-Delile
- Yini ukushintsha kwecala ebudlelwaneni?
- Ngabe ukugudluza ukusola kungukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo?
- I-Psychology ngemuva kokushintsha-ukusola- Kungani sisola abanye?
- Kusebenza kanjani ukusola abanye?
- Amasu asetshenzisiwe ngenkathi kususwa ukusolwa ebudlelwaneni
- Ukunciphisa
- Ikhadi lesisulu
- Ibhomu elinukayo
- Ukukhanyisa igesi ngokuqhathanisa ukususwa kwecala
- Kungani abalawuli nabakwa-narcissist besola-shift?
- Izindlela eziyi-10 zokushintshwa kwecala zithinta ubuhlobo bakho
- 1. Uqala ukukholelwa ukuthi konke yiphutha lakho
- 2. Igebe lokuxhumana phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho
- 3. Uyesaba ukuthatha izinqumo
- 4. Ulahlekelwa ukusondelana
- 5. Uqala ukucasukela umlingani wakho
- 6. Ukuzethemba okubi
- 7. Uyeka ukuvulela isithandwa sakho
- 8. Ukuxhumana okungekuhle kuyanda
- 9. Uqala ukuzizwa unesizungu
- 10. Uqala ukwamukela ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo
- Okufanele ukwenze lapho usolwa ngokushintshwa?
- Babuze ukuthi ungasiza kanjani
- Yiba nozwela kumlingani wakho
- Iba nomusa
- Kufinyeta
Umdlalo wokusola ebuhlotsheni uvame ukuba yihlaya elisebenzayo kumabhayisikobho nakwizinhlelo ze-TV ezithandwayo.
Kodwa-ke, wenzani lapho umlingani wakho esusa lonke icala kuwe ngenkathi uzikhulula kukho konke?
Ukushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni kuyindlela yokukhohlisa eyenzelwe umhlukumezi ukuzilimaza ngenkathi eveza izimo ezingezinhle njengephutha lakho.
“Bengingeke ngikuthethise uma ubungangincengi. ”
"Ngiyakukhohlisa uma umatasa kakhulu usebenza futhi kubonakala sengathi angitholi isikhathi sami."
“Bengingeke ngimbize umama wakho ukube ubungeyena umuntu omubi kangaka!”
Uma uvame ukuzithola uthola izitatimende ezinjalo, kungenzeka ukuthi ushintsha ukusolwa.
Ake sihlole okusolwayo, ukuthi ukusola kusebenza kanjani, kungani abantu besola abanye, nokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomuntu okusola ngakho konke.
Yini ukushintsha kwecala ebudlelwaneni?
Ngokusho kukaDkt Daniel G. Amen,
“Abantu abonakalisa izimpilo zabo banomkhuba oqinile wokusola abanye abantu lapho izinto zingahambi kahle. ”
Abantu abasebenzisa ukusolwa ngokugxeka bavame ukuba ngabaphunyukayo abangenakho ukuvuthwa ngokomzwelo ukuze bahambisane nokuziphatha kwabo kanye nemiphumela yezenzo zabo. Laba bantu bavame ukubona izimo ezingezinhle njengomthwalo womunye umuntu.
Ama-blame shifters avame ukuzilimaza.
Njengoba ukusolwa ngokusobala kuyindlela ethile yokubhekana nezinkinga, umuntu osusa icala kungenzeka ukwenze engazi futhi angahle angaqondi ukuqonda kwabo okuyiphutha.
Kodwa-ke, umuntu owamukela umdlalo wokusolwa uvame ukukholelwa ukuthi izinsolo ezinjalo ziyiqiniso futhi uzama kanzima ukusebenzela ubudlelwano.
Ngeshwa, lapho kusetshenzelwa ukuqagela nokusolwa, izisulu zivame ukuthola ukuthi azikwazi ukwenza izinto zisebenze. Imvamisa basola bona ngokwehluleka kobudlelwano.
Ngabe ukugudluza ukusola kungukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo?
Wonke umuntu uzitika ngokushintsha-sola kaninginingi.
Abafundi abathola amamaki aphansi emibuzweni yabo yekilasi basola uthisha wabo ngokungabathandi, noma abantu abaphelelwa yimisebenzi bavame ukusola umphathi wabo noma osebenza nabo.
Kepha, ungahamba isikhathi esingakanani udlulisa icala?
Yebo, ukugudluza ukusola kuyindlela ye- ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo.
Ukuba nomuntu ongaziphenduli ngezenzo zakhe kuthatha impilo yakho engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo. Imvamisa uzizwa ukhathele futhi ukhathele ngokomzwelo ekuthatheni lonke icala lezinto ongazenzanga.
Lokhu kudale isibalo esinobuthi phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho.
Ukushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni futhi kuyindlela yokukukhohlisa wenze okuthile ongeke uzimisele ukukwenza. Umhlukumezi ukwenza uzizwe sengathi "ubakweleta" okuthile.
Ekugcineni, ukususwa kokugxeka kuvame ukwenziwa ukudala ukuguquguquka kwamandla phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Lapho umlingani wakho ekugcineni ekuqinisekisa ukuthi ubenephutha, bathambekele ekubeni namandla amaningi kuwe. Ngokwengeziwe, umthwalo wokulungisa ubudlelwano nawo uwehlela kuwe.
Uma umlingani wakho enomkhuba wokuhlala esola abanye njalo, kuyifulegi elibomvu okungafanele ungalinaki.
I-Psychology ngemuva kokushintsha-ukusola- Kungani sisola abanye?
Njengoba kushiwo esigabeni esedlule, ukushintsha ukusolwa ebudlelwaneni yinto iningi lethu elecala ukuyenza ngesikhathi esisodwa ezimpilweni zethu. Kungenzeka ukuthi besikwenza ngokungazi!
Ake sibheke ngokushesha ezinye zezizathu ezingokwengqondo zokusola abanye.
Ukushintshwa kwecala kuvame ukuchazwa njengecala elidala lephutha lesisekelo sokunikeza.
Ngakho-ke, kusho ukuthini lokhu?
Ngamazwi alula, imvamisa sisho ukuthi izenzo zomunye umuntu zivela ebuntwini nobunjalo bakhe. Noma kunjalo, uma kukhulunywa ngathi, imvamisa siba nezimpawu zokuziphatha kwethu ezimweni zangaphandle nakwizinto esingakwazi ukuzilawula.
Isibonelo, uma osebenza naye ephuze ukusebenza, ungababiza ngokuthi bayephuzile noma bayavilapha. Kodwa-ke, uzoyisho ukuthi iwashi le-alamu alikhali ngesikhathi uma wephuzile ukusebenza.
Kunesinye isizathu esenza sigxeke abanye.
Ngokuya ngabakwa-Psychoanalysts, ukuzazisa kwethu kuvikela ukukhathazeka ngokusebenzisa ukuqagela – indlela yokuzivikela lapho sikhipha khona imizwa yethu nezimfanelo zethu ezingamukeleki bese sibasola kwabanye abantu.
Ngakho-ke, uvame ukuzithola usola abanye ngezenzo zakho.
Indlela yokuzivikela ihlale ikhomba ukungabi nokuqonda kwemizwa nezisusa zethu. Njengoba izindlela zokuzivikela zihlala zingazi lutho, umuntu okuqhakambisayo ngokuvamile ngeke akubone abakwenzayo.
Kusebenza kanjani ukusola abanye?
Cabanga ngalokhu. Wena nomlingani wakho nibuya ekhaya nivela ohambweni lwemoto lwamahora angu-12, futhi nobabili nikhathele ngokwedlulele ekushayeleni. Ngenkathi umlingani wakho esesondweni lesondo, ubabaza isibhakabhaka esihle.
Futhi-ke, uzizwa uphahlazeka!
Kuyavela; umlingani wakho wenza iphutha ekujikeni okufanele bakuthathe bagcine sebeshayisa imoto onqenqemeni lomgwaqo.
Ukuphela kwesonto uthola ukuzwa ukuthi: “Ngishayise imoto ngenxa yakho. Ubungiphazamisa. ”
Uzwa sengathi uzohlanya ngoba ubuthule ubuke isibhakabhaka!
Okufanele ukwenze lapho othile ekubeka icala ngakho konke?
Ukushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukuba nobuqili futhi, njengazo zonke izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza, kuvame ukuqala ngento encane engaba yiphutha lakho. Kuyaqina njengoba isikhathi sihamba ebudlelwaneni bakho.
Isici esivelayo lapha ukuthi umlingani wakho akasoze avuma amaphutha abo.
Amasu asetshenzisiwe ngenkathi kususwa ukusolwa ebudlelwaneni
Kunamasu ambalwa asetshenzisiwe ngenkathi kusolwa ukususwa ebudlelwaneni. Lokhu kufaka phakathi okulandelayo:
Ngale ndlela, umhlukumezi uzozama ukwenza imizwa yakho ibe yize, futhi ungazizwa sengathi uzohlanya. Lena inqubo yokuxoshwa nokwenqaba imicabango nemizwa yothile. Ngokwengqondo, kuthinta kabi umlingani.
UChristina noDerek bebesekhefini, lapho uDerek aqala khona ukuthandana nomngani wakhe omkhulu, uLauren. Lapho uChristina ethola ukuthi kwenzekani, wabhekana noDerek, owamtshela ukuthi uyingane futhi akakavuthwa. Uphinde wambiza “izwela kakhulu.”
Ngokudlala ikhadi lesisulu "ngimpofu", uMax ukwazile ukususa lonke icala kuJoe. Ukudlala ikhadi lesisulu kusho ukuthi umuntu uzizwa engenamandla futhi akazi ukuthi kufanele aqine kanjani, kepha uzama ukuthola inzuzo ngokusika isibalo esidabukisayo.
UJoe noMax base bethandane iminyaka emithathu. UJoe ungummeli enkampanini edume kahle ngenkathi uMax esemsebenzini.
Ngobunye ubusuku, uJoe wafika ekhaya ethola uMax ephuza iwhiskey ngemuva kweminyaka emihlanu engabunaki ubuthongo. Ngesikhathi ebhekene naye, uMax wathi, “Ngiphuza ngoba ngingedwa. Unkosikazi wami ungishiya ngedwa ekhaya ukuze ngizinakekele ngoba umatasa kakhulu ngokwakha umsebenzi wakhe. Unobugovu, Joe. Anginamuntu. ”
Isimo sengqondo sokuya esihogweni sigcinelwe lapho umhlukumezi azi ukuthi babanjiwe futhi abanayo enye indawo abangaya kuyo. Lokhu kusho ngokusobala ukuthi lapho umuntu engenalo ithuba lokuzivikela noma lokweqa, bakwemukela ngokungenamahloni bese benza sengathi abanalo neze iphutha.
UJack ubambe uGina ebhalela isoka lakhe lakudala imiyalezo futhi ehlela ukuhlangana naye ngempelasonto. Lapho ebhekana noGina, wathi, “Manje? Ngingakwazi ukuhlangana nomuntu ngaphandle kwemvume yakho? ” nokuthi “Ngingunodoli wakho? Kungani ucabanga ukuthi udinga ukulawula konke engikwenzayo? ”
Ukukhanyisa igesi ngokuqhathanisa ukususwa kwecala
Igama elithi ukukhanyisa uphethiloli selibe yinto ejwayelekile, sibonga konke ukunakwa elikuthole ezinkundleni zokuxhumana.
Ukukhanyiswa kwegesi kuyindlela ecashile yokukhohlisa ngokomzwelo lapho uqala ukungabaza ukuthi ingqondo yakho iphilile futhi ubona iqiniso. Kuyindlela yokugcizelela ukuthi okuthile akwenzekanga ngenkathi kwenzeka empeleni.
Ngokwesibonelo, "Angikubizanga ngesilima! Umane nje uyacabanga! ”
Lapho othile ekukhanyisela igesi, basebenzisa ubuthakathaka bakho, ukwesaba, ukungazethembi, kanye nokuswela kwakho.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukusolwa ngokugxeka kuyindlela yokukhohlisa lapho umlingani wakho esonta izinto ukuze ugcine usolwa noma ngabe ubungelona iphutha.
Izibani eziningi zegesi zisebenzisa ukusola okufihlekile, yingakho laba bobabili babhekwa njengokufana.
Le vidiyo izokwenza izinto zibe lula ukuthi uziqonde.
Ezimweni eziningi, abantu abasemaphethelweni okuthola ukusolwa-ngokushintshwa bavame ukukholelwa ukuthi banephutha futhi banesibopho ngokuphelele sokuthi baphathwa kanjani.
Ngakho-ke, iningi labantu aliqapheli nokuthi ukuqabuka kwecala kubucayi kubucayi kangakanani.
Kungani abalawuli nabakwa-narcissist besola-shift?
Ukuze uqonde ukuthi ukushintsha kokugxeka ebudlelwaneni kusebenza kanjani, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi kungani ama-narcissists nabalawuli besebenzisa leli qhinga.
Izwi eliqondisayo langaphakathi nokushintshwa kokugxeka ebudlelwaneni.
Izwi lethu langaphakathi eliqondisayo liyasisiza ukuthi sidabule ezindaweni ezinzima. Leli zwi ngaphakathi kwekhanda lethu liyathuthukiswa ngesikhathi sobuntwana ngokusebenzisa:
- Isimo sethu.
- Okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwasebuntwaneni nezibopho.
- Sizihlole kanjani ukubaluleka kwethu.
Lapho senza okuthile kahle, izwi lethu elingaphakathi liyasivuza futhi lisenze sizizwe sihle ngathi. Iphinde yenza okuphambene uma senza into embi.
Abantu baseNarcissistic abanalo izwi eliqondisayo langaphakathi eliqondisayo.
Izwi labo langaphakathi livame ukugxeka, linokhahlo, liyadla, futhi lifuna ukuphelela.
Kungenxa yalobu bunzima bekhampasi yabo yokuziphatha ukuthi abakwazi ukwamukela ukusolwa bese bezama ukukudlulisela komunye umuntu. Le yindlela yabo yokuzisindisa ekwehleleni kokuzenyanya, ukuba necala kanye nehlazo.
Bazizwa bengaphephile futhi besaba ukuhlazeka.
Izindlela eziyi-10 zokushintshwa kwecala zithinta ubuhlobo bakho
Ukushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukukhomba njengoba ungacabanga.
Abelaphi bavame ukuhlangana nabantu abababazayo, “Umkami ungisola ngakho konke! ” “Umyeni wami ungisola ngakho konke!” "Kungani intombi yami isola mina ngakho konke!" ukuthola kaningi ukuthi amaklayenti abo awanakho ukuqonda noma asifundanga kahle isimo.
Nazi izindlela lapho ukushintshwa kwecala kuthinta khona ubudlelwano bakho:
1. Uqala ukukholelwa ukuthi konke yiphutha lakho
Njengoba ukusolwa ngokushintshwa kubudlelwano kuklanyelwe ukukwenza uzizwe sengathi uhlala unephutha, uqala ukukwamukela futhi ukholelwe ngokweqiniso ukuthi unephutha.
Lokhu kulimaza ukuzazisa kwakho futhi kunciphise ukuzethemba.
2. Igebe lokuxhumana phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho
Igebe lokuxhumana phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho likhula kuphela, ngenxa yokushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni. Ngayo yonke imizamo oyenzayo ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho, uvame ukuzithola ufakazelwa ukuthi unephutha.
Umlingani wakho angaze akwenze ukholwe ukuthi bekufanele usolwe ngezenzo zabo.
3. Uyesaba ukuthatha izinqumo
Ngenxa yokuzethemba okuphansi, uyanqikaza ukwenza izinqumo njengoba ubona sengathi umlingani wakho angakubiza ngephutha. Ngakho-ke, uqala ukubonisana nomlingani wakho – noma ngabe wenza izinqumo ezincane, njengokuthi uzophekelani isidlo sakusihlwa.
Lokhu kuqhubeka kwehlisa ukuzimela kwakho nokuzethemba.
4. Ulahlekelwa ukusondelana
Ukushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni kunciphisa ukusondelana phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho njengoba igebe lokuxhumana likhula. Uqala ukwesaba ukwahlulelwa nokugxekwa kanzima kusuka kumlingani wakho futhi uzigcine kuwe.
Lokhu kunciphisa ukusondelana emshadweni wakho njengoba ungazizwa usondelene nomlingani wakho.
5. Uqala ukucasukela umlingani wakho
Ugwema umlingani wakho ngangokunokwenzeka futhi uqala ukusebenza sekwedlule isikhathi ngomzamo wokugwema ukuya ekhaya. Uzizwa sengathi ulahlekelwa ukuzihlonipha bese uqala ukucasukela umlingani wakho.
Ungaqala nokuzizwa uthukuthele, ukhathele futhi wesabe. Uzokhetha ukungakhulumi nomlingani wakho ukuze ubenze bangaxabani nawe.
6. Ukuzethemba okubi
Ukuhlala usohlangothini lokwamukela ukusolwa kunomthelela ekuzethembeni kwakho okuphelele.
Ukushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni kubangela ukuthi ungazethembi amakhono akho, futhi uhlale uzithola uziqagela okwesibili.
Uqala ukuzibona ungathandeki futhi ungafaneleki, ubeka umlingani wakho esicongweni.
7. Uyeka ukuvulela isithandwa sakho
Awusenawo umuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakho useqenjini lakho, ngakho-ke yeka ukuvulela kubo ngamathemba akho, amaphupho akho, kanye nokwesaba kwakho ngokungakwazi ukwahlulelwa nokusolwa.
Lokhu kuqhubeka kukhulisa igebe lokuxhumana kanye nokuswela ukusondelana phakathi kwenu nobabili.
8. Ukuxhumana okungekuhle kuyanda
Ukushintshwa kwecala kunciphisa indawo yokuxhumana okuhle, futhi cishe konke ukuxhumana onakho nomlingani wakho kugcina kungxabano. Uvame ukuzizwa sengathi unempi efanayo kaninginingi.
Lokhu kungakudonsela amanzi njengoba ukulingana phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho kuba yingozi.
9. Uqala ukuzizwa unesizungu
Ngenxa yokuzethemba okuphansi nokuzethemba, uqala ukuzizwa unesizungu kunanini ngaphambili futhi ucabange ukuthi akekho ozokwazi ukukuqonda. Ukuzizwa kwakho kuthathe amagalelo ahlukahlukene, futhi uzizwa sengathi uwedwa.
Lo muzwa wesizungu uvame ukuzibonakalisa njengokudangala.
10. Uqala ukwamukela ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo
Ngokuzethemba nokuzilimaza, maningi amathuba okuthi wamukele isimilo esihlukumezayo, njengokukhanyisa igesi, njengoba umlingani wakho esesukile ekushintsheni ukusolwa.
Okufanele ukwenze lapho usolwa ngokushintshwa?
Ukushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni kungaba nzima uma uthola ukwamukela. Nakhu ongakwenza uma uzithola ekugcineni kokuthola:
Esikhundleni sokuthokozisa umlingani wakho lapho bedlala umdlalo wokusola, zama ukuxazulula inkinga osele ubaboleke isandla.
Lokhu kuzosiza umlingani wakho aqonde ukuthi awuzami ngamabomu ukubakhungathekisa – ukuthi useqenjini labo.
Esikhundleni sokuphikisana nomlingani wakho, zama ukuba nozwela kubo. Bayakusola ukuze bazivikele ezwini labo elingaphakathi lokwahlulela neligxekayo.
Ungazama ukuba nozwela kubo futhi uzame ukungabahluleli.
Ubuntwana bomlingani wakho buhlobene kakhulu nokushintshwa kwabo kwecala. Noma nini lapho benza okuthile okungalungile besengane, babezojeziswa kanzima. Ngakho-ke, kunzima ngabo ukwamukela amaphutha abo.
Yiba nomusa kubo kunokuba ube nendlela eqinile. Zama ukuqonda indawo abavela kuyo, ukuhlukumezeka kwabo kanye nabaphikisana nabo bese uzama ngobumnene ukubasebenzela ndawonye.
Kufinyeta
Ngabe sikuhlanganise konke odinga ukukwazi mayelana nokushintshwa kwecala ebudlelwaneni?
Ukusola iqhinga elisetshenziswa ngumuntu ozama ukuvikela ubuwena babo ebuhlungwini. Ukuba nomuntu ongaziphenduli ngezenzo zabo kungaba nzima.
Kodwa-ke, kungalimaza kakhulu lowo osezingeni lokuthola nobudlelwano, kepha nakanjani ungabuphatha ubudlelwano ngendlela efanele.