-Delile
- 1. Phula umjikelezo wokuxhumana omubi
- 2. Phuma kokuqukethwe kuqhathaniswa nenqubo
- 3. Bhekisisa okwenzekayo nokuthi kuzwakala kanjani lapha namanje
Imibhangqwana eminingi iza ekwelashweni ikulungele ukuphikisana phambi kukwelashwa. Bayalimala ngamunye futhi bathemba ukuthi othile uzoqinisekisa imibono yabo nomunwe wabo ongabonakali, ukuthi engqondweni yomuntu ngamunye, kukhonjiswe komunye umuntu. Uchwepheshe, ngokudidayo, akakwazi ukuhambisa ukwelashwa phambili ngokuthatha uhlangothi.
Ukuze uzuze kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lokwelashwa, amaklayenti adinga ukuzizwa ezwakala futhi eqondakala. Ekwelashweni kobudlelwano, umelaphi kufanele enze umfelandawonye namakhasimende womabili, okusiza bobabili ukuthi bazizwe beqinisekisiwe, beqondakala futhi bemukelwa. Lokhu kungaba ngumsebenzi ongenakwenzeka lapho abantu besesimweni sokusolana futhi bazizwe bezivikela. Njengoba umelaphi ephendula ngozwela kumlingani oyedwa, omunye uzizwa edelelekile. Izimpikiswano ziyaqhubeka. Abanye abelaphi bazocela amaklayenti ukuthi angakhulumi omunye nomunye ekuqaleni, kodwa azikhulumele kuphela kumelaphi noma ukuthi abantu bangene ngasikhathi sinye bazokhuluma ngokukhululeka. Ngisho nakulezi zimo ezilawulwayo, abantu bangalimala futhi bazizwe bengenalutho. Kunezinga eliphezulu labaphumile ekwelashweni kwezithandani. Kwesinye isikhathi abantu bangena ngesenzo sokugcina sethemba lokugcina kodwa sebenalo unyawo olulodwa emnyango. Noma, bangaqhubeka ngezikhathi ezithile besolana futhi bezizwa beqinisekisiwe kancane kepha abanathemba ngokuphelele.
Ngakho-ke singawuqaqa kanjani umjikelezo wengxabano futhi sisebenzise kangcono isikhathi sokwelashwa kobudlelwano nemali?
Yini lo mbhangqwana ofuna ukuyifeza ekwelashweni? Ingabe kukhona okufunwayo nezidingo ezivamile? Lokho kuyisiqalo esihle, kepha kwesinye isikhathi izinto zivutha kakhulu kangangokuba akukho ukuxhumana okuzosebenza ngoba umjikelezo wengxabano osunguliwe obambile. UGreenberg noJohnson, (1988) bakhomba into abayibize ngokuthi yi- "Umjikelezo wokuxhumana omubi"
1. Phula umjikelezo wokuxhumana omubi
Luhlobo lokulandelana okuphindaphindayo kokuphendula emizweni yomunye nomunye yokuzivikela, yemizwelo engaphezulu. Bakhulume ngobunzima bokungena emizweni ejulile, ukuba sengozini kakhulu, ukulungisa isibopho ngokuphendula omunye nomunye ngozwela futhi. Le yinselelo enkulu ekwelashweni kwabashadikazi, ukwenza ukuthi abantu bazizwe bephephile ngokwanele ukuthi bashiye izindlela zokuzivikela, ukumisa izingxabano nokulalela ngokukhululeka lapho belimele noma behlanya.
Ku- "Hold Me Tight" (2008), uSue Johnson uchaze kabanzi ngale mijikelezo yokuzivikela, ephindaphindayo ngokukhuluma ngokuthi abantu baqala kanjani ukuyilindela futhi basabele ngokushesha futhi ngokushesha ukuze babone ukuthi umjikelezo wengxabano uqala nini benganakile. Usebenzise isingathekiso somdanso futhi waveza ukuthi abantu bafunda izinkomba zomzimba ukuthi uqaliwe futhi bayazivikela ngaphambi kokuthi bazi, bese omunye umlingani engena ngokuzivikela kwabo bese beqhubeka nokuhlukanisana. Ugcizelele ukubaluleka kokuthola kabusha ikhono lokuvuleleka nokuqondiswa ngokuhlala kulesi sikhathi samanje, ukukhomba umjikelezo ophindaphindayo njengesitha kunokuba sisebenze omunye nomunye, futhi sisebenzisane ukusabalalisa nokuqondisa kabusha lapho kuqala.
2. Phuma kokuqukethwe kuqhathaniswa nenqubo
Lokhu yinto eyenziwa ngabelaphi benganakile kepha amaklayenti ahlala elwa nayo. Kusho ukubheka isenzo nomphumela walokho okwenzekayo lapha namanje, kunokuphikisana ngamaqiniso, imizwa nemibono endabeni exoxwayo. Ibambe iso lenyoni. Ukuze usebenzise isingathekiso esisuka eshashalazini, ake ucabange ukuthi ngabe umuntu ubenganaka nje okwenzekayo engxoxweni eskripithini bese engawunaki umthelela wezenzo ezenzeka endaweni yesehlakalo? Kuzoba nokuqonda okulinganiselwe ngomdlalo.
3. Bhekisisa okwenzekayo nokuthi kuzwakala kanjani lapha namanje
Esikhundleni sokuphendula, ukwenza kabusha futhi siphinde sisebenzise amaphethini amadala, kudingeka sikwazi ukulalela abaqalayo.
Le ukuphela kwendlela yokwenza indawo yokuphendula ngezindlela ezintsha, ngezindlela zokuphulukisa. Uma singakwazi ukukwazi okwenzekayo futhi siphendule ngokuhlukile kunanini ngaphambili, ngemizwa yomuntu omncane, kukhona indawo yokuzwakalisa uzwela ngomunye umuntu futhi sakhe kabusha ukuxhumana. Lokhu kulula kakhulu uma bobabili abantu beqonda ukuthi kwenzekani, futhi uma umhlahlandlela omnene kodwa oqondile onjenge-Emotion Focused or Mindfulness-Based Therapist angafundisa amaklayenti ngale nqubo.
Umelaphi udinga ukusiza ekwakheni nasekubambeni isikhala esiphephile kubo bobabili ukuze bafunde izindlela ezintsha zokuhlobene ngenkathi bezizwa beqinisekisiwe ukuthi bezwe ubuhlungu. Uma umbhangqwana ungafunda ukuyeka izingxabano bese uphendula ngezindlela ezintsha, zokubonisana ngaphandle kokwelapha kungaphumelela. Akusikho konke okuqukethwe okuzocutshungulwa, hhayi konke okwedlule okuzobuyekezwa, kepha izindlela ezintsha zokuxhumana zokuxhumana zivumela izithandani amathuluzi ezizidingayo ukuxazulula ngezindlela ezizizwa zihlonipha, ziphephile futhi zinakekelwa ukuya phambili nangaphezulu kokwelapha.