-Delile
Eminyakeni eyisithupha edlule yokuhlinzeka ngemishanguzo yezithandani ngibonile ukuthi abantu engisebenza nabo bavame ukuzibuza ukuthi “kungani ubudlelwano bami bunzima kangaka?” Ukukhula ngomqondo wokuthi "sijabule njalo" akekho owake wasitshela ukuthi ubudlelwano budinga ukusebenza kanzima nsuku zonke. Akekho okhathazekile ukusho ukuthi kuzofaka nezimpikiswano, ukukhungatheka, ukulwa, izinyembezi nobuhlungu.
Ezinkolweni ezehlukene kuyanconywa, futhi kwesinye isikhathi kuphoqelekile ukuthi kudlule eyodwa noma uchungechunge lwamakilasi omshado ngaphambi kokuthola "imvume" yokushada. E-United States, uthola ilayisense yomshado kepha azikho izifundo ezivumelekile zelayisensi yomshado, ngokwazi kwami. Kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi sibophezeleke ukutadisha futhi sifunde izihloko eziningi ezahlukahlukene esikoleni, kepha singafundiswa ukuthi singaba nguzakwethu ongcono kanjani ekuzibophezeleni kwethu impilo yonke? Ngabe singakulungela yini lokhu kuzibophezela kwesikhathi sokuphila okubandakanya izigaba nezinguquko eziningi eminyakeni edlule? Yini engingakufundisa ngayo namuhla mayelana nokuthi ungaba kanjani nobudlelwano obungcono nomlingani wakho?
Ukufunda ngomshado kumaGottamans
Ingxenye yokuqeqeshwa engikuthole ivela kuDkt Gottmans (indoda nenkosikazi). Ngakuthola kuthakazelisa ukufunda ngezinto ezahlukahlukene zalokho abakuthola ocwaningweni kubalulekile emshadweni ukuze uphumelele. Bakhuluma ngeqiniso lokuthi sidinga ukuba nencazelo efanayo, uthando nokwazisa futhi kufanele sazi ukuthi singasebenza kanjani ngezingxabano, ukwethembana, ukuzibophezela nezinye izinto ezimbalwa. Ukubabuka esiteji kuqeqesho lwezinsuku ezintathu nakho kwakungokufunda. Ukubona umehluko phakathi kwabo nokuthi basebenzisana kanjani kwaba yinto ethakazelisa kakhulu. Ngifunde okuningi ngobudlelwano bami nomyeni wami futhi. Ngiliqondile iqiniso lokuthi kwesinye isikhathi siyaphikisana futhi kungashuba kakhulu, kepha akusho ukuthi asihambisani. Kusho nje ukuthi silwa kanzima ngoba yilokho esikujwayele futhi sobabili siyakwazi ukukuyeka kalula.
Umshado udinga imizamo engaguquguquki
Ekupheleni kosuku, engifuna ukukufundisa namhlanje ukuthi uma ubucabanga ukuthi uzobudlelwano kuzoba yinto elula - lokhu kuzoba ngumqansa onzima kakhulu kuwe. Kodwa-ke, uma ubona ukuthi ubudlelwano buyinqubo yokusebenza kanzima nsuku zonke, uzokwazi ukubuphumelela. Kungakwazisa ukuthi kufanele wenze umzamo wansuku zonke ukwakha ubudlelwano obufunayo, hhayi ukubuthatha kalula. Kungakwenza ube nomthwalo wokuzifundisa futhi usebenze njalo ekuzithuthukiseni kwakho ukuze ube ngumuntu ongcono futhi ngenxa yalokho ube umlingani ongcono.
Uzokwazi ukuba ngomunye walabo abangashadile nje kepha abajabule emshadweni. Ngokusebenza kanzima nangokufunda kwenu, nizokwazi nokuzithanda lezo zikhathi enikhalile nalwa ngazo kanzima ngoba lezo zikhathi zizonenza niqine njengabantu abashadile. Indlela engibona ngayo njengamanje ukuthi inqobo nje uma ngizochitha izinsuku zami ngiqinisekisa ukuthi umlingani wami uyajabula futhi bangenzela into efanayo - sobabili singajabula. Izikhathi eziningi, ngemikhuba yansuku zonke nezibophezelo sivele sibe nobugovu futhi sigxile kulokho esikudingayo ebudlelwaneni, esikhundleni sokunaka lokho okudingwa umlingani wethu. Siyehluleka ukulalela umlingani wethu futhi siqaphele lapho bedonsa kanzima ngoba nathi sinjalo. Uma ufaka izingane kumxube, kwenza kube nzima nakakhulu. Kunemithwalo yemfanelo eminingi nezinto okufanele zenziwe, ngaphezu kwempilo yakho yansuku zonke yomsebenzi ukuthi kulula ukulahleka kule nqubo.
Beka ubuhlobo bakho kuqala
Iseluleko sami kuwe ukuthi uqiniseke ukuthi ubeka phambili ubuhlobo bakho ikakhulukazi lapho izinto zibonakala zinzima kakhulu. Khipha isikhathi sokuchitha nomunye. Thola lezo zikhathi ezincane zenjabulo ukuze nihlole omunye nomunye futhi nikhumbuzane ukuthi nithandana kangakanani. Kungaba umbhalo osheshayo we-emoji yenhliziyo emini ongashintsha usuku lwabalingani bakho ngokuphelele. Zazise lezo zikhathi ezincane zokugona, ukuhleka, ukujabulela impilo nokudansa ngokungathi akekho obukayo. Thatha uhambo olwandle, uye endaweni yokudlela oyithandayo noma endaweni oye kuyo ngosuku lwakho lokuqala. Yenzani inqubo ejwayelekile yansuku zonke yokuhlola omunye nomunye futhi niyinikele nina nobabili kuphela, noma ngabe kuyimizuzu emihlanu kuphela. Qaphela ukuba khona komunye nomunye, futhi unake izimpawu zokukhalela usizo. Khumbula ukuthi ngenkathi uthatha isinqumo sokushada nalowo muntu, noma unikele impilo yakho ekubeni nabo, ubunesizathu esihle sokwenza lokho - futhi ungalokothi ukukhohlwe lokho!
Uma usebudlelwaneni njengamanje futhi ungenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi ufuna ukuthatha isinyathelo esilandelayo thatha uhlu lwempahla bese uzitshela ukuthi - ngingawushiya yini umphefumulo wami omningi ngokwamukelekayo nokuthi umlingani wami unakho? Ngabe ngizimisele ukudedela ezinye zezinto ezincane esilwa ngazo futhi ngibone ubuhle bobudlelwano bethu ukuthi buyini? Uma ungashiya lezo zinto ezikukhathaza impilo yakho yonke ngenjabulo futhi ungasebenza ngazo noma ngabe kunzima mhlawumbe kufanelekile.