-Delile
- Okufanele ukwenze, ukubheka kuphi
- Phendukela kuma-BFF akho
- Ukukhetha inketho yobungcweti
- Izinto okufanele uzicabangele
- Yini elandelayo elandelayo?
- Kuphela kanjani?
Ukuphinga. Ukukopela kuka-AKA, ukubamba izikhathi ezimbili, ukuthandana nomuntu, ukushaywa ingwijikhwebu, eceleni kohlangothi, ukungathembeki, ukungathembeki, futhi mhlawumbe namanye amagama afanayo angaba yingxenye yeshumi nambili alokho okungenye yezehlakalo ezihlukumeza kakhulu ezingenzeka emshadweni.
Ukuphinga kungaba ngesinye sezenzakalo ezibanga usizi umuntu angahlangabezana nazo. Futhi akuyona into engavamile leyo, ngeshwa. Izibalo ezinokwethenjelwa azikwazi ukuqoqwa, kepha izilinganiso zikhomba ukuthi endaweni ethile cishe kwengxenye yesithathu yemishado ithinteka omunye noma bobabili abakhohlisayo komunye.
Ngakho-ke ake sithi okubi kakhulu kwenzeka kuwe. Ucabanga ukuthi umshado wakho uqinile futhi ujabule kini nobabili. Uhamba ngenjabulo ezinsukwini zakho futhi ngandlela thile uthola ubufakazi bokuthi konke akuyona indlela obucabanga ngayo.
Ezinsukwini zakudala, ubufakazi kungenzeka ukuthi bekuyirisidi lephepha, incwadi ebhaliwe encwadini yezinsuku, ingxoxo ezwakale ngengozi, kepha manje ukuphinga kulula kakhulu ukukufihla, ngakho-ke kungathatha isikhathi eside ukuthola ukuthi oshade naye uyakhohlisa.
Ubuchwepheshe bunike amandla abantu abakhohlisa abalingani babo ukuthi bazifihle ngempumelelo izenzo zabo, kepha futhi batholwe ngabashade nabanolwazi oluthile ngemithombo yezokuxhumana.
Futhi usuthole, uthi, uchungechunge lwemibhalo nezithombe phakathi komlingani wakho nomunye umuntu okukhombisa ngokusobala ukuthi umshado wakho awuyona le nto obucabanga ukuthi uyiyona. Abanye abantu bathole ubudlelwane bokuphinga kuFacebook, Instagram nakwezinye izinkundla zokuxhumana.
Okufanele ukwenze, ukubheka kuphi
Ngemuva kokushaqeka kokutholwa nokuphikisana okwalandela nomlingani wakho okopelayo, nobabili nifika esinqumweni sokuthi nifuna ukusindisa umshado.
Ungakaze ube sesimweni ngaphambilini, ungahle udideke ngokuqondene nezinketho nokuthi ubheke kuphi.
Kunezinsizakusebenza eziningi maqondana nokonga umshado wakho ngemuva kokungathembeki: Okokuqala, kunamavidiyo we-Youtube, ama-podcast, amawebhusayithi nezincwadi.
Inkinga ukuthi ikhwalithi yolwazi olunikeziwe lungahluka kusuka ku-balderdash nokuyimbudane kuya kokusebenzisekayo nokunengqondo, kepha ukukwazi ukubona umehluko kungaba nzima kwabanye abantu, ikakhulukazi ngalesi sikhathi esigcwele imizwa.
Izincwadi ezimbili ezidumile abantu abaphendukela kuzo zi-
- Izimiso Eziyisikhombisa Zokwenza Umshado Usebenze nguJohn Gottman
- Izilimi ezi-5 Zothando nguGary Chapman
Vele kukhona abangane bakho, abantu abakholwayo uma uqaphile, futhi kukhona ochwepheshe abaqeqeshiwe nabanolwazi ekusizeni abantu manje abahlangabezana noma abake baphinga muva nje noma esikhathini esedlule. Lezi zingcweti zihamba ngamalebula ahlukene: abeluleki basemshadweni, abelaphi basemshadweni, abeluleki bezemishado, abelaphi bezobudlelwano nokunye ukuhluka okufanayo.
Phendukela kuma-BFF akho
Abangani bangaba yisibusiso ngalesi sikhathi sokuzama, kepha futhi bangakunika izeluleko ezingaba zimbi ngoba abakwazi ukuba nenjongo. Zingaba kuhle ekusekelweni kokuziphatha kanye nehlombe lokukhala kulo.
Kepha, kaningi izikhathi kungaba ngcono ukufuna umeluleki wezemishado oqeqeshiwe ukubona ukuthi ungakwazi yini futhi kufanele ubuyisele umshado wakho esimweni esifanele.
Ukukhetha inketho yobungcweti
Wena nowakwakho nithathe isinqumo sokufuna usizo lochwepheshe ukuze nibone ukuthi ningalunqoba kanjani nobubi obukhulu obenzekile. Nihamba kanjani ngokukhetha uchwepheshe onganisiza nobabili ninqobe ukuphinga?
Ngaphambi kokuthi uqale nokubheka, qiniseka ukuthi bobabili abalingani bazibophezele ekubekeni isikhathi nokunakwa okudingekayo ukulungisa umshado ngosizo lochwepheshe. Uma nobabili nizinikele, nichitha isikhathi nemali.
Izinto okufanele uzicabangele
Yiqiniso, lesi yisikhathi esinzima kakhulu, futhi ukwenza isinqumo esibalulekile sokufuna ukwelulekwa ngokwengqondo akulula.
Kepha ngemuva kokwenza leso sinqumo, lezi ngezinye zezinto okufanele uzicabangele lapho ufuna umeluleki wezomshado ongakusiza ngemuva kokuphinga ungene emshadweni wakho.
- Ubufakazi bomeluleki. Bheka ukuthi kusho ukuthini konke lokho kokuqala (ngemuva kwegama lodokotela).
- Uma ufonela ihhovisi lomelaphi, buza imibuzo. Uma abasebenzi basehhovisi benqena ukunikeza izimpendulo ezigcwele, thatha lokho njengesixwayiso sefulegi elibomvu.
- Sekuyisikhathi esingakanani umelaphi womshado esebenza? Ngabe banolwazi ezindabeni eziphathelene nokuphinga?
- Buza inani. Ingabe yiseshini ngayinye? Ingabe kukhona isikali esishelelayo? Ngabe umshwalense wakho uyazikhokhela izindleko?
- Isikhathi eside kangakanani iseshini ngayinye? Ingabe likhona inani elijwayelekile lezikhathi?
- Ingabe nobabili nifuna abelaphi abangabodwana noma owelapha ngokuhlanganyela noma nobabili? Kwezinye izimo, imibhangqwana iqala ngabahlinzeki ngabodwana bese iya kudokotela ohlangene.
- Uma uya kudokotela ohlangene, ingabe lowo muntu ngeke akhethe? Umeluleki wemishado kufanele akhombise uzwela kubo bobabili abantu ukuze akhuthaze izingxoxo ezinengqondo nezuzisayo.
- Ngabe umeluleki wemishado ubhalisela inkolelo-mbono eyodwa yokubuyisana nokwelashwa noma ngabe zivulekele uhlobo lokwelulekwa kokuphinga olwenzelwe umuntu ngamunye?
Yini elandelayo elandelayo?
Wena nowakwakho nithathe isinqumo esibalulekile sokubona umeluleki wezomshado. Yini okufanele uyilindele ngesikhathi osichitha nomeluleki?
Imvamisa, owelapha emshadweni uzofuna ukwazi umlando wobudlelwano bakho kubo bobabili abalingani njengesiqalo. Bobabili abashadile bazoxoxa ngalokho abacabanga ukuthi kuholele ekungathembekini nokuthi kungani becabanga ukuthi kwenzeka.
Lokhu kungenzeka kube okuhlangenwe nakho okuqeda imizwa, kepha kubalulekile ukuze bobabili abalingani bakwazi ukuqhubekela phambili futhi bathole ukwethenjwa.
Amaseshini akufanele abe yimidlalo yokumemeza nomeluleki osebenza njengompempe. Esikhundleni salokho, umeluleki kufanele abuze imibuzo ecabangayo edonsa imizwa nemizwa futhi yakhe indawo lapho umlingani ngamunye ezizwa ekhululekile ukukhuluma.
Umgomo owodwa walesi seluleko sokuphinga ngukuthi ukuthembana kungabuye kwakhiwe ebudlelwaneni. Lapho – futhi uma-lokho kwenzeka, lo mbhangqwana usendleleni eya ekubuyisaneni kwangempela.
Umelaphi omuhle uzosebenzisana nabashadikazi ukuhlola imikhuba yakudala namaphethini ukubona ukuthi kukhona yini kulokhu okunikele ekuphingeni.
Lapho izithandani sezazi izingibe ezingabuyela emuva kwezinye zezindlela zakudala ezikhona, zingasebenza zombili kanzima ukugwema izinhlobo zokuziphatha okuholele ekungathembekini.
Kuphela kanjani?
Asikho isikhathi esibekiwe okufanele ukwelulekwa ngaso emshadweni. Umbhangqwana ngamunye uhlukile, kanjalo nodokotela ngamunye. Umelaphi uzokunikeza umbono wenqubekela phambili oyenzayo njengoba usebenza ngezinkinga zakho zomshado naye. Ekugcineni nasesimweni esifanele, ukwelulekwa kokuphinga ukusiza abashadile ukuthi basebenze ngokukhohlisa ukukopela kuzoholela abashadikazi ekuzibophezeleni okujulile kokwethembana, inhlonipho nothando.