-Delile
- Izehlukaniso ziqaliswa ngabesifazane futhi
- Ngakho-ke yimiphi imininingwane nezinyathelo ezingavikela umshado?
- Isithembiso sothando
- Tshala imali. Tshala imali eningi
- Kepha uma ukuxhumeka kwehla, mhlawumbe isignali idinga ukukhuthazwa.
- Futhi enye into: mhlawumbe kuzwakala ukuthi ukupha akwanele, noma ukukusika.
Impilo yanamuhla - silwela inqubekela phambili ngezindlela eziningi ezahlukahlukene njengomphakathi. Uma kukhulunywa ngomshado - sithuthuka kanjani, endaweni yobudlelwano obusondelene kakhulu babantu? Uma silinganise kuphela ngamanani edivosi, imikhuba yabantu evamile ingase isenze sikholelwe ukuthi amanani ezehlukaniso aqhubeka ngokwenyuka kuphela.
Iqiniso ukuthi, amanani ezehlukaniso ayahlukahluka ngokwamazwe, ngokuya ngezici eziningi. Ukufundwa kwezinye izifunda ezinamanani aphezulu, njengezingxenye zaseYurophu (ucwaningo lwakamuva lukhombisa iBelgium, iLuxembourg, iFrance, iCzech Republic nePortugal ngamazinga angaphezu kuka-60%, iBelgium ingu-73%!), Kukhombisa ukungabi bikho kokuzinza komphakathi, okunesizotha izindinganiso zezizathu zesehlukaniso, yizinto ezimbalwa nje ezidlalwayo. Ngenkathi i-U.S. Isalokhu ihamba phambili kwezingu-10 emazingeni esehlukaniso emhlabeni, amanani aphelele empeleni abe ehla selokhu kwaba nokwanda kwesehlukaniso eminyakeni yama-70s / 80s; imfundo ephakeme ibukeka njengeyona nto ebaluleke kakhulu yokubhalela; labo abasezingeni eliphansi noma elingaphansi kobuphofu basengozini enkulu.
Izehlukaniso ziqaliswa ngabesifazane futhi
UWilliam Doherty, u-U weSazi sokusebenza kwengqondo eMinnesota, uphawula ukuthi ngokulinganisela kwakhe, cishe u-2/3 wezehlukaniso uqalwa ngabesifazane, ngakho-ke uma sibheka udaba lwesehlukaniso, uthi, sibheka udaba lokushintshwa kwamathemba abesifazane - ukucatshangelwa okunengqondo kufanele uhlolisise ngokuqhubekayo. Kusukela ekuqaleni kwekhulu lama-20, izimo zengqondo zomshado nokuziphatha kuye kwaqhubeka; njengenjwayelo, ezinye zibe ngcono, mhlawumbe ezinye zingabi ngcono. Ngenkathi eminyakeni engama-50 edlule, ushade impilo yonke, futhi bekunjalo nje. Manje, sithambekele ekucabangeni ngazo zonke izinketho; impela, isiko lethu lesimanje lamasiko ne-psyche, ngingathi, seligudluke kakhulu ekuzinikeleni kokungabaza iqhaza, uma selishadile (okuhle impela).
Kodwa-ke, njengoba ukugcizelelwa komphakathi enjabulweni yomuntu nokweneliseka sekube yingxenye yengqondo yethu ebumbene, ngingasho ukuthi sibambe iqhaza embuzweni othi, "Kuyini kimi lokhu?" Siwazi kakhulu amalungelo ethu, izinketho zethu, nokuphishekela kwethu injabulo. Kuhle kithi. Kumane nje, kubuyela embuzweni weminyaka yobudala - iyini injabulo yangempela, itholakala kuphi? Okuqukethwe yiPeruse Psychology Today, okunezindatshana eziningi ezinhle, kepha uzobona imicu yezindikimba ngokuthola ukuzanelisa komuntu siqu.
Ngakho-ke yimiphi imininingwane nezinyathelo ezingavikela umshado?
Yini esiyisebenzisayo lapha? Ngingathanda ukusebenzisa lokho okushiwo nguM. Scott Peck emgqeni wokuqala wesihloko sakhe sakudala, Umgwaqo Ohamba Ngaphansi. "Impilo inzima". Uqhubeka athi, abaningi bagcina belashwa, noma ezinkingeni esizenzayo, ngoba sigwema umsebenzi onzima wokuxazulula izinkinga zethu. Sifuna ukusikwa okufishane. Ukutshala imali kuthatha umsebenzi. Akuhambelani nomqondo wesiko lethu lokuzanelisa elikhula ngokushesha, akunjalo, ukuhlupheka ngezidingo ezingafinyelelwanga.
Abukho ubuhlobo obuzoke buhlangabezane nazo zonke izidingo zethu, ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kepha, lapho uzithola uzizwa unganelisekile, kulula, futhi bengingaphikisana, mhlawumbe ngisho nokuziphendukela kwemvelo, ukubheka, lapho uzizwa unciphisa izinzuzo nomlingani wakho. Kusho uPeck, kanti abanye bakusho ngezinye izindlela: ubuvila buphikisana nothando. Mhlawumbe ukwehluleka ukugogeka enjabulweni yethu kuyingxenye enkulu lapho izinto zingahambi kahle khona.
Uma izinhlanga zethu zomphakathi seziqala ukusithengisela umbono wokuthi, mhlawumbe "izinto ngeke zihlale unomphela - noma ngabe nihlala ndawonye", (ngiyabonga uSheryl Crow) - uma siqala ukuthenga kulokho kucabanga - esikhundleni sokuphinda kabili lapho kuvela iminjunju yokungeneliseki, singahehwa kakhulu ukwamukela imibono yothando yenkululeko neyothando olusha, noma okungenani sikhiphe lokho esikubona njengomthombo wezinhlungu zethu.
Isithembiso sothando
Mhlawumbe kungokwethembiso lothando olungenamibandela, lapho into ehlala njalo ingaphila. Uma ungazizwa, mhlawumbe ubhajwe phakathi a) imibono yokulangazelela noma ukuhungwa ngokunye okuthile, kuqhathaniswa b) uzizwe kufanele uxazulule noma uhlupheke, mina ngiphakamisa umgwaqo oya kumqondo wesithathu, ekugcineni owanelisa ngokwengeziwe, owodwa engikholelwa ngokuphelele ukuthi isiko eliphikisayo liya ngokuya liphikisana?
Tshala imali. Tshala imali eningi
Kuthiwa sithanda into esitshala kuyo imali. Heck, noma kubudlelwano obungasebenzi kahle, kuthiwa kwesinye isikhathi "sijaha utshalomali lwethu, sizama ukubuyisa imbuyiselo yethu. Manje angikhulumi ngemishado engenampilo, engasebenzi lapho kungekho khona ukuphindisela. Mhlawumbe uhlala nomlingani ohlola. Njengalesi seluleko, kuvame ukudingeka ithuluzi elingaphezu kwelilodwa lomsebenzi. Ngesinye isikhathi ngike ngasebenza neklayenti ngezindlela eziphazamisayo zokunaka umlingani wabo, mhlawumbe ngize ngibuyisele emuva ukunikela kwabo ngendlela ethile, isikhathi esithile, ngenhloso noma umgomo othile. Ukuqaphela kakhulu izidingo zethu ezingagcwaliseki, kuzoklinya uthando lwethu. Sizwa ngabanye bezama umgwaqo wokwehlukanisa, noma othile eqinisekisa izinhlungu zethu, futhi singathinta ngaphakathi inkinobho yokuqothula.
Kepha uma ukuxhumeka kwehla, mhlawumbe isignali idinga ukukhuthazwa.
Phuma endleleni yakho ukuze ucabangisise; wenzele umlingani wakho izinto ezibakhombisa uthando lwakho ngempela. Futhi zinikele kuso isikhashana - sinikeze okungenani isipelingi samasonto, ukuze owakwakho abone umehluko. Ungayi ukujaha ukuvuma kwabo. Kwenze nje. Qiniseka; abaphekele. Yenza impilo ibe lula. Babuze ngabo kanye nezinto ezibakhathazayo. Cabanga ukuthi uhlangabezana kanjani nezidingo zabo. Cabanga ngemicabango yakho yangasese, mayelana nezici ozihloniphayo nozazisayo ngazo.
Ucwaningo lwakamuva luthi i-nostalgia iyindlela ethandwa kakhulu yothando yokusinda. Khulisa ukubonga kwangaphakathi nsuku zonke kulo muntu omkhethele esihlalweni esiphakeme kakhulu empilweni yakho. Uma bekungeyena umuntu ozizwa umthanda, cabanga ukuthi uma amandla athile okuphila kungenzeka abathintile. Singahle singami nokuqonda ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka noma isigaba sosizi, inkinga yezokwelapha, noma umzabalazo wokuguqula impilo. Kuyizinkinga, uma sithembekile singase sibhekane nathi. Sakha hlobo luni lwesimo somshado uma sithenga umqondo wokuhamba lapho sekunzima? Indaba eyodwa yamaklayenti engiyizwe muva nje ngokuhlanganyela ithi ukuphawula kukadokotela wabo ukuthi kungani eminye imibhangqwana iyenza, kanti abanye abayenzi? Kwabanye, isehlukaniso akuyona nje inketho. ”
Futhi enye into: mhlawumbe kuzwakala ukuthi ukupha akwanele, noma ukukusika.
Abaningi bashiya imishado yabo ngenxa yezidingo ezingagcwaliseki; noma kunjalo abaningi engihlangana nabo baye bancama, noma kaningi kakhulu, abangayeki ukubuza ngendlela ecacile ngokwanele, ukuze kuhlangatshezwane nezidingo zabo, banikeze umlingani wabo ithuba lokusukuma. Mhlawumbe utshalomali lwakho kumlingani wakho, ukwenza yona le nto - yima ucele ukuthi izidingo zakho zihlangatshezwe. Kusibiza ukuba sengozini; kubiza ukuthi sitshale imali eyanele ukubalinda, kepha futhi nokubanika ithuba. Futhi, singadinga ngisho nokubekezela, njengoba sibheka noma yimuphi umthwalo wempilo abangasindwa ngawo. Umthetho wegolide - kulula ukubuyela emuva, ekukhanyeni kwento entsha. Ilangabi elingaguquguquki lomlilo ogciniwe, linikeza ukukhanya okuhluke ngokuphelele.