebenzisa. Zama kanzima futhi ukubona zonke izingqinamba ngokombono womlingani wakho. Susa “okulungile” futhi “okungalungile” - xoxani ngokuthi yini engasebenzela ngamunye wenu. Uma usabela ngokuqinile, okwedlule kungadalwa; zimisele ukuhlola lokho kungenzeka nomeluleki onolwazi.
Khuluma ngqo ngezocansi owabelana ngazo: ukwazisa nezicelo. Gada isikhathi sosuku kumakhalenda akho agodliwe ukujabulisa nina nobabili kuphela, ubuncane njalo emavikini amabili.
36. Tfola kutsi ngukuphi lokukuphekela bese utsihlomisa kute uvimbele tinkinga takho
JAIME SAIBIL, M.A
Iseluleko esihle engingasinikeza abantu abashadile kungaba ukuzazi wena. Lokho kusho ukuthi ungagcini ngokujwayelana kakhulu nezimbangela zakho, izindawo ezingaboni, nezinkinobho ezishisayo kepha futhi uthole amathuluzi adingekayo wokuzilawula ukuze zingangeni endleleni yakho. Sonke 'sinezinkinobho ezishisayo' noma izinto ezishukumisayo ezakhiwe ekuqaleni kwezimpilo zethu.
Akekho ohamba engalimele lapha. Uma ungabazi, bazoshaywa ngumlingani wakho bengazi nokuthi sekwenzekile, okuvame ukuthi izikhathi eziholele kwingxabano nasekunqanyulweni. Uma, noma kunjalo, ubazi futhi ufunde ukuzivimba izikhali lapho ucindezelwa, ungavimbela amaphesenti angamashumi amahlanu uma kungenjalo ezingxabanweni ohlangabezana nazo nomlingani wakho futhi uchithe isikhathi esiningi ugxile ekunakeni, othandweni, ekwazeni nasekuxhumaneni.
37. Ziphatheni kahle, aningalumi amakhanda omunye komunye 
I-Courtney Geter, i-LMFT, i-CST
Yize kubonakala kulula, iseluleko sami esihle kakhulu kubantu abashadile sithi, “nibe mnandi komunye nomunye.” Izikhathi eziningi kunalokho, imibhangqwana egcina kusofa wami imnandi kimi kunokuba ingumuntu eziya naye ekhaya.
Yebo, ngemuva kwezinyanga noma iminyaka yokungezwani ebudlelwaneni, ungahle ungasamthandi oshade naye. Leyo “chip ehlombe” ingaholela ekubeni ube nolaka noma ngabe umisa isidlo sakusihlwa usendleleni eya ekhaya futhi awulethi oshade naye noma yini noma ushiye izitsha ezingcolile kusinki lapho wazi ukuthi kuyabacasula lokho.
Kwesinye isikhathi, akudingeki ukuthi uthande oshade naye kodwa ukuba mnene kubo kuzokwenza ukuthi ukusebenza ngezingxabano kube lula futhi kube mnandi kubo bonke abathintekayo. Iqala futhi ukukhombisa inhlonipho ethe xaxa ngakubo nayo ebaluleke kakhulu ekwakheni nasekulondolozeni umshado.
Lokhu futhi kuthuthukisa ukuxazululwa kwezingxabano ngokususa isimilo esingenzi lutho. Uma ngihlangana nezithandani okusobala ukuthi “azidlali kahle” komunye nomunye, omunye wemisebenzi yami yokuqala okufanele bayenze “ukuba bahle esontweni elizayo” futhi ngibacela ukuthi bakhethe into eyodwa abangayenza ngokuhlukile ukufeza lokhu umgomo.
38. Yenza ukuzibophezela. Isikhathi eside, ukudonsa isikhathi eside impela
ILynda Cameron Intengo, i-Ed.S, i-LPC, i-AADC
Iseluleko esihle kakhulu somshado engingasinika noma yimuphi umbhangqwana oshadile ukuqonda ukuthi ukuzibophezela kwangempela kusho ukuthini. Imvamisa kakhulu sinobunzima bokuzibophezela kunoma yini isikhathi eside.
Sishintsha imiqondo yethu njengokushintsha izingubo zethu. Ukuzibophezela kwangempela emshadweni ukwethembeka noma ngabe akekho obukayo futhi okhetha ukuthanda nokuhlala enkambisweni kungakhathalekile ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngaleso sikhathi.
39. Mirror isitayela sokuxhumana somlingani wakho ukuze kube lula ukuqonda
UGIOVANNI MACCARRONE, B.A
Ithiphu yokuqala yomshado yokuba nomshado onothando ukuxhumana nabo usebenzisa isitayela sabo sokuxhumana. Ngabe bathatha imininingwane futhi baxhumana besebenzisa izinkomba zabo zokubona (ukubona kuyakholelwa), umsindo wabo (ukuhleba ezindlebeni zabo), i-kinesthetic (bayabathinta lapho bekhuluma nabo) noma okunye? Lapho usufunde isitayela sabo, ungakwazi ukuxhumana nabo ngokuphelele futhi bazokuqonda empeleni!
40. Yamukela ukuthi oshade naye akayona into oyithandayo
ULaurie Heller, i-LPC
Ilukuluku! "Isigaba se-honeymoon" sihlala siphela. Siqala ukuqaphela izinto ngomlingani wethu ukuthi SIQHUBEKA. Sicabanga, noma okubi kakhulu ukuthi, "Udinga ukushintsha!" Esikhundleni, qonda ukuthi othandekayo wakho UHLUKILE kunawe! Yiba nelukuluku lokufuna ukwazi ukuthi yini ebenza bakitaze. Lokhu kuzokhulisa.
41. Gcina izimfihlo kumlingani wakho futhi usendleleni eya ekubhujisweni 
UDkt LaWanda N. Evans, uLPC
Iseluleko sami kungaba ukuthi, ukuxhumana ngakho konke, ungagcini izimfihlo, ngoba izimfihlo zonakalisa imishado, ungalokothi ucabange ukuthi oshade naye wazi ngokuzenzakalela noma uyazi ukuthi yini izidingo zakho, ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, noma ukuthi ucabangani, futhi ungalokothi bathathane kancane. Lezi zinto zibaluleke kakhulu empumelelweni nasempilweni ende yomshado wakho.
42. Yenzani ukuzwakalisa uthando omunye komunye njengengxenye engeke kuxoxiswane ngayo emshadweni wenu
UKATIE LEMIEUX, LMFT
Yenza ubuhlobo bakho buze kuqala! Hlela isikhathi esiphindaphindayo sobuhlobo bakho masonto onke, wakhele kwikhwalithi yobungani bakho, utshale imali ekufundeni ngobudlelwano.
Sebenzisa okufundile. Iningi lethu alikaze lifundiswe ukuthi lingaba kanjani nobudlelwano obuphumelelayo. Kubalulekile ukufunda ukuthi ungaxhumana kanjani ikakhulukazi ngesikhathi sezingxabano. Khumbula izinto ezincane ezibalulekile.
Zinike isikhathi sokuphupha, nibonisane ukubonga nothando. Gcina ukuzimela kuphila futhi nibe mnene komunye nomunye nina nenza konke okusemandleni enu.
43. Hloniphanani nisekelane amaphupho omunye nomunye 
UBarbara Winter PH.D., PA
Kunezinto eziningi okufanele uzicabangele njengoba konke kuya ngokuthi izithandani zikuphi ekukhuleni kwazo.
Ngingasho ukuthi kusukela namuhla sigxile kakhulu 'enjabulweni', emayelana nokuthi senza kanjani injongo yezimpilo zethu, ukuthi ngokubambisana babheke amaphupho ngamanye kanye / noma ahlanganyelwayo. ”Injongo”, elinye igama eliyimpicabadala leminyaka eyishumi, imayelana nokugcwaliseka, hhayi kithina kuphela kepha ngomkhumbi-mbhangqwana.
ufuna ukudala ini? yini ofuna ukuyizwa? Amaphupho ngamanye noma ahlanganyelwe-Noma yini iya: isiqeshana esibalulekile ukuzwa, ukuhlonipha nokusekela.
enye enkulu. . . ukugcina ukuxhumana sidinga ukujikela (aka-lean in) bese silalele, sihloniphe, sivume, siqinisekise, siphonsela inselelo, spar, sithinte. . . nomlingani wethu. sidinga ukuzwakala; ngeke sixoshwe.
Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu namuhla njengoba, ngandlela thile, sinamathuba amancane okuxhumana kwangempela.
44. Bheka ukuthi uqhuba kahle kanjani ekufezeni okulindelwe owakwakho
USarah Ramsay, LMFT
Iseluleko engingasinikeza ukuthi: Uma kukhona okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni, ungasoli bese ukhomba umlingani wakho ngomunwe. Njengoba kunzima, ukwenza ubuhlobo busebenze kufanele ukhombe wena umunwe.
Zibuze namhlanje, ngenzani ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zomlingani wami? Gxila kokukwazi ukukwenza, hhayi kulokho umlingani wakho akwenzayo noma angakwenzi.
45. Finyelela kuzisekelo - thinta izidingo zomlingani wakho ezibalulekile
UDeidre A. Prewitt, i-MSMFC, i-LPC
Iseluleko sami esihle somshado kunoma imuphi umbhangqwana ukufuna ngokweqiniso ukuqonda imilayezo umlingani wakho akuthumela yona. Imishado ehamba phambili yenziwe ngabantu ababili abazana ngokuhlangenwe nakho nezidingo eziyisisekelo ezingokomzwelo; usebenzisa lolo lwazi ukuqonda imilayezo eyiqiniso ngemuva kwamazwi abo.
Imibhangqwana eminingi iyalwa ngoba icabanga ukuthi eyayo indlela kuphela kwendlela yokubona ubudlelwano bayo. Lokhu kuyimbangela yezingxabano eziningi njengoba bobabili abalingani belwa nokucabanga ukuthi kuzwakale ngempela omunye komunye.
Ukufunda, ukuhloniphana, nokuthandana umbono oyingqayizivele womhlaba nomshado kuvumela umlingani ngamunye ukuthi aqonde imilayezo engemva kwentukuthelo futhi alimaze abalingani babo ababonisayo ezikhathini ezimnyama kakhulu.
Bangabona ngentukuthelo ukufinyelela enhliziyweni yezingqinamba futhi basebenzise ukungqubuzana ukwakha ubudlelwano obungcono.
46. Ungafaki umlingani wakho ebhokisini - khumbula ukuthi uzakwenu unjani ngempela
U-Amira Posner, BSW, MSW, RSWw
Iseluleko esihle kakhulu engingasinikeza umbhangqwana oshadile ukuthi uzihlanganyele nawe nobuhlobo bakho. Ukhona ngempela, thanda ukumazi futhi.
Izikhathi eziningi sigijimela ekuzenzekelayo ukuthi sihlobana kanjani nathi, ulwazi lwethu nobudlelwano bethu nabanye. Sivame ukusabela sisendaweni ethile noma ngendlela ethile yokubona izinto.
Sijwayele ukubeka abalingani ebhokisini futhi lokhu kungadala ukonakala kwezokuxhumana.
Lapho sithatha isikhathi ukwehlisa ijubane futhi sihlakulele ukuqaphela okunengqondo, singakhetha ukuphendula ngendlela ehlukile. Sakha isikhala sokubona nokuzwa izinto ngokuhlukile.
47. Konke kufanelekile othandweni nasempini - yiB.S
I-Liz Verna, ATR, LCAT
Lwela ukulingana nomlingani wakho. Ungathathi isibhamu esishibhile, shayela igama noma ukhohlwe ukuthi utshale imali ekuhambeni okude. Ukugcina imingcele ibekelwe izikhathi ezinzima kuyisikhumbuzo sokungazi ukuthi usazovuka ekuseni ubhekane nolunye usuku ndawonye.
48. Dedela okungaphezu kwamandla akho
SAMANTHA BURNS, M.A., LMHC
Ngokunakayo khetha ukudedela lokho ongeke wakushintsha ngomuntu, bese ugxila kokuthandayo ngaye. Ucwaningo lokuhlola ubuchopho ngemibhangqwana esathandana kakhulu ngemuva kweminyaka engamashumi amabili nanye ngokwesilinganiso somshado lukhombisile ukuthi laba bantu abalingani banekhono elikhethekile lokungazinaki izinto ezingaphansi kwesikhumba sabo, futhi bagxile kakhulu kulokho abakuthandayo ngomlingani wabo. Indlela enhle yokwenza lokhu ukusebenzisa umkhuba wansuku zonke wokubonga, ukwazisa into eyodwa ecabangayo abayenzile ngalolo suku.
49. (Uma ubheka emuva) Ukuba yisithulu, ubumpumputhe kanye ne-Dementia kuhle emshadweni ojabulisayo
UDAVID O. SAENZ, PH.D., EDM, LLC
Izitatimende ezivela emibhangqwaneni eshade iminyaka engama-60 +. Senza kanjani ukuthi sisebenze kahle kangaka ngemuva kwamashumi eminyaka sindawonye:
- Omunye wethu ngaso sonke isikhathi kufanele azimisele ukuthanda omunye umuntu kancane nje kancane
- Ungalokothi uvumele noma wenze umlingani wakho azizwe eyedwa
- Kufanele uzimisele ukungabi yisithulu kancane ... ube yimpumputhe ... futhi ube nokuwohloka komqondo okuncane
- Umshado ulula, kulapho umuntu oyedwa (noma bobabili) eba yisilima lapho kuba nzima
- Ungahle ube ulungile ngaso sonke isikhathi noma ungajabula (okusho ukuthi ushadile), kepha ngeke nibe nobabili
50. Yehlisa lokho kuvikela! Okwakhe ingxenye yakho ezingxabanweni
UNancy Ryan, uLMFT
UNancy Ryan
Khumbula ukuqhubeka ufisa ukwazi ngomlingani wakho. Funa ukuqonda umbono wabo ngaphambi kokuzivikela. Yiba yingxenye yakho ekungaqondani, sebenza kanzima ukudlulisa imicabango nemizwa yakho, amaphupho nezintshisekelo zakho, futhi uthole izindlela zokuxhuma ngezindlela ezincane nsuku zonke. Khumbula ukuthi nithandana, hhayi izitha. Yiba yindawo ephephile ngokomzwelo futhi ubheke okuhle komunye nomunye.
51. Uthando lukhula kuphela uma wondla futhi unakekela ubuhlobo, ngokungaguquguquki
ULola Sholagbade, MA, R.P, C.C.C.
Awukwazi nje ukwenza lutho bese ulindela ukuthi uthando luthuthuke. Njengoba nje ungagcina amalangabi evutha ngokungeza izingodo kuwo eziko, ngakho-ke kungaphakathi kobudlelwano bomshado, udinga ukuqhubeka ungeza izingodo emlilweni ngemisebenzi yokwakha ubudlelwano, ukuxhumana nokuhlangabezana nezidingo zomunye nomunye - noma ngabe yikuphi .
52. Dinga oshade naye njengokuthi awukashadi nabo
UDkt. UMARNI FEUERMAN, LCSW, LMFT
Iseluleko esihle engingasinika ukuthi niqhubeke nokuphathana ngendlela enanenza ngayo ngesikhathi nisathandana. Ngalokho ngiqonde ukuthi, thokozani kakhulu lapho niqala ukubonana noma nixoxa, futhi nibe nomusa. Ezinye zalezi zinto zingawela eceleni kwendlela lapho uke waba nothile isikhashana.
Kwesinye isikhathi indlela abaphathana ngayo ibingazukuthola usuku lwesibili, ingasaphathwa eye-altare! Cabanga ngendlela eningathathelana kalula ngayo noma ngabe beniziphethe kahle ekuphatheni oshade naye kahle ngezinye izindlela.
53. Gqoka ibheji lakho lokuzimela - umlingani wakho AKAYI obhekene nempilo yakho yonke
ULEVANA SLABODNICK, LISW-S
Iseluleko sami kubashadikazi ukuthi wazi ukuthi uphelelaphi futhi umlingani wakho uqala. Yebo, kubalulekile ukuba nokuxhumana okuseduze, ukuxhumana nokuthola isikhathi sokuba nokuhlangenwe nakho kokuhlanganisa, kepha ubuntu bakho bubaluleke kakhulu.
Uma uncike kumlingani wakho kwezokuzijabulisa, ukunethezeka, ukwesekwa, njll. Kungadala ingcindezi nokudumazeka lapho kungazanelisi zonke izidingo zakho.Kungcono ukuba nabangane, umndeni, nezinye izintshisekelo ngaphandle komshado wakho ukuze umlingani wakho angabhekeleli impilo yakho yonke.
54. Sebenzisa amandla nobuthakathaka komunye nomunye ukwakha ukubambisana okuhle
UDkt. KONSTANTIN LUKIN, PH.D.
Ukuba nobuhlobo obanelisayo kufana nokuba ngabalingani abahle be-tango. Akukona ukuthi ngubani ongumdansi onamandla kunabo bonke, kepha kumayelana nokuthi abalingani bobabili basebenzisana kanjani amandla nobuthakathaka bomunye nomunye ngobumsulwa nobuhle bomdanso.
55. Yiba umngani omkhulu womlingani wakho 
I-LAURA GALINIS, i-LPC
Ukube bekufanele unikeze iseluleko kwabashadile, bekungaba yini lokho? ”
Gcina ubungani obuqinile nomlingani wakho. Yize ucansi nokusondelana ngokomzimba kubalulekile emshadweni, ukwaneliseka emshadweni kuyanda uma bobabili abalingani bezwa ukuthi kunobungani obuqinile obubambe isisekelo somshado.
Ngakho-ke yenza umzamo ofanayo (uma kungenjalo!) Nomlingani wakho njengoba wenza nabangani bakho.
56. Yakha ubungani basemshadweni bokuthuthuka ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba
STACI SCHNELL, MS, CS, LMFT
Yibani Abangane! Ubungane bungesinye sezici zomshado ojabulisayo nohlala njalo. Ukwakha nokukhulisa ubungani bomshado kungaqinisa umshado ngoba ubungani emshadweni baziwa ngokwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba.
Ubungani busiza imibhangqwana eshadile ukuthi izizwe iphephe ngokwanele ukuba ivulekele omunye nomunye ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngokuthi izokwahlulelwa noma izizwe ingavikelekile. Imibhangqwana engabangane ilangazelela ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye, futhi iyathandana ngokweqiniso.
Imisebenzi yabo nezintshisakalo zabo ziyakhuliswa ngoba banomuntu abamthandayo wokuhlanganyela nakho impilo yakhe. Ukuba nomngane wakho womshado njengomngane wakho omkhulu kungaba enye yezinzuzo ezinkulu zomshado.
57. Yiba umuntu ofuna ukuba naye
UDkt Jo Ann Atkins, DMin, CPC
Sonke sinombono womuntu esingathanda ukuba naye. Siqale zisuka nje amabanga aphansi, ukuba "nothando" kuthisha, noma omunye umfundi.
Sabona abazali bethu ebudlelwaneni bodwa nezinye izihlobo. Sikuzwa esikuthandayo, i-blonde, ubude, ukumamatheka okukhulu, ezothando, njll. Sazizwa lapho sine "chemistry" nabanye abantu. Kepha kuthiwani ngalolo hlu? Izinto ezijulile ezenza ubudlelwano busebenze.
Ngakho ... ngiyabuza, ungaba yini umuntu ofuna ukuba naye? Ungakwazi yini ukuqonda? Ungalalela ngaphandle kokwahlulela? Ungakwazi ukugcina izimfihlo? Ungakwazi yini ukucabangela nokucabangela? Ungathanda njengakuqala?
Ungakwazi yini ukubekezela, ube mnene futhi ube nomusa? Ingabe ungathenjwa, uthembeke futhi usekele? Ungaxola, uthembeke (nakuNkulunkulu), futhi uhlakaniphe? Ungakwazi yini ukuba ezihlekisayo, sexy futhi ejabule? Imvamisa sidinga okungaphezulu kwalokhu esikunikela ngamabomu.
"Ukuba ngumuntu, ofuna ukuba naye" ngokuzumayo kwaba ngaphezu kwalokho engangikucabanga ngenkathi ngicabanga leli phupho. Kwangibangela ukuthi ngibuke ngokungapheli esibukweni sobugovu bami.
Ngangizikhumbula ngokwengeziwe, phela nginguye kuphela umuntu engingamshintsha. Ukucabangela emshadweni akusho ukuba ndikindiki noma ukuhlukaniswa nemizwa.
58. Qhubeka ufunde ukuthi ungaba kanjani umngane omkhulu kumlingani wakho
UCARALEE FREDERIC, LCSW, CGT, SRT
Kunezinto ezimbalwa ezikhuphukela phezulu: “Ngesinye isikhathi, nashada omunye nomunye ngoba wawungeke ucabange ukuphila impilo ngaphandle kwalo muntu ngaphakathi. Hlakulela umkhuba wokubheka okuhle komunye nomunye nsuku zonke.
Yisho. Kubhale phansi. Babonise ukuthi unenhlanhla / ubusiswe kangakanani ukuba nabo empilweni yakho.
Kuliqiniso impela ukuthi imishado emihle yakhelwe esisekelweni sobungani obuhle - futhi manje kunemikhakha eminingi yocwaningo ukufakazela lokho. Funda ukuthi ungaba kanjani umngane omuhle ngempela. Qhubeka ufunde ukuthi ungaba kanjani umngane omkhulu kumlingani wakho.
Sonke siyashintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, futhi kunezingxenye ezithile ezihlala zifana. Nakani kokubili.
Okokugcina, wonke amakhono emhlabeni ngeke akusize ngalutho ngaphandle kokuthi uthathe isinqumo sokwamukela ithonya lomlingani wakho - ukulivumela lithinte indlela ocabanga ngayo, ozizwa ngayo, futhi wenze izinto - futhi ufaka inhlalakahle yabo nenjabulo izenzo ozithathayo nezinqumo ozithathayo.
59. Vikela Ubudlelwano bakho - cisha imodi yokushayela umshayeli ngokuzenzakalela
USharon Pope, uMqeqeshi Wempilo noMlobi
Ubudlelwano obukhona phakathi kwakho noshade naye abukho kwenye indawo kule planethi. Kungokwakho nokwakho wedwa. Uma wabelana ngemininingwane yobudlelwano bakho nomndeni, abangane, noma osebenza nabo, umema abanye abantu endaweni lapho bengeyona eyabo futhi lokho kwehlisa ubuhlobo.
Angikwazi ukucabanga ngento eyodwa ephilayo kule planethi echumayo ngaphandle kokunakwa noma ukunakekelwa, futhi okufanayo kunjalo emishadweni yethu. Asikwazi ukukubeka ku-auto-pilot, sithululela uthando lwethu, amandla, nokunaka kwethu ezinganeni, emsebenzini, noma kukho konke okunye okudinga ukunakekelwa futhi silindele ukuthi ubudlelwane buzokhula ngomlingo futhi bukhule bodwa.
60. Bhekana neziphepho zempilo ndawonye nokubekezela 
I-RENNET WONG-GATES, i-MSW, i-RSW, i-RP
Lapho abantu abadala bethatha isinqumo sokuhlanganyela bodwa balandisa ngobunikazi babo obakhiwe.
Ngaphansi kwendawo kukhona izidingo zomuntu ngamunye ezingafinyelelwanga nezinkinga ezingasonjululwanga kanye nomcabango wabo wamathuba. Ukwenza impilo yesimo sezulu ndawonye sidinga ukubekezela, ukuzihlola, ukuxolelwa, kanye nesibindi sokuba sengozini yokuhlala sixhumene ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba.
61. Nweba igatsha lomnqumo
MOSHE RATSON, MBA, MS MFT, LMFT
Abukho ubudlelwano obungenazimpikiswano zokungaqondi, ukudumazeka nokukhungatheka. Uma ugcina amaphuzu noma ulinde ukuxolisa, ubudlelwano buya eningizimu. Sebenzisa, phula umjikelezo omubi, bese ulungisa okungahambanga kahle.
Bese unweba igatsha lomnqumo, yenza ukuthula futhi udlulele ngale kwesikhathi esedlule uye ekusaseni eliqhakazile.
62. Thola impilo! (Funda - umdlalo wokuzilibazisa owakhayo)
UStephanie Robson MSW, RSW
Sivame ukuzwa ukuthi ubudlelwano budinga ukuthi sinikeze isikhathi esiningi namandla, okuyiqiniso. Umshado udinga umzamo oqhubekayo nokunakwa ukuze uphumelele.
Lapho kwakhiwa ubudlelwano futhi mhlawumbe umndeni, imibhangqwana ingagxila kakhulu kule nqubo, izilahlekele. Yize kubalulekile ukuhambisana nomlingani wakho, kubalulekile futhi ukuba nezintshisekelo zakho futhi uzithuthukise njengomuntu ngamunye.
Ukubamba iqhaza emsebenzini ongafaki umlingani wakho, okungukuthi ukufunda insimbi yomculo, ukujoyina iklabhu lezincwadi, ukuthatha isigaba sokuthwebula izithombe, noma kungaba yini, kukunikeza ithuba lokukuthuthukisa.
Tyakhe ingaba yindlela enhle yokuvuselela amandla futhi uzizwe uvuselelekile amandla kanye nomuzwa wokufeza okuthile okuzoncoma ubudlelwane obunempilo.
63. Hlela ukungena kwezobudlelwano ukuze uxoxe futhi unqobe ukwesaba nokungabaza
UDkt Jerren Weekes-Kanu, Ph.D, MA
Ngingaluleka imibhangqwana eshadile ukuthi ichithe isikhathi njalo ixoxa ngokwesaba, ukungabaza, noma ukungazethembi ezithola kuhlobene nobudlelwano bazo. Ukwesaba okungaxazululiwe nokungabaza kungaba nomthelela omubi emshadweni.
Isibonelo, umlingani oyedwa esaba ukuthi akasafunwa owakwakhe kwanele ukushintsha indlela yabo yokuziphatha nobudlelwano ngezindlela ezinciphisa ukwaneliseka komshado (isib. / noma ibanga elingokomzwelo ngezinye izindlela).
Ungavumeli ukwesaba okungashiwongo kulimaze umshado wakho; xoxa ngazo njalo endaweni enengxoxo efudumele, evulekile, futhi evumayo.
64. Hlela futhi nakhe impilo enenjongo ndawonye
UCaroline Steelberg, Psy.D., LLC
Nika umcabango emshadweni wakho. Thola ukuthi yini oyidingayo noshade naye emshadweni, manje nasesikhathini esizayo. Hlela isikhathi esijwayelekile sokuhlanganyela, ulalele futhi uxoxe ngokuthi lokho kungenziwa kanjani. Dala impilo enenjongo ndawonye!
65. Zibuze ukuthi umtholile yini umlingani wakho 
ULindsay Goodlin, uLcsw
Iseluleko esihle kakhulu engisincomela imibhangqwana ukuthi ngaso sonke isikhathi sidlale eqenjini elilodwa. Ukudlala eqenjini elilodwa kusho ukuthi ukuhlala ninomhlane, ukusebenzela izinhloso ezifanayo, futhi kwesinye isikhathi kusho ukuthwala ilungu leqembu lakho lapho lidinga ukwesekwa. Sonke siyazi ukuthi akekho "mina" eqenjini, futhi nomshado awunjalo.
66. Indlela oxhumana ngayo nayo ibaluleke njengaleyo oxhumana nayo - khulisa ubuciko
ANGELA FICKEN, LICSW
Thola indlela yokuxhumana ngempumelelo. Ngalokho ngiqonde ukuthi, nobabili nizoyiveza kanjani imizwa enjengokulimala, intukuthelo, ukukhungatheka, ukwazisa nothando ngendlela nobabili enizizwa izwakala futhi iqondakala ngayo?
Ukuxhumana okusebenzayo kuyindlela yobuciko futhi umbhangqwana ngamunye ungahluka ngendlela ohamba ngayo ngayo. Ukufunda ukuxhumana ngempumelelo kungathatha isikhathi esiningi, ukuzijwayeza, nokubekezela- futhi kungenziwa! Ukukhulumisana okuhle kuyisithako esiyinhloko ebudlelwaneni obujabulisayo nobunempilo.
67. Phatha umlingani wakho ngendlela ongathanda ukuphathwa ngayo
I-EVA SADOWSKI RPC, MFA
Phatha umlingani wakho ngendlela ongathanda ukuphathwa ngayo. Uma ufuna inhlonipho - nikeza inhlonipho; uma ufuna uthando - nikeza uthando; uma ufuna ukwethenjwa - bathembe; uma ufuna umusa - yiba nomusa. Yiba uhlobo lomuntu ofuna umlingani wakho abe yilo.
68. Hlanganisa amandla akho angaphakathi ukuze uphendule ngendlela engcono noshade naye
UDkt Lyz DeBoer Kreider, Ph.D.
Cabanga kabusha ukuthi amandla akho alelephi. Awunawo amandla noma umlingo, kungathatha ukushintsha oshade naye. Sebenzisa amandla akho ukushintsha indlela ophendula ngayo koshade naye.
Kaningi abalingani basabela ngendlela edala ibanga - kokubili ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo. Misa isikhashana, phefumula, bese ucabanga ngomgomo wokuxhuma. Khetha impendulo ehambisana nomgomo wakho.
69. Thola okwangempela (Chuck leyo mibono yamahlaya othando ngobudlelwano)
IKIMBERLY VANBUREN, MA, LMFT, LPC-S
Abantu abaningi baqala ubudlelwane nokulindela okungenangqondo mayelana nokuthi ubuhlobo bubukeka kanjani. Imvamisa kubhebhezelwa ngamahlaya othando nalokho umuntu akubona njengoku “thandana” noma “ukuthanda” noma “ukujabula”.
Amathuba uma uqiniseka ukuthi inkanyezi ye-movie yakamuva (faka umlingisi wakho oyintandokazi lapha) yindlela okufanele ubudlelwano bubukeke ngayo futhi impilo yakho ayifani ne-movie, kungenzeka udumazeke.
Imvamisa lapho sisezigabeni zokuqomisana zobudlelwano, asizinaki izici zomuntu esingazithandi. Lokhu sikwenza ngoba sikholelwa ukuthi uma sesisebudlelwaneni obuzinikele, singashintsha noma siguqule izinto esingazithandi.
Iqiniso ukuthi, ubudlelwane obuzibophezele buzogqamisa zonke izici zomlingani wakho. Labo obathandayo futhi ikakhulukazi labo ongabathandi. Izinto ongazithandi ngeke zinyamalale uma ukuzibophezela sekwenziwe.
Iseluleko sami silula. Cacisa futhi uthembeke ngalokho okufunayo ebudlelwaneni futhi ube futhi wamukele ngalokho onakho ebudlelwaneni, ngalesi sikhathi. Hhayi lokho ocabanga ukuthi kungaphenduka kube khona noma kuzokwenzekani uma lokhu noma lokho kuzoshintsha.
Uma uthembela kokuthile okuzoshintsha kumlingani wakho ukuze ujabule ebudlelwaneni, uzibekela ukwehluleka. Yamukela ukuthi ungubani umlingani wakho futhi uqonde ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ngeke babe noshintsho olukhulu kuzici zabo.
Uma ungajabula ngokuthi ngubani lowo muntu njengamanje, maningi amathuba okuthi waneliseke ngobuhlobo bakho.
70. Thuthukisa isimilo somlingani wakho - yazisa kakhulu futhi ungabagxeki kakhulu
USAMARA SEROTKIN, PSY.D
Khombisa ukubonga komunye nomunye. Noma kufanele umbe ukuze uthole okuthile okwazisayo ngabo, kuthole bese ukhuluma ngakho. Umshado uwumsebenzi onzima, futhi sonke besingasebenzisa umfutho ngezikhathi ezithile - ikakhulukazi kumuntu esimubona kakhulu.
Qaphela imicabango yakho. Iningi lethu lichitha isikhathi esiningi licabanga ngezinto - ikakhulukazi ozakwethu. Uma uzithola ukhalaza kuwe ngazo, yima isikhashana bese uthola indlela yokulungisa le nkinga ngendlela eyakhayo. Ungavumeli ukuthi ikhule futhi ibe yingozi.
71. Gxila emizweni esikhundleni semiphetho yengxoxo ekhiqizayo 
UMaureen Gaffney, uLcsw
“Angiqambi amanga, kodwa yena uyawakhuluma, ngakho ngingamethemba kanjani futhi?” Zimbalwa kakhulu izinto empilweni ezihlala zikhona noma ezingakaze zibe khona kepha nanka amagama esiya kuwo kalula ngesikhathi sokuxabana. Lapho uzithola usebenzisa la magama, yima isikhashana bese ucabanga ngesikhathi okungenzeka ukuthi waqamba amanga ngaso.
Mhlawumbe amanga amhlophe amancane lapho ubephuza ukufika. Uma ugxila ekutheni lokhu kuziphatha kukwenza uzizwe kanjani kunokuthi kwenzeka kangaki, kuvula nina nobabili ukukhuluma esikhundleni sokuzizwa nilahliwe noma niphoxekile.
72. Ukwamukelwa kuyindlela eya ekusindisweni komshado
UDkt Kim Dawson, Psy.D.
- Yamukela ukuthi akekho umuntu ophethe iqiniso, ngisho nawe!
- Yamukela ukungqubuzana kuyingxenye yemvelo yobudlelwano nomthombo wezifundo zokuphila.
- Yamukela umlingani wakho unombono ovumelekile. Buza ngakho! Funda kuyo!
- Thola iphupho owabelana ngalo bese ulakha libe iqiniso.
73. Dala impilo lapho uhlala khona ngaphandle kovalo lokuthi "uzotholakala"
IGREG GRIFFIN, MA, BCPC
Yenza izinqumo kube sengathi oshade naye unawe, noma engekho. Phila ukuze uma oshade naye akumangaze ngokuvela noma ngabe ukuphi (ohambweni lwebhizinisi, ukuphuma nabangani, noma ngabe uwedwa), ungajabula ukumamukela. Kungumuzwa omuhle ukuhlala ukhululekile ngokwesaba ukuthi "uzotholakala".
74. Chitha isikhathi sekhwalithi nomlingani wakho
UMendim Zhuta, LMFT
Uma nginganikeza izithandani ezishadile isincomo esisodwa kuphela kungaba ukuqinisekisa ukuthi zigcina ibhalansi yazo "Yesikhathi Sekhwalithi" okungenani amahora ama-2 ngeviki. Ukucaca ngokuthi "Isikhathi sekhwalithi" ngiqonde ubusuku / usuku losuku. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ungalokothi udlule isikhathi esingaphezu kwenyanga eyodwa ungagcwalisanga leli bhalansi.
75. Gcina ubuhlobo bakho ngokusebenzisa ukuxhumana okuncane
ILISA CHAPIN, MA, LPC
Iseluleko sami kungaba ukwenza ubudlelwano bakho buhambe phambili nokuqinisekisa ukuthi ubukhulisa ngokuxhumana okuncane kodwa okuphawulekayo ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba nsuku zonke. Ukuthuthukisa ukuhlangana kwemikhuba yansuku zonke - ukungena engqondweni nomlingani wakho (umbhalo, i-imeyili, noma ucingo) noma ukwanga okunengqondo, ukuphulula noma ukugona kungahamba ibanga elide.