-Delile
- Akekho obhalisela isehlukaniso
- Izingane Ezindala Zezehlukaniso - Ama-ACOD
- Izinkinga zokuthembela
- Umlutha
- Ukuncika ngokubambisana
- Intukuthelo
- Indlela yokubhekana nesehlukaniso
Njengoba kunezehlukaniso eziningi kangaka, lapho umshado owodwa kwemibili ugcina ngesehlukaniso, izibalo ezizungeze izingane zesehlukaniso ziyadumaza.
USam wahlukanisa noVivian lapho izingane zabo zineminyaka engu-7, 5, no-3. Izinkantolo, zibona ukuthi unya lomzimba lwaluyingxenye yokuphela komshado weminyaka eyishumi, zanikeza uSam izingane okucasulayo uVivian. Eminyakeni eyishumi eyalandela, impi engapheli yamasudi okugcina izingane yagcina umndeni usesimweni esiphikisayo.
Ama-ACOD, noma izingane esezikhulile zesehlukaniso, kusobala ukuthi zazithintekile ngezinxushunxushu abazali ababengenakukwazi ukubhekana nazo.
Zishintshwe zingena emakhaya, zingumeluleki ziye kumeluleki, izingane zibhekane nengcindezi enkulu yomzwelo ngenkathi zihamba ebuntwaneni.
Ngezindlela eziningi, izingane zabazali abahlukanisile zingazizwa sengathi zilahlekelwe yiminyaka yokuphila kwazo.
Ekugcineni, amasudi okugcina alungiswa, umndeni waqhubeka nempilo. Eminyakeni edlule, izingane zikaSam noVivian zabhekana nokuphindaphinda kobuhlungu obudalwe isehlukaniso somzali wazo. Ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwezikhathi zokwelulekwa, "izingane ezindala" zabona ukuthi ubuntwana bazo obubuhlungu babudale ukugula okuqhubekayo.
Akekho obhalisela isehlukaniso
Akekho umuntu ongena emshadweni olindele ukuthi uqhekeke kungakapheli iminyaka embalwa.
Kepha kuyenzeka. Akugcini nje ngokushiya izithandani ebezihlukene zihluphekile futhi ziphukile, kepha futhi kushiya uphawu olungacimeki ezinganeni zesehlukaniso. Ngakho-ke, ingabe isehlukaniso sizithinta kanjani izingane?
Njengoba abazali behlukanisa, kuye kwathiwa, kufana nokudabula inyama. Imiphumela yesehlukaniso kubazali nasezinganeni ibuhlungu kakhulu futhi kuthambekele ekwenzeni buthakathaka ubuhlobo bomzali nengane.
Ngeshwa, isehlukaniso senziwa sibe nzima kakhulu lapho izingane zibandakanyeka. Noma ngabe imiphumela yesehlukaniso ezinganeni noma kubantu abadala, kungukulahlekelwa okubuhlungu futhi ngezikhathi ezinjalo izingane zivame ukuba sengozini yezinkinga ezingokwengqondo nezingokomzimba.
Ngabantwana abancane, ngenkathi bekwazi ukufinyelela ezingeni elilinganayo nabantu besikhathi sabo eminyakeni embalwa, kepha ekuqaleni kukhona ukukhathazeka ngokwehlukana, nokukhala, ukubambezeleka ekufezeni izigaba zokukhula njengokuqeqeshwa kwamanzi, ukukhuluma, kanye nokuthambekela ekuziphatheni okunolaka nangama-tantrum.
Lezi zingane ezincane zabazali abahlukanisile nazo zingaba nenkinga yokulala.
Yize okuhlangenwe nakho kwengane yonke yesehlukaniso kwehlukile, izingane esezikhulile zabadivosile zivame ukuhlanganyela isethi efanayo yezici nezinselelo, izici zobuntu kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okuthonya ukwenziwa kwezinqumo kanye nombala "wengane" womhlaba.
Izingane zesehlukaniso zinezinguquko eziphelele zendlela ezisebenza ngayo, ezicabanga ngayo, nezenza ngayo izinqumo.
Izingane Ezindala Zezehlukaniso - Ama-ACOD
Kule ngxenye ekhuluma ngezingane ezinabazali abahlukanisile, sibheka izingane esezikhulile zesehlukaniso nemiphumela emibi yesehlukaniso ezinganeni.
Mhlawumbe ubuyekeza le ndatshana ngoba uzibala uphakathi kweqembu elikhulayo lezingane esezikhulile zesehlukaniso eziye zathola imiphumela yesehlukaniso enganeni.
Uma kunjalo, qaphela le ndatshana bese ubona ukuthi ungazibona yini kwezinye zalezi zincazelo. Futhi, uma ubona abanye bakho kulesi siqephu, zindla ngezindlela ongaqhubeka ngazo ukulungisa ezinye zezinkinga ezibucayi kakhulu ama- "ACODs" abhekana nazo njengoba zingena ziba mdala.
Izinkinga zokuthembela
Ukubhekana nesehlukaniso sabazali sebekhulile kuyazisinda izingane ezisanda kungena ebudaleni.
Omunye wemiphumela yengqondo yesehlukaniso ezinganeni ukuthi umuntu omdala Izingane Zesehlukaniso zivame ukulwa nezinkinga zokuthembana.
Ngemuva kokubekezelela izikhathi ezingezinhle phakathi neminyaka ebalulekile yobuntwana, ama-ACOD angaba nenkinga yokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo / bokuthembana nabanye abantu abadala. Engcupheni yokulimazeka ngabantu abadala empilweni yabo, Ama-ACOD angahle ahambe kancane ekuvumeleni abantu bangene embuthanweni wabo wokuthembana.
Abantu abadala babazali abahlukanisile bavame ukuzimela. Ama-ACOD athemba ikhono nokuqonda kwawo umhlaba ngaphezu kwabo bonke abanye abantu. Izinkinga zokwethenjwa kwabazali ziyabahlupha futhi zifiphaze amakhono abo okuthembela.
Ukweluleka Izingane zesehlukaniso ukuphela kwendlela yokuqinisekisa ukuthi ziyalulama emiphumeleni yokuchitheka yesehlukaniso futhi ziyakwazi ukwakha ubudlelwano obuhlala njalo nobenelisayo.
Umlutha
Enye yezinselelo ezinkulu zesehlukaniso ukuthi izingane zesehlukaniso zivame ukugcina njengezimpahla ezilimele.
Lapho abazali behlukanisa, i- izingane zabazali abahlukanisile zigcina sezisengozini yokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa kunontanga yazo abayingxenye yemindeni ejabule.
Umlutha uvame ukuba phakathi kwamademoni ama-ACOD abhekana nawo ngemuva kokuthi izingane zesehlukaniso zivele ebuntwaneni bazo obukhathazekile. Ku- umzamo wokugcwalisa izikhala ezingokomzwelo nezingokomoya emphefumulweni, abathola ukuhlukumezeka kwesehlukaniso izingane zingaphendukela otshwaleni kanye / noma ezidakamizweni ukuze zithuthukise noma zikhulule.
Ngokusobala, ukulutha kungaletha ezinye izinkinga empilweni ye-ACOD kufaka phakathi inkathazo emsebenzini nokungagculiseki ebudlelwaneni obuseduze. Ingane yobudlelwano behlukaniso igcwele izingqinamba eziningi ebudlelwaneni kunomuntu ojwayelekile.
Ukuncika ngokubambisana
Codependency ukukhathazeka ama-ACOD angahlangabezana nakho ebudaleni. Njengoba bebekwe esimeni sokungazi ukuthi “banakekela” abazali babo noma abazali babo ababuthaka ngokomzwelo, ama-ACOD angabonakala eshesha “ukulungisa abanye” noma banakekele omunye ngezindleko zabo.
Lesi simo sokuxhomekeka singakwazi kwesinye isikhathi hola i-ACOD ukusebenzisana nomlutha noma umuntu okhathazekile emoyeni odinga "ukubelethwa." Nge-ACOD ezimele kanye nozakwethu olimele "kumdanso wokuxhomekeka," i-ACOD ingalahlekelwa umuzwa wobuntu.
Buka futhi:
Intukuthelo
Intukuthelo yabazali ingaba yingxenye yobudlelwano beNgane Yomuntu Omdala Wesehlukaniso nabazali bayo. Uma abazali be-ACOD babenesehlukaniso esasikhathaza kakhulu, i-ACOD ingaqhubeka bacasuke ukulahlekelwa yisikhathi, izinga lempilo, injabulo, nokunye okunjalo.
Ngemuva kwesikhathi eside isehlukaniso sesiphothuliwe, i-ACOD ingafukamela inzondo enkulu ngomzali oyedwa noma bobabili. Intukuthelo, uma ingavinjelwa ingxoxo enengqondo kanye / noma ukwelulekwa, ingaba buthakathaka ngokuphelele.
Iqhaza elibonakalayo lomnakekeli lingavela empilweni ye-ACOD lapho abazali babo (abazali) bengena ekuphileni kwamuva. Uma i-Adult Child of Divorce "ibingumntwana okhuliswe ngabazali" empilweni yokuqala, okungukuthi, yabekwa esimweni sokuhlinzeka ngokweseka ngokomzwelo kumzali olimele eminyakeni edlule, bangazizwa benesibopho esiqhubekayo sokunakekela umzali.
Lesi yisimo esibi, kepha kwenzeka ngesilinganiso esihle semvamisa.
Phakathi kwemizabalazo edabukisa kakhulu ye-ACOD, iqiniso lokuthi balahlekelwe yizikhathi zokuphila. Ngeshwa, akekho kithi ongabuyisa izinsuku esilahlekelwa yintukuthelo, ukudabuka, ukwesaba impilo, nokunye okunjalo. Ama-ACOD amaningi akhumbula ukuthi ayevame ukuba sesimweni sokudideka nokukhathazeka eseyingane.
Kunzima ukuthi "ufune ubuntwana" lapho izinsuku zokukhula ezazenzelwe ukuba zigcwale injabulo nokuhleka zingcoliswe "inkinga enkulu yomndeni."
Ama-ACOD amaningi asendaweni ekhanyayo azotshela abeluleki, "Ngizizwa sengathi ngilahlekelwe iziqu ezinkulu zobuntwana bami."
Indlela yokubhekana nesehlukaniso
Isehlukaniso siyadabukisa futhi sibuhlungu. Ngenkathi ezinye izahlukaniso zidingeka enhlalakahleni nasenhlalakahleni yabo bonke abathintekayo, isehlukaniso singadala ubunzima bempilo impilo yonke kulabo abaxhumene nokudumazeka emshadweni.
Izingane, ngenkathi zivikelwe emandleni okuqhubeka nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kanye / noma ngokomzimba phakathi kwabantu, zithwala impilo yonke yokuzisola nokukhathazeka okubangelwe ukuhlukana kwabazali.
Uma uyiNgane Yomuntu Odala Isehlukaniso, yazi ukuthi ujoyinwa yizigidi zabanye abasazama ukungena ezimweni ezijulile ezihlala ngemuva kwesehlukaniso.
Thola usizo uma ubona ukuthi amanxeba amadala alimaza isimo sakho samanje sezinga kanye nokusebenza kwamanje. Yize ukudedela kungelula, iseluleko esihle kakhulu ukuthi lUke uzizwe ukuthi uzizwa kanjani, khuluma nodokotela othembekile, oqeqeshiwe, noma ujoyine iqembu lokusekela futhi uzinike isikhathi sokululama.
Sadalelwa ukuchuma; lokhu kusenokwenzeka kuwe. Kholwa bese uhamba kalula kuwe.