-Delile
Sonke singakuzwa lapho sisebudlelwaneni obunempilo, kepha imvamisa asikwazi ukukhomba ukuthi yini ngempela esenza sizizwe ngaleyo ndlela.
Yini ebangela lowo mqondo oqinile wokuxhumana nomlingani wethu? Ukuthembela? Inhlonipho? Ukusondelana? Kuningi kakhulu. Isizathu esenza sizizwe ngaleyo ndlela ukuthi ubudlelwane obunempilo buholela empilweni enempilo kakhulu.
Kepha ukuthuthukisa ubudlelwano obunempilo yinto edinga ukugcinwa. Ukuyigcina iqine futhi izinzile kudinga inani elifanele lomsebenzi.
Ubudlelwano obunempilo abubalulekile nje kuphela kithi inhlalakahle engokomzwelo nengqondo kepha zingumnyombo wokusinda kwethu. Isifiso sethu sokuxhumana nabanye siyingxenye ebalulekile yalokho okusenza sibe yilokhu esiyikho.
Ucwaningo oluningi ngezinqubo zebhayoloji luthole ukuxhumana okuqinile phakathi kwempilo yethu nobudlelwano esibugcinayo, kepha sesizongena ngokujule nangaphezulu kwemiphumela yocwaningo.
Ngakho-ke uma ubukade uzibuza ukuthi yini ukubaluleka kobudlelwano obunempilo nokuthi ungaba kanjani nobudlelwano obunempilo?
Sesizonikeza ukucaciseleka kokuthi kungani ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo kuzwakala sengathi kwenza nokuthi kungabugcina kanjani ngaleyo ndlela.
Isimo sakho siqu
Njengabantu, sihlala njalo sifuna "indawo yethu elangeni," indawo esingayibiza eyethu, indawo ezosinikeza umuzwa wangempela wenhloso.
Leyo ndawo engafinyeleleki kalula, evame ukumakwa ngegama elithi "utopia", nayo ichazwe kaningi njengengabibikho noma ecatshangelwe.
Noma kunjalo, ama-utopias akhona, kepha hhayi njengezindawo zomhlaba. Esikhundleni salokho, zitholakala ebuhleni bomunye umuntu, umphefumulo.
Lapho sizizwa sidingeka ngempela, ngokushesha siba yingxenye yento enkulu kunayo. Uma kukhona othile obalulekile ongajabula kakhulu, ukuzama ukuthuthukisa umhlaba ngandlela thile kuba ngaphezu kokufanelekile.
Lo mqondo wenjongo yinto esemqoka esenza siqhubeke empilweni, siye phambili. Yonke imidwebo emincane yabalingani bethu icebisa imihlaba yethu, futhi lokhu kuba yizinto ezithandwa kakhulu.
Vele, indiza ebonakalayo ibaluleke ngokufana neyomzwelo. Izindlela eziningi zenze imizimba yethu yaba yizinqaba ezivaliwe, zaguqula impilo yethu yezocansi yaba yimikhuba egadiwe.
Kepha namhlanje sesidlulile kulokho, sesikhululekile ngezindlela ezintsha nezinsiza zomzimba ezingashukumisa zonke izindawo zethu ezinobungozi.
Ngemuva kwezilingo zocansi ezibandakanya i-orgasms yangasese noma i-S & M ilele ukuthembela okuphelele kozakwethu - ukwethenjwa okungaguqula imizimba yethu ibe ngamathempeli njengezindawo zokukhulekela kweqiniso.
Uma sikulungele ukuwahlola ngothando nangothando, ngamunye wabo angaba yinto yethu enhle - indawo lapho singabangempela futhi sinenhloso eyingqayizivele yokufeza.
Ngakho-ke okwenza ubudlelwano obunempilo yilapho uthola lowo muzwa okhungathekisayo wokuthi uthole i-utopia.
Ukwephula udonga lwangaphakathi
I-albhamu yodumo kaPink Floyd ethi “The Wall,” ikakhulukazi ingoma ethi “Umama,” isibonisa ngokukhanyayo ukuthi sonke sizakha kanjani izindonga zangaphakathi kusukela ebuntwaneni bethu.
Okokuqala, sivame ukuvikelwa ngokweqile ngabazali bethu; bese siqhubeka nokuphakamisa lezi zindonga ziphakeme sisodwa, singazi ukuthi sichoboza ukuzihlonipha kwethu kanye nokuzihlonipha ngasikhathi sinye.
Inhlonipho iba uhlobo lokuphatha, bese siqala ukulimaza ngaphakathi, sisuswe ebuntwini bethu beqiniso.
Izinzuzo zobudlelwano obunempilo ukuthi iyakwazi ukuvuselela inhlonipho ngendlela eyiyo - njengokuqwashisa ngomunye umuntu, nokwazisa ngakho konke okwenza umuntu ahluke.
Ukuhloniphana ebudlelwaneni kuholela ekuqondaneni, ukuqeda isidingo sokuphakamisa izindonga ngaphakathi ukuze sifihle izindawo zethu ezibuthakathaka, ukwesaba, noma izinto esinamahloni ngazo.
Ingcindezi ingesinye sezakhi ezinkulu zalezi zindonga zangaphakathi, futhi ukwesekwa okungokomzwelo nokwezenhlalo okunikezwa abalingani kufana nokuthatha i-sledgehammer kuyo.
Kufakazelwe ukuthi ubudlelwano obunempilo buboshelwe ekwehliseni i-hormone yokucindezeleka i-cortisol, ikakhulukazi esimweni sokuhlala ndawonye.
Vele, ukukhulisa ukwethembeka nokukhulumisana ngokukhululekile kubalulekile kule nqubo. Izindonga zethu zangaphakathi zizophuka kuphela uma sikwazi ukukhuluma ngalokho esizizwa futhi sicabanga ngakho nabalingani bethu ngendlela esobala.
Ukuhloniphana nokuqondana kuvela ekwethembekeni ngaphandle kokwesaba ukugxekwa. Izimfihlo namanga akunandawo ebudlelwaneni obunempilo.
Ukwazi ukuthi ungubani
Ukwephula udonga lwangaphakathi akusho ukuthi asidingi ukuba nemingcele - bayingxenye ebaluleke ngokulinganayo yezempilo nenhlalakahle yethu.
Ukuze sixhumane nobuntu bethu beqiniso, sidinga ukuqaphela lokho esingeyikho.
Ingxenye enkulu yokuxhumana nomphakathi namuhla ayisivumeli ukuthi sazise abanye ukuthi yini esenza sikhululeke nokuthi yini engasenzi, futhi sichitha isikhathi esiningi sizenza into esiyiyona.
Ngokokulindelwe abanye, sigqoka izifihla-buso phambi kwabantu abaningi - abaqashi bethu, abazali, ngisho nabangane bethu.
Kepha ngokugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo, siyakwazi setha imingcele yethu futhi uyigcine.
Zingabonakala njengeqoqo lemikhawulo noma imithetho ebudlelwaneni, kepha iqiniso ukuthi umlingani onothando uzohlala efuna ukwazi ukuthi sifuna ukuphathwa kanjani.
Yingakho kubalulekile ukwazisa umlingani wakho lapho udinga isikhala futhi ngokufanayo, kanye nokuhlonipha izidingo zomunye nomunye, okufunayo, imibono kanye nemibono, ukwazi "ukuvuma ukungavumelani."
Asiyazi ngokuphelele imingcele yethu kuze kube siyibeka ngokusobala. Uma sesikwenzile lokho ebudlelwaneni, ngeke sifune lutho olungaphansi kwezinye izici zempilo yethu, sazi ukuthi singobani nokuthi asifuni ukuba ngubani.
Enye ingxenye
Kunesizathu esihle sokuthi kungani abangane abacabangayo bevela kaningi ebuntwaneni. Ubudlelwano begazi yinto eyodwa, kepha sidinga umuntu okwazi ukusiqonda ezingeni elijulile, njengengxenye yesibili yenhliziyo eyodwa eshaya.
Kungakho abalingani babizwa ngokuthi "enye ingxenye" - ucwaningo luye lwabonisa nokuthi umlingani onothando angasisiza nokuthi silulame ngemuva kokuhlinzwa kwenhliziyo.
Njengasendabeni yomngane ongacabangi, akuwona umlingo. Imayelana nokuba nomuntu oseceleni kwethu okwaziyo ukususa izingqondo zethu ebuhlungwini, akwazi ukunikeza uhlobo lwangempela lokuxhaswa ngokomzwelo.
Ozakwethu ebudlelwaneni obunempilo bazizwa njengezingxenye zabo ezilahlekile, ekugcineni bahlangana futhi. Kungakho ebudlelwaneni obunjalo, sikhuthazwa ukuthi senze izinguquko ezindleleni zokuphila ezinempilo - ukuzivocavoca umzimba, ukuyeka ukubhema, ukudla okunempilo, njll.
Uma izinyathelo ezisa ekuziphatheni okunempilo zenziwa yilabo esisebenza nabo emphefumulweni, maningi amathuba okuthi sizilandele lapho sihlangana futhi ebesikade sikulindele impilo yethu yonke. Ngakho-ke ubudlelwano obunempilo abugcini nje ngokubona ukuthi singobani, kodwa futhi nokuthi singaba ngubani.
Njengoba ukwazi ukubona, ubudlelwane obunempilo bufana nendawo yethu emhlabeni. Indawo engenazo izindonga zangaphakathi zokwesaba nokukhathazeka, kepha enemingcele emisiwe.
Indawo enomqondo ocacile wenhloso lapho singaba yinguqulo engcono kakhulu yethu. Yilokhu impilo nempilo yangempela okuyikho.
Futhi konke okudingekayo ukugcina indawo engcwele enjalo ukuzibeka engcupheni futhi sabelane ngokwenzekayo emakhanda nasezinhliziyweni zethu nabanye bethu ababalulekile.