-Delile
- Kungani ukwelashwa komshado?
- Ziyini izimpawu zokuthi kufanele uzame ukwelashwa?
- Nibukelana phansi ezimeni zenhlalo
- Ufuna izaba zokugwema ukuya ocansini
- Uzwa ulaka nokudelela owakwakho
- Kuyaqabukela nabelana ngendawo efanayo lapho nihlala ndawonye
- Ulingeka ukuba uthandane
- Uqala ukubheka amasayithi wokuphola
- Ulinganisa ukuthi ukubheka amasayithi wokuphola kubukeka nje
- Wena noma oshade naye nisebenzisa ukungathethi
- Ufuna ukufunda amasu athile wokuphinda uthole 'i-ol yomshado mojo
- Izibalo zingakuwe
Umshado wakho wawungabukeki kanjena ngenkathi uqala. Eminyakeni yokuqala, nobabili benilinde ukufika ekhaya nivela emsebenzini ukuze nibe ndawonye. Ngisho nemisebenzi emincane efana nokuthenga ezitolo noma ukuhlunga ukusetshenziswa kabusha kwabonakala kumnandi, inqobo nje uma ubukwenza eceleni. Kusihlwa kwakho bekugcwele ukuhleka nokwabelana. Ubwaziwa embuthanweni wabangani bakho "njengabashadikazi abakhulu", oyisibonelo sokulingiswa. Ngasese, ubucabanga wena ukuthi owakho bekungumshado omuhle kunabo bonke abangane bakho futhi wazizwa uthokozile ngakho.
Kepha manje akuvamile ukuthi ubheke phambili ekuvuleni umnyango ngemuva kosuku olude emsebenzini. Eqinisweni, ufuna izaba zokungabuyi ekhaya. Uchitha isikhathi esithe xaxa ulwa nalokho kuhleka, futhi noma ngabe ucela malini, kubonakala sengathi uhlala ugcina ngokwenza kabusha ngoba akakwazi nje ukuzidabula kude ne-Playstation yakhe ukuze afike namabhodlela onqenqemeni ngesikhathi sokuthatha . Awuzange ucabange ukuthi ufanelwe umklomelo “wombhangqwana omkhulu” esikhathini eside, eside.
Okungakaze kucatshangwe ngakho ngaphambili ngaphambi kokuba umbono wedivosi weqe engqondweni yakho. Umqondo uqala ukuvakashela kaningi kaningi. Ingabe ucabangela ngokungathi sína isehlukaniso? Kuthiwani ngokuvula ithuba lokuthola ukwelashwa komshado (kwesinye isikhathi okubizwa ngokuthi ukwelulekwa ngomshado) ngaphambi kokuthi uqale ushayele abameli ucingo? Kungenzeka ukuthi ukuletha uchwepheshe onguchwepheshe kungakusiza ukuthi ubuyele ekubeni yilowo mbhangqwana omkhulu bonke abangane bakho ababefuna ukuba yibo. Mhlawumbe ukubona umelaphi kuzobuyisa lowo muzwa wokuzitika futhi.
Kungani ukwelashwa komshado?
Lapho wena nomlingani wakho ningeke niphumelele ekuxazululeni izinkinga ezincane kakhulu, umelaphi womshado angaba lusizo. Ezokuphepha kwehhovisi lakhe, uzothola indawo engathathi hlangothi, engenacala lapho nobabili nikwazi ukuzwakalisa imizwa yenu futhi nizizwe nilalele. Uma amazwi eqala ukukhuphuka, umelaphi womshado uzokwehlisa ithoni ukuze imizwa ihlale ivulekile futhi imizwa ivunyelwe ukuthi iphume endaweni ehloniphekile engathathi hlangothi. Kungaba yisikhathi sokuqala nendawo endaweni yesikhathi eside lapho ngamunye nizokhuluma ngaphandle komunye umuntu ukuphuma, noma ngaphandle kokuphakamisa izwi.
Ziyini izimpawu zokuthi kufanele uzame ukwelashwa?
Izimpikiswano zakho ziyahamba ‘ziyizungeze,’ kungabikho sinqumo esikhiqizayo esake sanikezwa. Ukhathele ukumcela ukuthi abeke ibhokisi lamathuluzi futhi ahlanze ubuxhakaxhaka ngemuva kokulungisa (ekugcineni!) Lompompi ovuzayo. Ukhathele ukuzwa umncenga ukuthi alungise ompompi ovuzayo. Usola ukuthi akanakile ompompi ovuzayo njengomdlalo wamandla, indlela yokukujezisela okuthile. Kepha awazi ukuthi yini leyo nto ngoba ngeke usakwazi ukukhuluma omunye nomunye ngendlela yomphakathi. Futhi akuyona nje ompompi ovuzayo. Yizo zonke izinhlobo zezinto ezingaze zixazululwe. “Nsuku zonke kuyisicefe esisha. Kwesinye isikhathi kuyangimangaza ukuthi ngashada noWayne, ”kuphawula uSherry, ongumhlobisi wezangaphakathi oneminyaka engu-37. “Angikhumbuli nje lokhu kwenzeka eminyakeni yethu yokuqala sindawonye. Kodwa manje ... ngokuthembeka impela, angazi ukuthi kungakanani ukungavumelani okuhlala njalo engingakuthatha. ” Isimo sikaSherry ngokusobala sizwakala sengathi ukubona umelaphi womshado noWayne kuzowusiza umshado.
Nibukelana phansi ezimeni zenhlalo
Uma nisezimweni zenhlalo, niyalulazana noma niyalulazana, kwesinye isikhathi niguqule isimo sephathi sisuke enhlizweni futhi sibe mnandi siye kokungakhululeki. Usebenzisa ukusethwa kweqembu ukwenza ama-jabs amancane abhekise kumlingani wakho. "Bengidlala kuphela", ungasho. Kepha hhayi impela. Yonke intukuthelo obukade uyigcina ngasese ibonakala ivela kalula uma ukunye nabanye. Iqembu noma umngane ubona ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bungaba semadwaleni, futhi bangaze basho okuthile ngasese kuwe. Esikhundleni sokusebenzisa abangani bakho ukuzwakalisa izikhalazo zakho, ukuya kumelaphi wezomshado kungakunika ithuba lokukhuluma ngokwethembeka ngalokho okukuphazamisayo, hhayi ukuthi wenze sengathi “ubudlala nje”. Kuyakuphephisa nabangane ekungaphathekeni nasekukhululekeni ngokuthatha uhlangothi ezingxoxweni zakho zomphakathi.
Ufuna izaba zokugwema ukuya ocansini
Kusukela kokudala “hhayi kuloju lwezinyosi, ngiphethwe yikhanda,” kuye kumasu okuvikela okwakamuva njengokubuka ukuzitika ngokweqile Intambo, uma impilo yakho yezocansi ingekho noma ingagculisi kini noma kini nobabili, ungahle uthande ukuxhumana nomelaphi womshado. Ukwenza ucansi kungaba yisisekelo senjabulo yomshado noma ukungajabuli, ngakho-ke ungasinaki isifiso esinciphile noma ukungabikho kobudlelwano. Lesi simo sidinga ukulungiswa uma ufuna ukuxhuma futhi ugcine umshado.
Uzwa ulaka nokudelela owakwakho
“Ngibukeka ngicwaswa njalo kuGraham. Izinto engangizithola zithandeka, njengendlela ayigoqa ngayo amathawula — ngekota, hhayi kokuthathu, uyakukholwa? - manje ngikuthola kuyacasula ngempela, ”kububula uCharlotte. Kungumuntu ukuthukuthela kwesinye isikhathi, kepha lapho uqala ukuzwa intukuthelo nokudelela oshade naye isikhathi eside, kufanele wazi ukuthi kukhona okushintshile nokuthi uchwepheshe onenhloso angakwazi ukukunikeza amasu okuthola kabusha lokho wawungumshado ojabulayo nowanelisayo.
Kuyaqabukela nabelana ngendawo efanayo lapho nihlala ndawonye
Kusihlwa, ngabe omunye wenu uphambi kwethelevishini kanti omunye uvula i-inthanethi ehhovisi lasekhaya? Ngabe uchitha yonke iMigqibelo ukhula engadini ukuze ube wedwa, hhayi ngoba ubophekile futhi uzimisele ngokuwina umklomelo we "Best Garden kumklomelo we 'Hood"? Ingabe uthathe umhlalaphansi ngaphambi kwesikhathi ukuze ufunde wedwa ekamelweni lakho lapho oshade naye esafunda incwadi yakhe egumbini lokuphumula? Uzitshela ukuthi kuyinto ejwayelekile ukufuna isikhala esithile, kepha ukuhlala ngokuhlukana endlini eyodwa kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi ulahlekelwa ukuxhumana kwakho ngokomzwelo. Umelaphi wezomshado angakusiza ekubuyiseleni ekuhlaleni kusofa ngohlangothi, nihleka ukuphindwaphindwa “Kwabangane” nokuthola izinhlelo ezintsha zokuzitika ngokweqile.
Ulingeka ukuba uthandane
Uzithola uphupha ngomuntu osebenza naye emsebenzini. Usesha, uthole, bese uthumela umyalezo wangasese onamasoka amadala kuFacebook. "Ekuqaleni, bengicabanga ukuthi kuhle impela ukuthi ngixhumane kanjani nothando lwakudala nabangane bakudala kuFacebook," kusho uSuzy, 48. Uqhubeke wathi, “Ubaba wami wayeseMbuthweni Wezomoya ngakho-ke ngangiyisosha, ngihamba njalo ngisuka kwesinye isisekelo ngiye kwesinye, izwe ngiye esifundeni, ngize ngiye naseYurophu. Ngashiya abangane kuzo zonke lezo zindawo, futhi lapho ngisemusha, ngangishiya amasoka. Ukuxhumana nabo futhi kubuyise izinkumbulo eziningi ezinhle, futhi ... ngiqala ukucabanga ukuthi ngingahle ngifune ukuhlangana noyedwa ngokukhethekile ... ”kuphele izwi lakhe.
Uqala ukubheka amasayithi wokuphola
Uqale ukuphenya ngohlobo lokwehluka okuthenjiswa yilawa masayithi futhi kungenzeka ukuthi uqale nokudala iphrofayili eku-inthanethi, ukuze ubone ukuthi yini ekhona lapho. I-brunette evuthayo, uTeresa, wayengakaze asebenzise isikhathi esiningi online ethanda ukudlala ithenisi ngesikhathi sakhe samahhala. Ku-57, wayengakaze ahlangane nanoma ngubani ku-intanethi, kepha umyeni wakhe, uCarl, kwakubonakala sengathi kwakunguye umuntu ayekade eshade naye, kudala. Wayecabanga ngokujulile ukuthi manje kungenzeka kube yisikhathi sokuhlola amasayithi wokuphola. "Yini okufanele ilahlekelwe manje?" Wabuza, “Ngisho, kungenzeka ukuthi kufanele siye kobonana nomelaphi womshado, kodwa ...” Ngenhlanhla, uTeresa noCarl bahamba baya kobonana nomelaphi womshado, kanti ngoMeyi odlule nje bagubhe iminyaka yabo yesiliva.
Ulinganisa ukuthi ukubheka amasayithi wokuphola kubukeka nje
Empeleni, ngeke uphume njalo ebusuku nomngani omusha osheshayo online. Uze uthethelele lolu hlobo lokuziphatha; ngemuva kwakho konke, umyeni wakho akasakwenzi uthando (hhayi ukuthi unentshisekelo, noma), noma akakuncomanga ezinyangeni. Umfundisi wasekolishi weFizikiki, uBecky, ubengazwani noFrank, umyeni wakhe oneminyaka eyishumi nesikhombisa. “Ngiyazi ukuthi angathanda ukulungisa izinto, kodwa angazi nje ukuthi ngabe ungumuntu ofanele engifuna ukuchitha naye impilo yami yonke. Ngibheka laba bantu kwamanye amasayithi wokuphola nemisindo eminingi kakhulu kangcono kakhulu kunoFrank. Ngisho ukuthi, ngibheka nje, kodwa ngiya ngilingwa ngamandla. ” Ngaphambi kokuba weqe umugqa, funa usizo ngomelaphi womshado. Ngemuva kwezikhathi eziningana nokukhuluma ngokungagunci, angahlola ngokufanele ukuthi umshado wakho ungasindiswa noma cha. Lezo zingosi zokuphola zizohlala zikhona; Manje akusona isikhathi sokuzisebenzisa ukuthola oshade naye olandelayo.
Wena noma oshade naye nisebenzisa ukungathethi
Abanye abantu babuyela ekuthuleni njengendlela yokubhekana nezimo ezingaphansi kokulungile. Lokhu kungabhekwa njengendlela yokuhlukumeza kusuka nhlangothi zombili, kepha kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi ukwelashwa komshado kungaba umqondo omuhle kakhulu. Yize kunjalo, imishado enempilo iyachuma ekukhulumisaneni, futhi ukungabikho kokukhulumisana okukhulunywayo kuyizimpawu zokuthi konke akuhambi kahle emshadweni. U-Alison, owayeneminyaka engu-45 eshadile ingxenye yempilo yakhe, wathi, “Sifana nemikhumbi edlula ebusuku. Izinsuku zonke zizodlula lapho singamukeleki kalula, ingasaphathwa eyokuba nengxoxo yangempela. Kwesinye isikhathi ngizama ukuqala inkhulumomphendvulwano avele anikeze izimpendulo ze-monosyllabic. Sengiqala ukucabanga ngokuvele ngiphonse ithawula. ” Ukuxhumana ngezindlela ezimbili kuyinsika yanoma ibuphi ubudlelwano obunempilo. Uma wena, njengo-Alison, ubuyele ekuthuleni, manje yisikhathi sokubona umelaphi womshado.
Ufuna ukufunda amasu athile wokuphinda uthole 'i-ol yomshado mojo
Umelaphi omuhle womshado angakusiza wena noshade naye ukuthola kabusha izinhlobo zakho ezingcono; yini enikhange nobabili kwasekuqaleni. Angakuhlomisa ngamasu wangempela wokusebenzela nokwenza ngcono umshado wakho. Umelaphi omuhle womshado uzoba nesikhwama esiphelele samakhono azokufundisa sobabili ukusiza ukuthuthukisa ubudlelwano bakho nokububuyisela emuva enkambisweni. Ushintsho empilweni nasemshadweni alunakugwenywa kepha imigomo yomshado oqinile – uthando, ukwethembana, ukuxhumana okuhle, ukucabangisisa nenhlonipho- yizisekelo zomshado oqinile onempilo. Umelaphi womshado onekhono kakhulu uzokusiza ukunibuyisela nobabili kulezo zisekelo ezibalulekile nezidingekayo.
Izibalo zingakuwe
Lapho uphikisana ngokubona umelaphi womshado, cabanga ngezibalo zempumelelo, impumelelo ichazwe njengomshado ojabulayo. Izibalo, ngeshwa, zigcwele ibhodi lapha. kepha izikhathi eziningi kunalokho, zingakuwe. Amanye amasayithi okuphumelela amazinga okuphumelela afinyelela kumaphesenti ayisishiyagalombili ngenkathi ezinye izibalo zinikeza izibalo eziphansi.
Okokugcina, uma uzazi wena noma izici zakho kunoma iyiphi iTeresa, uSuzy noma omunye wabesifazane lapha, kufanele ucabangele ukubonana nodokotela womshado. Yini okufanele ulahlekelwe? Umshado omuhle uyinto eyigugu, futhi ufanelwe ukuba nawo. Uma umelaphi womshado ezosiza ukwenza lula lokho, kufanele ukuthi wena nomyeni wakho nikufune.