-Delile
Encwadini yami yakamuva, iThe Marriage and Relationship Junkie, ngikhuluma ngezinkinga zangempela ngokulutha kothando. Le ncwadi ibhalwe ngombono womuntu uqobo ubheka emuva empilweni yami, futhi nangomqondo osebenzayo ongasetshenziswa yilabo abalwa nokulutha kothando.
Ngenkathi ngisebenza namakhasimende onomlutha wothando, ngiphinde ngiqeqeshe abantu abaningi abanezinkinga zokuxhomekeka. Kwesinye isikhathi abantu basebenzisa la magama amabili ngokungafani, kepha kukhona umehluko.
Ukwazi umehluko kungakusiza ukuthi uthole umqeqeshi onolwazi onokuqonda nokuqeqeshwa okudingekayo ukuze akwazi ukukuxhasa ohambweni lwakho lokunqoba noma iyiphi yalezi zinkinga.
Ukulutha kothando
Cabanga nganoma yiluphi uhlobo lokulutha njengokugxila okuthile.
Ukulutha kotshwala kugxile ekuphuzeni utshwala okuyingozi, ukuluthwa yizidakamizwa ukusetshenziswa kwezidakamizwa, kanti ukulutha ngothando yisidingo sokuba sothandweni. Kuwumlutha womuzwa wokuba sothandweni, lowo muzwa onothando olukhulu futhi ohlanganisa kakhulu wokudla ubunye okwenzeka ekuqaleni kobudlelwano.
Umlutha wothando ulwela ukuhlala unemizwa ephakeme.Bafuna ukuzizwa bethandwa, futhi bavame ukuphendula abalingani abangalungile noma abampofu njengendlela yokuthola lowo muzwa.
Ukulutha kothando akukhona ukuxilongwa kwempilo ethile yengqondo ngalesi sikhathi.
Kodwa-ke, ocwaningweni lwakamuva olwenziwe nguBrian D. Earp nabanye futhi lwashicilelwa kwiPhilosophy, Psychiatry & Psychology ngo-2017, ukuxhumana phakathi kwezinguquko kumakhemikhali obuchopho nokuziphatha okwalandela kwalabo abasothandweni kutholakala kufana nalokho okubonwa kwezinye izinhlobo zemilutha eyaziwayo.
Umlutha wothando uvame ukucabanga kakhulu ebudlelwaneni kunomunye umuntu. Banamathuba amaningi okuthi babambelele ebudlelwaneni, njengoba ukwesaba ukuba wedwa noma ukungathandwa kuyinto yangempela futhi kuyabethusa.
Izimpawu zokulutha kothando
- Ukuhlala nomuntu ukugwema ukuba wedwa
- Ukuhlukana njalo nokubuyela kumuntu ofanayo
- Isidingo sokuzwa imizwa enamandla kakhulu nomlingani wakho
- Imizwa eyedlulele yenjabulo nokwaneliseka ekuxhumaneni kabusha ngemuva kokwehlukana okusheshe kuphele
- Ukuzimisela ukuhlala nozakwethu ukugwema ukuba wedwa
- Amaphupho ajwayelekile ngobudlelwano obufanele noma umlingani ophelele
Ukuthembela
I-codependent nayo yesaba ukuba yodwa, kepha kukhona umehluko.
Umuntu othembela kumuntu othile ongaziboni yena kuphela uma enobudlelwano nothile, enikeza konke kumlingani wakhe.
Ama-cododers athambekele ekwakheni ubudlelwano nabakwa-narcissists, abazimisele kakhulu ukuthatha yonke into omunye umuntu ayinikezayo.
Ukuthembela ku-Codependency kufaka phakathi ukungabi nemingcele futhi akukho khono lokuthola ukuzethemba ngaphandle kokulungisa noma ukujabulisa abanye abantu, noma ngabe bengaziwa noma bephathwa kabi kakhulu.
Umuntu othembekile uzohlala ebudlelwaneni obulimazayo ngokomoya futhi angahlala ebudlelwaneni obuyingozi nokuhlukumeza ngokomzimba.
Izimpawu zokuxhomekeka
- Ukuzinyeza okugcwele yonke indawo
- Isidingo sokwenza njalo izinto ukujabulisa umlingani, noma ngabe kungesikho lokho ofuna ukukwenza
- Ukwesaba ukuba wedwa nokungakwazi ukuthola omunye umlingani
- Ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo kunokuba wedwa
- Ukugxila emaphutheni nasemaphutheni nokuzibekela izindinganiso ezingenakwenzeka zokuphelela
- Ukuphika izidingo zakho njengengxenye yendlela yokuziphatha
- Ungalokothi uzizwe sengathi wenza okwanele kumlingani
- Ukuzwa isidingo sokulungisa noma ukulawula abantu
Kubalulekile ukuthi wazi ukuthi noma ngubani angabhekana nezinkinga zokulutha kothando noma ukuxhomekeka, kepha kunzima kakhulu ukukwenza lokhu wedwa. Ekuziqeqesheni kwami kokuqeqesha, ngisebenza ngakunye namakhasimende, ngibasiza ukuthi bakhe indlela enhle yokululama nokuthola ubudlelwane obunempilo ezimpilweni zabo.