-Delile
- 1. Ukungathembeki
- 2. Ukungafani ngokocansi
- 3. Amagugu nezinkolelo
- 4. Izigaba zempilo
- 5. Izimo ezihlukumezayo
- 6. Ukucindezeleka
- 7. Isizungu
- 8. Umona
- 9. Ukuzama ukushintshana
- 10. Izinkinga zokuxhumana
- 11. Ukunganakwa
- 12. Izindaba zezezimali
- 13. Ukungabi nokwazisa
- 14. Ubuchwepheshe kanye nemithombo yezokuxhumana
- Izinkinga zeTrust
- 16. Ukuziphatha kobugovu
- 17. Izinkinga zentukuthelo
- 18. Ukugcina amaphuzu
- 19. Ukuqamba amanga
- 20. Ukulindela okungenangqondo
Kunezinkinga eziningi ezivamile empilweni yomshado futhi eziningi zazo zingagwemeka, zilungiswe, noma zixazululwe kusetshenziswa izindlela namasu amaningi ahlukahlukene.
Bheka izinkinga ezivamile zomshado ezibhekene nemibhangqwana eshadile, futhi ufunde ukuthi ungazilungisa kanjani lezi zinkinga zomshado ngaphambi kokuba zidale umonakalo ongalungiseki ebudlelwaneni bakho.
1. Ukungathembeki
Ukungathembeki kwesinye sezinkinga zomshado ezivame kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Kubandakanya ukukopela nokuba nezindaba ezingokomzwelo.
Ezinye izehlakalo ezifakiwe ekungathembekini izitendi zobusuku obubodwa, ukungathembeki ngokomzimba, ubudlelwane be-inthanethi kanye nezindaba zesikhathi eside nezesikhashana. Ukungathembeki kwenzeka ebuhlotsheni ngenxa yezizathu eziningi ezahlukahlukene; kuyinkinga ejwayelekile futhi leyo imibhangqwana eyahlukene ilwela ukuthola isisombululo kuyo.
2. Ukungafani ngokocansi
Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside kepha futhi kuyimbangela yezinkinga ezivame kakhulu zomshado kuzo zonke izikhathi, izinkinga zocansi. Izinkinga zocansi zingenzeka ebuhlotsheni ngenxa yezizathu eziningana zokuvula indlela yezinkinga ezengeziwe zomshado.
Inkinga yezocansi evame kakhulu emshadweni ukulahleka kwe-libido. Abantu abaningi banombono wokuthi abesifazane kuphela ababhekana nezinkinga nge-libido, kepha nabesilisa nabo bahlangabezana okufanayo.
Kwezinye izimo, izinkinga zocansi zingabangelwa izintandokazi zocansi zomlingani. Umuntu oyedwa ebudlelwaneni angakhetha izinto ezehlukene zocansi kunomunye ongashada naye okungenza omunye umuntu angakhululeki.
3. Amagugu nezinkolelo
Impela, kuzoba nokwehluka nokungaboni ngaso linye emshadweni, kepha okunye umehluko kukhulu kakhulu ukuthi kunganakwa, njengamagugu ayisisekelo nezinkolelo. Oshade naye angase abe nenkolo eyodwa kanti omunye abe nenkolelo ehlukile.
Lokhu kungadala igebe elingokomzwelo phakathi kwezinye izinkinga zomshado ezivamile.
Njengoba kungenzeka uqagele, lokhu kungadala izingqinamba ezinkulu emgqeni lapho omunye oshade naye ekhathele ukwenza izinto ngokwehlukana, njengokuya ezindaweni ezahlukahlukene zokukhulekela.
Izinkinga ezinjalo zomshado zivame kakhulu emishadweni eyehlukene. Okunye umehluko kufaka amanani ayisisekelo.
Lokhu kufaka phakathi indlela izingane ezikhuliswa ngayo nezinto ezazifundiswe zona ebuntwaneni bazo, njengokuchazwa kokulungile nokungalungile.
Njengoba wonke umuntu engakhuli enezinkolelo ezifanayo, isimilo, kanye nezinhloso, kunendawo enkulu yokuphikisana nokuxabana ebudlelwaneni.
Buka futhi: Ukwenza Umshado Usebenze nguDkt John Gottman
4. Izigaba zempilo
Abantu abaningi abazicabangeli izigaba zabo zokuphila uma kukhulunywa ngobudlelwano.
Kwezinye izimo, izingqinamba zomshado zenzeka nje ngoba bobabili abashadile sebephumile komunye nomunye futhi bafuna okuningi ngempilo komunye umuntu.
Le yinkinga ejwayelekile phakathi kwemibhangqwana eshadile enegebe elikhulu leminyaka ukuthi ngabe indoda endala nowesifazane osemncane noma owesifazane osekhulile nendoda esencane.
Ubuntu buyashintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi imibhangqwana ingahle ingahlali ihambelana njengakuqala. Imibhangqwana enokuhluka kweminyaka, esezigabeni ezahlukene zempilo ibhekana nale nkinga ejwayelekile yomshado.
Funda kabanzi: Iseluleko Esihle Kakhulu Sokwenza Uthando Luhlale Isikhathi Eside
5. Izimo ezihlukumezayo
Lapho imibhangqwana ihlangabezana nezehlakalo ezihlukumezayo, kumane nje kungeze inselelo enkulu ezinkingeni zabo zempilo yomshado.
Izimo ezihlukumezayo ezinye zezinkinga imibhangqwana engabhekana nazo. Izenzakalo eziningi ezihlukumezayo ezenzekayo ziyashintsha impilo.
Kweminye imibhangqwana eshadile, lezi zimo ezihlukumezayo ziba yizinkinga ngoba omunye oshade naye akazi ukuthi angabhekana kanjani nalesi simo.
Omunye oshade naye kungenzeka angazi noma aqonde ukuthi angasebenza kanjani ngaphandle komunye ngenxa yokuthi basesibhedlela noma ekuphumuleni kombhede. Kwezinye izimo, umlingani oyedwa angadinga ukunakekelwa ubusuku nemini, kubenze bathembele kuphela komunye umlingani.
Kwesinye isikhathi, ingcindezi iba nkulu kakhulu futhi isibopho siningi kakhulu ukubhekana naso, ngakho-ke ubudlelwano buya phansi buze bufike esiphethweni esiphelele.
Buka le vidiyo ikhuluma ngezizathu ezahlukahlukene zokuthi kungani umshado ungahlukana:
6. Ukucindezeleka
Ukucindezeleka kuyinkinga ejwayelekile yomshado izithandani eziningi ezizobhekana nayo okungenani kanye ebudlelwaneni bazo. Ingcindezi ebudlelwaneni ingabangelwa izimo eziningi ezehlukene nezimo, kufaka phakathi ezezimali, ezomndeni, ezengqondo nezokugula.
Izinkinga zezezimali zingadala ukuthi owakwakhe alahlekelwe ngumsebenzi noma ehliswe emsebenzini. Ingcindezi evela emndenini ingafaka izingane, izinkinga ngomndeni wazo, noma umndeni womlingani. Ukucindezeleka kubangelwa izinto eziningi ezahlukene.
Ukulawulwa nokuphathwa kwengcindezi kungadala ukucindezeleka okungaphezulu.
7. Isizungu
Isizungu yinkinga yomshado engaphansi kodwa engathi sína.
Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi abanye abashadikazi baba nesithukuthezi ngobuhlobo babo. Bangakhathala ngezinto ezenzeka ebudlelwaneni. Kulesi simo, kwehla ukuthi ube nesithukuthezi ngobudlelwano ngoba sekuyaqageka. Umbhangqwana ungenza into efanayo nsuku zonke iminyaka eminingi ngaphandle kokushintsha noma ngaphandle kwenhlansi.
Inhlansi ivame ukuba nokwenziwa kwezinto ezizenzekelayo ngezikhathi ezithile. Uma ubudlelwano bungekho izinto ezizenzekelayo, maningi amathuba okuba isithukuthezi kube yinkinga.
8. Umona
Umona ungenye inkinga ejwayelekile yomshado edala ukuthi umshado uphenduke muncu. Uma unomlingani onomona ngokweqile, ukuba nabo nokubazungeza kungaba yinselelo.
Umona ulungile kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwane ngezinga elithile, inqobo nje uma kungeyena umuntu onomona ngokweqile. Abantu abanjalo bazobe beqhosha: bangabuza ukuthi ukhuluma nobani ocingweni, kungani ukhuluma nabo, ubazi kanjani nokuthi ubazi isikhathi esingakanani, njll.
Ukuba nomlingani onomona ngokweqile kungabeka ubunzima ebudlelwaneni; ukucindezeleka okuningi kuzoqeda ubuhlobo obunjalo.
9. Ukuzama ukushintshana
Le nkinga yobudlelwano ejwayelekile yenzeka lapho imibhangqwana yeqa imingcele yabalingani bayo ngemizamo yokubumba izinkolelo zabo.
Kuyenzeka ukuthi ukunganakwa okunjalo kwemingcele kazakwenu kungenzeka ngephutha; izinga lokuziphindiselela kumlingani ohlaselwayo livame ukudanjiswa ngesikhathi.
10. Izinkinga zokuxhumana
Ukuntuleka kokuxhumana kungenye yezinkinga ezivame kakhulu emshadweni.
Ukuxhumana kufaka phakathi izindlela ezikhulunywayo nezingezona ezomlomo, yingakho noma ngabe wazi umuntu isikhathi eside, ushintsho oluncane ebusweni noma olunye uhlobo lolimi lomzimba lungabonakala ngokungalungile.
Abesilisa nabesifazane baxhumana ngokwehluke kakhulu futhi bangawela endaweni yokuxhumana okungafanele, futhi uma izindaba ezinjalo zobudlelwano zivunyelwe ukukhula emshadweni, khona-ke ubungcwele bomshado busengozini nakanjani.
Ukuxhumana okunempilo kuyisisekelo sempumelelo emshadweni.
11. Ukunganakwa
Abantu izidalwa zomphakathi futhi bafuna ngentshiseko ukunakwa kwabanye ababazungezile, ikakhulukazi labo abasondelene kakhulu nabo.
Njalo isikhathi esengeziwe somshado sinenkinga yobudlelwano efanayo 'ukunganakwa' lapho umbhangqwana, ngenhloso noma ungahlosile, uqondisa ukunaka kwawo kwezinye izici zempilo yawo.
Lokhu kuguqula ikhemistri yomshado, egqugquzela omunye noma umlingani ukuthi enze futhi enze ngokweqile. Le nkinga emshadweni, uma ingasingathwa ngendlela efanele, ingahle iphume ngaphandle kokulawula.
12. Izindaba zezezimali
Ayikho into engaphula umshado ngokushesha kunemali. Akunandaba noma ngabe uvula i-akhawunti ehlangene noma uphatha izimali zakho ngokwehlukana, nakanjani niyohlangabezana nezinkinga zezezimali emshadweni wenu. Kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngokukhululekile nganoma yiziphi izindaba zezezimali ndawonye njengabantu abashadile.
13. Ukungabi nokwazisa
Ukuntuleka kokubonga, ukuqashelwa, nokwamukela umnikelo womlingani wakho ebudlelwaneni bakho kuyinkinga ejwayelekile yomshado.
Ukwehluleka kwakho ukwazisa oshade naye kungalimaza ubuhlobo bakho.
14. Ubuchwepheshe kanye nemithombo yezokuxhumana
Izingozi ezivelayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ngomshado nomndeni sezisondele kakhulu.
Ngokwanda okusheshayo kokuxhumana kwethu nokuzibandakanya kwethu kwezobuchwepheshe nezinkundla zokuxhumana, siya kude kakhulu nokuxhumana okunempilo ubuso nobuso.
Sizilahlekisela thina ezweni elibonakalayo futhi sikhohlwe ukuthanda abanye abantu nezinto ezisizungezile.Ukulungiswa okunjalo ngokushesha kube yinkinga ejwayelekile yomshado.
Izinkinga zeTrust
Manje, le nkinga yomshado ejwayelekile ingabolisa umshado wakho ngaphakathi, ingashiyi ithuba lokubuyisa ubudlelwano bakho.
I- umqondo wokwethembana emshadweni usesejwayelekile kakhulu futhi, kwesinye isikhathi, kubeka ubunzima obukhulu emshadweni lapho ukungabaza kuqala ukungena ebudlelwaneni.
16. Ukuziphatha kobugovu
Yize noma ubugovu kungabhekwana nabo kalula ngokwenza izinguquko ezincane esimweni sakho sengqondo ngoshade naye, kusabhekwa njengenkinga yomshado ejwayelekile kakhulu.
17. Izinkinga zentukuthelo
Ukuthukuthela, ukumemeza noma ukumemeza ngentukuthelo, nokuzilimaza wena noma oshade naye kuyadabukisa inkinga ejwayelekile yomshado.
Ngokukhuphuka kwengcindezi ngenxa yezici zangaphakathi nezangaphandle futhi ngokufutheka, singase singakwazi ukulawula ulaka lwethu, futhi ukugqashuka kwabathandekayo bethu kungaba yingozi ebudlelwaneni.
Uma intukuthelo kuyinkinga olwa nayo cabanga ukukhuluma nomeluleki ukuze ufunde amakhono okubhekana nokusiza ukugcina ulaka lukhona ukuze lungathinti ubuhlobo bakho.
18. Ukugcina amaphuzu
Lapho intukuthelo isisiza kahle emshadweni impendulo ejwayelekile kakhulu ukuziphindiselela noma ukufuna impindiselo koshade naye.
19. Ukuqamba amanga
Ukuqamba amanga njengenkinga ejwayelekile yomshado akugcini nje ngokukhawulelwa ekungathembekini noma ebugovwini, kodwa futhi kuyayekethisa ngamanga amhlophe ngezinto zansuku zonke. Lawa manga asetshenziswa kaningi ukonga ubuso futhi ungavumeli oshade naye athole indawo ephakeme.
Imibhangqwana ingaqambelana amanga ngobunzima noma izinkinga ezingase zibhekane nazo emsebenzini noma kwezinye izimo zenhlalo, izinkinga ezinjalo zomshado zithwalisa ubudlelwano, futhi lapho izinto zingalawuleki, zingaphazamisa umshado kakhulu.
20. Ukulindela okungenangqondo
Ngezinga elithile, sonke siyavumelana nombono wokuthi umshado ungunaphakade, kepha noma kunjalo, siyehluleka ukubeka isikhathi nomzamo wokuqonda ozakwethu ngaphambi kokushada.
Izikhuthazo zethu zomshado ophelele sizithola ezindabeni esizizwile noma kubantu esibaziyo ngaphandle kokubuza ukuthi ngabe sobabili sifuna izinto ezifanayo yini empilweni noma cha.
Ukungafani phakathi kwezithandani ngombono wesikhathi esizayo wobudlelwano kudala indawo eningi yokwakhiwa kwamathemba angenangqondo avela kumlingani wethu.
Lokhu okulindelwe, uma kungagcwaliseki, kubanga intukuthelo, ukudumazeka futhi kuqhubekele umshado phansi kwendlela okungenzeka kungabi khona ukuphola.