-Delile
Wake wezwa isisho esithi, “Unkosikazi Ojabulayo, Impilo Ejabulisayo?” Ngiyezwa amadoda asho lokhu ngesikhathi seseshini futhi ngiyacika njalo. Umqondo wokuzimisela ukunikela ngemibono yakho kanye nobuyena ukuze umane ugweme ukuphazamiseka kwengxabano encane? Izindaba ezimbi: akusebenzi. Ngoba ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho kushiwo lesi sitatimende futhi indoda ibambe imizwa yayo yangempela, umphumela awuyona ingxabano enempilo, kungukuqhuma kwemizwa esikhathini esizayo. Ukudla okungaguquguquki kokungagcwalisi isigamu segumbi lakho cishe kuzohlala kuholela kulokhu kuphendula okungokomzwelo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ukumemeza ukuze kuzwakale ... Futhi hhayi ukulalela
Imvamisa ngamadoda asebudlelwaneni azama ukugwema noma yiluphi uhlobo lwengxabano nabalingani babo. Ngeza kule ngxube umlingani (imvamisa owesifazane) ozama ukuthola ukuthi angayenza kanjani indoda ibandakanyeke futhi ungabona ukuthi la mabutho amabili aphikisanayo asendleleni yokushayisana kanjani nengxabano eshubile. Kukhona nezimpikiswano ezingokomzwelo ezingqubuzanayo ezakha kule ndoda; ngakolunye uhlangothi useqala ukuzizwa esindwa ngokweqile ngoba akazange abelane ngombono wakhe azi ukuthi kungenzeka angamukelwa kahle, kepha, ngakolunye uhlangothi, unozakwethu oqhubeka nokufuna ukubandakanyeka. Izikhathi eziningi lokhu kuvame ukuthukuthela nolaka oluvela kuye, esikhundleni sanoma yini eyakhayo. Ngemuva kwalokho kuqhuma kwenzeka ikhono elibaluleke kakhulu lokuxazulula izingxabano, ukulalela, kulahleka ngokuphelele. Okwamanje konke okubalulekile kubo bobabili abantu bakhona yezwa, hhayi empeleni ukulalela.
Indlela eya ezingxabanweni ezinempilo ukulalela. Uma ungabeka eceleni isidingo sengane yakho engaphakathi ukuba izwakale futhi iqinisekiswe futhi ulalele ngempela lokho umlingani wakho akushoyo futhi, okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuxhuma kumzwelo walokho abakushoyo, khona-ke uthathe isinyathelo esikhulu hhayi kuphela enempilo ukungqubuzana kodwa futhi nokuqonda kangcono umlingani wakho kanye nobudlelwano obujabulisayo. Indlela enhle yokucabanga ngakho: esikhundleni sokuthi "Yizwa engikushoyo!" zama "Ngisize ngiqonde umbono wakho nomzwelo oxhumeke kuyo."
Ukungaziphathi kahle kokuziphatha kokuthi "Yizwani engikushoyo!" imvamisa ifana nengane futhi ayinangqondo. Ingane engaphakathi egxile ekuzwakelweni nasekulungile. Udweshu lunomkhuba wokuduna ikhono lethu lokucabanga. Sisuka e-lobe yethu yangaphambili (ubuchopho bethu bokucabanga) siye kuma-amygdala ethu (ubuchopho bethu obungokomzwelo) futhi kulapho ingane yethu engaphakathi ithanda ukuhlanganyela khona.
Bheka futhi: Indlela Yokuthola Injabulo Emshadweni Wakho
Ukudunwa kwemoto
Lapho siphendula ebuchosheni bethu obungokomzwelo, ayisebenzi futhi iphuma kabi. Ekushiseni kwesikhashana sisho izinto ngenkathi sisebenza nge-auto-pilot futhi imvamisa lezo yizinto esizifunde sisencane. Isibonelo, ake ucabange ukuthi uneminyaka engu-12 ubudala futhi uzungezwe izingxabano. Mhlawumbe ngabazali bakho abalwa, mhlawumbe ngomunye onakekelayo. Akunandaba nomuntu, leyo mpikiswano nokuthi ubona kanjani yilokho okunamathela kuwe. Lokhu-ke yilokho okuthinta inguqulo yabantu abadala yalowo oneminyaka engu-12 ngoba uma ungena engxabanweni, leyo ngane engaphakathi iyaphuma futhi zonke lezo zindlela zokulwa ezifundile ziyaqala ukusebenza. Njengoba uyizwe uneminyaka eyi-12, uphikisana ngendlela oyifunde ngenkathi uneminyaka leyo. Yingakho kungavamile ukuzwa into efana nokuthi, “Uzwakala uneminyaka engu-12!” phakathi kwengxabano. Lokho kudunwa ingane yakho yangaphakathi.
Lapho uqala ukwazi ngempendulo yakho engeyinhle kulokho okubone njengokuncane yinoma ngubani okhuluma nawe futhi acele ukucaciseleka nokuqhuma, usanda kuqala phansi indlela yempikiswano enempilo. Ekugcineni, akusho ukuthi umfazi ojabulayo akayona ingxenye yomphumela wokugcina wempilo ejabulisayo. Kepha, lokho ngeke kube yimpilo ejabulisa ngempela. Impilo ejabulisa ngempela ilapho bobabili abantu bezizwa bezwakala, behlonishwa, futhi bethandwa. Noma, ungahlala ucabanga ngayo ngendlela uTerry Real (owelapha umndeni owaziwa umhlaba wonke, isikhulumi nomlobi) enza ngayo, "Ungaba neqiniso noma ungashada."