-Delile
- Izinhlobo zokungathembeki
- Kungani abashadile bekopela
- Obani abashade nabo abakhohlisayo
- Ingabe ukungathembeki kungumthengisi-isivumelwano?
- Ungakusinda kanjani ukungathembeki - uma nihlala ndawonye
- Ungakusinda kanjani ukungathembeki - uma nihlukana
Ngenye yamagama amabi kakhulu angashiwo emshadweni: indaba. Lapho abashadayo bevuma ukushada, bathembisana ngokuthembeka komunye nomunye. Ngakho-ke kungani ukungathembeki emshadweni kujwayelekile kangaka? Futhi umshado ungasinda kanjani ukungathembeki?
Ngokuya ngokuthi ucwaninga ngaluphi ucwaningo nokuthi ucabanga ukuthi luyindaba yothando yini, endaweni ethile phakathi kwamaphesenti angama-20 kuya kwangama-50 abashadile bayavuma ukuthi babe nobudlelwano okungenani kanye.
Ukukopela emshadweni kulimaza ubuhlobo bomshado, behlukanisa umbhangqwana owake wajabula. Kungakuqeda ukuthembela bese kuthi, kuthinte nabo bonke ababazungezile.
Izingane, izihlobo, nabangane bayakuqaphela futhi balahle ithemba ngoba ubudlelwano ababekade bebubheka njengobunezinkinga. Ngabe lokho kusho ukuthi eminye imibhangqwana ayinathemba uma kuziwa ekusindeni kokungathembeki emshadweni?
Ake sibheke izinhlobo zokungathembeki, kungani abashadile bekopela, nokuthi bakopela nobani; bese unquma ukuthi kungenzeka yini ukusinda othandweni. Kunoma ikuphi, ukusinda ekuphingeni emshadweni kuzoba inselele.
Buka futhi:
Izinhlobo zokungathembeki
Kunezinhlobo ezimbili eziyisisekelo zokungathembeki: ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba. Ngenkathi kwesinye isikhathi kumane nje noma okunye, kukhona nobubanzi phakathi kwalokhu okubili, futhi kwesinye isikhathi kubandakanya kokubili.
Isibonelo, unkosikazi angatshela yonke imicabango yakhe esondelene kakhulu namaphupho kosebenza naye awele kuye, kepha angaze aqabule noma abe nobuhlobo obuseduze naye.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, indoda ingaba nokuya ocansini nomngane wesifazane, kepha ayithandani nayo.
Ucwaningo olwenziwe eChapman University lubheke ukuthi yiziphi izinhlobo zokungathembeki ezikhathaza umlingani ngamunye. Ukuthola kwabo kuphethe ngokuthi kukonke, amadoda angacasulwa kakhulu ukungathembeki emzimbeni, nabesifazane bangacasulwa kakhulu ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo.
Kungani abashadile bekopela
Kungani ekopela? Impendulo yalowo mbuzo ingahluka kakhulu. Eqinisweni, kuyimpendulo yomuntu ngamunye.
Impendulo eyodwa esobala ingathi lowo oshade naye wayenganelisekile ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba emshadweni, noma kwakukhona uhlobo oluthile lwenkinga emshadweni, okwenza lowo oshade naye azizwe enesizungu.
Kepha noma kunjalo, baningi abantu abashade nabo, empeleni, abanelisekile kepha bahlala bekopela. Umbuzo owodwa omkhulu ongawubuza umlingani owonile ngulo: Ngabe kukhona okwenzile okungalungile ngenkathi ukopela?
Abanye abashade bayakwazi ukuziphendulela ekuziphatheni kwabo kuze kufinyelele ezingeni lokungakuboni kukubi. Ngenkathi iqiniso ukuthi baphule isifungo somshado, kwesinye isikhathi iqiniso abantu abakhetha ukukholelwa libadweba njengesisulu, esikhundleni sokwehlukile.
Ezinye izizathu kungaba ukulutha kocansi noma ukulandela umuntu ongaphandle komshado, futhi isilingo siyabacindezela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Futhi, ukuthopha kunzima ukukuziba.
Abanye bakuthola kulula ukuwela esilingweni ngaphansi kwezimo ezicindezelayo, futhi abaningi bayavuma ezindabeni ngesikhathi sohambo lwebhizinisi lapho bekude nabalingani babo, futhi amathuba okuthi bathole lokho mancane.
Olunye ucwaningo seluphethe ngokuthi ukungathembeki emshadweni kusezakhiweni zofuzo. Ngokuya ngocwaningo olwenziwe yi-Scientific American, amadoda abene-vasopressin ehlukile kungenzeka abe neso elizulazulayo.
Obani abashade nabo abakhohlisayo
Ngabe abashadile bakopela nabantu abangabazi noma abantu ababaziyo? Ngokuya nge-Focus on the Family, kungenzeka kakhulu ngabantu asebevele bebazi. Kungaba osebenza nabo, abangane (ngisho nabangane abashadile), noma amalangabi amadala ababuye baxhumane nawo.
I-Facebook namanye amapulatifomu aku-inthanethi enza ukuxhumana nabo kufinyeleleke kalula, noma ngabe ekuqaleni ukuxhumana bekungenacala.
Ucwaningo lwe-YouGov lwephephandaba iThe Sun eBrithani lubike ukuthi ngokukhohlisa abalingani:
- U-43% ubenobudlelwano nomngani
- U-38% ubenobudlelwano nomuntu osebenza naye
- U-18% ubethandana nomuntu angamazi
- U-12% ubethandana ne-ex
- U-8% ubethandana nomakhelwane, futhi
- U-3% ubenobudlelwano nesihlobo sikazakwethu.
Ingabe ukungathembeki kungumthengisi-isivumelwano?
Lo mbuzo ungowomuntu uqobo futhi udinga ukuseshwa komphefumulo okuningi. Ngokusho kwabaphenyi u-Elizabeth Allen noDavid Atkins, kulabo ababika umuntu abashade naye baye ocansini ngaphandle komshado, cishe uhhafu wemishado ngemuva kokungathembeki ekugcineni iholela ekuhlukaniseni.
Abanye bathi lolu daba lubangelwe yizinkinga ebezivele ziholela ekuhlukaniseni, kanti abanye bathi lolu daba yilo oluholela esahlukanisweni. Kunoma ikuphi, abacwaningi basikisela ukuthi ngenkathi isigamu sihlukana, isigamu empeleni sihlala sindawonye.
Isici esibalulekile esibonakala sithonya imibhangqwana eminingi ukuba ihlale ndawonye ngemuva kokungathembeki ukuthi uma kukhona izingane ezihilelekile. Ukuqeda umshado phakathi kwabantu abashadile abangenazingane kuyinto engeke ibe yinkimbinkimbi kangako.
Kepha uma kunezingane, abashadile bavame ukucabanga kabusha ngokuqhekeza wonke umkhaya womndeni, kanye nezinsizakusebenza, ngenxa yezingane.
Ekugcineni, 'umshado ungasinda yini ekuthandaneni?' kwehlela kulokho umlingani ngamunye angahlala nakho. Ngabe umlingani okopelayo usamthanda umuntu abashade naye, noma inhliziyo yakhe isiqhubekile?
Ngabe umlingani okhohlisiwe uzimisele ukubheka ngale kwalolo daba futhi agcine umshado uphila? Kukumuntu ngamunye ukuthi aziphendulele.
Ungakusinda kanjani ukungathembeki - uma nihlala ndawonye
Uma wena noshade naye nithathe isinqumo sokuhlala ndawonye naphezu kokungathembeki, into yokuqala okumele uyenze ukubona owelapha umshado futhi mhlawumbe ubheke namaqembu okusekela ukungathembeki.
Ukubona umeluleki ndawonye — futhi ngokwehlukana — kunganisiza nibhekane nezingqinamba eziholela odabeni futhi kunisize nobabili ukudlula kuleyo ndaba. Ukwakha kabusha igama elingukhiye eminyakeni eyalandela le ndaba.
Umeluleki omuhle emshadweni angakusiza wenze kanjalo, izitini ngezitini.
Isithiyo esikhulu ukudlula ukuthi owakwakho ukukopela athathe umthwalo ophelele, nokuthi omunye umlingani anikeze intethelelo ephelele.
Ngakho-ke ukuphendula umbuzo othi "ingabe ubudlelwane bungasinda ekukopeleni?" Ngeke kwenzeke ngobusuku obubodwa, kepha abashadile abazibophezele komunye nomunye bangakudlulisa ndawonye.
Ungakusinda kanjani ukungathembeki - uma nihlukana
Ngisho noma uhlukanisa futhi ungasamboni lowo owawushade naye, ukungathembeki kubeka uphawu lwenu nobabili. Ikakhulukazi lapho kuvela ubudlelwano obusha, ngemuva kwengqondo yakho kungenzeka ungathembi omunye umuntu noma wena uqobo.
Ukukhuluma nodokotela kungakusiza wenze umqondo wesikhathi esidlule futhi kukusize uqhubekele phambili ebudlelwaneni obunempilo.
Ngeshwa, ayikho induku yomlingo yokugcina wonke umuntu ephephile ekungathembekini emshadweni isitayela = "font-weight: 400;">. Kwenzeka kubantu abashadile emhlabeni wonke. Uma kwenzeka kuwe, sebenza ngakho konke okusemandleni, futhi ufune usizo.
Awukwazi ukulawula okwenziwa ngumlingani wakho, kepha ungalawula ukuthi kuzokuthinta kanjani impilo yakho yangakusasa.