-Delile
Kunokukhulu kakhulu ukuzungeza ukuphuma kombuzo ngendlela yomlingo kakhulu. Ukugqoka izembatho ezifanele, ukukhetha indawo ekahle, nokuqasha umthwebuli wezithombe okhokhelwayo ukuze athathe izithombe ezingagunci zenjabulo ejabulisayo (ngethemba!).
Vele, umthwebuli zithombe kufanele ahlale ecashile kuze kube umzuzu omuhle.
"Iyini ingoma yothando ekwenza uzwane?"
Ngenkathi ukulandisa kombuzo omkhulu othi 'Ungangishada?' ilawula ama-tabloid, kukhona isethi ethulile yocwaningo olubalulekile imibuzo okufanele ubuze umlingani wakho ebudlelwaneni, obabuthathe indawo yonke yothando ngesiphepho eminyakeni ethile edlule.
Ebhekisa ocwaningweni lwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo u-Arthur Aron nethimba, okwaduma ngumbhali wephephandaba weNew York Times uMandy Len Catron ngo-2015, kwakuyindlela ephelele yokuthandana.
Kuholele ekuphenyweni kokubona uthando njengezenzo nokufuna ukwakheka okuphelele kwelabhorethri ukuze ichume.
Lolu cwaningo lusungule ukuzivocavoca okusebenzayo okwandisa ithuba lomuntu lokuthandana nomlingani wakhe ngokuphendula isethi yemibuzo yobudlelwano ezokwenza impilo yakho yothando ibe ngcono.
Lo mbhalo uzobheka izindima ezibalulekile ezingadlalwa ubuciko bokubuza imibuzo kanye nokulalela okujulile ekubambaneni kothando. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kanjani ilukuluku nemibuzo kuvusa ubudlelwano.
“Yiliphi lelo thoyizi elikhethekile lobuntwana obulokhu ulithanda?”
Isilingo: Ingxoxo iyaqhubeka
Ukuhlolwa okwenziwe odokotela bengqondo abashiwo ngenhla kuzame izindlela eziningi zokubhebhethekisa uthando phakathi kwabantu abangabazi.
Kwembula ukuthi imizuzu engama-45 yokwabelana ngezimpendulo ochungechungeni lwemibuzo, eyaqala ukusondelana ngokwedlulele emvelweni, iholela ekuzizweleni okuhle kokulinganisa umlingani wakho kanye nokuzizwa usondelene nabo.
Iziphetho ezivela ekuhlolweni zinikeza ukuqonda kunethiwekhi yokuguquguqukayo okudlala indima enamandla ekuxhumaneni kothando.
Ukwabelana ngokuhlangenwe nakho, ukudalula izindaba ezisondelene nemibono, nokuthi othile aphendule imibuzo esondelene ngokweqiniso, yizimbalwa zamabhulokhi wokwakha akhonjwayo.
"Yini into enesibindi eniyenzile niphikisana nokuphikisana / ukungavumelani?"
I-Psychology yokubuza imibuzo
Imibuzo, ngokwemvelo, iyimilingo. Lokhu akulona iqiniso ngokucwaninga, izinkulumo ezingenanhlonipho noma ezihlambalazayo ezifihliwe njengemibuzo.Uhlobo lwemibuzo ebhalwe ekuhlolweni, lokho kuzala okusondele, kunelukuluku ngokwemvelo. Ake sibabize ngemibuzo enelukuluku kusukela manje.
Izimfanelo ezimbili eziyinhloko zemibuzo ebuzwe nge- ilukuluku ebudlelwaneni bezothando ukuvuleka kokulalela kanye nomuzwa wokwamukelwa.
Ukuvuleleka ekulaleleni kukhuthazwa yimvelo ephilayo futhi esondelene yemibuzo. Izimpendulo zakha ibhuloho lokwabelana phakathi kwabalingani. Ngaleso sikhathi, umbuzo nempendulo kuba yisibuko sobuqiniso.
Umuzwa wokwamukelwa ugcizelelwa ukuthintana kwamehlo okugcinwe ngumlingani, ukuncika kancane lapho izimpendulo kwabelwana ngazo, nesimo sengqondo sokungahluleli. Lokhu kudala isikhala esingabamba ukuba sengozini kokunye.
Ukuba sengozini kungadala isikhala sezingxoxo eziyiqiniso nezinqumo ezinesibindi (Bona i-Cognitive Psychology: Connecting Mind, Research, and Everyday Experience).
Isinyathelo sokugcina kulokuzivocavoca bekuwukubuka iso lozakwethu imizuzu emibili kuya kwemine. Lesi sinyathelo sichazwe njengezomzwelo, esiqinile, esesabekayo, esisengozini futhi esisebenza kakhulu ekwakheni ama-bond.
Zithande ngemibuzo
Ungabuza- Manje kuthiwani? Njengoba ubungeyona ingxenye yesilingo futhi ungabatholanga ozakwethu besikhathi eside kusethingi le-laboratory, ukwazi kanjani ngemibuzo enelukuluku nokulalela okujulile kusiza icala lakho lezothando? Futhi kungani abantu abanelukuluku benobudlelwano obungcono?
Kunemininingwane ethile evela kulesi silingo engasetshenziswa ngqo empilweni ukwakha izibopho ezijulile ngokujwayelekile nezibopho zothando ikakhulukazi. Le mininingwane ibuye ibe nezizathu eziphezulu zokubuza imibuzo futhi uhlale unelukuluku ebudlelwaneni.
Nazi ezinye izindlela zokuheha umlingani wakho ngemibuzo:
- Kumasayithi wokuphola, njengeTinder, phakamisa umdlalo wakho ngemibuzo enelukuluku kunokuthi 'WYD oyisicefe'?
- Ozakwethu kufanele benze umkhuba wokungagcini nje ngokubamba usuku lomunye kodwa futhi babuze imibuzo ethokozisayo nengumbono. Izimpendulo zabo zizokusiza uthole izici ezintsha zobuntu babo futhi uvuselele ubudlelwano bakho.
- Thola uhlu lwemibuzo esetshenzisiwe ekuhlolweni, ikakhulukazi uma unenkinga enzima ebudlelwaneni bakho, uphinde uthole ukusondelana okuya ngokuya kuphela.
- Chitha isikhumbuzo sakho noma isikhathi esindawonye sazana ngokwengeziwe ngezinkumbulo nangezindaba ezabiwe kunangezinsuku ezibizayo nezindlela zokuthola amahhotela.
"Lapho sesineminyaka engama-90 futhi sesiqede uhlu lwezipho zezinto ezibonakalayo, iyiphi imfanelo yami oyithanda kakhulu?"
Ekuphetheni, imibuzo enelukuluku idala isimo sokwethembana, ukudlala nenjabulo. Zivula indlela yokuthi kwabelwane ngezindaba ezindala bese kwenziwa ezintsha.