-Delile
- Isikhala esimnyama sokuthethisana
- Kunconyiwe - Gcina Inkambo Yami Yomshado
- Ukuxhumana okuqinisekisayo kubalulekile ekuxhumaneni okunempilo
- Ukungazethembi noma ukwenziwa
- Ulaka
- Ukuzithemba
- Uzisebenzisa kanjani izitatimende "Mina"
- Ushintsho luqala ngawe
- 1. Umzwelo
- 2. Ukuziphatha
- 3. Kungani
- Ukuba sengozini nomlingani wakho kuthuthukisa ukwethembana
- Kubalulekile ukuba sengozini ebudlelwaneni
Kuvame ukuthi ukuxhumana okuhle kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni obunempilo kepha akuvamile ukuthi noma ngubani achaze ukuthi kusho ukuthini lokho. Imibhangqwana eminingi ibambeke emaphethini amabi wokuxoxa ngaphandle kwamathuluzi okuguqula lokhu okunamandla, ngakho-ke banezindlela ezingaphelele zokubhekana nodweshu.
Isikhala esimnyama sokuthethisana
Isibonelo, uTeresa noTim, bobabili abaseminyakeni yabo yama-30, banezingane ezimbili ezifunda isikole futhi baphila impilo ematasa besebenza isikhathi esigcwele, banakekele izingane zabo futhi bavolontiya emphakathini wabo. UTeresa weza ehhovisi lami ekhononda ngokuthi ubengajabule isikhathi esithile nomyeni wakhe, uTim. Uvumile ukuthi abaxhumani kahle futhi kaningi baxabana ngezinto ezincane futhi bashubisa izingxabano.
UTeresa ukubeke kanjena: “Angijwayele ukucela lokho engikufunayo ngoba uma ngikwenza, uTim unginika isimo sengqondo bese siyaxabana. Ngakho-ke, muva nje ngigwema ukukhuluma naye ngezinto zansuku zonke futhi kubonakala ngathi sihlala ndawonye kunokuba singabalingani. Kodwa ngolunye usuku ngesikhathi sixoxa ngamabhili sigcina ngokuthethisana sakhipha nesixwayiso. ”
UTim uyaphendula, “UTeresa uqinisile, kuyaqabukela sichitha isikhathi ndawonye noma siye ocansini. Uma sikhuluma, kumayelana nezingane noma izikweletu bese sigcina sesixabana futhi silala emibhedeni ehlukene ngalobo busuku. ”
Kunconyiwe - Gcina Inkambo Yami Yomshado
Ukuxhumana okuqinisekisayo kubalulekile ekuxhumaneni okunempilo
Kunezindlela ezintathu ezijwayelekile zokuxhumana kubudlelwano: ukungazethembi noma ukwenziwa, ukuba nolaka nokuzimisela. Isitayela esiphumelela kakhulu ukuqiniseka.
Abantu abazethembayo bavame ukuba nokuzethemba okuphezulu ngoba bayakwazi ukuxhumana ngokuthembeka nangempumelelo ngaphandle kokuvumela abanye babaphathe. Baphinde bahloniphe amalungelo abanye. Incazelo elandelayo izokusiza ukukhomba isitayela sakho nesomlingani wakho.
Ukungazethembi noma ukwenziwa
Abaxhumanisi abangazethembi bangavuma ukwabelana ngemicabango yabo, imizwa yabo, noma izifiso zabo futhi bathembeke ngokuphelele ngoba bakhathazeke ngokweqile ngokucasula imizwa yabanye.
Ngenye indlela, bangafuna ukugwema ukugxekwa. Imvamisa zenza abalingani bazizwe bedidekile, bethukuthele, bengathembi noma bethukuthele.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, bavame ukungazethembi futhi bazizwe bengavikelekile ebudlelwaneni - bekhala ngokuthi abazitholi izidingo zabo kanti abanye abanandaba nabo.
Ulaka
Abaxhumanisi abanolaka bangaba nokugxeka, basole, futhi bathambekele ekwenzeni imibono enokhahlo kwabanye.
Lezi zinkulumo zivame ukuqala ngezinkulumo ezithi “Wena” ezinjengokuthi “Udelele kakhulu futhi awunandaba nemizwa yami.” Ozakwethu abakhuluma ngolaka bavame ukugxila kuzici ezimbi zomlingani wabo futhi abazimisele ukwamukela umthwalo wezenzo zabo.
Ngenxa yalokho, umlingani wabo usala ezwa ubuhlungu, ehlukanisiwe futhi engathembi.
Ukuzithemba
Abaxhumanisi abazethembayo bathembekile futhi basebenza ngaphandle kokuba ngabaphathi.
Bakhulumela abakufunayo ngendlela ecacile neqondile kuyilapho behlonipha abanye. Abaxhumana ngokuqina abakukhuthazi ukuzivikela.Eqinisweni, bayazikhubaza izimpikiswano futhi bathuthukise ukuyekethisa ngendlela yokuthi "sikulokhu sindawonye" engenacala.
Ngenhlanhla, lapho umuntu oyedwa exhumana ngokuqiniseka, amandla ngokuvamile enza omunye umuntu ngisho nezingane.
Isibonelo, impendulo eqinisekisayo kumlingani wakho ekhohlwa ukukushayela kungenzeka ukuthi “Ngizwa ubuhlungu uma ungafoni uma ufika sekwedlule isikhathi. Ngiyakhathazeka ngawe. ” Le mpendulo isebenzisa isitatimende esithi "Mina" futhi inika ulwazi kumngane wakho womshado ngendlela evulekile, ethembekile, futhi engabeki cala ngakho-ke ikhuthaza ukuxhumana okuhle.
Iseluleko esibalulekile somshado esingashintsha okunamandla empikiswaneni, ukwenza isiqiniseko sokuthi izitatimende zakho ezinhle zidlula ezingezinhle zakho ngesilinganiso sesihlanu kuye kwesinye.
Encwadini ethi Kungani Imishado Iphumelela noma Ihluleka, uDkt. John Gottman uthi umehluko phakathi kwezithandani ezijabule nezingajabule ibhalansi yezimvo ezinhle nezimbi lapho kunezingxabano. Lelisu lisebenza ngoba lisusa ukugxila ekugxekeni nasekusolweni liye ekuqiniseni kakhulu ngezidingo zakho futhi lixhumeke ngokomzwelo nomlingani wakho.
Uzisebenzisa kanjani izitatimende "Mina"
Manje njengoba usuyazi ngezindlela zokuziphatha ezingakhiqizi nomonakalo ongawenza emshadweni wakho, sekuyisikhathi sokulalela futhi uphendule kahle kumlingani wakho.
Ushintsho luqala ngawe
Enye indlela elula elula kepha ephumelela kakhulu yokujikeleza okujikelezayo okuncane okuphathelene nowakwakho ukusebenzisa izitatimende "Mina".
Isitatimende esithi “Mina” isitatimende esigomela ngemicabango yakho noma imizwa yakho esingasoli noma sehlulele kanzima oshade naye. Kukhuthaza umlingani wakho ukuthi ezwe ukuthi uthini futhi angazivikeli.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, isitatimende esithi "Wena", esingesihle futhi esivame ukubeka icala komunye umuntu - singadala ukuthi bagadwe, bathukuthele noma bahoxe.
Iseluleko somshado esiyigugu okufanele sisilandelwe ukwamukela umthwalo wemfanelo. Ukwamukela umthwalo wezenzo nemizwa yakho kungenye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu zokuxhumana nokusebenzisa u- “I”. Isitatimende siyindlela enhle yokwenza lokhu. Kunezici ezintathu zokusebenzisa izitatimende ze- "I" ngempumelelo:
1. Umzwelo
Izitatimende zami, eziqala ngokuthile okufana nokuthi, “ngizwa” ziveza imizwa yakho futhi ziveze ukuzidalula kwakho, futhi ungaziboni usola umlingani wakho lapho uthi “Uyangenza ngizizwe”.
2. Ukuziphatha
Izitatimende eziqala ngokuthi “Uma u ..” zivamise ukuveza imibono, izinsongo, ukugxeka okunzima, noma izinqumo ezimbi. Lawa magama noma izindlela zokuziphatha zidala ukuzivikela.
3. Kungani
Kuyithuluzi elibaluleke kakhulu ukuchaza ukuthi kungani uzwa noma uzizwa ngendlela ozizwa ngayo lapho umlingani wakho esho noma enza okuthile. Futhi, faka incazelo yakho yezenzo zabo nokuziphatha kwabo nokuthi kukuthinte kanjani. Kodwa-ke, yenza lokhu ngaphandle kokuzwakala usola.
Ukuba sengozini nomlingani wakho kuthuthukisa ukwethembana
Ngemuva kokusebenzisa ukuxhumana okuqinisekisayo isikhathi esingangesonto, kuwumqondo omuhle ukungena nomuntu oshade naye bese ubona ukuthi kukhona yini okuthuthukayo.
Uma wenza kanjalo, gubha ngokujabulela ukuphuma kusihlwa noma isidlo esikhethekile ekhaya. Kodwa-ke, uma ungaboni noma yiluphi ushintsho oluhle, kuwumqondo omuhle ukuhlela i-aphoyintimenti nodokotela wezithandani oqeqeshelwe ukusiza abalingani ukuthi bathuthukise ukuxhumana kwabo.
Lapho omunye umlingani enza ukuxhumana okusebenzayo, kunomphumela wokuphambanisa kumlingani wabo ukwenza okufanayo. Lokhu empeleni kungashintsha okunamandla ebudlelwaneni.
Ukuxhumana kuthinta indlela ozizwa uvikeleke futhi uvikeleke ngayo nomlingani wakho, kanye nezinga lakho lokusondelana.
Kubalulekile ukuba sengozini ebudlelwaneni
Kuyinselele, ukwethembeka kumuntu ongamethembi. Ungahle ukhathazeke ukuthi bazokuphendula ngendlela engemihle noma elimazayo.
Isibonelo, uTeresa udlulisela ukwethemba kuTim lapho ethi "Ngingakusebenzisa ngempela ukwesekwa kwakho nezingane kusihlwa ukuze ngikwazi ukubhala amaphepha." Usho ngendlela efanele isicelo sakhe, esebenzisa isitatimende esithi “Mina”, ngokuba sengozini, futhi angacabangi ukuthi ungoyena omubi kunabo bonke.
Hlala wazi ukuthi ukuba sengozini ebudlelwaneni nasekuxhumaneni nemizwa yakho eyiqiniso ngokuqiniseka, ngenkathi unaka ukuzwela komoya womlingani wakho, kuthatha isikhathi nokwenza.
Iningi labantu ligijimela ekunikezeni izixazululo nokuxazulula izinkinga futhi leqe ukulalela nokuqinisekisa imizwa yabalingani babo. Ungaqinisa umshado wakho ngokuthuthukisa ukuxhumana kwakho nangokuzibophezela ekufundeni kabanzi ngomunye nomunye nsuku zonke!