-Delile
- Ichaza isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo
- Ukukhomba isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo
- Izinhlobo zesitayela sokunamathisela esivikelekile
- Sakhiwa kanjani isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo?
- Ingabe likhona ikhambi noma ukwelashwa?
Ubudlelwano bethu bokuqala bunomthelela omkhulu kuzo zonke ezizayo. Njengezinsana nezingane ezincane, sifunda ukubheka abantu ababalulekile empilweni yethu njengomthombo wenduduzo nokwamukela noma ukucindezeleka nokuxoshwa.
Ngokuya ngocwaningo olushicilelwe ku-Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, lokhu kuxhuma okuqala kuholela ekwakhiweni kwesinye sezitayela ezine zokunamathisela: ukuphepha, ukukhathazeka, ukugwema nokungahlelekile.
Isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo kungenzeka sikhule lapho abanakekeli abayinhloko bekude ngokomzwelo, benganakiwe, noma bengazi izidingo zengane. Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi ama-25% wabantu abadala anesitayela sokunamathisela esikugwemayo.
Ukuqonda ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuba nesitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo nokuthi kubonakala kanjani ebudlelwaneni bakho kungakusiza uthole izindlela ezinempilo zokuxhuma nokwenza ngcono ubudlelwane bakho.
Ichaza isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo
Ngaphambi kokuthi singene shí esihlokweni, sidinga ukubheka ukuthi yisiphi isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo nokuthi singazibona kanjani izici zokunamathiselwe okugwemayo.
Isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo kuvame ukuba ngumphumela wabanakekeli abakhulu abangaphenduli noma abangatholakali.
Ingane ifunda masinyane ukuthembela kuwe kuphela nokwanele ngoba ukuya kubanakekeli bayo ukuze kutholakale akuholeli ekutheni kuhlangatshezwane nezidingo zabo ezingokomzwelo.
Lobu budlelwane bokuqala buba ipulani yabo bonke abanye, ikakhulukazi abathandanayo. Ngakho-ke, lapho ingane yonke isikhulile, izici zabo zokunamathisela ezigwema zithinta impumelelo nobudlelwane bobudlelwano.
Abantu abanezitayela zokunamathisela ezigwema ukugwema ngokomzwelo, ukuzethemba, futhi bazisa kakhulu ukuzimela nenkululeko yabo.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, isici esijwayelekile sephethini yokugwema okunamathiselwe ukungakhululeki nokudeda ukusondelana nokusondelana ngoba, esikhathini esedlule, bekubalethela ukungakhululeki okungaphezulu.
Ukukhomba isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo
Manje yiziphi ezinye zezimpawu zesitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo? Ungabona kanjani uma othile evikelekile enamathiselwe?
- Ukuthemba abanye "nokuvumela abantu bangene" kuza kunzima kumuntu onesitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo.
- Imvamisa bagcina ubudlelwano bungajulile noma ngaphezulu.
- Imvamisa bagcina abantu, ikakhulukazi abalingani, engalweni futhi baziqhelelanise nokusondelana okungokomzwelo.
- Babheka ukusondelana ngokocansi ebudlelwaneni, ngesidingo esincane noma igumbi lokusondelana.
- Lapho umuntu ezama ukusondela futhi ebamema ukuthi babe sengozini, baba nesu lokuphuma ukuze baphume kulo.
- Bakhetha ukuzimela kunokuhlangana ngoba ukuncika komunye nomunye kuyinselele kubo.
- Imvamisa bagcina izingxoxo ziye ezihlokweni "zengqondo", njengoba bengakhululekile ukukhuluma ngemizwa.
- Ukugwema izingxabano, ukuvumela imizwa yakheke kaningi ize ifike eqophelweni lokuphinda futhi kungezinye zezimpawu zabo ezijwayelekile.
- Ukuzethemba kwabo kuphezulu, futhi bavame ukuphishekela ubuhle bebhizinisi okuvame ukwakha ukuzethemba kwabo phambili.
- Abathembeli kwabanye ekuqinisekisweni noma ekusekelweni ngokomzwelo, futhi abavumeli abanye ukuthi bathembele kubo.
- Abantu abasondelene nabo bachaza njengama-stoic, alawulwa, ahlukanisiwe, futhi akhetha ukuba yedwa.
Izinhlobo zesitayela sokunamathisela esivikelekile
Kunezinhlobo ezimbili eziyinhloko - isitayela sokunamathisela esigwema ukulahla nokunamathisela okugwema ukukhathazeka.
- Isitayela sokunamathisela esikugwema ukulahla
Umuntu onesitayela sokunamathisela esigwema ukulahla ufuna ukuzimela ngaphezu kwakho konke. Banesiqiniseko sokuthi bangakwenza bebodwa futhi bakubone njengendlela engcono kakhulu yokuphila.
Imingcele eqinile nokuhlukaniswa kwemizwa kuyabasiza bagweme ukuba sengozini nokuvula.
Bavame ukuphika ukuthi badinga ubudlelwane obuseduze ngokuphelele futhi bababone bengabalulekile. Bajwayele ukubhekana nokwenqatshwa ngokuqhelelana nomthombo wakho.
Bavame ukuzibheka kahle futhi babheke kabi abanye. Abantu abanalesi sitayela bavame ukuvumelana nezitatimende ezinjengalezi:
"Ngikhetha ukungathembeli kwabanye hhayi ukuthi nabo bathembele kimi."
“Ngikhululekile uma ngingenabo ubudlelwano obuseduze.”
"Ukuzimela nokuzimela kubalulekile kimi".
- Isitayela sokunamathisela esikhathazayo noma esesabekayo
Abantu abanesitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo esesabekayo baphikisana ngobudlelwano. Basaba ukulahlwa futhi bazama ukulinganisela ukungasondeli kakhulu noma ukuqhela kakhulu kwabanye.
Abafuni ukulahlekelwa abantu abasondelene nabo kodwa bayesaba ukusondela kakhulu futhi balinyazwe.
Ngakho-ke, bavame ukuthumela amasiginali ahlanganisiwe kubantu ababazungezile abazizwa beduduliwe futhi kamuva badonsela kubo.
Basaba abantu abafanayo abangathanda ukufuna induduzo nokuphepha.
Ngakho-ke, imizwa yabo ekhungathekisayo nokuphendula kwabo kuvame ukubaholela ekubalekeleni isimo nobudlelwano ngokuphelele, kubashiye bengenalo ithuba lokufunda isu lokuhlangabezana nezidingo zabo ebudlelwaneni. Bajwayele ukuvumelana nezitatimende ezinjengalezi:
Ngifuna ubuhlobo obuseduze ngokomzwelo, kodwa ngikuthola kunzima ukwethemba abanye ngokuphelele noma ukuncika kubo. ”
"Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyakhathazeka ngokuthi ngizolimala uma ngivumela ukusondelana kakhulu nabanye abantu."
Zombili lezi zitayela zifuna ukusondelana okuncane ebudlelwaneni futhi zivame ukuvimba noma ukuphika izidingo zazo ezingokomzwelo. Ngakho-ke, bahlala bezizwa bengakhululekile ukuveza uthando noma ukuluthola.
Ucwaningo lukhombisa nokuthi, kwabesilisa nabesifazane ngokufanayo, izitayela zokunamathisela ezikhathazayo noma ezigwema ukuhlotshaniswa nobudlelwano obuncane bokuthembela, ukuzibophezela, ukwethembana, nokwaneliseka uma kuqhathaniswa nabantu abanezitayela zokunamathisela eziphephile.
Sakhiwa kanjani isitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo?
Ingane izoya ngokwemvelo kubazali bayo ukufeza izidingo zabo. Kodwa-ke, lapho abazali bekude ngokomzwelo futhi behluleka ukubhekana nezidingo zengane, ingane ingazizwa ilahliwe, ingafanelwe uthando, futhi izame ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zayo.
Ukususwa okuvamile kulezi zimo ezibuhlungu lapho abazali benqamula ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zabo ukuthi ukuthembela kwabanye kungaphepha, kulimaze, futhi ekugcineni kungadingeki.
Ingane incike kubanakekeli babo ngokuyinhloko ekufezeni zonke izidingo ezingokomzimba nezingokomzwelo, njengemizwa yokuphepha nokunethezeka.
Lapho lezi zidingo zingahlangatshezwa ngokungaguquguquki, kwakha imodeli yobuhlobo kuyo yonke impilo yengane. Imvamisa, le ngane iba nokunamathiselwa okugwema.
Ingane ifunda ukuthembela kuyo, futhi lokhu ukuzimela mbumbulu kungaholela ekutheni umuntu agweme ukusondelana ngokomzwelo. Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kungabonakala njengokuhlobene eduze nemizwa yokungakhululeki, ubuhlungu, isizungu, ukwenqatshwa kanye nehlazo.
Ngakho-ke njengezingane, nabadala kamuva, bafunda ukuthi kungcono ukuzimela ngangokunokwenzeka. Banomuzwa wokuthi ukuncika kwabanye akuthembekile futhi kubuhlungu njengoba abanye bangehluleka ukuphendula izidingo zabo.
Abazali bavame ukuhlinzekela ezinye zezidingo ingane enazo, njengokuphakelwa, ukomiswa nokufudumala.
Kodwa-ke, ngenxa yezici ezahlukahlukene, njengokukhathazeka kwabo okweqile noma ukugwema ukunamathiselwa kokuphazamiseka, bayazivalela ngokwabo ngokomzwelo lapho bebhekene nezidingo ezingokomzwelo zengane.
Lokhu kuhoxa kungaba nzima kakhulu lapho isidingo esingokomzwelo siphezulu, njengalapho ingane igula, yesaba noma ilimele.
Abazali abakhuthaza ukunamathela kokugwema nezingane zabo bavame ukudambisa ukubonakaliswa okuvulekile kwemizwelo. Bayaziqhelelanisa ngokomzimba, bacasuke noma bathukuthele lapho ingane yabo ikhombisa izimpawu zokwesaba noma zokucindezeleka.
Ngenxa yalokho, izingane zifunda ukungayinaki nokucindezela imizwa yazo ukwanelisa enye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu zokusondelana - isidingo sokuxhumana ngokomzimba nabazali bazo.
Ingabe likhona ikhambi noma ukwelashwa?
Ukuthanda umuntu ngokunamathela kokugwema kungaba yinselele futhi kudinga ukubekezela nokuqonda okuningi. Wenzani lapho uqaphela okunamathiselwe okweqile kuwe noma kumuntu omkhathalelayo?
Isinyathelo sokuqala ukuvuma ukuthi isidingo sokusondelana ngokomzwelo sicishiwe, futhi wena, noma umuntu omthandayo, ufuna ukukuvula.
Okubonakala kulula kaningi kuyisinyathelo esinzima kunazo zonke, ngakho-ke yiba nokubekezela nobumnene futhi ugweme ukugxekwa.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, njengoba abantu abanezitayela zokugwema okunamathiselwe kusetshenziselwa ukucindezela imizwa yabo, badinga ukuqala ukubuza, "ngizizwa kanjani."
Ukuzindla kungasiza ekuboneni amaphethini adinga ukuguqulwa ukuze aphumelele ebuhlotsheni bokunamathisela okuphumelelayo. Ukunaka imizwa nokuzwa komzimba kungaba nzima kakhulu, futhi nosizo lochwepheshe lungabalulekile empumelelweni yale nqubo.
Esinye isinyathelo esibalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi iziphi izidingo ezingaboniswa futhi ezingafezwa. Ukufunda ukuthi ungabakhulumisa kanjani futhi uvumele abanye ukuthi babe yingxenye yokugcwaliseka kwabo kumqoka ekubeni nobudlelwano obuphephe kakhudlwana, nokondla.
Futhi, njengoba le kuyinsimu entsha yomuntu onesitayela sokunamathisela esivikelayo, kungadala ukukhathazeka futhi umuntu aphendukele emaphethini ajwayelekile wokubalekela ukusondelana. Ngakho-ke, umelaphi onolwazi angakusiza kulolu hambo ngokulimala okuncane nokumelana.
Ukuphulukiswa kungenzeka
Yize kungaba nzima ukubona ekuqaleni, ukuba nomuntu ongethembela kuye futhi wabelane nobudlelwano naye kuyanelisa. Akunandaba ukuthi uqale kuphi, ungakha okunamathiselwe okuphephile ngezindlela ezahlukahlukene.
Uma umuntu efuna ukushintsha, ubudlelwano obugwema ukukhathazeka bungakhula bukhule bube obulondekile.
Yize okuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni kusakha, akudingeki ukuthi kukuchaze unomphela. Ungakhetha ukwenza umqondo wazo ngendlela ekuvezela ekunamathiselwe okuphephile.
Ukwelashwa kukusiza ukuthi udale ukulandisa okungahlanganisa lokho okuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni, ngakho-ke akunamthelela kumanje ngendlela efanayo njengakuqala. Ukwelashwa kunikeza indawo ephephile yokuhlola okwedlule nokwakha umbono omusha ngathi, ngomlando wethu, nakubudlelwano besikhathi esizayo.
Kanye nokwelashwa, ubudlelwano nomuntu onesitayela sokunamathisela okuphephile kungasiza umuntu ukuthi aphulukise futhi aguquke.
Ubudlelwano obunjalo bokulungisa ngokomzwelo bungakhombisa ukuthi abanye ababalulekile bangathembeka, banakekele futhi banake izidingo zakho. Lokhu kungaholela ekwethembeni nasekuthembeleni kakhulu kwabanye futhi ekugcineni kube nempilo, nobudlelwano obunomvuzo ngokwengeziwe.