-Delile
- Lapho izithandani zikhombana ngeminwe esikhundleni sokulalela
- Ukugxila emaphutheni omlingani wakho
- Izindlela eziyi-8 imibhangqwana engazilungisa ngempumelelo ngemuva kwengxabano:
- 1. Ungamgxeki umlingani wakho
Imibhangqwana eminingi ingibuza umbuzo ofanayo: Singabuyela kanjani endleleni ngemuva kokungezwani?
Ukungqubuzana kuyingxenye engenakugwenywa ebudlelwaneni obuseduze. Imibhangqwana exoxa ngezinto ezikhathazayo ngesikhathi esifanele nangendlela enenhlonipho, yamukela ukuyekethisa, yamukele isimo sengqondo sokuqina, futhi izibophezele ekulungiseni imizwa ebuhlungu izobuya ekungavumelaneni ngokushesha futhi yakhe ubuhlobo obuyimpumelelo obuhlala isikhathi eside.
Izimpikiswano ezikhiqizayo zingasiza empeleni imibhangqwana ukuthi ihlale ndawonye. Imibhangqwana ejabulayo iyakwazi ukuba nokungezwani okuthele izithelo kanye "nezingxoxo zokubuyisana."
“Ingxoxo yokubuyisa” yindlela yokukhuluma ngempi ngemuva kokuthi bobabili abantu behlise umoya, bengavikelekile kangako, futhi bekwazisa umbono womlingani wakhe. Ingxoxo yokutakula izokusiza ukuthi ubuyele emgqeni ngemuva kwengxabano futhi uvikele izingqinamba ukuthi zingakhuli.
Lapho izithandani zikhombana ngeminwe esikhundleni sokulalela
Imibhangqwana eminingi ijwayele ukukhombana ngeminwe kunokulalela, isho okudingayo ngendlela enhle, futhi inikeze omunye nomunye ithuba lokungabaza. Isibonelo esivamile uMonica noDerrick, bobabili abaneminyaka engamashumi amane, bakhulisa izingane ezimbili ezincane futhi bashada iminyaka eyishumi.
UMonica uyakhalaza, “Kade ngangizama ukuthi uDerrick angilalele futhi athuthukise ukuxhumana kwethu kodwa kungasebenzi. Akalokothi enze isikhathi sami. Kubonakala sengathi silwa njalo kaninginingi. ”
UDerrick uyaphendula, “UMonica uthanda ukungigxeka futhi akaze ajabule. Asichithi isikhathi ndawonye ngoba uhlala ethenga noma enomndeni wakhe. Ujwayele ukukhomba amaphutha ami futhi akhohlwe ukuthi ngizama ukuba ngumyeni nobaba ongcono kakhulu engingaba yikho. Akulula ukuphila ngezindinganiso zakhe eziphakeme. ”
Ukugxila emaphutheni omlingani wakho
Ngeshwa, intambo ejwayelekile emazwaneni alo mbhangqwana igxile emaphutheni womunye nomunye kunezindlela zokulungisa ubuhlobo babo. Ku- Imithetho Yomshado, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt.Harriet Learner uchaza ukuthi esinye sezici esiholela ekuhlulekeni komshado ukulindela ukuthi omunye umuntu ashintshe.
Uyaluleka lokho kunokuba badele ubudlelwano babo, imibhangqwana idinga ukuncika komunye nomunye, bandise ukuxhumana kwabo okuhle ngokomzwelo, futhi bafunde amakhono amahle wokulungisa ngemuva kokungezwani.
Izindlela eziyi-8 imibhangqwana engazilungisa ngempumelelo ngemuva kwengxabano:
1. Ungamgxeki umlingani wakho
Esikhundleni salokho, yazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi yini oyidingayo ngendlela enhle. Isibonelo, ukusho okuthile okufana nokuthi “Ngingathanda ngempela ukushlelela umsebenzi” kusebenza kakhulu kunokuthi “Awusoze wasinika isikhathi sami.” UDkt.John Gottman usikhumbuza ukuthi ukugxekwa kuyalimaza umshado nokuthi ukukhuluma ngezinkinga ezithile kuzovuna imiphumela emihle.
2. Qalisa ukungqubuzana nesimo sokuxazulula izinkinga
Kubalulekile ukuthi ungazami ukufakazela iphuzu, esikhundleni salokho, zama ukuhlola ingxenye yakho kokungavumelani. Zibuze ukuthi ngabe kubaluleke kakhulu "ukunqoba" impikiswano noma ukuxazulula inkinga.
Lalela izicelo zikazakwenu bese ucela ukucaciselwa ngezinto ezingacacile. Xoxani ngokulindelwe ukugwema ukungaqondani. Thatha ingozi futhi ubhekane nemizwa elimele, ikakhulukazi uma kungudaba olubalulekile kunokugxila ngamatshe noma ukuvala.
3. Sebenzisa izitatimende "Mina" kunokuthi usebenzise "Wena"
Izinkulumo ezithi “Wena” zivame ukubonakala zisolwa njengokuthi “Ngazizwa ngiphatheke kabi lapho uthenga imoto ngaphandle kokuxoxa nami” kunokuthi “Awunazwelo futhi awukaze ucabange ngalokho engikudingayo.”
4. Thatha ikhefu elifushane
Uma uzizwa ukhungathekile noma ugcwala amanzi thatha ikhefu elifushane. Lokhu kuzokunikeza isikhathi sokwehlisa umoya bese uqoqa imicabango yakho ukuze ube nengxoxo enenjongo nomlingani wakho.
UMonica wakubeka kanjena: "Lapho mina noDerrick sixoxa ngezinto ngemuva kokuthola isikhathi sokuphumula, kungenza ngizizwe sengathi uyakhathala."
5. Sebenzisa ukukhuluma komzimba
Ulimi lomzimba njengokuxhumana kwamehlo, ukuma komzimba, nokushukuma komzimba, ukukhombisa inhloso yakho yokulalela nokuyekethisa. Khipha kubuchwepheshe okungenani ihora elilodwa ubusuku ngabunye lokhu kuzokusiza ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho futhi ninake omunye komunye.
6. Gwema Ukuzivikela
Kuthatha amabili ukuya ku-tango futhi uzoba ngcono uma uyeka ukugcina amaphuzu bese ugxila ekulungiseni izingxabano. Zama ngakho konke okusemandleni ukuthi ungakhombisi ukudelela umlingani wakho (ukukhipha amehlo, ukuhlekisa, ukubiza ngamagama, ukubhuqa, njll.).
Ngenkathi uDkt.John Gottman ebuka izinkulungwane zemibhangqwana kwiLove Lab yakhe yenza ukusebenzisana kwansuku zonke, wathola ukuthi ukugxekwa nokwedelelwa kwakuyizimbangela ezimbili ezihamba phambili zesehlukaniso lapho ebalandela eminyakeni eminingi.
7. Nikeza umlingani wakho ithuba lokungabaza
Esikhundleni sokukhomba emaphutheni ozakwenu bese uzama ukusebenzisa amandla akho ukukhuthaza ukuxhumana okujulile.
8. Yiba "nengxoxo yokutakula" ngemuva kwengxabano
Uma senipholile nobabili lalela uhlangothi lomlingani wakho. Ungenzi izinsongo noma ukhiphe okokugcina. Gwema ukukhuluma izinto ozozisola ngazo kamuva. Qiniseka kodwa uvule imizamo yakho yokuxoxisana ngalokho okufunayo kumlingani wakho. Bobabili abantu abasebudlelwaneni bafanelwe ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zabo (hhayi zonke).
Imibhangqwana enobudlelwano obuphumelelayo besikhathi eside ikwenza kube yinto ephambili ukuthi ichithe isikhathi ndawonye yenza imisebenzi emnandi nsuku zonke ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana kwabo ngokomzwelo. Isibonelo, ukuzama ukuba nengxoxo yemizuzu engu-20 nesiphuzo ngaphambi kokudla kwakusihlwa noma ukuthatha uhambo lokuzungeza indawo yangakini. Imibhangqwana ethatha umqondo wokuthi “Sikulokhu sindawonye” iyakwazi ukululama ngokungavumelani ngokushesha okukhulu ngoba igxila ekondleni ubudlelwano obuhle namakhono okulungisa.