-Delile
Wake wabheka izithandani ezindala ezijabule futhi wazibuza ukuthi iyini imfihlo yabo? Yize ingekho imishado emibili efanayo, ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi yonke imishado ejabulisayo, nehlala isikhathi eside inezici ezinhlanu ezifanayo eziyisisekelo: ukuxhumana, ukuzibophezela, umusa, ukwamukelwa nothando.
1. Ukuxhumana
Ucwaningo olushicilelwe yiCornell University luthole ukuthi ukuxhumana kuyisici sokuqala semishado esihlala njalo. Abaphenyi bahlola cishe abantu baseMelika abangama-400 abaneminyaka engama-65 noma ngaphezulu ababekade besemshadweni noma emshadweni wezothando okungenani iminyaka engama-30. Iningi labahlanganyeli lithe likholelwa ekutheni izinkinga eziningi emshadweni zingaxazululwa ngokuxhumana okuvulelekile. Ngokunjalo, abaningi babahlanganyeli imishado yabo eyayiphelile basola ukungabi bikho kokuxhumana ngokuwohloka kobudlelwano. Ukuxhumana okuhle phakathi kwezithandani kusiza ekugcineni ukusondelana nokusondelana.
Izithandani ezinemishado ehlala isikhathi eside zikhuluma zodwa ngaphandle kokuqamba amanga, ukusola, ukusola, ukuxosha nokuthukana. Abakhandi ngamatshe, babe nolaka, noma babizane ngamagama. Imibhangqwana ejabule kakhulu akubona labo abakhathazekile ngokuthi ngubani osephutheni, njengoba bezithatha njengeyunithi; okuthinta ingxenye eyodwa yezithandani kuthinta enye, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu kule mibhangqwana ukuthi ubudlelwano bunempilo.
2. Ukuzibophezela
Kucwaningo olufanayo olushicilelwe yiCornell University, abacwaningi bathole ukuthi umuzwa wokuzibophezela uyinto esemqoka emishadweni ehlala isikhathi eside. Phakathi kwabadala abahlolisise nabo, abacwaningi babona ukuthi kunokuba bacabangele umshado njengobambiswano olususelwa othandweni, abadala babona umshado njengesiyalo - into okufanele ihlonishwe, noma sesiphelile isikhathi se-honeymoon. Abadala, abacwaningi baphetha, babheka umshado "njengokufanelekile," noma ngabe lokho kwakusho ukudela injabulo yesikhashana ukuze uthole okuthile okuzuzisa kakhulu kamuva.
Ukuzibophezela yi-glue egcina umshado wakho ndawonye. Emishadweni enempilo, azikho izahlulelo, ukuhamba kwecala, noma izinsongo zesehlukaniso. Imibhangqwana enempilo ithatha izifungo zayo zomshado ngokungathi sína futhi iyazibophezela komunye nomunye ngaphandle kwemibandela. Lokhu kuzinikela okungantengantengi okwakha isisekelo sokuqina lapho kwakhelwa khona imishado emihle. Ukuzibophezela kusebenza njengobukhona obuqinile, obuqinile bokugcina ubudlelwano busekelwe.
3. Umusa
Uma kuziwa ekugcineni umshado ophumelelayo, isisho esidala siyiqiniso: “Umusa omncane uhamba ibanga elide.” Eqinisweni, abacwaningi baseYunivesithi yaseWashington bakha ifomula yokubikezela ukuthi umshado uzohlala isikhathi esingakanani, ngokunemba okuphelele okungamaphesenti angama-94. Izici ezibalulekile ezithinta ubude bobudlelwano? Umusa nokuphana.
Yize kungahle kubonakale kulula kakhulu, cabanga nje: umusa nokuphana akuwona yini amandla okuziphatha okuqala okukhuthazwa ebuntombini futhi aqiniswe kukho konke ukuphila komuntu? Ukufaka umusa nokuphana emishadweni kanye nobudlelwano besikhathi eside bokuzibophezela kungahle kube nzima kakhulu, kepha kusamele kusetshenziswe "umthetho wegolide" oyisisekelo. Cabanga ngendlela osebenzisana ngayo noshade naye. Ingabe ubambisene ngobuqotho lapho ekhuluma nawe ngomsebenzi noma ezinye izinto okungenzeka awunandaba nazo? Esikhundleni sokumkhulula, sebenzela ukuthi ungamlalela kanjani ngempela oshade naye, noma ngabe uthola isihloko sengxoxo siyinto evamile. Zama ukusebenzisa umusa kukho konke ukuxhumana onakho nomlingani wakho.
4. Ukwamukela
Abantu abasemishadweni enenjabulo bamukela amaphutha abo kanye nawabalingani babo. Bayazi ukuthi akekho umuntu ophelele, ngakho-ke bathatha umlingani wabo ukuthi bangobani. Abantu abasemishadweni engajabulisi, ngakolunye uhlangothi, babona amaphutha kozakwethu - futhi, kwezinye izimo, baveza amaphutha abo kwabalingani babo. Le kuyindlela yokuhlala bephika amaphutha abo ngenkathi bekhula bengabekezelelani ngokuziphatha komlingani wabo.
Ukhiye wokwamukela umlingani wakho ukuthi ungubani, ukuthi uzemukele ungubani. Noma uhogela kakhulu, ukhuluma kakhulu, udla ngokweqile, noma une-sex drive ehlukile kunaleyo oshade naye, yazi ukuthi lawa awekho amaphutha; umlingani wakho ukhethe wena, yize kunamaphutha akho, futhi ufanele ukwamukelwa ngokungenamibandela okufanayo kuwe.
5. Uthando
Kufanele kungasho ukuthi umbhangqwana onothando ungumbhangqwana ojabulayo. Lokhu akusho ukuthi wonke umuntu kufanele "athandane" nowakwakhe. Ukuwa “othandweni” kungukuthatheka okungaphezu kokuba sebudlelwaneni obunempilo nokuvuthwa. Kuyiphupho, inguqulo yothando ehlelwe kahle engahlali isikhathi eside. Uthando olunempilo, oluvuthiwe luyinto edinga isikhathi ukuze lukhule, kanye nezici ezibalwe ngenhla: ukuxhumana, ukuzibophezela, umusa nokwamukelwa. Lokhu akusho ukuthi umshado onothando awukwazi ukuthanda; kunalokho, intshisekelo yiyona ebaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Lapho umbhangqwana unothando, baxhumana ngokwethembeka, baxazulule izingxabano kalula, futhi bazibophezele ekugcineni ubudlelwane babo busondele futhi buphila.