UJo Nicholl uyi-Relationship Coach ne-Psychotherapist obesebenza nabantu kanye nabashadikazi kule minyaka engama-25 edlule futhi ebasiza ukuthi bakhe umshado ojabulisayo noma ubudlelwano ababufunayo.
Nazi izingcaphuno ezimbalwa ezivela engxoxweni yakhe noMarriage.com, lapho emkhanyisa khona 'Uthando Amamephu Podcast' uchungechunge futhi unikeza okufakwayo okubalulekile kokuthi ukwelashwa kusiza kanjani abantu ekufundeni ukuxazulula izingxabano namakhono okuxhumana nabashadikazi ukuze bathole impilo yothando abayifunayo futhi bakhe nomshado ojabulisayo.
- I-Marriage.com: Wawuyini umqondo ngemuva kochungechunge lwe-Love Maps podcast?
Jo: Umqondo we-Love Maps podcast ukunikela ngamakhono obudlelwano kanye nokuqonda okungokwengqondo kubantu abanentshisekelo yokuthi bangaba kanjani nempilo yothando abayilangazelelayo.
Ngiyazi ngeminyaka eminingi ngisebenza nemibhangqwana nabantu ngabanye ukuthi abantu abafundiswa ukuthi bangaba sebudlelwaneni kanjani, futhi lokho esikufunayo ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukwehluka kakhulu kulokho abazali bethu ababekufuna noma ababekulindele.
Akekho kithi ofundiswa ukuthi kudingani ukugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo nokuhlala othandweni. Esiqeshini ngasinye se-Love Maps, ngikhuluma nabanye abelaphi nabantu abahlola ngokucophelela umhlaba wobudlelwano ukunikeza umlaleli ukuqonda okubalulekile namathuluzi mahhala.
- I-Marriage.com: Ngokusho kwakho, inhloso yokwelashwa AKUKHO UKUXAZULULA izinkinga KODWA UKUZIXAZULULA. Uqinisekisa kanjani lokho?
Jo: Izinkinga zokuqeda inqubo yokuqaqa, neklayenti, izindlela zabo ezimbi zokuxhumana, ukulandisa kwabo ngokuthi yiziphi izinkinga, nokuthi zavela kuphi futhi kungani izinkinga.
- I-Marriage.com: Ngokwesipiliyoni sakho seminyaka engaphezu kwengama-25 njengo-Relationship Coach ne-Psychotherapist, yiziphi izinkinga zobudlelwano ozibonile eziwumphumela wezinkinga zengqondo?
Jo: Ukwesaba ukuzizwa ngisengozini
Izinkinga zokuzethemba
Ukwesaba izingxabano
Imingcele emibi
- I-Marriage.com: Yisixwayiso esivamile umuntu ngamunye noma umbhangqwana odinga ukusiphula amaphethini amabi ukuze ubudlelwano buchume, futhi sifunde nangezindlela zokwenza lokho. Kepha umuntu ukhomba kanjani ukuthi iphethini enjalo ikhona?
Jo: Ngokubheka ukuthi umbhangqwana uzisingatha kanjani izingxabano nokungaboni ngaso linye; nokuthi yimaphi amasu okusinda abawasebenzisayo ukuvikela imizwa yokuba sengozini, isb., bayamemeza yini; ukuphunga; khipha; Vala shaqa.
Buza ukuthi bazizwa kanjani ngempilo yabo yezocansi.
- I-Marriage.com: Yiziphi izinto ezibaluleke kakhulu okufanele nixoxe ngazo ngaphambi komshado ukubeka isisekelo esifanele sobudlelwano obujabulisayo?
Jo: Kusho ukuthini umshado nokuthi bafunde ini bekhula ngalokho okushoyo
Kusho ukuthini ukuba nezingane
Ukubaluleka komndeni nemizwa ezungeze umndeni wabo odabuka kuwo
Ukubaluleka kokugcinwa kobudlelwano nokuthi lokho kuzobukeka kanjani
Bazizwa kanjani ngokushada nomuntu oyedwa
Bakhululeke kanjani futhi bayazwana nabobulili babo
- I-Marriage.com: Kungakanani indima okudlalwa ngumuntu ekuhlanganyeleni nabalingani bakhe?
Jo: Indima enkulu: “Ngibonise ukuthi ubuthandwa kanjani, nami ngizokukhombisa ukuthi uthanda kanjani.”
Isithupha sobuntwana bethu sigcwele indlela esisabela nesiphendula ngayo ebudlelwaneni bethu obuseduze.
Isitayela sokunamathisela phakathi kwengane nomnakekeli wayo oyinhloko siyaphindaphindwa ebudlelwaneni babantu abadala nasenkingeni lapho sikhetha umlingani.
Sizobe, ngokungazi, sizobheka ukuphindaphinda indlela esasithandwa ngayo ebuntwaneni bethu ebudaleni.
Kulesi audio hlola nge-Psychotherapist uPenny Marr ukuthi okwedlule kwethu kuyithinta kanjani indlela esithanda ngayo nokuthi singawaphula kanjani amaphethini amadala amabi.
- I-Marriage.com ingabe lesi simo sokukhiya kungaba yisixazululo sokugcina semibhangqwana eminingi? Kuningi kakhulu okwenzekayo emoyeni; imibhangqwana ingabhekana kanjani nakho?
Jo: Yebo, ukuvinjelwa yikhona okwephula isivumelwano ekugcineni kweminye imibhangqwana okungenzeka ukuthi isebenzise ukuqhelelana njengendlela yokugcina ubuhlobo futhi ingabhekani nokwesaba ukusondelana nezinkinga zobudlelwano, isb., Ngokusebenza amahora amade, ukuhamba, ukuzijabulisa.
Imibhangqwana ingabhekana nokuhlela nokwakheka. Amashejuli ayaziwa ukuxhasa ukulawulwa kwesistimu yezinzwa ngakho-ke, kuzonciphisa ukukhathazeka.
Ukuthola izindlela zokwenza imingcele ebonakalayo (indawo yokusebenzela kanye nendawo 'yasekhaya') futhi, uma kungenzeka, nesikhathi sobuhlobo uma lokho kuzwakala kungasongo.
- I-Marriage.com: Sitshelwa ukuthi akufanele sizame ukushintsha umuntu esimthandayo kepha abashadile kufanele baguquke kakhulu ukuze bathuthukise ukuqonda okungcono, ukuxhumana, nokuthi yini okungafanele! Akuyona into exakayo leyo? Iyini imicabango yakho ngalokhu?
Jo: Uma sifuna ubudlelwano buguquke, kufanele sizibuze ukuthi ngingenzani, kungani, bese ngenzani?
Ukuzazi, ukuthatha umthwalo wokuziphatha kwethu, ukuphendula kwethu, futhi ekugcineni nezidingo zethu, kuyisinyathelo sokuletha umlingani wethu endaweni lapho bezobona khona ukuthi kuyintshisekelo yabo ukuguqula indlela yabo yokuziphatha.
Uma umlingani oyedwa ephuma / ebona amaphethini amabi wokuxhumana, angaba nomthelela omkhulu ebudlelwaneni.
Uma sikhombisa inhloso yethu yokuzibophezela ngokuzazi nokuzizwela thina, umlingani wethu angazizwa ephephile futhi ekhuthazeke kakhulu ukuthi naye ashukumise.
Kule podcast, funda ukuthi kungani singalwenzi ucansi esilufunayo nokuthi singaluthola kanjani ngokuxhumana okungcono.
Buka lokhu okuthunyelwe ku-InstagramIsiqephu 4 - UKUXHUMANA OKUNGCONO, UBULILI OBUNGCONO. Kulesi siqephu sikhuluma ne-Relationship Therapist futhi ungumbhali ngokubambisana 'Wocansi, Uthando Nezingozi Zokusondelana' u-Helena Lovendal. Sihlola ukuthi kungani singalwenzi ucansi esilufunayo nokuthi singaluthola kanjani. Lalela iziqephu zokuqala ezi-5 zesizini 1 bese ubhalisela ukuthola izibuyekezo ngesixhumanisi esikuyi-bio yethu.
Okuthunyelwe okwabiwe yi-Love Maps (@lovemapspodcast) ku
- I-Marriage.com: Bekuyini inkinga yobudlelwano obunzima kunabo bonke obekufanele usize umbhangqwana ukuba uqede kuze kube manje?
Jo: Ukubambisana, lapho ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kusetshenziselwa ukulawula ukwesaba.
- I-Marriage.com: Yini okufanele abantu abangashadile bayilindele futhi bangayilindeli nhlobo esimisweni sokwelulekwa?
Jo: Umbhangqwana kufanele ulindele:
- Ukulalelwa
- Ukuqonda kangcono ukuthi yiziphi izingqinamba
- Isikhala esiphephile
Umbhangqwana akufanele ulindele:
- Ukulungiswa
- Ukwahlulelwa
- Ukuchema
- I-Marriage.com: Yimiphi imibono evamile eyiphutha imibhangqwana enayo ngomqondo womshado ojabulisayo?
Jo:
- Ukuthi umshado ojabulisayo awudingi ukunakekelwa okuhleliwe, okuhleliwe.
- Lolo cansi lwenzeka ngokwemvelo
- Leyo ngane izoletha lezi zithandani ndawonye
- Ukungalwi kuyisibonakaliso esihle
- I-Marriage.com: Yiziphi izindlela ezilula zokuba nomshado ojabulisayo noma ukusindisa umshado?
Jo: Ukuze ube nomshado ojabulisayo noma ugcine umshado
- Hlela isikhathi sobudlelwano
- Hlela isikhathi sokulalelana
- Ukwamukela / ukwamukela umehluko
- Ukuthatha umthwalo wemizwa yethu kanye nokuphendula kwethu
- Ukukhuluma ngokuqaphela nokuphendula komunye nomunye ngendlela ekhombisa iqiniso lokuthi umuntu okhuluma naye ngumuntu ofuna ukuba naye isikhathi eside.
- Ukuphathana ngenhlonipho iningi labantu eligcina kuphela amaklayenti abalulekile / osebenza nabo emsebenzini.
- Ngaphambi kokuba usabele, thatha ukuphefumula okungu-3, bese-ke kungenzeka ukuthi uphendule engxenyeni elawulwa ngaphezulu, yabantu abadala yobuchopho bakho.
Echaza izindlela ezilula neziphumelelayo, uJo ukhombisa ukuthi kungani imibhangqwana yehluleka ukwakha umshado ojabulisayo nokuthi ingaluthola kanjani uthando oluyifunayo. UJo ubuye aqhakambise amanye amathiphu omshado awusizo, ajabulisayo angaba yinzuzo kunoma yimuphi umuntu noma umbhangqwana odinga ukuqondiswa.