-Delile
"Kumele uthande ngendlela yokuthi umuntu omthandayo azizwe ekhululekile" -Lokho uNhat Hanh
Ngikholwa ukuthi sonke silangazelela ukusondelana okujulile. Ngiyakholelwa futhi ukuthi siyabesaba ubungozi obudingekayo ukuhlakulela isipiliyoni esinjalo ebudlelwaneni bethu.
Umuzwa ongazi lutho wokuzivikela ebucayini uvela ekwesabeni ukwahlulelwa, ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa, ukwesaba ukuhlazeka, nasezingeni eliphakeme kakhulu — ukwesaba ukufa. “Uma ungangithandi futhi ungikhohlisa, ngingahle ngife,” noma “Uma ngikuvumela ungene futhi ufe, angisoze ngasinda kulokho kulahlekelwa,” yizinto ezimbili zokwesaba ezinkulu ezingashukumisa izinhloso zabantu ezingazi lutho, ukunxenxa, kanye imicabango ekusebenzisaneni kwezenhlalo nezobudlelwano.
Ngoba azikho iziqinisekiso zokuthi umlingani wakho ngeke akushiye uma uveza iqiniso lakho. Abantu ngokungazi bazigcina ebhokisini ukuze bajabulise abalingani babo. Leli bhokisi aligcini nje ngokukhula kwakho nokuziphendukela kwemvelo, kungumzamo wokulawula ukusondelana okufisayo. Uma ufihla iqiniso lakho, gxeka umlingani wakho (noma "njengehlaya"), nikeza ngokulindela noma ngesimo, umelane nokwesekwa, ungaguquguquki emibonweni yakho, zama ukuba ngumuntu ocabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho ufuna, futhi / noma akaphenduli ukulimala, izidingo, nezifiso zomlingani wakho, uzama ukulawula ubudlelwano bakho ukuze uzivikele engcupheni.
Olunye uhlangothi lwaleli zinga lokulawula luqagela. Uma ubambelela emibonweni yakho ngophathina wakho, ngendlela ofuna ukuba namandla ngayo, noma indlela ocabanga ukuthi impilo yakho ifanele ibe ndawonye ngayo, uzama ukulawula umshado wakho kunokuba ube nakho. Ubudlelwano bakho bujule kakhulu, buyashintsha, futhi buyamanzi bese kuba yimicabango eqinile esivame ukuyiphatha ngathi, ngabanye, nangempilo uqobo.
Sitshelwa ukuthi isibopho somshado kufanele singanqamuki, ukuthi ama-50% ehlukanisayo ahlulekile nokuthi labo abahlala ndawonye bayimpumelelo. Sitshelwa ukuthi njengombhangqwana sizokwakha ukusondelana okujulile okuzohlala isikhathi eside futhi sizokwaneliseka ngokuphelele ebudlelwaneni bethu nomuntu esimkhetha njengomlingani wethu empilweni. Bese sihlangana ndawonye, abantu ababili abanamaphutha, iningi lethu elinamanxeba okunamathiselwa kusukela ebuntwaneni (kwaqondana, u-47% wethu unamanxeba okunamathiselwa, acishe afane nezinga lesehlukaniso), afuna ukudala into esaba kakhulu ukuyenza ngivulele ngempela.
Emzameni wokuzizwa silondekile, sinamathela kumuntu oyedwa njengomuntu wethu, futhi sizama ukulawula lowo muntu namandla asebudlelwaneni. Ngenxa yokungaguquguquki kwemvelo kobudlelwano babantu, ukungabi namhlabathi esizwa ukuthi kunxeshezelwa ngokuzama ukuthola indawo ethile, ukuzama ukuthola unomphela.
Kungakho ngibiza umshado ubuqili: Ngoba indaba esiyithengisayo ngomshado isitshela ukuthi sithola ukuphepha kwethu kozakwethu, ukuthi sizokwakha impilo ndawonye ezobekezelela ubunzima, nokuthi uma sihlala ndawonye siyaphumelela . Indaba ayifaki ukuvela kolwazi lwethu, ukwelashwa kwamanxeba ethu, noma impilo yasebudlelwaneni.
Lapho abantu ababili behlangana emshadweni bezibophezele kakhudlwana ekugcineni umuntu wabo impilo yabo yonke lapho bavulekele ukukhula nokuziphendukela kwemvelo, kepha uthando lungaminyana kalula. Ukushintsha iskripthi esidala kusuka kokuthi “Kuze kube yilapho ukufa sekusihlukanisa” kuya ku- “Sizobona ukuthi kwenzekani njengoba sikhula futhi siguqukela ndawonye,” umkhawulo abaningi abesaba kakhulu ukuwamukela. Kodwa-ke, ngiyakucela ukuthi ubheke ukuthi kungenzeka yini ukuthi uma uphumela ngaphandle kwebhokisi lakho bese uyeka ukuzama ukufaka umlingani wakho ebhokisini lapho ungathola ukujula kokuxhuma obukade ukufuna impilo yakho yonke.
Noma nini lapho sincika kakhulu komunye umuntu ukuze sizinze, siyaqinisekiswa ukuthi umhlaba wethu uzanyazanyiswa kungekudala. Ukubheka komunye umuntu ukuze uthole ukuphepha kunenkolelo yemvelo yokuthi uhlukanisiwe noma awunalutho nakuwe uqobo. Uma ugoqa ubukhosi bakho nokuphelela kwakho, uzama ukuzilawula wena, umlingani wakho, namandla akho, ekugcineni ulahlekelwa umbono wokukhula kwakho, ukuziphendukela kwemvelo, kanye nempilo yakho bese uyeka ukubona umlingani wakho ngaphezu kwezilinganiso zakho nezidingo zakho.
Kungaba njani ukuhlangana kusuka ekupheleleni kwakho, ukuhambisana kakhulu nobukhosi bakho ukuze ube neqiniso lakho kuqotho kuwe? Kungaba njani ukunikeza iqiniso lakho ngobunikazi nokunakekelwa, ungazami ukuphatha ukuthi lihlala kanjani kokunye? Kungazizwa kanjani ukuma endaweni yakho engcwele, ngaphandle kokuwa noma ukuzikhukhumeza, futhi uhlale uvulekele ekubeni sengozini kwakho?
Leli zinga lokusondelana emshadweni wakho lidinga isibindi, ukuphepha nokuzazi okukhulu. Nawa amakhono amathathu okudingeka uwahlakulele kulokhu kujula kokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bakho:
1.Xhumana ngokuxhumana kunokulawula:
Ukubamba inhloso yokuthi amagama akho axhumane kunokuba alimaze kuyisinyathelo sokuqala ekwakheni ukusondelana okungokomzwelo. Amagama akho anamandla kakhulu: Angadabula phansi noma akhanyisane. Bangakwazi ukugcina udonga phakathi kwakho noma bakugcine uvulekile futhi uxhumekile. Bangasongela noma bahlakulele isiko lokuphepha.
Noma ufuna okuthile okusebenzayo, ukubuza ngendlela yokuthi uzizwe uxhumeke kakhulu futhi kufane nokuthi wenza isidingo noma unikeze ama-oda kungashintsha ngobuqili amandla akho wobudlelwano ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngivame ukuthi kwabashadikazi engisebenza nabo “Uma nilwa ngezitsha, akukhona okwezitsha.” Lokhu kusho ukuthi uma ucasulwe umlingani wakho ngokunganikeli okuningi, ukuthatha isinyathelo kuqala endlini, noma ukuzivikela ngokuthi unikela malini ekhaya, uzama ukulawula ukuthi omunye umuntu uziphatha kanjani.
Uma unamathiselwe kumphumela wokuxhumana, okusho ukuthi ukhuluma okuthile ukwenza umlingani wakho abone umbono wakho noma enze into oyifunayo, lapho-ke uzama ukulawula umlingani wakho. Ukusho okusobala, akekho noyedwa othanda ukutshelwa ukuthi enzeni kanye nokubalwa komuntu okwenzile, lokhu ngeke kukwenze uzizwe uxhumeke kakhulu.
Ezihlokweni ezikhokhiswa kakhulu, njengengxabano engapheli noma obukade uqoqa ukuthukuthela nobufakazi obumelene nomlingani wakho isikhathi eside, ungahle ukhonjwe ngendaba yakho futhi ukholwe ukuthi ubambe iqiniso lalokho okwenzekile noma obekuyikho uqhubeka nomlingani wakho. Uma uxhumana kule ndawo, usibona isimo kusuka kumbono olinganiselwe futhi nakanjani sizokususa kude nokuxhumeka nesixazululo. Khulula ukubambelela kwakho endabeni yakho futhi ukhumbule ukuthi nobabili ninikela ekwakheni ubudlelwano obunamandla. Buyela enhlosweni yakho yokuxhumana, ukhumbula ukuthi nobabili nifuna ukuzizwa nisondelene ngemuva kokuxhumana. Vumela amagama akho akhulise ukusondelana okufisayo. Mhlawumbe lesi yisenzo esisengozini kunazo zonke.
2.Dalula ukuthi kwenzekani kuwe:
Uma ukhulumisana ngokuxhumana, into exhuma kakhulu ongayenza ukwabelana nomlingani wakho mayelana nokuthi kwenzekani kuwe. Ikhono lokuveza ulwazi lwakho yilolo oludinga ukuqhutshwa futhi luhlakulelwe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Yize kulula kwabanye kunabanye, asikhulumi kakhulu ngolimi olwembula umhlaba wethu wangaphakathi kulabo abasizungezile.
Isibonelo, uma umlingani wami engibuza ukuthi kungani ngisebenza kangaka, ngingazivikela kalula futhi ngibambe indaba yokwahlulela nehlazo ngaphandle kokudalulwa okujulile. Uma kunalokho umlingani wami ethi, “Ngizizwa nginesizungu futhi ngiba nokudabuka ngokuthi ngincane kangakanani ukukubona. Muva nje, ubonakala usebenza kakhulu, futhi ngiyazibuza ukuthi ngabe uyangigwema yini, ”ngiye ngibheke ngokujulile umhlaba womlingani wami nokuthi yini eyisisekelo sendaba yokuthi ngisebenza ngokweqile. Uma indlela yokuqala (ngaphandle kokuvezwa) ishiwo futhi ngiyibamba njengoba ngenza okuthile okungalungile, sizizwa sixhumeke kancane, okungeyona into yangempela umlingani wami ayifunayo. Uma kunikezwa indlela yesibili (ngokudaluliwe), ngiyazi ukuthi umlingani wami ufuna isikhathi esithe xaxa nami futhi ufuna ukunakwa nami.
Ukuhlakanipha ngokomzwelo nokusondelana ngokomzwelo kuyisisekelo sabo bonke ubudlelwano obuyimpumelelo. Lapho uvumela umlingani wakho ukuthi abone umhlaba wakho wangaphakathi nolimi lwakho, usengozini ngendlela ehlonipha ukujula kokuxhumana kwakho noshade naye.
Ukudalula ulimi kuvamise ukuzwakala luthambekele, kulandele incazelo. Incazelo ihlale ishiwo ngolimi olunobunikazi ngaphezu kwesipiliyoni sakho. Isibonelo, ungasho ukuthi “Ngikhungathekile ngawe ngoba awukaze ungicofe ebusuku” noma “Uyangithukuthelisa njalo lapho ubuka ifoni yakho embhedeni kunokuba ungicofe.” Okuqukethwe yile misho emibili kuwumuzwa wokuthi uma omunye umuntu eziphatha ngendlela ethile, uzolunga. Akunabunikazi kulokho.
Esikhundleni salokho, yithi, “Ngizizwa ngikhungathekile ngoba ngifuna ukuthintwa ngokwengeziwe ngaphambi kokulala, futhi ngibona sengathi unentshisekelo efonini yakho kunokuba nami.” Ulimi lapha lungolwakho ukukhungatheka njengokwakho, futhi luphethe nendaba yakho njengeyakho. Lokhu kunikeza izwi ekuqinisweni kwakho okuzithobayo ngenkathi uvumela umlingani wakho angene ezweni lakho elingaphakathi.
3. Yiba nelukuluku:
Lapho abantu beqala ukubhebhetheka, bangangena kalula kuphethini lokuvikelwa. Lapho umlingani wakho eza kuwe nempendulo yokuthi uzizwa kanjani ephatheke kabi ngento oyishilo noma oyenzile, ungazama ukuyichaza, ubatshele ukuthi banephutha kangakanani, noma ukhiphe uhlu olude lwendlela abakulimaze ngayo. Leli phethini lisigcina ekubeni sengozini nokusondelana.
Uma uzivikela kumlingani wakho, uyeka ukufuna ukwazi ukuthi babhekene nani bese udala isithiyo ekuxhumaneni kwakho. Noma kuyinselele kanjani, zama ukuhlala uvulelekile ekuxhumekeni futhi ube sengozini yakho ngokusebenzisa ilukuluku lakho.
“Kuzwakala sengathi ungithukuthelele ngempela ngokuthi ngitshele umama wakho ukuthi uzoza uzomsebenzela egcekeni. Ngitshele kabanzi ... ”
Bonisa okuzwile, ubeke ngenye indlela, bese ubuza ukuthi ngabe yini enye engahamba ibanga elide kangaka ekukhuliseni ukuxhumana phakathi kwengxabano. Lokhu kudinga izinga eliphezulu lokuqwashisa, ukuzinikela ekuxhumekeni, kanye nomthethonqubo ukuze ube kulolu hlobo lwenkhulumomphendvulwano omunye nomunye. Njengoba niguqukela phambili futhi nikhula ndawonye, lolu hlobo lokuxhumana luthatha indawo yokuba lukhuni nokuba nenkani ngokuguquguquka nokuguquguquka.