-Delile
- Ukwakha ukusondelana okujulile
- Intukuthelo engaxazululiwe nomlingani wakho iholela ekusondeleni okusondelene
- Vuselela ubudlelwano bakho
- Ukufuna usizo ukubona imbangela yomzamo wakho wokungabi namandla
- 1. Ukukhishwa kwe-oxytocin
- 2. Kukuphoqa ukuthi wenze ubuhlobo buhambe phambili
- 3. Kuqinisa amasosha ethu omzimba
- 4. Ukwanda kwamakhono okuxhumana
- Susa amabhlogo ekukhulumisaneni
Ngemuva kwezinyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala zokuthandana kwabantu abaningi, ukusondelana kusheshe kufe.
Akuvamile ukuthi izithandani ezisondelene kakhulu ekuqaleni kokuqomisana kwazo, ziqhubeke nezinyanga eziyisithupha zokuqala noma ngaphezulu, okuholela ekwehleni okuqhubekayo kokusondelana.
Eminyakeni engama-28 edlule, umbhali, umeluleki kanye nomqeqeshi wokuqala wokuthengisa kakhulu uDavid Essel ubelokhu esiza abantu ukuthi bahlale bexhumene ngokusondelana, ubulili, kanye nokuxhumana ukudala ubudlelwane obuhle kakhulu.
Ukwakha ukusondelana okujulile
Ngezansi, uDavid usiphonsela inselelo, ukudala ukusondelana okuqhubekayo kujule kakhulu kunabantu abangama-99% abake bacabanga ngokwenza.
Ngikhumbula obunye bobudlelwano obanelisa kakhulu engake ngaba nabo, nganginowesifazane owayefisa ukusondelana nobulili nami njengoba nganginaye.
Ngemuva konyaka sithandana, bekungathi sihlangane nje. Lokhu bekuyivelakancane, kuhlukile, ukuthi bengifuna ukwabelana ngomlayezo wokuthi lolu hlobo lobudlelwano lubukeka kanjani emhlabeni.
Nami ngenza njalo.
Kuyo yonke inkulumo engiyifundisile, futhi lokhu kubuyela emuva kuma-1990s, ngithole indlela yokweluka indlela impilo yethu ebesondelene ngayo engakholeki ngayo, nokuthi yaholela kanjani kumuzwa wokubumbana phakathi kwethu sobabili. Futhi yize ubudlelwano baphela ngemuva kweminyaka embalwa, inkumbulo yami ngaleso sikhathi ayikaze iphele.
Empeleni, kungenze ngacabanga ukuthi kwakukuhle kanjani ukuba nomuntu empilweni yakho owenza uthando kuwe zonke izinsuku zenyanga.
Ngabe ufundile engisanda kukusho? Kwakunamandla kangakanani, ukwenza uthando kothile nsuku zonke zenyanga.
Intukuthelo engaxazululiwe nomlingani wakho iholela ekusondeleni okusondelene
Manje, uma usebudlelwaneni obunenkinga lokhu kungaba nzima ngempela.
Uma usebudlelwaneni lapho nobabili nibhoreke ngempela lokhu kungaba nzima ngempela. Uma usebudlelwaneni futhi akekho phakathi kwenu oye wacabanga kakhulu ngocansi kule minyaka eyi-10 edlule lokhu kungaba nzima impela, kepha noma yini okunzima ukuyenza izonikeza imivuzo emikhulu.
Noma mhlawumbe usebudlelwaneni obukhulayo, kepha ucansi aluhlali lusezingqondweni zakho ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Mhlawumbe uzinze kanye ngesonto, noma njalo ezenzweni ezithile zocansi, ukunakekela umlingani wakho kepha awukho ngempela ebhodini.
Manje, lokhu kungaba yisibonakaliso sezinto eziningi.
Isizathu sokuqala sokuncipha kocansi lwethu noma impilo yezocansi sihlobene nentukuthelo.
Uma unentukuthelo engaxazululiwe nomlingani wakho, enye yezindlela esizikhipha ngayo kubo ngokungazi noma ngokungazi ngokuzivalela ekamelweni.
Ngakho-ke sisebenza amahora amaningi. Noma siqala ukuphuza kakhulu. Noma mhlawumbe sihlala ejimini isikhathi eside ukuze kungadingeki ukuba sekhaya kakhulu.
Mhlawumbe siye emsebenzini ngaphambi kwesikhathi, ngakho-ke akudingeki ukuthi sibhekane nomlingani wethu ngezikhathi zobusuku ekuseni.
Vuselela ubudlelwano bakho
Akukhathalekile ukuthi ukucabanga kwakho ukuthi kungani impilo yakho yezocansi ifile ngokumangazayo, kepha le nselelo engizokunikeza yona yiyona engaguqula ukuthi ungubani ngempela, nokuthi ubuhlobo bakho bubukeka kanjani manje nakwezinye izindawo impilo yakho.
Uma ungenalo nakancane ucansi, futhi ungenayo intukuthelo oyaziyo nomlingani wakho, futhi wena nomlingani wakho nixhumana kahle nsuku zonke, kungaba yinkinga ngamahomoni akho futhi uma kunjalo bengizothi thola iphrofayli elifanele kwenziwe ngawo wonke amahomoni akho, ngochwepheshe wehomoni, ukubona ukuthi ngabe kukhona okuthile okudingekayo ukuze kuthuthukiswe i-libido yakho.
Ngakho-ke nansi inselelo: Ngifuna wenze uthando nomlingani wakho nsuku zonke ezinsukwini ezingama-30 ezizayo. Yilokho kuphela. Lowo ngumsebenzi wakho wesikole. Kuhle umsebenzi omuhle wesikole noma yini?
Nsuku zonke ezinsukwini ezingama-30 ezizayo, noma ngabe lokho kusho ukuthi kufanele uyihlele, uyibeke ku-smartphone yakho, uyibeke ku-daytimer yakho, qhubeka uyenze.
Ngabe kufanele uthole umuntu ogcina izingane kaningi ukuze wenze le nselele ibe ngokoqobo? Musa ukulengiswa kunoma yini enye ngaphandle kokuqedela umsebenzi engikunikeze wona.
Futhi ngiyafa kabi lapha.
Ngiyazi, ngokusebenzisana namakhasimende esikhathini esedlule, ukuthi ngenkathi bethatha le nselelo futhi beyiphothula, impilo yabo yothando, ukusondelana kwabo, kanye nezinkolelo zabo emandleni obudlelwano babo zakhula kakhulu!
Manje, lokhu futhi kungahle kuveze intukuthelo obungazi nokuthi unakho.
Ake sithi wena nomlingani wakho ninqume ukubhekana nenselele yami, futhi nidlule ezinsukwini eziyisikhombisa zokuqala futhi nenze uthando nsuku zonke, bese ushaya isonto lesibili futhi ngasizathu simbe awukho esimweni semizwa, mhlawumbe umlingani ushintshe izinhlelo zabo kusuka ekwenzeni uthando ekuseni kuya kusihlwa futhi ucasuke ngempela ngabo.
Ukufuna usizo ukubona imbangela yomzamo wakho wokungabi namandla
Kulokhu, qiniseka ukuthi uyahamba ngokushesha uqale ukusebenza nomeluleki, umuntu ongakusiza ubone ukuthi yini imbangela yomzamo wakho wokungabibikho ngemuva kosuku lwesikhombisa.
Futhi isizathu sokuthi kufanele uzilungiselele ukubona umeluleki ukuthi kufanele kube yinselelo ethokozisayo ongayithatha wena nomlingani wakho, nenze uthando nsuku zonke izinsuku ezingama-30 eziqondile.
Lesi akusona isijeziso, kufanele kube yinjabulo ephelele!
Kepha uma iphenduka isicefe. Akuyona neze eyezocansi, yinto engaphansi kobulili edala isicefe. Futhi imvamisa kuyinzondo.
Izizathu zokuthi kungani wena nomlingani wakho kufanele niyamukele inselele
Nazi izizathu ezine eziphezulu zokuthi kungani wena nomlingani wakho kufanele wamukele inselelo yami, ngokuya ocansini izinsuku ezingama-30 zilandelana, ngaphandle kokungabaza:
1. Ukukhishwa kwe-oxytocin
Enye yamahomoni anamandla kakhulu emzimbeni, ibizwa nge- "bonding hormone" ngesizathu esihle kakhulu.
Uma uya ocansini, i-oxytocin iyakhishwa, okwenza wena nomlingani wakho nisondelane hhayi ngokomzimba kuphela kepha nangokomzwelo. Kwenze.
2. Kukuphoqa ukuthi wenze ubuhlobo buhambe phambili
Uma uzibophezela ekuya ocansini izinsuku ezingama-30 zilandelana, kufanele wenze ubudlelwano bube yinto ephambili, kufanele ubuhlele, ubuhlele futhi kulungile.
Lapho wenza ubuhlobo bakho buze kuqala ngesenzo somzimba socansi, zonke izinhlobo zezinzuzo ezimangazayo zizoza kuwe nakumlingani wakho.
3. Kuqinisa amasosha ethu omzimba
Ukukhishwa ngesikhathi se-orgasm kuvumela ukuqhuma kwamakhemikhali, ama-neurotransmitters, ukuthi akhululwe ebuchosheni obufana ne-dopamine, i-serotonin, ne-gaba.
Ukukhululwa kwalawa makhemikhali ezinzwa kuphakamisa imizwa yethu futhi kukhulise amasosha ethu omzimba.
Azikho izaba zokuhlehla kule nselelo yezinsuku ezingama-30.
4. Ukwanda kwamakhono okuxhumana
Uma wenza ucansi nsuku zonke izinsuku ezingama-30, ungahle uthande ukuzama ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho ngokwenza izinto ezithile zokudala egumbini lokulala noma ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala.
Mhlawumbe awukaze ungene ocansini ngomlomo, futhi unquma ukuthi phakathi nale nselele yezinsuku ezingama-30 yokuya ocansini nsuku zonke lapho ufuna ukufunda kabanzi ngokuthi ungaluqhuba kanjani ucansi lomlomo ngokuphelele kumlingani wakho.
Noma mhlawumbe ufuna ukwenza konke lokhu kusondelana ngokocansi okusebenzayo etafuleni lokudlela. Ngiyazi ukuthi mhlawumbe uyahleka, angisiye, ngifile serious.
Uyabona ukuthi ngiya kuphi?
Uma uzibophezela ezinsukwini ezingama-30 zilandelana zocansi, ake sivule ukuxhumana bese sitshela umlingani wakho ukuthi yini oyithandayo ngalokho abakwenzayo, bese ubabuza ukuthi yini ongayenza kangcono ekamelweni lokulala, noma ekhishini phansi, noma kuThe ishawa, noma lapho uke uthathe isinqumo sokuya ocansini, ukuxhumana kufanele kube kugobhoza ngokusobala.
Susa amabhlogo ekukhulumisaneni
Uma unamabhulokhi wokuxhumana, futhi, finyelela kumeluleki onjengami, ukukusiza ufike ezansi kwebhulokhi, ukuze sikwazi ukuwasusa futhi siqhubekele phambili empilweni.
Uma unikeza leli phathina lakho leli thuba, futhi balidubule phansi, futhi uma bengisesimweni sakho bengizoya kumeluleki, ngibone ukuthi ungabathola yini ukuba beze nawe. Noma bethi cha, yenza lo msebenzi noMeluleki wedwa, ukuze ufunde ukuthi ungakuphatha kanjani ukwenqaba okunikezwe kona.
Mhlawumbe udinga ukubuyela emuva bese uwethula kubo ngendlela ehlukile. Mhlawumbe udinga ukuyethula kubo ngezwi elihlukile lephimbo. Noma mhlawumbe udinga nje ukubakhombisa le ndatshana, lapho bangafunda khona ngezinzuzo zokuya ocansini nsuku zonke izinsuku ezingama-30 ukuze basonge ikhanda labo ngomqondo wokuthi kunezinkulungwane zezinzuzo zokulandela ngale nselelo yokulala emnandi .
Ngikholwa ukuthi lo mhlaba udinga ukusondelana okungaphezulu. Ubulili obuningi. Ukuxhumana okwengeziwe. Futhi ukubopha okuningi ebudlelwaneni.
Umsebenzi kaDavid Essel uvunyiwe kakhulu ngabantu abanjengoWayne Dyer ongasekho, kanti nosaziwayo uJenny McCarthy uthi "uDavid Essel ungumholi omusha wenhlangano ecabangayo."
Incwadi yakhe yesi-10, okunye okuthengwa kakhulu, ibizwa nge- “Focus! Bulala izinhloso zakho - Umhlahlandlela ofakazelwe empumelelweni enkulu, isimo sengqondo esinamandla, nothando olujulile. "