-Delile
Inkampani yomuntu,
ezimbili isixuku,
futhi abathathu bayiphathi. ”
- UAndy Warhol
Udaba lobudlelwano. Futhi bathatha umsebenzi.
Futhi zidinga ukuba mnandi futhi zidlale ukuze zondle, zivuze futhi zizondle. Ziyisifiso sethu esijulile nokwesaba kwethu okwesabekayo, indawo yethu yokudla, usizo kanye nokuvikeleka, kanye nehlazo ngokulinganayo, ukukhathazeka nokuphoxeka.
Ubudlelwano obuseduze babantu ababili abuzinzile. Lapho ukungezwani ngokomzwelo kusongela, umuntu wesithathu ufunwa ukusiza ukwehlisa ukukhathazeka.
UGuerin noFogarty babhala.
"Ngalo mbono, asiboni ukuthi impilo ayikhethi nje uchungechunge lwezindlela okufanele zikhethwe, kodwa sibheka njengendawo yokuntengantenga kwezingxenyana ezingunxantathu nemifula okufanele izulazulwe kuyo."
Lolu hlelo lobudlelwano obuxhumene nabantu abathathu, unxantathu kunokuba lunxantathu, lusebenzela ukunciphisa ukukhathazeka ngasikhathi sinye okuqinisekisa ukuthi izinkinga zobudlelwano eziyisisekelo azisoze zaxazululwa.Kuyinzuzo yesikhashana yezinhlungu zesikhathi eside. Okubi kakhulu, onxantathu bavame ukukhulisa ukungakhululeki ngokomzwelo ngo:
- Ukukhuthaza ukuthuthukiswa kwezimpawu kumuntu ngamunye - uhlangothi olubi lukanxantathu kumane nje kuyisibonakaliso esikhombisa izimpawu zenkinga yomndeni isiyonke.
- Ukugcina izingxabano zobudlelwano
- Ukuvimbela noma ukuvimbela ukulungiswa kwezinkinga ezinobuthi noma ezingqubuzanayo
- Ukuvimba ukuvela kokusebenza kobudlelwano ngokuhamba kwesikhathi
- Ukwakha nokuqhubekisa phambili amandla okwelashwa
- Ukuncisha imindeni izinketho zokuxazulula izinkinga
Kuyasiza ukucabanga onxantathu abangabodwa njengabanesakhiwo sobudlelwano, umsebenzi nenqubo yezemizwa.
Isakhiwo sikanxantathu wobudlelwano siqukethe amabili ngaphakathi, ahlanganisiwe futhi asondele ngokweqile, kanti omunye ngaphandle ukude ngokomzwelo futhi uzivalele.
Umsebenzi wonxantathu wobudlelwano uku dala ukuzinza ngo:
1. Ukugxila kokuthile kwangaphandle ukuze izithandani zikwazi ukulungisa izingxabano zazo.
2. Lokhu kusiza ekususeni ukungezwani phakathi kwabo ngaphandle koshintsho olukhulu.
Inqubo engokomzwelo yonxantathu wobudlelwano iqukethe ukuhamba kokukhathazeka okungapheli kohlelo njengoba imifelandawonye ishintsha futhi iguquka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ukuba sendaweni yonke konxantathu kubo bonke ubunzima bobudlelwano kungenye yemiqondo eyisishiyagalombili yokuxhumanisa eyisisekelo Ithiyori Yezinhlelo Zomndeni wakwaBowen (BFST).
"Lona [unxantathu] uthathwa njengesisekelo sokwakha noma" i-molecule "yezinhlelo ezinkulu zemizwa ngoba unxantathu uhlelo oluncane kakhulu lobudlelwano. Uhlelo lwabantu ababili aluzinzile ngoba lubekezelela ukungezwani okuncane ngaphambi kokubandakanya umuntu wesithathu. Unxantathu ungaqukatha ukungezwani okuningi ngaphandle kokubandakanya omunye umuntu ngoba ukungezwani kungashintsha ubudlelwane obuthathu. Uma ukungezwani kuphakeme kakhulu ukuba kungene unxantathu owodwa, kusakazeka ochungechungeni loonxantathu “abaxhumene”. ”
Manje kuthiwani uma lowo 'muntu wesithathu' engeyena umuntu kepha eyinto?
Udaba lukaJulayi / Agasti 2016 lwePsychology Today luphakamisa izingozi zekhulu lama-21 elithi 'ménage à trois', izindaba zethu ezikuyo yonke indawo ngobuchwepheshe. Ngobuso bethu ocingweni noma kuthebhulethi yethu noma kuwashi elihlakaniphile noma ilaptop, singaba khona kangakanani ngempela kumlingani wethu?
USherry Turkle ubhala incwadi yakhe yakamuva ngesiko lamakhompiyutha elithi "Kungani Silindele Okungaphezulu Kwezobuchwepheshe kanye Nokuncanyana Komunye Nomunye". Usikisela ukuthi ubuchwepheshe budala "izisetshenziswa ezibeka ngokoqobo ekubalekeni". Ku-LOL, i-OMG nakwabanye manje sesingangeza i-IRL okusho ukuthi "Ekuphileni Kwangempela" njengokuthile okusezweni langempela ngokungafani nokuxhumana nokuxhumana online noma esimweni sokuqamba.
Lapho "sixoxa" nabantu okungenzeka ukuthi abekho, futhi lapho "sikhuluma" ngezithupha zethu kunelizwi lethu, lapho umuntu ongaphesheya kwetafula ebona ngemuva kwe-iPhone yethu noma ebheke phansi esebenzisana nesikrini sakhe, kungakanani ukwabelana ngokweqiniso nokusondelana ngokomzwelo kungaba khona?
Bengilandisa indaba kanye eyodwa ngenjabulo yami yokuba namahora ayisithupha engaphazanyiswa ubuso nesikhathi nesihlobo esiseduze futhi impendulo yathi "usho kwi-iPhone yakho?" Ukuqagela ukuthi bekufanele ngingeze i-IRL.
Ngakho phendukela kumlingani wakho kunokuba ufulathele. Futhi khumbuza wonke umuntu, okubaluleke kakhulu ngokwakho, ukuthi ngasizathu simbe futhi esingajwayelekile, i-elektroniki ayisebenzi ekamelweni lakho lokulala.
Sonke silwa nokulinganisa ukusondelana okungokomzwelo nebanga. Ngenxa yalokho sonke singazuza ekuqeqesheni ubudlelwano nasekubonisaneni. Ngakho-ke “uma kuyinto ethile exakile 'ayibukeki kahle, ubani ozobiza?” Futhi uma ungenayo iProton Pack ye-bustin, 'cabanga ngokubonisana nomqeqeshi oqeqeshwe kahle we-Bowen Family Systems Theory Coach and Relationship Consultant “ongesabi isipoki [somndeni].”
Sikufisela inhlanhla ohambweni lwakho oluqhubekayo lwempilo yakho yonke.