-Delile
- Izimfihlo zomshado wesibili ophumelelayo
- Isibonelo: Isifundo secala lika-Eva noConner
- Zibophezele ukuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho
- Amasiko wokuxhuma kabusha ebuhlotsheni bakho
- 1. Isiko lokuhlangana kabusha nsuku zonke
- 2. Yidlani ndawonye ngaphandle kwesikhathi sesikrini
- 3. Dlala umculo wakho owuthandayo ukujabulela iwayini nokudansa
- 4. Yamukela imikhuba elandelayo yansuku zonke
- Nguwe wedwa owenza izinqumo lapha!
Ziningi izinganekwane ngokungena nokugcina umshado ophumelelayo nomuntu owayekade ebophele ifindo likasofasilahlane njengokukholelwa ukuthi umlingani wakho uzokwazi ukugwema izingibe ezinjengokuxineka kwezezimali futhi adedele umthwalo emshadweni wabo wokuqala.
Kakade, kufanele ukuthi bafunda izifundo emshadweni wabo wokuqala nesehlukaniso.
Ngokwababhali, uHetheringston, Ph.D, E. Mavis, noJohn Kelly, encwadini yabo enesihloko esithi 'For Better Or For Worse: Divorce Considered,' bathi yize u-75% wabantu abadivosile bazogana kabusha, iningi lalemishado izokwehluleka ngenxa yobunzima imibhangqwana eshadile ebhekana nayo. Lezi zinkinga zivela ngesikhathi lapho bezama ukwakha ubudlelwano ngenkathi bejwayela, futhi behlanganisa, imindeni ekhona nemilando eyinkimbinkimbi yobudlelwano.
Bambalwa imibhangqwana eqonda zisuka nje ukuthi kunzima kanjani futhi kufuna ngenkani ukushada futhi.
Lapho imibhangqwana iqala ukushada futhi, iphutha elenziwa kakhulu ukulindela ukuthi yonke into izowela endaweni bese isebenza ngokuzenzekelayo.
Uthando lungahle lube mnandi okwesibili noma okwesithathu nxazonke, kepha uma injabulo yobudlelwano obusha isiphelile, iqiniso lokujoyina imihlaba emibili ehlukile lingena.
Izimfihlo zomshado wesibili ophumelelayo
Izindlela ezehlukene nezitayela zokuba ngumzali, izingqinamba zezezimali, izindaba zomthetho, ubudlelwano nababengashadile, nezingane kanye nezingane zokutholwa, zingasusa ubudlelwano balabo abashadayo.
Uma ungazange uqalise ukuxhumana okuqinile futhi ungenawo amathuluzi wokulungisa ukuwohloka kwansuku zonke kwezokuxhumana, ungahle ugcine usola omunye nomunye kunokuba nisekelane.
Isibonelo: Isifundo secala lika-Eva noConner
U-Eva, 45, ongumhlengikazi nomama wamadodakazi amabili afunda isikole kanye nezindodana ezimbili zokutholwa, wangibizela isikhathi sokwelulekwa kwezithandani ngoba wayesekupheleni kwentambo yakhe.
Washada noConner, 46, owayenezingane ezimbili emshadweni wakhe eminyakeni eyishumi eyedlule, futhi banamadodakazi amabili ayisithupha nabayisishiyagalombili emshadweni wabo.
U-Eva wakubeka kanjena, “Bengingacabangi nje ukuthi umshado wethu uzoba nzima ngale ndlela ngokwezezimali. UConner ukhokhela isondlo sezingane zabafana bakhe futhi uyalulama ngokubolekwa imali ngowayengunkosikazi wakhe. U-Alex, indodana yakhe endala, ulibangise ekolishi maduzane kanti omncane kunabo bonke, uJack, usekhempini ebizayo kuleli hlobo edonsa imali ebhange lethu. ”
Uyaqhubeka, “Sinezingane zethu ezimbili futhi ayikho imali eyanele yokuthenga izinto. Siphikisana nangezitayela zethu zokuba ngumzali ngoba ngingumuntu osetha umkhawulo futhi uConner ungumuntu odonsayo. Noma yini abafana bakhe abayifunayo, bayayithola, futhi kubonakala nje ukuthi wenqaba izimfuno zabo ezingenamkhawulo. ”
Uma ngibuza uConner ukuthi ahlaziye ukuphawula kuka-Eva, uthi ubona okusanhlamvu kweqiniso kubo kepha u-Eva wenza ihaba ngoba akazange asondele kubafana bakhe futhi abazonde.
IConner ikhombisa, “U-Eva wayazi ukuthi nganginezinkinga zezezimali emshadweni wami wokuqala lapho owayengumlingani wami eboleka imali, engakaze ayikhokhe, bese eyeka umsebenzi ngesikhathi esahlukanisa ukuze athole imali eyengeziwe yokuxhasa izingane. Ngibathanda bonke abantwana bami futhi abafana bami, u-Alex noJack, akumele bahlupheke ngoba ngahlukanisa nomama wabo. Ngisebenza kahle futhi uma u-Eva echitha isikhathi esithe xaxa nabo, uzobona ukuthi bayizingane ezinhle. ”
Yize u-Eva noConner benezinkinga eziningi okufanele basebenze ngazo njengombhangqwana oshadile, kufanele baqale banqume ukuthi banentshisekelo yokuxhasana futhi bazimisele ukuba yidwala lomndeni wabo.
Ukuzibophezela ekuthembeni nasekwazini umlingani wakho kungaqinisa umshado wakho wesibili.
Ubambiswano lwakho ludinga ukuqina futhi lususelwa kumqondo wokuthi niyazikhethela nsuku zonke futhi nizinikele ekwenzeni isikhathi ndawonye sibe yinto eza kuqala futhi niyazise.
Zibophezele ukuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho
Ngenkathi ngixoxisana nenqwaba yemibhangqwana ngencwadi yami ezayo ethi “I-Marning Manual: Ungakwenza Kanjani Konke Kusebenze Ngcono Okwesibili Kuzungeze,” into eyodwa yacaca kakhulu - izinselelo zokushada nomuntu owayekade eshade phambilini (uma unawo noma ungakashadi) zivame ukushanyelwa ngaphansi kombhoxo futhi zidinga ukuxoxwa ukuvimbela isehlukaniso semibhangqwana eshadile.
Noma ngabe impilo yakho imatasatasa futhi imatasa kangakanani, ungalokothi uyeke ukufuna ukwazi ngomunye nomunye futhi unakekele uthando lwenu.
Yenzani ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye kube yinto eza kuqala - ukuhleka, ukuhlanganyela, ukuhlanganyela, nokwazisana.
Khetha eyodwa yezinkambiso zansuku zonke ngezansi bese uyifaka ohlelweni lwakho nsuku zonke! Uzibuza, ungawenza kanjani umshado usebenze? Kulungile! Le yimpendulo yakho.
Amasiko wokuxhuma kabusha ebuhlotsheni bakho
Okulandelayo yimicikilisho emine ezokusiza wena nomlingani wakho ukuthi nihlale nixhumekile.
1. Isiko lokuhlangana kabusha nsuku zonke
Lesi siko singaba esinye sezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu ozithuthukisayo njengezithandani.
Isikhathi esibaluleke kunazo zonke emshadweni wenu isikhathi sokuhlangana noma ukuthi nibingelelana kanjani nsuku zonke.
Qiniseka ukuthi uhlala unethemba, gwema ukugxekwa, futhi ulalele umlingani wakho. Kungathatha isikhashana ukubona noma yiluphi ushintsho emizweni yakho yokusondelana, kepha lo mkhuba ungaba wusizo olukhulu emshadweni wakho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Vula imigqa yokuxhumana ngokuqinisekisa umbono wakhe, noma ngabe awuvumelani.
2. Yidlani ndawonye ngaphandle kwesikhathi sesikrini
Kungenzeka kungakwenzi lokhu nsuku zonke kepha uma ulwela ukudla ndawonye izinsuku eziningi, uzothola ukuthi nihlala nidla ndawonye njalo.
Vala i-TV nomakhalekhukhwini (awuthumeli myalezo) bese ushuna uzakwenu. Leli kumele kube yithuba lokuxoxa ngezinto ezenzeka ezimpilweni zenu nokukhombisa ukuthi niyazuza ngokuthile okufana nokuthi, “Kuzwakala sengathi ubenosuku olukhathazayo, ngitshele kabanzi.”
3. Dlala umculo wakho owuthandayo ukujabulela iwayini nokudansa
Faka umculo owuthandayo, jabulela ingilazi yewayini noma isiphuzo, bese udansa futhi / noma ulalele umculo ndawonye.
Ukwenza umshado wakho uze kuqala ngeke kuvele ngokwemvelo kepha kuzokhokha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngoba uzozizwa uxhumeke ngokwengeziwe ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba.
4. Yamukela imikhuba elandelayo yansuku zonke
Yamukela okungu-2 kwale mikhuba emifushane kodwa eyanelisayo yansuku zonke ethatha imizuzu engama-30 noma ngaphansi -
- Fushanisa usuku lwakho lapho ufika ekhaya ngenkathi ugona noma uhlala eduze.
- Shawa noma ugeze ndawonye.
- Yidlani ndawonye noma / noma i-dessert oyithandayo.
- Hamba uzungeze ibhulokhi kaningana bese uthola usuku lwakho.
Nguwe wedwa owenza izinqumo lapha!
Lokho okwenzela isiko lakho kukuwe ngokuphelele, kunjalo. Ku ‘Izimiso Eziyisikhombisa Ezenza Umshado Usebenze, 'uJohn Gottman uncoma umkhuba wokuchitha okungenani imizuzu engu-15 kuye kwengu-20 ngosuku uba nengxoxo yokwehlisa ingcindezi nomlingani wakho.
Okufanelekile, le ngxoxo idinga ukugxila kunoma yini esemqondweni wakho ngaphandle kobuhlobo bakho. Lesi akusona isikhathi sokuxoxa ngezingxabano phakathi kwenu.
Kuyithuba elihle lokukhombisa uzwela nokuxhasana ngokomzwelo maqondana nezinye izingxenye zempilo yakho. Inhloso yakho akukhona ukuxazulula inkinga yakhe kodwa ukuthatha uhlangothi lomuntu oshade naye, noma ngabe umbono wabo ubonakala ungenangqondo.
Indlela enhle yokwenza lokhu ukulalela nokuqinisekisa imicabango nemizwa yomlingani wakho bese uveza isimo esithi "thina simelene nabanye". Ngokwenza kanjalo, usendleleni eya ekuzuzeni ukushada kabusha okuyimpumelelo okuzovivinya isikhathi.