-Delile
- 1. Amadoda adinga ukuhlonishwa ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye
- 2. Amadoda awakhuliswanga ukwabelana ngemizwa
- 3. Singalalela kodwa kungcono sikulungise
- 4. Amadoda afuna ukunakekelwa
- 5. Amadoda ayesaba ukubukwa njengabantu ababuthaka
- 6. Emasculating indoda yakho cishe into embi kunazo zonke ongazenza
- 7. Indoda idinga ukuthi umkayo abe umholi wayo omkhulu
- 8. Amadoda afuna ukufunwa nawo
Njengowesifazane, kungenzeka wazibuza:
“Yini ngempela efunwa amadoda?”
Nalu uhlu oluqondile oluchaza ngokuningiliziwe nangokuqonda ukuthi yini amadoda amaningi afuna abesifazane bayazi.
1. Amadoda adinga ukuhlonishwa ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye
Into eyenza umuntu wesilisa azizwe eyindoda yinhlonipho. Noma ungumuntu okholwayo noma cha, kuyiqiniso okushiwo yibhayibheli ngamadoda nenhlonipho. Kunencwadi kaDkt Eggerichs ebizwa ngokuthi “Uthando Nenhlonipho” lapho enaba khona kabanzi ngokubaluleka kwabesifazane ukuhlonipha amadoda abo. Ukuhlonipha owesilisa kufana neSipinashi kuPopeye ... kumnika amandla futhi kucishe kumenze azizwe engenakunqotshwa. Lokhu kubalulekile ngoba kunezinto abesifazane abadinga ukuzenza kodwa esikhundleni sokumakha nokumlungiselela lo msebenzi, uyamchitha bese emsola ngokuthi “akawufezi”. Kubukeka kanjani ukungahloniphi? Ebuza konke akwenzayo. Ukugxeka izinqumo nezisusa zakhe. Kunezinye izinto eziningi ezikhombisa ukungahloniphi encwadini kaDkt Eggerichs.
2. Amadoda awakhuliswanga ukwabelana ngemizwa
Lapho abesilisa bengabafana abahlanganiswa ukuze babelane ngemizwa nangemizwa yabo. Abafana benziwa ukuthi bacindezele indlela abazizwa ngayo futhi benze sengathi banzima futhi abalimazi. Ngabona ividiyo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana yomfana oneminyaka engu-4 egunda izinwele. Angazi noma ingane ibilimaza noma cha kodwa ibimemeza sengathi ibuhlungu. Ubaba wakhe wayemi lapho naye, okuyinto enhle, kodwa lokho ubaba wakhe ayekusho kwakungekuhle. Utshele indodana yakhe, "yeka ukukhala ... ube yindoda ... yiba lukhuni." Le vidiyo yangidabukisa impela ngoba lokho ubaba angazange akuqaphele ukuthi wayetshela indodana yakhe eneminyaka engu-4 ukuthi uma efuna ukuba yindoda akakwazi ukuveza lokho akuzwayo ... amadoda awakhali. Wayemtshela nokuthi "ukuba lukhuni" kusho ukungakhali. Into izingane ezifuna ukuyenza kakhulu ukufana nabantu abadala, ngakho-ke ukumtshela ukuthi "yiba yindoda" uzokwenza lokho akholelwa ukuthi akwenziwa ngamadoda ... acindezele imizwa yabo. Njengabafana, amadoda akhuliswa ukuba "abe lukhuni" futhi asebenze kanzima.
3. Singalalela kodwa kungcono sikulungise
Lapho owesifazane eza kumuntu wakhe enenkinga, ezikhathini eziningi ufuna ukuthi alalele nje. Kepha amadoda angabaxazululi bezixazululo zezinkinga. Bafuna ukulungisa inkinga yentokazi yabo. Ngenkathi amadoda kufanele afunde ukuthi akuhlali kulungiswa izinto ngaso sonke isikhathi, owesifazane kufanele aqonde ukuthi kunjengoba nje amadoda enzile. Wonke umuntu wesilisa ufuna ukuba yiqhawe. Kodwa ukuba yiqhawe kwesinye isikhathi kuzwakala sengathi akalaleli. Lokho akulona iqiniso ngempela. Khumbula, amadoda anengqondo ngokwengeziwe futhi abesifazane banemizwa kakhulu.
4. Amadoda afuna ukunakekelwa
Uma ngitshela abesifazane ukuthi amadoda afuna ukunakekelwa kufanele ngichaze ngokushesha ukuthi akafuni ukuthi ube ngumama wakhe. Kunomehluko phakathi kokunakekelwa nokuphathwa njengengane. Empeleni, ukuphatha umyeni wakho njengengane yakho kuzoba nemiphumela emibi kakhulu kuwe. Kodwa-ke, amadoda afuna ukukhuliswa okunikezwa ngumama, hhayi nje ezingeni lokuthi "awunakuzisiza futhi uphansi".
Kholwa noma ungakukholwa, amadoda alula. Ukunakekela umuntu wakho kubukeka kanjena: Uphelelwe yizingubo zangaphansi ezihlanzekile futhi uyamwasha. Akanazo izingubo zangaphansi ‘ezihloniphekile’ bese umthengela ezinye. Ube nosuku olude emsebenzini futhi esikhundleni sokulinda aze afike ekhaya abuze ukuthi ufuna ukudla ini, usumlungiselele okuthile. Ngokuyisisekelo, ukunakekela umuntu wakho kusho ukwenza impilo yakhe ibe lula. Manje abanye bangathi, "kungani ngidinga ukwenza impilo yakhe ibe lula?" Akusona ngempela isidingo, kungukufuna. Kepha ngaphezu kweqiniso lokuthi izokwazisa inhlonipho nothando nokumkhathalela, kuzomenza afane ne-putty ezandleni zakho. Vele lokho kwenziwa lula ngoba kuhlale kunezinye izinto ebudlelwaneni ezingathinta "i-male putty-ness." Abesifazane abaningi ngeke bayenzele le ndoda yabo ngoba bezwa ukuthi indoda yabo ayikufanele. Ukuthi lokho kuyiqiniso noma cha, ukwenza lokhu kuzoletha imiphumela emihle futhi kumenze abe nothando olukhulu kuwe.
Kepha ngaphezu kweqiniso lokuthi izokwazisa inhlonipho nothando nokumkhathalela, kuzomenza afane ne-putty ezandleni zakho. Vele lokho kwenziwa lula ngoba kuhlale kunezinye izinto ebudlelwaneni ezingathinta "i-male putty-ness." Abesifazane abaningi ngeke bayenzele le ndoda yabo ngoba bezwa ukuthi indoda yabo ayikufanele. Ukuthi lokho kuyiqiniso noma cha, ukwenza lokhu kuzoletha imiphumela emihle futhi kumenze abe nothando olukhulu kuwe.
5. Amadoda ayesaba ukubukwa njengabantu ababuthaka
Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi singakanani isikhathi esisichitha sizama ukukholisa abanye abantu ukuthi asibona abantu. Ngiqonde ukuthini ngalokho? Ngiqonde ukuthi sisebenza isikhathi esengeziwe ukwenza abantu bakholelwe ukuthi sinakho konke ndawonye, ukuthi asilwi nempilo nokuthi asinazinkathazo, konke lokhu kusenza sibe ngabantu. Kodwa-ke abesilisa babhekana nalokhu ezingeni elijulile ngoba kufanele sigqoke lesi sifihlo “esingahlulwa lutho” ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuvikela ubudoda bethu. Kusukela ngesikhathi singabafana abancane sitshelwa ukuthi kufanele sibe lukhuni. Lapho abesifazane becabanga ngendoda ngokuvamile bacabanga ngamadoda amakhulu, amadoda aqinile futhi anzima njengoLeonidas ovela ku-movie 300.
Omunye wemibukiso ye-TV engiyithandayo ngisemncane kwakunguGood Times, owayenobaba oqinile kuJames Evans. Wonke amadoda afuna ukuba namandla, aqiniseke, azethembe futhi aqine. Kepha okungaziwa ngabesifazane ukuthi kungaphezu kwesithombe nje esisifunayo, isithombe esisaba ukungabi naso. Enye yezinto ezesabisa kakhulu kumuntu ukuthi abonakale ebuthaka kowesifazane wakhe. Lokhu kwesaba kwenza abantu besilisa baqinise kunabo, babe nesibindi kakhulu kunalokho abayikho ngempela futhi bazethembe kakhulu kunalokho okuyikho, konke lokhu kubhebhethekisa ukuziqhenya nokuzikhukhumeza. Kokubili ukuziqhenya nokuzikhukhumeza kuyizimpawu zokungazethembi.
Enye yezindlela ezisheshayo zokuthukuthelisa indoda ukuyibiza ngentekenteke, ngiyaxolisa noma nge-wimp. Iningi labesifazane alazi ukuthi abesilisa bahamba nalokhu kwesaba okungapheli ubuntu babo buzobonwa ngokuqina kwabo. Iqiniso ngukuthi, nabesilisa banokwesaba. Amadoda nawo aqinisekile. Abesilisa banokungazethembi futhi. Okulangazelelwa ngabesilisa yindawo lapho bangaba sengozini khona futhi bafuna leyo ndawo ibe nowesifazane wabo. Kepha kunezithiyo eziningi ezivimbela lokhu ukuthi kungenzeki futhi kaningi ukuthi abesifazane bangaboni ukuthi bangeza kanjani ezinkingeni esezivele zikhona emphakathini. Uma unendoda omthandayo, sebenzela ukumnikeza isikhala lapho angaba sengozini khona futhi ahlanganyele nokwesaba kwakhe ngaphandle kokuhlawuliswa ngakho.
6. Emasculating indoda yakho cishe into embi kunazo zonke ongazenza
Lokhu kwakha kokugcina. Lapho owesifazane ethena indoda kunzima kakhulu ukuthi ayikhohlwe noma alulame kuyo. Angaqhubeka nempilo futhi kungabukeka sengathi konke kuhamba kahle ebudlelwaneni kodwa ngiyakuqinisekisa ukuthi akunjalo. Abesilisa banayo le nto esiyibiza nge-ego futhi intekenteke kakhulu. Ngenxa yokuthi abesilisa bachitha isikhathi esiningi nomzamo omkhulu bezama ukukhombisa ukuthi bangamadoda kangakanani, abesifazane abanalwazi lokuthi amadoda abuthaka kangakanani. Uma usempini, uphikisana nomuntu wakho, qaphela ukuthi ungasho izinto ongeke uzibuyisele emuva. Leso iseluleko esihle kunoma ngubani empeleni.
7. Indoda idinga ukuthi umkayo abe umholi wayo omkhulu
Ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi isizathu sokuthi uBarack Obama abe nguMongameli wokuqala oMnyama waseMelika kungenxa kaMichelle Obama. Ngemuva kwayo yonke indoda enamandla kunkosikazi osekelayo. Abesilisa basebenza ngokusemandleni abo uma benabesifazane emakhoneni abo bebahalalisela ubukhulu. Kunendaba ehlekisayo esike yakhulunywa maqondana namakhosikazi kamongameli. UMongameli noNkosikazi kaMengameli bebephume ngobungani begubha usuku lwabo lokuzalwa futhi uweta obebalindile bekuyisoka elidala likaNkosikazi kaMongameli. Ngenkathi uNdunankulu wesifundazwe etshela uMongameli ukuthi ngubani lo mfana wathi, “ngiyabonga ukuthi uyajabula ngokuthi awuzange umshade. Ubungeke ushade noMongameli wase-U.S. ” Wambuka wathi, "Cha, ukube bengishade naye ngabe u-Mengameli." Imvamisa ngitshela abesifazane ukuthi abawazi amandla abanawo. Abesilisa bangakwazi ukuhambisa izintaba kepha ngabesifazane ababanikeza isizathu nogqozi lokwenza lokho.
8. Amadoda afuna ukufunwa nawo
Abesilisa bajwayele ukubonwa njengababaxoshayo kepha uma sebebudlelwaneni indoda ifuna ukuzizwa ifunwa nayo. Akafuni njalo ukuthi kube nguye oqala ucansi, enze isimanga noma kube nguyena onikeza imasaji. Abesifazane kwesinye isikhathi abaqondi ukubaluleka kokwenza umuntu wabo azizwe sengathi umfisa ngendlela efanayo afuna ukuzizwa efiswa ngayo.