-Delile
- 1. Izibalo zikhomba ukuthi ukwelulekwa ngemishado kuzuzisa kakhulu
- 2. Kufanele ubonane nomeluleki wemishado kungekudala — futhi njalo
- 3. Ukwelulekwa ngomshado kuthuthukisa ukuxhumana
- 4. Empeleni ungonga isikhathi nemali ngokuya kokwelulekwa ngemishado
- 5. Impela ayilimazi
Uma ungumuntu ohlale ucabanga wena “wenza ukwelulekwa ngomshado? ” awuwedwa neze.
Kodwa-ke, ngezibalo ezibonisa ukuthi amaphesenti angama-40 emishado yokuqala, amaphesenti angama-60 emishado yesibili kanye namaphesenti angama-70 emishado yesithathu agcina ngesehlukaniso, nakanjani akunakulimaza ukubona umeluleki wemishado. Okungenani izikhathi ezimbalwa ngonyaka.
Kunezizathu ezingenakubalwa zokuthi ukuthola ukwelulekwa ngomshado ekugcineni kungakhombisa ukuthi kungenye yezinto ezinhle kakhulu ongazenzela ubuhlobo bakho. Ngasikhathi sinye, uma ungakaze uye kobonana nomeluleki (noma umelaphi) phambilini, kunengqondo ukuthi ungahle ufune izizathu ezithile zokuthi kungani abantu abaningi bekuthola kusebenza kangaka.
Ngakho-ke, uma kukhulunywa ngokuphendula imibuzo- “ingabe ukwelulekwa ngomshado kuyasebenza?” nokuthi “yini ongayilindela ekwelulekeni ngomshado?”, nazi izizathu ezinhlanu zokukusiza ukuthi ubone okusobala izinzuzo zokwelulekwa ngomshado.
1. Izibalo zikhomba ukuthi ukwelulekwa ngemishado kuzuzisa kakhulu
Ukuphendula umbuzo wakho kusiza ngani ukwelulekwa ngomshado? noma kufanele ukwelulekwa ngomshado? Ake singene kudatha ethile ebonakalayo.
Ucwaningo nezifundo eziphindaphindwayo zikhombise kaningi ukusebenza kokwelulekwa ngemishado. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ucwaningo luye lwabonisa nokuthi imibhangqwana ebamba iqhaza ekwelulekeni ngemishado yaneliseka kakhulu futhi yabika ngentuthuko enhle ezindaweni ezahlukahlukene zempilo yabo.
Ukusuka kokuthuthukile, ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba ngokomzimba kuya ekukhiqizweni okukhulayo ebudlelwaneni bomndeni nobenhlalo kube intuthuko ethile ezimpilweni zabashadikazi abadlule kukho ukwelulekwa ngomshado.
Kuke kwaba nocwaningo olwenziwe yi-American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists mayelana nenani labantu abashiya ukwelulekwa ngemishado bezwa sengathi bekuwumsebenzi onenzuzo kubo.
Amaphesenti angaphezu kwama-98 ahlolisisiwe athi abenomeluleki omuhle, amaphesenti angama-90 abike ukuthuthuka empilweni yabo engokomzwelo ngemuva kokuthola ukwelulekwa ngemishado, futhi cishe ababili babahlanganyeli babike impilo eseyithuthukisiwe isiyonke.
Lokho kukodwa kuyisizathu esihle ngokwanele sokuthi okungenani ucabangele ukubona umeluleki noma owelapha, angithi?
2. Kufanele ubonane nomeluleki wemishado kungekudala — futhi njalo
Izithandani kaningi azikaze ziqiniseke ukuthi zingakuthola nini ukwelulekwa ngomshado noma ukuthi zifuna nini ukwelulekwa ngomshado?
Ukube ubungathola igumbi labashadikazi abahlukanisile ndawonye ubabuze ukuthi basitholile yini iseluleko sokwelulekwa ngemishado futhi uma kunjalo, kungani kungasebenzanga, sizimisele ukubheja ukuthi iningi labo lizovuma ukuthi bayobona umeluleki sekwephuze kakhulu emshadweni wabo.
Uma usuvele usephuzwini nasendaweni ebudlelwaneni bakho lapho ufuna ukuyibiza ngokuthi “yeka”, kanti ukwelulekwa ngomshado kungasiza, kuba nzima kakhulu ukuthi umeluleki alethe imiphumela emihle.
Ukuya kokwelulekwa ngomshado ngezindlela eziningi kufana kakhulu nokuvakashela udokotela wakho ukuyohlolwa njalo. Njengomzimba wakho umshado wakho nawo udinga ukunakekelwa okujwayelekile ikakhulukazi okwenziwa ngaphansi kweso lochwepheshe.
Kungakho ngaso sonke isikhathi kungcono kakhulu ukusibona masinya kunokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi ungahambi ngaphansi kwezikhathi ezimbalwa ngonyaka. Ukuthi umshado wakho usesimeni esihle yini. Noma cha.
Ungakhetha ngisho ne- ukwelulekwa ngemishado online uma ungasitholi isikhathi sokuvakashela owelapha mathupha, nokwelulekwa ngemishado ku-inthanethi nakanjani kungakusiza ukonga imali, ngoba kuvame ukushibhile kunokululekwa okwenziwe mathupha.
3. Ukwelulekwa ngomshado kuthuthukisa ukuxhumana
Noma ngabe uzizwa sengathi wena noshade naye ninokuxhumana okuhle noma ningama nithuthuke kuleyo ndawo, enye yezinzuzo zokululekwa ngomshado ukuthi ungathola izeluleko zokuthi ungakhulumisana kanjani kangcono.
Okokuqala, abelaphi bemishado baqeqeshiwe ukuthi bangamodela kanjani amakhono amahle okuxhumana uma kukhulunywa ngokulalela, baphinda lokho abakuzwile ezigulini zabo futhi bathola nezinqumo.
Futhi, abeluleki bezemishado bayazi ukuthi bangabheka kanjani izithandani ngokufanele futhi banqume ukuthi ngabe kunezindawo lapho ukuxhumana kungahle kushode khona (noma ngabe abashadile abakuboni ngaphakathi kwabo.
4. Empeleni ungonga isikhathi nemali ngokuya kokwelulekwa ngemishado
Nakhu okunye okutholakele okungakumangaza: Empeleni uzokonga imali eningi (okungamaphesenti angama-20-40 ngaphezulu) nesikhathi ngokuya kwabeluleki ngokwelulekwa nge umeluleki wemishado noma umelaphi kunokuhamba wedwa uyobona isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo noma udokotela wezifo zengqondo.
Uma kukhulunywa ngemali, kungenxa yokuthi abeluleki abaningi bemibhangqwana banamanani aphansi kakhulu (futhi, kaningi bazimisele kakhulu ukukuhlelela uhlelo lokukhokha uma umshwalense wakho ungakukhokhi abakukhokhisayo).
Ngokuya kwesikhathi, lapho abantu ababili besekamelweni ndawonye, umeluleki wemishado uyakwazi ukubona kangcono amandla obudlelwano. Ngenxa yalokhu, bangazikhomba ngokunembile izinkinga bese befika empandeni yenkinga.
5. Impela ayilimazi
Lapho ukhetha ukusebenza nomuntu onenhliziyo yokubona imishado iphumelela, lokho kungakusiza kuphela.
Yize kuneminye imibhangqwana ezokusho lokho ukwelulekwa ngomshado empeleni kuveze izinselelo eziningi maqondana nobudlelwano babo, imvamisa yingoba umeluleki angaletha izihloko nezinkinga ezingeke zivele ngenye indlela.
Kodwa-ke, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ukusondelana kweqiniso akuhlanganisi nje kuphela ukuba nezikhathi ezimnandi nowakwakho. Kuphathelene nokuba sengozini ngokwanele yokwabelana ngemicabango, imizwa kanye nezinhlangothi zobuntu bakho okuzobasiza ukuthi babone wena uqobo-nonke.
Ukusondelana ukwazi umuntu ngenkathi ukhetha ukumthanda futhi uhlale uzibophezele noma kunjani. Ukwelulekwa ngomshado kuyithuluzi lokukusiza ukuthi uqondane kangcono nalokho osukwazi kakade ngenkathi ufunda ukwamukela okungaziwa.
Lapho wazi ukuthi ungakwenza kanjani lokho, umshado wakho uyakwazi ukuqina kunanini ngaphambili!