-Delile
- 1. Indlela yokuqala - ukugxeka
- 2. Indlela yesibili - indelelo
- 3. Indlela yesithathu - ukuzivikela
- 4. Indlela yesine - ukwakhiwa kwamatshe
Omunye usanda kungihlanganyela la mazwi anikeza impilo avela kuRichard Rohr:
“I-ego ithola lokho ekufunayo ngamazwi.
Umphefumulo uthola okudingayo buthule. ”
Lapho ngithatha isikhathi sokuhlala nalesi sicaphuno, ngangihlatshwa umxhwele kakhulu yilo mlayezo. Lapho siphila ku-ego, siyaphikisana, sisole, sihlazeke, sihlebe, silawule, senze ngezifiso, siqhathanise, sincintisane futhi sivikele ngamazwi ethu.
Ukuzazisa kwethu kusimema ukuthi sibonise ukubaluleka kwethu ngokusabela kwethu.
Kepha, lapho siphila ngaphandle komphefumulo, sihlangana nathi nabanye ngendlela ehluke kakhulu. Esikhundleni semvelo yokulwa ye-ego, le ndlela ifaka phakathi ukukhetha ukuphendula abanye ngendlela ethambile. Esikhundleni sokuphila ekuphenduleni kwethu kwe-ego, sinikeza abanye uzwela lwethu, ukulalela okukhombisa, ububele, ukuthethelela, umusa, inhlonipho nodumo.
UCarl Jung uphakamise ukuthi sichitha ingxenye yokuqala yezimpilo zethu sithuthukisa ama-egos ethu nengxenye yesibili yezimpilo zethu sifunde ukuziyeka. Ngeshwa, ama-egos ethu angangena ngempela ebudlelwaneni.
Ubudlelwano bethu nabalingani bethu, esisebenza nabo, abangani kanye namalungu omndeni bungashintsha kanjani uma siqala uhambo olungcwele lokuyeka ama-egos ethu?
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, uJohn Gottman, sakhe inkolelo yabagibeli bamahhashi abane be-Apocalypse. Usebenzisa lolu limi eNcwadini Yesambulo kwiTestamente Elisha. Ngenkathi iNcwadi yeSambulo ichaza ukuphela kwezikhathi, uJohn Gottman usebenzisa lesi sifaniso ukuchaza izitayela zokuxhumana ezingaprofetha ukuphela kombhangqwana. Lezi zindlela ezine zokuqeda ubudlelwano zifaka ukugxeka, ukwedelela, ukuzivikela nokuvikela ngamatshe.
1. Indlela yokuqala - ukugxeka
Ukugxekwa kulapho sihlasela ngomlomo umlingiswa, imikhuba noma ubuntu bethu. Ngicabanga ukuthi kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi lapho sigxeka enye ingxenye yethu, siphila ngokuziqhenya kwethu.
Isibonelo esisodwa sokuphila ngaphandle kwe-ego kungaba yindoda ehlola isitatimende sebhange lomndeni bese ibona ukuthi unkosikazi wayo usebenzise ngokweqile isabelomali sawo samasonto onke ngama- $ 400. Uyathukuthela futhi ngokushesha ugxeka umkakhe ngokusho into efana nokuthi - Awusoze waphila ngesabelomali. Uhlala wenza lokhu futhi ngiphezu kwempilo yakho kaKim Kardashian.
Lawa magama okugxeka angahle ayivale ingxoxo ngoba unkosikazi uhlaselwe ngolimi oluthi 'awusoze futhi uhlala'.
Kepha, kungaba yini impendulo enengqondo engaqhutshwa yi-ego?
"Umphefumulo uthola okudingayo buthule" - Richard Rohr
Indlela enakekela kakhulu kungaba ukuthatha ukuphefumula okujulile bese ucabanga ukuthi ungaphendula kanjani ngozwela kumlingani wakho.
Ukuphendula okungaba nomphefumulo kungaba - "Bengibheka izitatimende zethu namhlanje bese sidlula u- $ 400 kwisabelomali. Ngizizwa ngikhathazekile ngokuthi ngabe sizokwanela yini umhlalaphansi wethu. Kungenzeka yini ukuthi sikhulume kabanzi ngalokho esisebenzisa imali kukho futhi sinake kakhulu indlela esisebenzisa ngayo? ”
Kule mpendulo, umyeni usebenzisa ulimi 'Mina' futhi aveze izidingo zakhe ngendlela enhle. Ubuye abuze umbuzo, omema inkhulumomphendvulwano.
2. Indlela yesibili - indelelo
Enye indlela eya ngasekupheleni kobudlelwano bezothando noma beplato yindelelo.
Lapho sidelela, sijikijela inhlamba kaningi futhi sibona okubi kakhulu kozakwethu. Ukwedelela yimpendulo eqhutshwa yi-ego ngoba sibona ozakwethu njengesoni nathi uqobo singcwele. Siyaziqhelelanisa nabanye ngokubachaza njengengane enkulu, umuntu othanda ukuphelela, umuntu othanda izidakamizwa, ovilaphayo, othukuthele, onobugovu, ongenamsebenzi, okhohlwayo namanye amalebula amaningi amabi.
Esikhundleni sokubona othandekayo njengomuntu ophelele onamandla nemiphetho ekhulayo, sibabona ngokukhanya okungekuhle. Elinye ikhambi lokwedelela ukwakha isiko lokuvuma nokubonga. Le mpendulo enomphefumulo ingenye lapho sikhumbula khona ukutshela umlingani wethu, abangane, nomndeni lokho esikuthandayo ngabo futhi sibabonge lapho benza okuthile okuwusizo noma okucabangayo.
Amazwi ethu okuvuma azonika amandla othandekayo wethu kanye nobudlelwano.
3. Indlela yesithathu - ukuzivikela
Ukuzivikela kungenye indlela eya ngasekupheleni kobudlelwano.
Abantu abaningi bayazivikela lapho begxekwa, kepha ukuzivikela kuyimpendulo ye-ego engaxazululi lutho.
Isibonelo 1-
Umama utshela indodana yakhe eyeve eshumini nambili ukuthi, 'Futhi, sesishiyile isikhathi.' Uyaphendula, 'Akusilo iphutha lami ukuthi siphuzile. Kungeyakho ngoba awungivusanga ngesikhathi '.
Kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwane obunikeziwe, ukuzivikela kuyindlela yokwenza umsebenzi wakho ngokusola omunye umuntu. Isixazululo ukwamukela ukuziphendulela kwengxenye yethu kuzo zonke izimo, noma ngabe kungaleyo ngxenye yodweshu kuphela.
Isibonelo 2-
Ukuze anqande umjikelezo wokusolwa, umama angase aphendule ngengqondo, ‘Ngiyaxolisa. Ngifisa sengathi ngabe ngikuvuse ngaphambi kwesikhathi. Kepha mhlawumbe singaqala ukugeza ebusuku futhi siqiniseke ukuthi sibeka amawashi ethu alamu imizuzu eyishumi ngaphambi kwesikhathi ekuseni. Ngabe lokhu kuzwakala njengecebo? '
Ngakho-ke, ukuzimisela ukukhomba ingxenye yethu enkingeni kuyindlela yokunqoba ukuzivikela.
4. Indlela yesine - ukwakhiwa kwamatshe
I-Stonewalling kungenye indlela yokuziphatha eyinkinga engaba ukuphela kobuhlobo. Yilapho umuntu ehoxa ekungavumelaneni futhi engasazibandakanyi nomphathi, umlingani noma othandekayo. Imvamisa kwenzeka lapho othile ezizwa ekhungathekile ngokomzwelo ngakho-ke ukusabela kwabo ukuvala bese unqamula.
Ikhambi lokwehla ngamatshe ukuthi umuntu oyedwa ebudlelwaneni akhulume ngesidingo sakhe sokuphumula empikiswaneni, kepha athembise ukubuyela empikiswaneni.
Shiya amagiya akho kusuka ekuqhutshweni kwe-ego uye ezimpendweni ezinengqondo
Ukugxekwa, ukwedelela, ukuzivikela kanye nokuvikela ngamatshe konke kuyizimpendulo eziqhutshwa ngabathile kwabanye.
URichard Rohr usikhumbuza ukuthi singaphila ngokuziqhenya kwethu noma singahlala ngaphandle kwenhliziyo yethu, okuzohlala kuyimpendulo ehlakaniphile, enomphefumulo, ecabangayo nenembile.
Okuhlangenwe nakho komuntu siqu
Ngibonile ukuthi lapho ngithatha ikilasi le-yoga futhi ngizijwayeza ukuzidla kwami, kwesinye isikhathi ngiye ngalimala ngokomzimba ekilasini. Kodwa-ke, lapho ngilalela umzimba wami futhi nginaka lokho engikudinga ukuzinikela kimi, angilimazi.
Ngendlela efanayo lapho singazilimaza thina ngokwethu ngokuphila ngaphandle kwe-ego, singalimaza nabanye nathi ngezindlela ezingokomzwelo lapho siphila esikhaleni sekhanda esisebenzayo esibiza i-ego.
Thatha isikhashana uzindle ukuthi ngubani empilweni yakho obukade umphendula kusuka ku-ego yakho. Ungawasusa kanjani amagiya futhi ube nomphefumulo ngokwengeziwe, unakekele futhi ube nozwelo ekuphenduleni kwakho kulo muntu?
Lapho siphila ne-ego, cishe sizoba nokukhathazeka, ukudangala nentukuthelo. Kepha, lapho siphila sisuka emphefumulweni, sizothola impilo eyengeziwe, inkululeko, nenjabulo.