-Delile
- Yini i-Parent Alienation Syndrome?
- Kuqala kanjani?
- Ubaba wakhe waba umfana "omubi"
- Waba ngumlomo kamama wakhe
- Indaba kaDave ayivamile kangako
- Ukugeza ubuchopho
- Umshikashika wokuzethemba ophansi nokudangala
- Khuthaza izingane ukuthi zixhumane nomunye umzali
UDave wayeneminyaka eyi-9 noma eyi-10 lapho abazali bakhe behlukanisa. Akamangazanga kakhulu njengoba kwakukhona ukungezwani okuningi nokungezwani ekhaya, noma kunjalo, umndeni wawusuhlukana futhi lokhu kwakunzima kuye. Wahlala ehlala ekhaya ayejwayelene nomama wakhe, okwakukuhle impela. Wayengahlala esikoleni sakhe nasendaweni lapho iningi labangane bakhe lalihlala khona. Wayelithanda ikhaya lakhe, izilwane ezifuywayo nabangane bakhe futhi ngaphandle kokuvakasha ngezikhathi ezithile nobaba wakhe, wayesendaweni yakhe yokunethezeka.
Akazange aqaphele waze waba seminyakeni yama-30 ukuthi wayekade ehlukunyezwa ngunina. Kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi umuntu angazi ukuthi bayahlukunyezwa? Uhlobo lokuhlukunyezwa akhuthazelela isikhathi esingaphezu kwengxenye yempilo yakhe kwaba ukuhlukunyezwa okucashile nokungabonakali okubizwa nge-Parent Alienation noma i-Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS).
Yini i-Parent Alienation Syndrome?
Luhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo olungenamaki noma izibazi ngaphandle. Ukuqhubeka, noma yini ebhalwe ngokubomvu kuzoba yizimpawu nezimpawu ze-PAS.
Kuqala kanjani?
Kwaqala kancane. Umama ubekhuluma izinto ezimbalwa ezingezinhle ngobaba lapha nalaphaya. Isibonelo, “ubaba wakho unokhahlo kakhulu”, “ubaba wakho akakuqondi”, “uyihlo ukhohlakele”. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kwaba kubi kakhulu lapho umama ekhuluma izinto kuDave sengathi unesizungu, wayekhathazekile ngezezimali futhi wayezosebenzisa uDave ukuthola ulwazi ngempilo yangasese kababa wakhe. Imvamisa uDave wayezwa umama wakhe ekhuluma nocingo ekhononda futhi ekhuluma kabi ngobaba wakhe. Ngaphezu kwalokho, umama wayezoyisa uDave kudokotela noma kumeluleki ngaphandle kokutshela ubaba wakhe kuze kube yizinsuku noma amasonto kamuva. Wayesebenza ngokuzimela esivumelwaneni sokugcinwa. Ubaba wakhe wayehlala emadolobheni ambalwa futhi kancane kancane, kepha uDave wayefuna ukuchitha isikhathi esincane nesikhathi lapho. Wayengabakhumbula abangane bakhe futhi akhathazeke ngokuthi umama wakhe wayeyedwa.
Ubaba wakhe waba umfana "omubi"
Izinto eziningi zaqala ukwenzeka eminyakeni edlule. Ubaba kaDave wayevame ukumkhuza ngamabanga aphansi futhi umama wayevame ukuba "nokuqonda" kakhulu ngomzabalazo wakhe esikoleni. Noma imiphi imizamo yokujezisa uDave ngamamaki akhe amabi noma ukungaziphathi kahle izocekelwa phansi ngumama kaDave. Umama kaDave wayetshela uDave ukuthi ubaba wakhe wayengenangqondo futhi engenabulungiswa ekuyaleni kwakhe, ngakho-ke, ubaba kaDave wayengumuntu "omubi". Umama kaDave waba ngumngane wakhe omkhulu. Ubengamtshela noma yini futhi azizwe ukuthi akakwazi ukuvulela ubaba wakhe iqiniso, futhi enze nesikhathi nobaba wakhe singakhululeki ngokwengeziwe.
Ukuhlukunyezwa kwakhula ngempela lapho uDave eneminyaka engu-15. Ubaba wakhe wayeke wabhekana nezinkinga ezithile zebhizinisi. Wayengayazi imininingwane kepha kwabonakala kukuhle kakhulu. Ubaba kaDave kwadingeka anciphise ukusetshenziswa kwemali futhi wayematasa kakhulu ezama ukwakha kabusha umsebenzi wakhe. Kwakungalesi sikhathi lapho umama kaDave aqala khona ukwabelana ngemithetho eminingi ubaba wakhe ayebandakanyeka kuyo. Yazi, wayengayazi imininingwane kodwa wazizwa enelungelo lokuhlanganyela imibono yakhe njengamaqiniso. Waze waqala ukukhuluma amanga kuDave ngesahlukaniso, izingcindezi zakhe zezezimali okwakuyiphutha likababa wakhe, wayezokhombisa uDave ama-imeyili nemiyalezo ayithunyelwa ngubaba kaDave, nayo yonke inqwaba yamanga eyabangela uDave kakhulu usizi. Umshikashika kaDave esikoleni, ukudangala, ukuzethemba okuphansi kanye nokudla ngokweqile kwaba yingozi kakhulu. Ekugcineni, njengoba kubonakala sengathi uBaba wayeyimbangela yokuthi uDave adonse kanzima kangaka, wanquma ukuthi akafuni nakancane ukubona ubaba wakhe.
Waba ngumlomo kamama wakhe
Kulokho okwakubonakala ngathi akukho ndawo, umama wabe esexhumana nommeli wakhe futhi waqala ibhola egingqika ekushintsheni isivumelwano sokugcinwa. Ngenkathi ubaba kaDave eqala ukuzizwa edudulwa wayezobuza uDave ukuthi kwenzakalani nokuthi kungani uDave emthukuthelele kangaka. UDave wabelane ngezingcezu nezingcezu zalokho umama ayekusho futhi ubaba waqala ukuthola umuzwa wokuthi umama wayesemkhankasweni wokugcina uDave kuye. Izinto uDave ayezozisho kubaba wakhe zazizwakala njengamagama umama kaDave ayezowasho noma awasho kubaba wakhe esikhathini esedlule. UDave wayesephenduke umama womlomo wakhe. Wayezama ngamabomu ukususa uDave kubaba wakhe futhi wayengaqiniseki ukuthi angakuvimba kanjani noma asize uDave abone ukuthi kwenzekani. Ubaba kaDave wayazi ukuthi umama wakhe wayenomunyu ngesehlukaniso (yize kwakunguye owacela isehlukaniso). Ubaba kaDave wayazi ukuthi babengakaze bavumelane ngezitayela zobuzali nokuthi kwakukuningi ukungavumelani phakathi kwabo, kepha wayengakaze acabange ukuthi angazama ngamabomu ukuguqula uDave amelane naye.
Indaba kaDave ayivamile kangako
Kuyadabukisa kodwa kuyiqiniso ukuthi abazali abaningi abahlukanisile baguqula izingane zabo ngamabomu noma bengahlosile. Ngaphandle kokuthi kube nokuhlukumezeka okubhalwe phansi lapho ingane kungafanele ichithe isikhathi nabazali bobabili, kuphambene nomthetho ukuthi umzali onelungelo lokugcina enze ukuphazamiseka ebudlelwaneni bengane nomunye umzali. Lokho umama kaDave ayekwenza, okuyindlela ecacile yokuhlukumeza ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo, kwakubhekise kubaba kaDave futhi kwehlukanisa uDave kuye. Umama kaDave wayecashile ngokuhamba kwesikhathi efundisa uDave ukuthi ubaba wakhe wayengumzali "omubi" futhi wayengumzali "ophelele".
Ukugeza ubuchopho
Lokhu kubizwe ngokuthi yi-Parent Alienation Syndrome, noma kunjalo, ngithanda ukuyenza lula ngiyibize ngokuthi iyini, iBrainwashing. Manje manje yini, yini emhlabeni ubaba kaDave ayengayenza noma ayenze manje njengoba uDave esekhulile?
Ukuze wazi ukuthi yini okufanele siyenze, kufanele siqale siqonde ukushaywa kwengqondo. Esimweni sikaDave, umama wakhe wasebenzisa ukuhlala yedwa nokuthonya okukhulu ekuboneni kwakhe ubaba wakhe ngamanga nezitatimende ezingezinhle. Ngeshwa, futhi ngokudabukisayo, bekungekho okuningi ubaba kaDave abengakwenza. Wenze imizamo eqhubekayo yokuhlala exhumekile noDave ngokumkhipha waya ezindaweni zokudla noma emicimbini yezemidlalo. Wazama ukukhawulela ukuhlukaniswa ngangokunokwenzeka ngokuhlala exhunywe ngemiyalezo ebhaliwe nangezinsuku ezikhethekile nendodana yakhe. Ngaleso sikhathi, ubaba kaDave wayemane emthanda futhi enesineke (ngokwesikhuthazo sikadokotela wakhe). Ubaba kaDave wafuna ukwesekwa nokuholwa ukuze angazenzi izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu ngoDave.
Umshikashika wokuzethemba ophansi nokudangala
Lapho uDave ekhula futhi eba mdala, waqhubeka nokulwa nokuzethemba okuphansi kakhulu nokuziphatha kokuphazamiseka kokudla. Ukudana kwakhe kwaqhubeka futhi futhi wabona ukuthi izingqinamba zakhe zaziphazamisa impilo yakhe. Ngelinye ilanga, waba "nesikhathi sokucaca". Thina ochwepheshe sithanda ukuyibiza ngokuthi "aha" umzuzu. Wayengenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi kwenzeka kuphi, nini noma kanjani, kodwa ngelinye ilanga wavuka futhi wamkhumbula kakhulu ubaba wakhe. Waqala ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nobaba wakhe, wambiza masonto onke futhi waqala inqubo yokuxhuma kabusha. Kwaze kwaba yilapho uDave eba nesikhathi sakhe sokucaca lapho ubaba kaDave angenza noma yini ukulwa nokuhlukaniswa / ukusatshalaliswa kwengqondo.
Ekugcineni uDave wayesebuyile ukuxhumana nesidingo sakhe semvelo sokuthanda bobabili abazali futhi bathandwe ngabazali bobabili. Ngalokhu kwazi, uDave wafuna okwakhe ukwelashwa futhi waqala inqubo yokwelapha ukuhlukunyezwa akubekezelela ngumama wakhe. Ekugcineni wakwazi ukukhuluma naye ngalokho akufundile nangolwazi. Kuzothatha isikhathi eside ukuthi ubudlelwano bakhe nomama wakhe bulungiswe kepha okungenani uxhumeke kubo bobabili abazali, ufisa ukwazi nokwaziwa yibo bobabili.
Okubuhlungu kule ndaba ukuthi izingane zinesidingo esingokwemvelo nesifiso sokuthanda bobabili abazali futhi zithandwe abazali bobabili. Idivosi ayikushintshi lokho. Noma ngubani ofunda le ndatshana, sicela ubeke izingane zakho kuqala.
Khuthaza izingane ukuthi zixhumane nomunye umzali
Uma wena noshade naye nihlukene noma nihlukanisile sicela ukhuthaze izingane zakho ukuthi zixhumane nomunye umzali ngangokunokwenzeka futhi ngaphakathi kwemithetho yesivumelwano sokugcina. Sicela ungaguquguquki futhi uguquguquke njengoba ubudlelwano budinga isikhathi sokukhula nokuthuthuka. Sicela ungalokothi ukhulume kabi ngomunye umzali phambi kwengane noma endlebeni yengane. Sicela ufune ukwelulekwa ngomqondo nganoma yiziphi izingqinamba ezingaxazululeki ongahle ube nazo nesinqandamathe sakho ukuze izindaba zakho zangasese zingadluleli ezinganeni. Okubaluleke kakhulu, uma bungekho ubufakazi bokuhlukunyezwa sicela uxhase ubudlelwano bezingane zakho nomunye umzali. Izingane azikaze zibuze isehlukaniso. Abalokothi bacele ukuthi imindeni yabo ihlukaniswe. Izingane zesehlukaniso ezinabazali abagcina inhlonipho nenhlonipho ejwayelekile zilungisa kangcono kakhulu kuyo yonke impilo futhi zinobudlelwano obunempilo besikhathi eside. Beka izingane nezidingo zazo phambili. Akukhona yini lokho okushiwo ukuba umzali?