-Delile
- 1. Abanaso isikhathi sakho
- 2. Ezothando zingaphandle kwewindi
- 3. Azikwenzi uze kuqala
- 4. Abafuni ukuphikisana
- 5. Bacasuka kalula
- 6. Bazama ukukucasula
- 7. Bakukhombisa ukudelela
Obunye ubudlelwano buqhuma ngentukuthelo, izimpikiswano, nemizwa. Kwezinye izimo, izinguquko zicashile ngokwengeziwe, ngebanga elihamba kancane lakha phakathi kwabalingani kuze kuthi, ngokuzumayo, libe likhulu kakhulu ukuwela.
Kwesinye isikhathi, umuntu oyedwa uzobona ukuthi kwakheka uqhekeko. Kwesinye isikhathi, kubonakala kuphuma kokuluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka futhi abangakwenza nje ukubuka ubudlelwano buqhekekile obubazungezile futhi bazibuze ukuthi ngabe bebengenzenjani ngokuhlukile.
Yikuphi okunye kusayina ukuthi umlingani wakho ulahlekelwa inzalo nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze uma ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho ulahlekelwa intshisekelo ebudlelwaneni bakho? Nazi ezinye izimpawu eziyisixwayiso zokuthi umlingani wakho angahle alahlekelwe yintshisekelo.
1. Abanaso isikhathi sakho
Uma izwakala njengeyakho umlingani uyakugwema noma uma behlala beqhamuka nezinhlelo ngasizathu simbe noma kwesinye, kungahle kube nesizathu sokukhathazeka.Imibhangqwana kufanele ifune ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye futhi uma ixhasa njalo isikhathi sekhwalithi, lelo ifulegi elibomvu eliqondile.
UCarrie Krawiec, owelayisensi yomshado nomelaphi womndeni eBirmingham Maple Clinic eTroy, eMichigan, uthi imibhangqwana kufanele isebenzele chaza ukuthi yini eyisikhathi sekhwalithi komunye nomunye futhi ukwenze kube yinto ephambili.
"Kukhona ukuqhubeka kokuhlangana ubuso nobuso futhi abantu abahlukene banelisekile ngamazinga ahlukahlukene," esho. "Abantu kufanele bazi ngokuthanda kwabo, kanye nabalingani babo futhi babone ukuthi 'isikhathi sekhwalithi' kufanele sihlanganise okuncane okwanelisa ngamunye wenu."
2. Ezothando zingaphandle kwewindi
Noma ngabe ukhona ukuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho, lokho akusho ukuthi inhlansi ayikaphumi.
Umlingani wakho angayeka ukubambana ngezandla noma ukuba nothando, angabi nandaba nokukuheha, ukhetha ukuvumela ukubukeka kwabo kuhambe, futhi ucansi lungaba yinkumbulo ekude futhi engacacisi kahle. Zonke lezi kungaba yizimpawu zokuthi ubuhlobo bungase bulahlekelwe ngumfutho.
UKrawiec uthi ukugxila kancane ezenzakalweni ezinkulu nokungafaki ezintweni ezincane ezizovusa inkanuko yokuthimula.
Uthi: “Izimpawu zomzimba ezigcina izinhlansi ziphila akuzona amaholide amakhulu noma izingubo zangaphansi zangaphansi. “Imvamisa, yizikhathi ezincane eziyizigidi. Imibhalo emincane, ukuthinta okuncane, noma ukuveza izinto ezincane esizithandayo nangazithandi noma ukwesaba, amathemba namaphupho kungasigcina sizizwa sinogesi komunye nomunye. ”
3. Azikwenzi uze kuqala
Udinga ukuza kuqala ebudlelwaneni.Kunjalo, zihlale zikhona izikhathi lapho izingane zibeka kuqala, kepha inombolo yokuqala kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo kufanele ibe enye nenye.
Uma umlingani wakho enentshisekelo yokuba nabangane nokuzitika ngezinye izinto zokuzilibazisa, akunjalo ukuthatha ubudlelwano ngokungathi sína. Ukuthola umsuka walokhu, uKrawiec uthi kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi yini eqhuba oshade naye ukuthi enze eminye imisebenzi.
Ngabe basebenza kakhulu ngoba bazonda ukuba sekhaya noma ngoba bezama ukondla imindeni yabo? Futhi yini eyakhe izimo zakho zengqondo mayelana nokuthi abazali bakho bahlobana kanjani?
Uthi: “Isibonelo, umuntu obone umzali oyedwa ephoqelelwa ukwenza izinto zabanye angakujabulela ukuvumela umuntu ngamunye akhethe futhi angabona lokhu njengophawu‘ lwempilo. ’ Okusebenza kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo obunikeziwe yilokho okusebenzela labo bantu ababili okungasekelwe esivumelwaneni esithile sendawo yonke mayelana 'Yonke imibhangqwana kufanele ifune ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye.' ”
4. Abafuni ukuphikisana
Ungacabanga ukuthi okuphambene nalokho kungaba yiqiniso - ukuthi ukuphikisana kungaba uphawu lokuthi umshado usenkingeni.
Kepha iqiniso ukuthi, ukungaboni ngaso linye kwenzeka ngaso sonke isikhathi ebudlelwaneni futhi uma umlingani wakho ancamela ukuthula esikhundleni sokukhuluma ngodaba, kuwuphawu lwenkinga. Kungasho ukuthi abasenantshisekelo yokulungisa izinkinga ebudlelwaneni.
"Ukuvalwa ngamatshe, noma ukuvalwa, ngomunye wabagibeli bamahhashi abane bakaJohn Gottman besambulo," kusho uKrawiec.
“Ukwehla nomoya, ukungathuli, noma ukungabi nandaba konke kuyizibonelo. Yize izingxoxo zingangqubuzana, ukuphendukela kumlingani wakho esikhundleni sokuxosha ngezikhathi zokuxineka kunempilo empeleni. Lapho imibhangqwana ingaveza, yabelana, futhi iduduzane ikhipha ama-hormone okucindezeleka alungele bobabili lowo onikelayo noma owemukelayo. ”
5. Bacasuka kalula
Uma ngabe umlingani uqala ukulahlekelwa inzalo, yonke into encane, kusukela endleleni ohlafuna ngayo ukudla kwakho kuya ekuzweni kokuphefumula kwakho, kungazisusa, kubangele izimpi nokungavumelani ngezinto ezingasho lutho. Lokhu kungaba uphawu lokucasuka kanye nezinxushunxushu ngaphansi kobuso bobudlelwano.
UCelia Schweyer, isazi sezobudlelwano ku-Datingscout.com uthi: “Ngesikhathi esizayo lapho ulwa nomsebenzi ongenangqondo noma ongazi lutho, buza ukuthi yini ebacasula. "Kungcono ukuba nengxoxo engagunci esikhundleni sokuvumela intukuthelo nokucasuka kubhebhethekele."
6. Bazama ukukucasula
Lapho umuntu oyedwa enakho ukulahlekelwa intshisekelo ebudlelwaneni, bangenza izinto ezifana nokulwa izimpi ukukukhathaza futhi zikuxoshe.
“Lapho ekugcineni unikezela,” kusho uSchweyer, “bazokusola bese bekutshela ukuthi ubungabekezeli ngokwanele noma awubathandi ngokwanele ukugcina ubuhlobo.” Uma lokhu kwenzeka, bhekana ngqo nakho, kuncoma uSchweyer.
Buza ukuthi uyini umthombo wokuziphatha kwabo nokuthi yini empeleni ebakhathazayo. Uma befuna ngempela ukuthi ubudlelwano busebenze, bazothola indlela yokubuxazulula futhi bangabuyeli emuva ekuziphatheni okucasulayo.
7. Bakukhombisa ukudelela
Lesi mhlawumbe yisibonakaliso esicacile kunazo zonke futhi ngeke ube nenkinga enkulu yokukukhomba. Kepha, uma ikhula ebudlelwaneni bakho, idinga ukubhekelwa ngokushesha.
Ukudelela kungumbulali wobudlelwano wokugcina, okwenza umuntu azizwe engelutho futhi sengathi imibono yabo ayinandaba.
"Ukwedelela ukungathandi okuvamile ngomlingani wakho," kusho uKrawiec. “Kubonakala ngokubiza ngamagama, ukukhipha amehlo, ukuthuka inhlamba, ukubhuqa, kusho ukuklolodelwa. Uma kukhona ukudelela ebudlelwaneni bakho, kuwuphawu lokuthi kunemizwa elimele, izidingo ezingazwakali nokuphela kwezinsiza. ”