-Delile
Uyaqhubeka, othandweni njengakuqala, futhi uyaqhuma ... iqiniso liza ngokuwa lapho uthola ukuthi omunye wakho obalulekile ubelokhu enendaba yenhliziyo.
Kukhula umgodi esiswini sakho osayizi kaCleveland lapho ubona ukuthi umyalezo othi "Ngifisa sengathi ngabe ubulapha ... ngicabanga ngawe ngaso sonke isikhathi" uthunyelwe komunye umuntu izolo ebusuku ngo-10: 30 ebusuku.
Umehluko omkhulu phakathi kwalokho obucabanga ukuthi kungokoqobo neqiniso langempela kungashaqisa, kukhungathekise futhi kuphazamise.
Yile ndlela omunye wamakhasimende ami wakamuva akuchaze ngayo noma kunjalo.
UMary noJohn base bendawonye cishe iminyaka emibili. UMary wangibikela ukuthi wayengakaze azizwe kanjena nganoma ubani omunye futhi nokuthi wayefuna ukuchitha impilo yakhe yonke noJohn.
Kodwa-ke, ezinyangeni ezintathu ezedlule, uMary wathola uxhaxha lwemiyalezo nezithombe phakathi kukaJohn nomunye wesifazane ezaqala ezinyangeni eziyi-8 kuphela ngemuva kokuba beqale ukuthandana. Ngokwalokho ayengakutshela, abakaze baye ocansini empeleni, kepha lokho kwakungasho lutho. Wayephatheke kabi. “Angazisho kanjani lezi zinto ezisondelene komunye umuntu?” ubuza, ikakhulukazi lapho engakutshela khona, ubudlelwano babo babuyinto ejabulisayo.
Izindaba ezingokomzwelo zingaziveza ngazo zonke izindlela.
Owesifazane oshadile weminyaka eyi-15 ohlale ekhuluma "nomngani osebenza naye" ngezinkinga zakhe ekhaya, ebe enza isiqiniseko sokuthi ubukeka emuhle kakhulu.
Indoda exhumana ne-ex yekolishi bese iqala ukuthandana ngokungemthetho ivuthiwe ngezingxoxo ezinde zocingo, imiyalezo eyimfihlo, kanye nokushintshana ngezithombe njalo.
Lolu hlobo lokukhaphela lubuhlungu njengeziphambeko zocansi futhi lungumthambeka oshelelayo. Umuntu owenza ukukopela ngokomzwelo kaningi akaboni ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle kulokho akwenzayo. Ngemuva kwakho konke, kabanga noma baya ocansini nalo omunye umuntu.
Ngokwesibonelo, lapho uMary ebuza uJohn ngezenzo zakhe, wavele wathi “Nginesithukuthezi emsebenzini, ngakho-ke ngiyathumela futhi.”
Ukuqala inqubo yokwelashwa
Lapho ukukhaphela okunje kwenzeka, kuyinto ejwayelekile ukuzwa intukuthelo, ukudabuka, ukukhathazeka, ukungalali, amahloni, noma ukungathandi ukudla, kepha umbono oyiphutha ovame kakhulu engiwubona emgqeni wami womsebenzi ukuzisola.
Umuntu okhohliswa uzizwa sengathi lokhu kuyiphutha lakhe, ememezela ukuthi "ukube benginokuzethemba okukhulu noma ngizimisele noma ngikhathazeke kakhulu kunalokhu bekungeke kwenzeke."
Kepha uma sibheka ukuthi abantu basebenza kanjani, siyabona ukuthi lokhu akulona neze iqiniso.
Into eyodwa bonke abakopeli bemizwa abafana ngayo ukuthi bayabanjwa futhi bayengwe yimicabango yabo ephansi. Bathatha imizwa yokudinwa nokungazethembi ngokungathi sína, ngakho-ke lapho kufika omunye umuntu ebanikeza ukunakwa okuhle, bayakwamukela ukushesha kwe-dopamine okuvela kulokhu kuxhumana okusha nokujabulisayo. Abakhohlisi empeleni basebenzisa lolu daba njengebhendi yesikhashana ukuze bangakhululeki ngokomzwelo.
Okufanele ngikwenze
Uma kushiwo lokho, noma ngabe izenzo zomkhohlisi ziveza ukucabanga kwabo, ayikho impendulo "efanele" yendawo yonke yokuthi yini okumele yenziwe ngemuva kokuthandana nomzwelo. Eminye imibhangqwana izohlala ndawonye, abanye bazokhetha ukwehlukana, kepha futhi abanye bacabangisise ngesixazululo esisebenzayo esibasebenzelayo.
Iphutha elikhulu engibona amaklayenti elenzayo ukungaziniki isikhathi esanele sokucabanga ngaphakathi kumathumbu abo ngemuva kokukhashelwa. Yize izeluleko zabangani zinenhloso enhle, ukuthatha isikhathi ukubheka ngobuhlakani bakho bangaphakathi nokuqonda okuvamile futhi uvumele umlingani wakho isikhala sokwenza okufanayo, kubalulekile.
Zilungiselele
Emibhangqwaneni ekhetha ukuhlala ndawonye, inselelo enkulu kakhulu "yiziphepho zokucabanga" ezilandela izinsuku, izinyanga, noma ngisho neminyaka elandelayo.
Zilungiselele ukuthi imicabango ephikelelayo ngendlela yokukhathazeka nokukhathazeka kungenzeka ivele kumuntu okhohlisiwe nokuthi imicabango yokungazethembi nesithukuthezi izophinda ivele kulowo owonile.
Ukucabanga (ngesimo sezinkumbulo nemizwa) kuyisici esiyinhloko esivimbela imibhangqwana ukuthi iphinde yakhe ukwethembana. Noma kunjalo, kungenzeka ukwethemba futhi.
Isihluthulelo sokwakha kabusha ukwethembana kulapho imibhangqwana iqonda ukuthi akudingeki ukuthi yenze noma ikholelwe yonke imicabango engena emiqondweni yayo.
Ukuthola ukuqwashisa okwengeziwe ngohlobo lomcabango kusiza kakhulu ukunikela esikalini esivuna umbhangqwana. Endabeni kaMary noJohn, uMary wenze isinqumo sokumxolela uJohn futhi ubika ukuthi benza kahle kakhulu manje.
Ngincoma ukufunda kabanzi ngezindlela zokwelashwa ezisuselwa emcabangweni njengalezi ezibalwe ngezansi.
Qala ngalezi zinsiza:
Uhlelo lokusebenza lwe-10% olujabulisayo lukaDan Harris lokuzindla nsuku zonke okuqondisiwe
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