-Delile
Kuleli hlobo, mina nesoka lami siye eYurophu. Sinezinsuku ezi-5 ezikhazimulayo nezithandanayo eParis, kwathi lapho sesifikile eBarcelona, savuka ngokukhohlakala sokwehla kwi-Cloud 9 futhi sabhekana nezinselelo ezithile zobudlelwano. Bezingelutho olukhulu - ukuxhumana kwakho okuyisisekelo kuyaphutha okuqina ngabantu ababili abazwelayo, kepha babekhona futhi bakhulisa impilo yabo uqobo saze sakwazi ukubabeka ekuphumuleni.
Sibe ndawonye cishe iminyaka emibili, futhi sobabili emsebenzini wezempilo yengqondo (mina, uMelaphi woMshado noMndeni onelayisense; yena yi-PhD kwi-Psychology enobuchwepheshe bokulawula kahle kwengqondo nentukuthelo). Ungase ucabange ukuthi thina, kuyo yonke imibhangqwana, sizoba nawo wonke amathuluzi emhlabeni wobudlelwano obufanele, obungenazinkinga. Nokho, isikhathi esiningi kuyiqiniso lokho, okusiphatha kabi, singabantu vele. Futhi ngalokho ubuntu buza imizwa yangempela, imizwa, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okuthi yize sazi futhi sikwazi ukuxhumana nozwelo, kwesinye isikhathi singagcina sesinemizwa elimele, ukungezwani namaphethini angavela kalula emishadweni yethu edlule ngisho nasebuntwaneni bethu.
Ngenkathi ngiseholidini futhi ngisebenza ebudlelwaneni bethu, ngathola ukuthi uthando alwanele. Dammit! Lokho kwazi kwangishaya ngibhekise ekhanda ngeqiniso okwangenza ngaphatheka kabuhlungu futhi ngakhuthazeka ngokulinganayo ukuqhubeka nokwenza amathuluzi okwenza nokugcina ubudlelwane obugculisayo, obunothando futhi obuhlala isikhathi eside.
Ngezikhathi zengxabano, ukuxhumana okungafanele, ukukhungatheka, intukuthelo, ukudumala, ukudabuka, imijikelezo engemihle yemizwelo, noma amaphethini wokubambeka, ukubuyela kusisekelo sakho sothando nokwazisa kubaluleke kakhulu. Kepha okubalulekile ukuphuma kuleso sigaba esingqubuzanayo yindlela ozimisele ngayo hamba uye komunye nomunye lapho izinselelo ziphakama. Kulula ukugxila othandweni nakuzo zonke izinto ezakhayo lapho impilo igeleza kalula. Kepha lapho sibambeka phansi, futhi kubonakala kungenakwenzeka ukuphuma ngamandla alo mandla, amandla okufinyelela kumlingani wakho ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo, noma ngamandla, kunzima kepha kuyadingeka.
Yini okufanele uyenze ezikhathini ezinzima?
Umcwaningi womshado odumile uJohn Gottman ubhekisa kule nqubo njengo ukulungisa imizamo, esichazwa njengesenzo noma isitatimende esizama ukuvimbela ukungabi nalutho ekukhuleni okungalawuleki. Izibonelo zezigaba ezi-6 zemizamo yokulungisa echazwe nguGottman yilezi:
- ngizwa
- Uxolo
- Yiba yebo
- Ngidinga ukwehlisa umoya
- Misa isenzo
- Ngiyabonga
Imishwana ngaphakathi kwale mikhakha ifana nokushaywa kwejubane ukusiza ukubambezela ukusabela futhi kusivumele ukuba siphendule ngomusa, ngozwela, nangezinhloso. Ukusho okulula kunokukwenza, ngiyazi! Kepha ukudala isikhala sokulungiswa kubalulekile ukusikhipha kuleyo mijikelezo emibi engemihle.
Gxila ekuxazululeni izingqinamba
Izinselelo ezengeziwe zingavela lapho wena noma umlingani wakho nizizwa nibhajwe kangangokuthi anizizwa nithanda ukwamukela imizamo yokulungisa umlingani wakho. Kepha ukuqamba lokho kwazi kungaba enye yezindlela zokusiza ukunqoba leso sihibe. Ukukwazi ukuthi kumlingani wakho, “Lokhu akulula; Ngizizwa ngibambekile ekufinyeleleni kuwe njengamanje, kodwa ngiyazi ukuthi ngiyobonga ngokuhamba kwesikhathi engikwenzile, ”kuthatha isibindi nokuba sengozini. Kepha ngiyazi nokuthi ukuhlala ubambekile kungaba nzima kakhulu. Futhi njenganoma yiliphi ikhono, alisebenzi kahle futhi udinga ukuqinisa amathuluzi obudlelwano obunamandla obusebenzayo.
Imizamo yethu yokulungisa eyenziwe ngenkathi iseBarcelona yiyo esivumele ukuthi singagijimi futhi siqhubeke nokujabulela iholide lethu. Kwesinye isikhathi, imizamo ibibukeka yehlukile: bekuyikhono lokuqamba lokho esikuzwayo; welula ukubamba izandla; cela isikhala esisiza ukususa izingqondo zethu; ukuhlonipha ukuthi lokhu bekuyinqubo enzima; nikela ngokwanga; sixolise ngengxenye yethu yokungaxhumani kahle; cacisa ukuma kwethu; vuma ukuthi lokhu kusidale kanjani isilonda esidala ... Akukho nokukodwa okulungiswa komlingo okwakuzokwenza konke kube ngcono, kepha ngangiziqhenya ngathi ngokuqhubeka nenqubo.
Kungaba lula kakhulu ukuthi imibhangqwana ivale phansi ngoba ukuba sengozini nokuvuleleka okudingekayo ukuze kulungiswe kuvame ukuzizwa kukhungathekisa, ngakho-ke kuyigcina isendaweni engeyinhle. Futhi uma imizamo yangaphambilini yehlulekile, kungaba nokungabaza ukuzama futhi. Kepha, empeleni ... iyiphi inketho ekhona, kepha ukuqhubeka uzama? Ngoba maye, uthando alwanele!