-Delile
- Izilimi Ezi-5 Zothando
- Izilimi zothando zingasebenza kanjani ngokumelene nobudlelwano bakho
- Indlela enempilo yokusebenzisa Izilimi Zothando
Ngibe nomzuzu omkhulu lapho ngiqala ukufunda incwadi ethi 'The 5 Love Languages' kaGary Chapman. Nginomyeni wami, ngangivame ukumtshela indlela engicabanga ukuthi uyinhle ngayo futhi ngimncome kakhulu.
Wayekuthanda, futhi sahleka ukuthi ngelinye ilanga wayengeke akwazi ukukhipha ikhanda lakhe emnyango ngoba ukuzazisa kwakhe kuzoba kukhulu.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngiphinde ngabona ukuthi ingxenye ethile yami yazizwa idabukile ngoba ngangibukeka ngingatholi uhlobo olufanayo lokudumisa oluvela kuye.
Izilimi Ezi-5 Zothando
Incwadi isuselwa emcabangweni wokuthi sithambekele ekuthandeni umlingani wethu ngendlela esifuna ukuyithola ngayo. Ocwaningweni olwenziwe kumodeli yoLimi Lothando lukaChapman, kutholakale ukuthi imibhangqwana eyizihambeli ezinesivumelwano sezilimi zothando mancane amathuba okuthi zibike ukuhlupheka.
Kodwa-ke, kungavela izinkinga ngoba indlela esifuna ukuthola ngayo uthando akuyona ngaso sonke isikhathi ulimi oluyinhloko lomlingani wethu, yingakho kwesinye isikhathi sizizwa silimele noma senqatshiwe.
'Izilimi ezi-5 Zothando' zingifakazele ukuthi bengisebenzisa ulimi lwami oluyinhloko ngothando nomyeni wami, futhi lokhu bekungukuthi 'Amazwi Okuqinisekisa.'
Yiziphi izilimi ezinhlanu ezihlukene zothando:
- Amagama Okuqinisekisa
- Ukuthinta ngokomzimba
- Izenzo Zenkonzo
- Isikhathi Sekhwalithi
- Izipho
Imvamisa, sithambekele ekubeni nezindlela ezimbili ezihlukene zokuveza uthando esikhetha ukulusebenzisa futhi oluza ngokwemvelo kithi.
Uma ungaqiniseki ukuthi yiziphi kulezi zilimi zothando ezingenhla okuyiwona ovelele, ungathola umqondo walokhu ngokuzindla ngale mibuzo emibili elandelayo:
- Iyiphi indlela esemqoka othambekele ekunikezeni uthando kumlingani wakho?
- Ungathanda ukuthola uthando oluthe xaxa kumlingani wakho (ukuthi mhlawumbe awutholi okuningi ngendlela ongathanda ngayo)?
Ngokushesha kwaba ihlaya phakathi kwami nomyeni wami. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ngikhokhela umyeni wami ukuncoma, bekuba yindlela yokuthi asho okuthile okuhle.
Kukhiqizwe okuncane mhlawumbe, kepha okungenani bekuyithuba elihle lokuthi ajwayele ukukhuluma ngolimi lwami.
Kwesinye isikhathi ubesalokhu ekhohlwa njengoba kungazizelanga kuye, ngakho-ke bengimnikeza ukunkonkoshela ngize ngiqhwebule iso sengathi ngithi, 'sekuyisikhathi sakho manje!'
Ukuntela eceleni, lokhu kusizile ukunciphisa 'isidingo' sami sokuthi angisho izinto ezinhle kimi futhi ngaleyo ndlela kwangikhuthaza ukuthi ngiyeke ukubheka kuye ukuze 'angisindise' noma anginike uthando ngqo ukuthi ngilufuna nini futhi kanjani.
Lapho senza lokhu ebuhlotsheni bethu, kungaba yindlela yokuphoxeka njalo nomzabalazo.
Izilimi zothando zingasebenza kanjani ngokumelene nobudlelwano bakho
Noma ngabe ufunde lezi zilimi futhi umlingani wakho azi kahle ukuthi uthanda ukuthola uthando kanjani, kwenzekani lapho behluleka ukukunikeza uthando ngendlela ‘oludinga’ ngayo?
Uma singaqapheli, lapho-ke singagxeka futhi sigxeke ngoba umlingani wethu wehlulekile ukufeza okulindelwe ukuthi bazokwazi ukufeza izidingo zethu ngoba benolwazi.
Ukwenza umlingani wethu abhekane nenhlalakahle yethu engokomzwelo umdlalo oyingozi ongawudlala. Ngokwenza njalo, mancane amathuba okuthi sithwale umthwalo wemfanelo ogcwele wemizwa yethu noma sizithande.
Ngemuva kwalokho singabambeka kumjikelezo ongapheli wokufuna uthando ngaphandle kwethu, okungaba yimpilo enesizungu futhi ebuhlungu.
Indlela enempilo yokusebenzisa Izilimi Zothando
Lokhu akusho ukuthi izilimi azilona ithuluzi eliwusizo. Kubalulekile nje ukuzisebenzisa ngokuqwashisa. Uma singakwenza lokhu, zingasetshenziselwa ukusiza ukuxhumana okujulile nokusisiza ukuthi siveze ukwethembeka nokuvuleleka kwethu.
Inkululeko yangempela ebuhlotsheni bethu yilapho abantu ababili bezizwa bethandwa futhi bemukelwa ukuthi bangobani ngokukhululeka, ukuxhumana okunempilo.
Ngakho-ke, singazisebenzisa kanjani izilimi ukusebenzela ubudlelwano bethu kunokuphikisana nabo?
- Ziveze ngokwethembeka futhi uthathe umthwalo ophelele walokho okufunayo
Ukukhumbuza umlingani wakho ngolimi lwakho lothando akuyona into embi. Kulula ukuthatha impilo, futhi uma kungeyona indlela ezenzakalelayo yokuphendula kuwe, bangakhohlwa kalula noma balahleke emhlabeni wabo.
Ngincoma ukusho ngokusobala nangokucacile ukuthi yini ongathanda ukuyenza. Isibonelo, uma ulimi lwakho lothando lungukuthinta ngokomzimba futhi uzizwa unesifiso sokuthi umlingani wakho abe ngokomzimba nawe, ungathi, "Ngingathanda uma ungangiphulula izinyawo zami noma ungange."
Ngaphandle kokuthi uzithethelele noma ukhombe ukwehluleka kwabo; ungalandela ngokuthile okufana nokuthi “Ngiyakuthanda uma ukwenza lokho kungenza ngizizwe ngixhumene futhi ngithandwa kakhulu, ucabangani wena?”
Hlala ubavumela ukuthi babe nezwi ngoba kumele babe nethuba lokucabanga ukuthi bangatholakalela wena ngempela ngesikhathi esithile.
Ngale ndlela, ungahlela isikhathi nendawo, kunokuba babone sengathi kungazelelwe kufanele balahle yonke into ngesikhathi lapho kungenzeka ukuthi sebevele bezizwa becindezelekile.
- Nikeza uLimi Lwakho Lothando!
Ngalezo zikhathi, lapho sizibona siphatheka kabi noma senqatshiwe ngoba umlingani wethu akatholakali, kungaba ngokomoya noma ngokwengqondo, kubalulekile ukufunda ukuzinika uthando esilulangazelelayo.
Leli yithuba lokukhuluma uLimi Lwakho Lothando bese uzinika lona: khuluma wedwa usebenzisa amagama okuvuma (amagama okuvuma) noma uthathe isikhathi esithile uphumule futhi ujabulele okuthile okukwenza uzizwe utotoswa (izenzo zenkonzo noma isikhathi sekhwalithi).
Ngale ndlela, sizifundisa ukuzithambisa nokuzithanda ngaphandle kwemibandela, ngaphandle kokuthembela emithonjeni yangaphandle ukuthi sizizwe sithandwa.
- Buyisela emuva ukuqagela kwakho
Uma uzithola ugxeka umlingani wakho ngaphakathi noma ngaphandle ngokungakuniki uthando ngokolimi lwakho lothando, yazi ukuthi uma wenza lokhu, uveza izidingo zakho ezingafinyelelwanga kumlingani wakho.
Ngenkathi kungaba neqiniso kulokho okuvelayo okungukuthi, umlingani wakho kungenzeka angakucabangi ngangokunokwenzeka; kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzibuza lo mbuzo: 'kuphi lapho ngingacabangi khona kumlingani wami noma kimi?'
Lo msebenzi wokubuyisa ukuqagela kwethu emuva kungasisiza ukuthi sandise ukuqonda kwethu ngezinga lapho singahlangabezani nezidingo zethu. Kusenza sikwazi ukucubungula nokwelapha izinhlungu zethu ezingokomzwelo, okuvame ukubangelwa ukulimala okwedlule futhi akuhlangene nakancane nokuziphatha komlingani wethu.
Izilimi Zothando ngokungangabazeki zingaba ithuluzi elihle lokujulisa uthando nokuxhumana ebudlelwaneni bethu bezothando.
Kodwa-ke, kuhlale kuwumqondo omuhle ukukhumbula ukuthi uma siwasebenzisa ukuqhathanisa futhi ngaleyo ndlela sithole amaphuzu ngokumelene nozakwethu, sithambekele ekuboneni njalo ubuthakathaka babo kunokuba sibanikeze isikhala sokuzibonakalisa ngezabo, ngendlela ehlukile yothando.
Kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, lapho singavumela kakhulu umlingani wethu ukuthi aphelele, iba nenkululeko eyengeziwe ebudlelwaneni bethu, futhi ngaleyo ndlela kube nendawo eyengeziwe yokukhula, ukwamukelwa, nothando lwangempela kumuntu ngamunye.