-Delile
- 1. Iya kokwelulekwa
- 2. Khuluma ngezidingo zakho
- 3. Chithani isikhathi esithe xaxa sekhwalithi ndawonye
- 4. Thola ukuziphendulela okuthile
- 5. Yamukela ukuthi oshade naye ungumuntu — njengawe
- 1. Qonda ukuthi yiziphi izingqinamba ezinkulu emshadweni wakho
- 2. Qala kabusha kusuka ekuqaleni
- 3. Shintsha amaphethini amabi
- 4. Ungashiyi lutho
- 5. Susa igama elithi 'isehlukaniso'
Kunezimbangela eziningi nemiphumela yesehlukaniso. Ngokusho kweDivorceStatistics.org, amaphesenti angama-40-50 kuyo yonke imishado yokuqala izophela ngesehlukaniso. Yize izizathu zesehlukaniso zingafani, ezinye zezizathu eziphambili zesehlukaniso zifaka ukuxhumana okungalungile, ubunzima bezezimali, izindaba zokusondelana, inzondo eyakhelwe ngaphakathi, imizwa ejulile yokungahambelani nokungakwazi ukuxolela. Ukukhuphuka kwengcindezi emshadweni kanye nokungakwazi kwabantu ukubhekana nezinkinga zabo kwenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuthola izindlela zokuvimbela isehlukaniso. Ngaphezu kwalokho, udinga ukuthola ukuthi yisiphi isizathu esiyinhloko sesehlukaniso ngaphambi kokuthi ufune ukuthi isehlukaniso singavinjelwa kanjani.
Kunezinga elithile lengcindezi ebudlelwaneni lapho imibhangqwana izama ukuthola isisombululo sezinkinga ezithile ezivamile. Futhi kwesinye isikhathi, kumlingani oyedwa noma bobabili, lezi zinkinga zingasebenza njengesizathu sesehlukaniso. Kodwa-ke, okubonakala kuyizizathu ezinhle zesehlukaniso emshadweni onezinkinga, kuthanda ukuthinta oshade naye, izingane kanye nomuntu omthandayo ngezindlela eziningi ezingezinhle.
Kunemininingwane yokuxhasa iqiniso lokuthi isehlukaniso singaholela kuzo zonke izinhlobo zezinkinga ezingokwengqondo nezokuziphatha ezinganeni; kungadala nokuthi babe nezindaba zobudlelwano nabazali babo, izingane zakubo nabanye ngenxa yokwesaba ukulahlwa. Futhi, isehlukaniso singalimaza impilo yabalingani abahlukene.
Ngaphandle kwabantu abahlukanisile futhi kunomthelela omkhulu emphakathini wethu. Ngaphandle kokuthi isehlukaniso sidla abakhokhi bentela imali efinyelela ku- $ 25,000-30,000, ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi abantu abashadile bavame ukukhiqiza kakhulu emsebenzini kunalabo abavela ebudlelwaneni obuchithekile.
Ngalezi zizathu nezinye eziningi, kungcono ukuthi ungabheki isehlukaniso njengempendulo yomshado olimele; kunalokho funa izindlela zokuthi ungaluvimbela kanjani isehlukaniso. Nazi ezinhlanu ezingakusiza ekutholeni izixazululo zesehlukaniso bese zigwema isehlukaniso:
1. Iya kokwelulekwa
Kuzo zonke izindlela zokuthi ungasigwema kanjani isehlukaniso esizokwabiwa kulo mbhalo, le kungaba yiyona ephumelela kunazo zonke. Ngeshwa, kunemibhangqwana eminingi ezolinda ize izizwe ingenathemba ngokuphelele ebuhlotsheni bayo ngaphambi kokucabanga nokubona umeluleki womshado osezingeni elifanele, kepha iqiniso ukuthi kunempilo kubo bonke abashadikazi ukuthi baye okungenani izikhathi ezimbalwa ngonyaka. Ngaleyo ndlela, bangathola izeluleko namathuluzi okuthola amakhambi asebenzayo ezinkinga abanazo noma ukwenza umshado wabo uqine. Ukwelulekwa ngemishado kufakazelwa ukuthi kuthuthukisa ukusondelana ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, kukhulise ukuxhumana futhi kutholakale ukuxhumana okungcono kakhulu phakathi kwabalingani okukuvumela ukuthi uthole izixazululo zesehlukaniso.
2. Khuluma ngezidingo zakho
Uma omunye wenu noma nobabili ninenkinga yokuxhumana, lokho kungesinye sezizathu zokuthi kungani kungumbono omuhle ukubona umeluleki wemishado. Kepha uma nizizwa sengathi nobabili niyakwazi ukukhuluma nokulalela kahle, unganqikazi ukwabelana ngezidingo zakho. Kwesinye isikhathi izithandani zigcina sezicasukelana ngenxa nje yokuthi zibona sengathi izidingo zazo azinakwa noma azilandelwa. Ukuthi wena noshade naye ninendlu eyodwa, lokho akusho ukuthi nizokwazi ukufunda izingqondo zomunye nomunye. Noma ngabe ulindeleni ebudlelwaneni, kubalulekile ukuthi wabelane ngakho. Ngokwabelana kuphela lapho ekugcineni ungathola isixazululo esifanelekile sesehlukaniso.
Futhi Buka:
3. Chithani isikhathi esithe xaxa sekhwalithi ndawonye
Kukhona imibhangqwana eminingi engajabule emshadweni wayo ngoba nje ingazizwa sengathi isazwana. Lokhu kungenzeka lapho izinto ezifana nengcindezi yezezimali, amashejuli amatasatasa nezidingo zezingane zabo kuqala kunokuchitha isikhathi nomunye. Noma lokhu kungaqhubeka ngezinsuku, ukuthatha amaholide, ukwenza ucansi kuqala emshadweni wakho akuzona "izinto zokunethezeka". Ukuze umshado uphile kahle ukuze uhlale isikhathi eside, yilokhu izidingo. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi wena noshade naye nichithe isikhathi sekhwalithi omunye nomunye futhi uma kunesidingo funa izixazululo zesehlukaniso.
4. Thola ukuziphendulela okuthile
Yize oshade naye kufanele abe ngumlingani wakho omkhulu wokuziphendulela, futhi funa eminye imibhangqwana eshadile engakusiza ekubambeni nawe uziphendulele. Kuphendvula ini? Ukuphendula ngezifungo ozenze ngosuku lwakho lomshado. Wonke umuntu udinga abangane nabeluleki abangasebenza njengohlelo lokusekela futhi lokhu kwenzeka ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa ngabantu abashadile. Kwesinye isikhathi imibhangqwana ibona isehlukaniso njengesixazululo sayo kuphela ngoba abanabo abanye abasondelene nabo ukubakhumbuza ukuthi zikhona ezinye izixazululo zesehlukaniso; lezo ezivame ukuzibonakalisa zingcono kakhulu.
5. Yamukela ukuthi oshade naye ungumuntu — njengawe
Yebo, phezulu, uyazi ukuthi umyeni noma unkosikazi wakho ungumuntu. Kepha nansi into: Uma ucabanga ngazo zonke izinto ezikukhungathekisayo, kunethuba elihle lokuthi kumayelana nokuthi bangabi yilokho okufunayo kanye / noma okulindeleke ukuthi babe yikho. Abantu banamaphutha futhi bayawenza amaphutha. Kepha lapho wamukela ngaphezu kwakho konke lokho njengeqiniso, uzovuleleka ngokwengeziwe ekungacasukeleni oshade naye lapho bekudumaza; lapho uzimisele khona ukubanikeza lokho okufunayo uma uhluleka: ukubekezela, ukuthethelela, ukuqonda, ukukhuthaza kanye nothando. Yebo, lapho uzimisele ngokwengeziwe ukunikeza lokho okufunayo emshadweni wakho, iba nethuba elingaphezulu lokuthola izixazululo zesehlukaniso kodwa futhi igweme nesehlukaniso.
Nazi ezinye izixazululo ezimbalwa zesehlukaniso okufanele ubheke kuzo:
1. Qonda ukuthi yiziphi izingqinamba ezinkulu emshadweni wakho
Qonda ukuthi yini edala isehlukaniso emshadweni. Yisho leyo nkinga ethile edala ukuthi umshado wakho uchitheke. Kuthiwani ngomlingani wakho okushayela amantongomane? Ngabe kungumkhuba othile kubo noma ngabe kukhona izingqinamba ovuma ukuthi udinga ukusebenzela kuzo? Noma ngabe kuyini, cacisa lapho usho inkinga yomshado ngaphambi kokuthola isixazululo sayo. Ungamangala ukuthi isisombululo sesehlukaniso sidlula kanjani izizathu zesehlukaniso.
Funda kabanzi ngezimbangela zesehlukaniso: Izizathu Eziningi Ezivamile Zesehlukaniso
Njengesibonelo, uma izingqinamba zezezimali ezihlupha umshado wakho kungenzeka ukuthi zisebenza njengezizathu zesehlukaniso, bese uthatha isinyathelo emuva bese ucabanga ngalokho okufanele ukwenze. Woza nendlela yethimba ukulungisa izinkinga zakho zezezimali. Yonke imibhangqwana kufanele isungule uhlelo lomdlalo ndawonye ezintweni ezintathu eziyinhloko:
- Ukwenza isabelomali sanyanga zonke futhi unamathele kuso
- Ukwakha isu lokuphuma esikweletini.
- Imephu yomgwaqo yokuthi ungonga kanjani futhi ubeke imali ngekusasa.
Bhala uhlu lwazo zonke izindaba eziholela ekungavumelaneni, kufaka phakathi lezo ongafuni ukukhuluma ngazo, ukugwema izingxabano kungakusiza ekutholeni izixazululo zokuvimbela isehlukaniso.
2. Qala kabusha kusuka ekuqaleni
Kwesinye isikhathi, le yindlela enhle yokuqhubekela phambili. Khohlwa ngokulwa, ukunganaki, izinkinga ezingapheli. Qala kusuka kabusha futhi. Khumbula ukuthi kungani nobabili nathandana futhi nakha umshado wenu futhi kusukela lapho. Uyakhumbula ukuthi wagcina nini ukukhuluma amahora amaningi noshade naye, ukushayela okude noma yini ekhethekile eniyenze ndawonye? Yenzani ubuwula ngomunye nomunye futhi niphinde ninikeze ubudlelwano bakho nothando.
3. Shintsha amaphethini amabi
Ingabe uhlale ulwela izinto ezingenangqondo? Ngabe omunye wenu uthukuthelela intukuthelo yakhe? Ngabe niyabhebhana noma ngabe nikwazi ukuveza iphuzu lenu ngendlela enothando? Hlukana namaphethini amabi futhi wamukele imikhuba enempilo emshadweni wakho. Hloniphanani, niqabulane ekuseni nibingelele oshade naye kusihlwa. Khumbula, yilemikhuba emincane engenza noma ichithe umshado. Qaphela ngalokhu njalo.
4. Ungashiyi lutho
Yenza yonke imizamo yokuthuthukisa umshado wakho. Qonda ukuthi lokhu kuzothatha isikhathi nomzamo kubo bobabili abalingani. Beka umshado wakho nowakwakho phambili futhi nizwakalise ukubonga komunye nomunye. Yamukelani ukungafani komunye nomunye futhi nenze izinqumo ndawonye njengeqembu. Uma nobabili nikulwela ukufezekisa lokhu, unganqikazi ukufuna usizo. Fundani izincwadi ndawonye ngendlela yokwakha imishado emikhulu, nihambele izingqungquthela zokuthi ningazinqoba kanjani izinkinga ngempumelelo. Yenza konke ongakwenza ukuze umshado wakho usebenze.
5. Susa igama elithi 'isehlukaniso'
Kalula nje, susa isehlukaniso njengenketho emshadweni wakho. Uma uzizwa ungaphuma kuleso simo esinzima ngokuhlukanisa noshade naye, kusobala ukuthi udinga ukwakheka kwengqondo. Ukucabanga okungekuhle ngale ndlela kuveza iqiniso lokuthi awuzinikele ku-100% ekuxazululeni udweshu. Yenza isivumelwano nomlingani wakho futhi ninqabe isehlukaniso ukuthi singangeni ezinhlwini zamagama akho. Imibhangqwana eminingi ephumelelayo inamathela ndawonye ngokuzimisela okukhulu nothando.
Yazi ukuthi ushade nowakwakho ngesizathu. Khumbula lezo zizathu futhi kuzoba lula ukuzama futhi. Isehlukaniso maduze sizophuma ngewindi, nomshado wakho.