I-Marriage.com: Sitshele okuncane ngawe nangencwadi yakho i-Angel On A Surfboard: A Mystical Romance Novel Exres The Keys To Deep Love.
UDavid Essel: Inoveli yethu entsha ethengiswa kakhulu kunazo zonke yezothando, "Angel On A Surfboard", ingenye yezincwadi ezihluke kakhulu engake ngazibhala.
Ingqikithi enkulu imayelana nokuqonda okusivimba ekwakheni uthando olujulile. Ngithathe amasonto amathathu ngahamba phakathi kweziqhingi zaseHawaii ukuze ngibhale incwadi, futhi umphumela wokugcina wawumangalisa ngokuphelele.
Le yincwadi yami yesi-10, ezine zazo esezithengiswe kakhulu, futhi njengoba sikhuluma ngamadoda nokuxhumana wonke umuntu emhlabeni angahlomula kakhulu ngokufunda le noveli.
Ngaqala emhlabeni wokukhula komuntu eminyakeni engama-40 eyedlule, futhi ngisaqhubeka nanamuhla njengombhali, umeluleki noMqeqeshi Wokuphila. Sisebenza nabantu abavela emhlabeni wonke nsuku zonke ngesonto ngocingo, iSkype futhi sithatha namakhasimende ehhovisi lethu laseFort Myers Florida.
I-Marriage.com: Abafana abaningi balwa nokwabelana ngemizwa yabo, lokhu ngeke kube okokuqala ukuthi umuntu aveze iqiniso lokuthi ngaphandle kokuthi ukuguqule lokhu, ubudlelwano bakho obuningi buzogcwala izinxushunxushu nedrama.
Kungani kunjalo? Kungani abesilisa benenkinga enzima kangako ukuxhumana nabo, futhi babelane ngemizwa yabo yangempela nobudlelwano?
UDavid Essel: Impendulo ilula ngempela: ukwazi ngobuningi.
Cishe wonke umuntu okhuliswe eMphakathini namuhla uzungezwe amadoda angafundiswanga ukuthi angaxhumana kanjani nemizwa yawo nokujula okudingekayo ukuze aqonde imizwa yethu neyomunye umuntu. Ngakho-ke lapho ukhuliswe emphakathini ongamazisi umuntu okwazi ukukhuluma ngemizwa yakhe, iningi lamadoda lizokweqa ngisho nokuzama ukuhlola lelo cala lempilo yawo.
Lokhu kwehluleka ukucubungula imizwa nokukhulumisana kuzophazamisa nokuqondisisa ukuthi indoda ifunani ebudlelwaneni.
1. I-Marriage.com: Yiziphi ezinye izindlela amadoda angafunda ngazo ukuxhumana ngempumelelo?
UDavid Essel: Inombolo yokuqala, ngokuzibandakanya nemizwa nemizwa yabo. Lokhu kwenziwa kalula. Ezikhathini zethu nabesilisa abafuna ukuba ngabakhulumeli abangcono, ngiqale ngabacela ukuthi baqale ukuxhumana nabo.
Lapho bezizwa bejabule kakhulu, ngabacela ukuthi babhale phansi ukuthi yini eyadala leyo njabulo. Uma becasukile impela, banokuzivocavoca ukusiza ukufinyelela ukuthi kungani bethukuthele, bathukuthele noma bathukuthele.
Uma benesithukuthezi, ngibacela babhale ngokwenzeka empilweni yabo okungadala isithukuthezi.
Ngamanye amagama, uma ungathinta kangcono imizwa yakho, uzoba nethuba elingcono lokuyiveza lapho kudingeka.
2. UMarriage.com: Kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi umfana onamahloni kakhulu ebudlelwaneni babo acele umlingani wakhe ukuthi agudle iqolo? Lokho kungenye yezinto amadoda azifunayo kodwa angalokothi azicele, esaba ukunqotshwa.
UDavid Essel: Lokhu kulula kakhulu! Nikeza ukunikeza umlingani wakho umuthi wokuqala emuva. Thatha isikhathi sakho. Banikeze i-backrub emangalisayo kunazo zonke abake baba nazo ezimpilweni zabo.
Bese ubabuza ukuthi bangathanda yini ukwenza okufanayo nakuwe, kungaba namuhla noma ngolunye usuku. Banikeze izinketho!
Lokhu kuvula umnyango wokucela lokho okufisayo, ngokunikeza omunye umuntu okuthile angahle akufise kuqala.
3. I-Marriage.com: Enye yezinto amadoda ayifunayo ebudlelwaneni yehluka kakhulu empilweni yabo yezocansi. Yiziphi izeluleko ezinhle kwabesilisa abafuna ukucela abalingani babo ngempilo yabo yezocansi ukuthi babe nokuhlukahluka okuningi kakhulu?
UDavid Essel: Ukudinwa ngokocansi kuvame kakhulu ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Indoda efuna ukuhlukahluka okuningi nayo izokuqonda ukuthi ingahle yenqatshwe futhi kulungile.
Ukuthi ufuna okuthile, akusho ukuthi umlingani wakho uzofuna into efanayo, ngakho-ke kufanele sivulele iqiniso lokuthi uma sixoxa ngento efana nezinhlobonhlobo zezikhundla zocansi ezingase zivikele ekuqaleni, noma zizwe ukuthi azanele ngokwanele njengoba zinjalo.
Ngizoqala ingxoxo ngokwenza amaklayenti ami akhulume nabalingani babo mayelana nokuthi kwenzekani ngokocansi abakuthokozela kakhulu, nokuthi umlingani wabo wenza kahle kakhulu.
Sivula umnyango wendlela evulekile yokuya ocansini lapho sigcwalisa umlingani wethu kulokho abakwenzayo manje esikuthanda kakhulu.
Isinyathelo esilandelayo kungaba ukubuza umlingani ukuthi kukhona izikhundla ezithile zocansi noma amathoyizi angakaze asebenzise kodwa abekade efuna ukukwenza?
Ngabe wake wafisa ukulingisa ngokocansi? Ngamanye amagama, bengingababuza imibuzo mayelana nokuthi yini abangathanda ukuyenza ngokwehlukile kwezocansi, ngaphambi kokunikeza ozakwethu noma yimiphi imibono yalokho esikufunayo.
Ungababuza nokuthi bangathanda yini ukubuka noma yimaphi ama-CD ezemfundo yezocansi, kunezinkulungwane emakethe, noma uma bengathanda ukuvakashela uchwepheshe ukuze bakhulume ngokuqinisa ukuxhumana kwabo okusondelene ngocansi nezinye izinhlobo zothando.
Enye yezinto amadoda ayifunayo ebudlelwaneni impilo yobulili ethokozisayo, enendawo ethe xaxa yobusha, kepha hhayi ngenxa yokona umlingani wabo.
Kubeke kuqala kwezokuxhumana, futhi uzozuza imivuzo ekuhambeni komgwaqo.
4. I-Marriage.com: Ekudlalaneni kwezinto amadoda azifunayo ebudlelwaneni yinhlonipho. Ngabe umlingani wesilisa ubuza kanjani ngokuthola inhlonipho encane? Empeleni, kwenze okuningi.
UDavid Essel: Uma singayitholi inhlonipho kumlingani wethu, lungela, yiphutha lethu, hhayi elabo. Sifundisa abanye ukuthi basiphathe kanjani, kuyisisho esidala esinembe ngo-100%.
Ukuzimela, emsebenzini wami, kuwumlutha omkhulu kunayo yonke emhlabeni, futhi uma uthembele kumlingani wakho, ngeke bakuhloniphe nakancane. Kwabesifazane, abazithola befuna impendulo yombuzo othi, "umenza kanjani umfana abe nentshisekelo kuwe?", Umgibe obaluleke kakhulu okufanele uwugweme wukuthembela kumlingani.
Ukube ubungatshela umuntu, ukuthi awukuthandi ukuthi uphuza kangakanani, futhi ngesikhathi esilandelayo lapho edakwa khona uzothatha ukuhlukaniswa kwezinsuku ezingama-90 ebudlelwaneni, umlingani wakho uzokuhlonipha kuphela uma uqhubeka amazwi akho.
Ngakho-ke uma bedakwa futhi, futhi ungahlukani nabo izinsuku ezingama-90, bayoba nenhlonipho enkulu ngawe futhi lokho kuyisibonelo esisodwa nje.
Noma nini lapho sitshela umlingani wethu, ukuthi asifuni benze i-XY noma i-Z, futhi bayakwenza, futhi asinamphumela, sisanda kulahlekelwa yinhlonipho ephelele. Futhi kufanele silahlekelwe yinhlonipho ephelele uma singazimisele ukulandela amazwi ethu.
5.Imarital.com: Enye yezinto amadoda ayifunayo ebudlelwaneni ukuthi abalingani babo besifazane bathathe isinyathelo. Yini ongayitshela umlingani wesilisa ofuna omunye wabo obalulekile ukuthi enze isinyathelo sokuqala ebudlelwaneni babo?
UDavid Essel: Ngangibatshela ukuthi bafune umlingani ovelele. Bazwakala bezithoba kakhulu, mhlawumbe isingeniso, futhi uma besaba ukuthatha isinyathelo sokuqala kufanele bathole umuntu ongesabi ukuthatha isinyathelo sokuqala, umuntu ozoba ngumholi ebudlelwaneni.
6. I-Marriage.com: Angamtshela kanjani umlingani wakhe ukuthi udinga ukwesekwa ngokomoya?
UDavid Essel: Wonke umuntu udinga ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo, kwesinye isikhathi kakhulu kaningi kunabanye. Enye yezindlela ezinkulu zokuthola ukusekelwa ngokomoya ukuthola umuntu ozokulalela ngaphandle kokukunikeza izeluleko.
Ngifundisa wonke amaklayenti ami wesilisa, lapho ehlala phansi futhi efuna ukukhuluma nomlingani wawo mayelana nengcindezi ethile abhekene nayo, ukuqala isitatimende ngokuthile okufana nokuthi “Ngifuna ukwabelana ngento ecindezela kakhulu empilweni yami njengamanje , Ngingajabula uma ungalalela nje, ungibambe isandla kodwa unganginiki izeluleko. Ngidinga nje ukususa lokhu esifubeni sami. "
Lokhu kungumlingo indlela esebenza ngayo.
7. UMarriage.com: Ake sithi ufuna ukuzihlalela nabangane bakhe namhlanje kusihlwa?
UDavid Essel: Into ebaluleke kakhulu lapho sikhuluma ngokuthatha isikhathi kude nobudlelwano bethu ukunikeza abalingani bethu isaziso esanele sokuthi sizophuma nabangane ngosuku nesikhathi esithile.
Ngamanye amagama, uma wazi ukuthi uzodlala amakhadi nabangane bakho ngoLwesine olulandelayo ebusuku, bese ulinda kuze kube uLwesithathu ukutshela umlingani wakho, lokho akulungile neze.
Ngokushesha nje lapho wazi ukuthi uzochitha isikhathi nabangane, sidinga ukuwabelana ngakho ukuze wonke umuntu agibele.
8. I-Marriage.com: Kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi umfana ongaba namahloni kakhulu ebudlelwaneni babo abuze umlingani wabo ukuthi badinga nje isikhathi sodwa?
UDavid Essel: Kokuxhumana, ake ngiphinde, ngoba lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu, ukwenqaba kuyingxenye yomdlalo.
Qonda, uma udinga isikhathi wedwa, umlingani wakho angahle angavumi noma angathandi kodwa asikwazi ukuthwala imizwa yabo nathi.
Sidinga ukuba namandla okubazisa ukuthi sizosebenzisa isikhathi ukwenza i-ABC, noma yini leyo, futhi isikhathi sokuphumula siyadingeka kuwo wonke umuntu kubo bonke ubuhlobo. Phakathi kwezinto ezimbalwa amadoda azifunayo ebudlelwaneni yisikhathi sokuphumula esifanelekile futhi uma ungowesifazane ofunda lokhu, ungakhombisa uthando lwakho kumuhle wakho ngokukuvumela lokho.
Imibhangqwana eyenza “konke” ndawonye, imvamisa iyasha.
9. I-Marriage.com: Yiziphi izindlela ezinhle owesilisa angabuza ngazo umlingani wakhe ukuthi bafuna ukuthi abakhombise ucansi kakhulu kunalokho abekade bekuthola?
UDavid Essel: Njalo qala ngokuncoma. “Sthandwa ngiyayithanda indlela ongenza ngayo ucansi lomlomo kimi, akukholakali njalo!”
Noma noma ngabe iyiphi ingxenye oyithandayo yezocansi nomlingani wakho, yigcwalise. Ungenzi amanga, kodwa ubancome nokuthi benzani kahle.
Ngemuva kwalokho ngemuva kwalokho, ungathi “Ngiyayithanda impela indlela ongenza ngayo ucansi lomlomo kimi, futhi bengizibuza ukuthi ungakwenza yini lokhu“. Noma ngabe "lokhu" kungaba yini.
Ngamanye amagama, abalingani abaningi bazoba namahloni uma uthi kubo “shayani ingqondo yami ningikhombise wonke amaqhinga ocansi eninawo,” kodwa uma ubaholela kulowo mgwaqo kancane, bazovuleka ngokushesha okukhulu.
10. I-Marriage.com: Ngemuva kwesonto elide lomsebenzi, ekugcineni kuyimpelasonto, futhi okufunayo ukuthi umlingani wakho ahole kulokho abakwenzayo kusihlwa. Bangakuletha kanjani lokho ngokunganaki?
UDavid Essel: Ngihlala ngikhuthaza abantu ukuthi bakhulume ngokukhululekile ngokukhululekile, ukukubeka nje emgqeni.
“Sthandwa, leli sonto belihlanya, ngizocela uqhubeke wenze izinhlelo zanamuhla kusihlwa, ngizokwenza noma yini ofuna ukuyenza uma kuyibhayisikobho, ukudla kwakusihlwa. Ngizokucela nje ukuthi uphathe lapha namhlanje ebusuku, ngizokubona ngehora lesikhombisa. ”
Lolu hlobo lwe-imeyili noma lombhalo kufanele luthunyelwe ekuseni kakhulu noma ekuseni kakhulu, lubanike isikhathi esiningi sokucabanga. Uma behlehlela emuva bethi abazi, yekela.
Noma ungabacela noma benze izinhlelo zobusuku obulandelayo uma bezizwa bebekwe endaweni yokwenza namuhla. Kwabesifazane, enye yezinto abafana abayifunayo kuwe ukuthatha izintambo nokushayela izibhamu ngezinsuku zokuhlela kwesinye isikhathi, ngakho-ke angajabulela nje ngenkathi ebonga izinkanyezi zakhe ngokuthola umlingani omangalisa kangaka.