Izizathu ezingama-30 zokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela ebudlelwaneni - Isazi Roundup

Umlobi: Peter Berry
Usuku Lokudalwa: 17 Ujulayi 2021
Ukuvuselela Usuku: 23 Ujuni 2024
Anonim
Izizathu ezingama-30 zokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela ebudlelwaneni - Isazi Roundup - Incwadi Ehlukene Yengqondo
Izizathu ezingama-30 zokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela ebudlelwaneni - Isazi Roundup - Incwadi Ehlukene Yengqondo

-Delile

Kuyini ukukopela ebudlelwaneni?

Ukukopela kulapho omunye ophathisa omunye ethembela kuye futhi ephula isethembiso sokugcina bodwa ngokomzwelo nangokobulili nabo.

Ukukhohliswa ngumuntu omthanda kakhulu kungahlukumeza kakhulu. Abantu abakhohliswa bahlupheka kakhulu.

Ungacabanga ukuthi kufanele uzizwe kanjani lapho umuntu ekhohliswa futhi eqanjwa amanga ngumlingani wakhe, abebephuphe ukuchitha naye impilo yakhe yonke?

Bazizwa bethukuthele, bedumele futhi bephukile. Into yokuqala efika emqondweni wabo lapho bekhohliswa ukuthi, "Kungani lokhu kwenzeke, yini eyenza abalingani babo bakhohlise?"

Kuvame kangakanani ukukopela


Ngubani okopela abesilisa nabesifazane abaningi? Ingabe amadoda akhohlisa ngaphezu kwabesifazane?

Yize bobabili abesilisa nabesifazane bekhohlisa, izibalo ziveza ukuthi amadoda amaningi kunabesifazane avumile ukuthi anezindaba ngemuva komshado. Ngakho-ke, imaphi amaphesenti abantu abakhohlisayo?

Uma ubuza ukuthi imaphi amaphesenti amadoda akhohlisayo nokuthi amaphesenti wabesifazane abakhohlisayo, akumangazi ukuthi amadoda angamakhulu ayisikhombisa wamathuba okukhohlisa kunabesifazane.

Buka futhi:

Ingabe bonke abantu bayakopela?

Izibalo ziqinisekisa ukuthi amadoda angamakhulu okukhohlisa kunabesifazane, kodwa kukude kakhulu nokuveza ukuthi wonke amadoda akhohlisa.


Akuwona wonke amadoda afana futhi akuwona wonke akhohlisayo. Kodwa-ke, ngokwengqondo, kunezici ezenza amadoda akhohlise ngaphezu kwabesifazane.

Abesifazane bayizinto ezibucayi ngokwedlulele futhi kuyabacasula ngokomoya lapho amadoda ebakhohlisa.

Bazithola behlukumezeka yile mibuzo, "Kungani lokhu kwenzeka, kungani amadoda ashadile ekopela?" , "Uyakopela?"

Akukona nje ukundiza okwesikhashana, izikhathi eziningi abesifazane bathola abayeni babo beqhubeka nezindaba ezinde futhi bazibuze ngophathina babo, “Kungani amadoda ashadile enezindaba zesikhathi eside?”, “Kungani abantu bekhohlisa ebudlelwaneni?”

Ekukhululekeni kwabo ochwepheshe bobudlelwano abangama-30 baphendula lo mbuzo ongezansi ukukusiza uqonde ukuthi kungani amadoda ekopela:

1. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa ngenxa yokuntula ukuvuthwa

UDkt. I-TEQUILLA HILL HALES, LMFT

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo


Kungani amadoda ekopela ebudlelwaneni?

Abesilisa, ngokuvamile, bazoba nezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani benza ucansi. Kusuka kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami ​​komtholampilo, ngibonile ingqikithi ejwayelekile yokungavuthwa ngokomzwelo nalabo abasebenza ezinhlizweni ezingokomzwelo nezingokomzimba zokukopela.

Ukuntula ukuvuthwa kokutshala isikhathi, ukuzibophezela, namandla okwenza izingqinamba ezisemqoka ebuhlotsheni babo bomshado yingakho amadoda ekopela, kahle, okungenani ezinye zazo. Esikhundleni salokho, la madoda avame ukukhetha ukwenza imisebenzi eyingozi kubo bobabili abanye babo ababalulekile, imindeni kanye nakubo uqobo.

Imiphumela eshisayo evame ukuza nemiphumela yokukopela ebudlelwaneni ayicatshangwa kuze kube ngemuva kweqiniso.

Abesilisa abakhohlisayo banomsebenzi obonakalayo wokungakhathali. Kungasiza abesilisa abacabanga ukukopela ukuthi bacabange isikhathi eside futhi kanzima uma lolu daba lufanelwe ukulimaza noma mhlawumbe ukulahlekelwa yibo abamemezela ukuthi babathanda kakhulu.

Ingabe ubuhlobo bakho bufanele ukugembulwa ngeqiniso?

2. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa lapho benziwe bazizwe bengafaneleki

DANIELLE ADINOLFI, MFT

Ohlinzeka Ngocansi

Kungani amadoda ekopela? Umuzwa olumayo wokungafaneleki uyisandulela esikhulu sesifiso sokukopela. Abesilisa (nabesifazane) bazitika ngokukopela lapho bezizwa bengafaneleki.

Abesilisa abakhohlisayo kaninginingi yilabo abenziwa kaningi ukuthi bazizwe sengathi bangaphansi kunabo, bafuna ukuthola umuntu obenza bazizwe njengokubalulekile.

Empeleni, bazama ukuvala isikhala esisebenzisana nabalingani babo.

Ukufuna ukunakwa ngaphandle kobuhlobo kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi benziwa ukuthi bazizwe bengafaneleki ngabalingani babo.

Ukufuna ukunakwa ngaphandle kobudlelwano kuyisibonakaliso esivelele sokukhaphela okuqhamukayo ebudlelwaneni nesizathu sokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

3. Abesilisa bazizwa benamahloni ngesifiso sabo senjabulo

UMARKU OCONNELL, LCSW- R, MFA

Udokotela wezifo zengqondo

Kungani amadoda alungile enezindaba? Impendulo ithi - Shame.

Kungani amadoda enezindaba ezithinta imizwa hhayi ngokomzimba nje kungenxa yamahloni, yingakho abantu bekopela.

Ngiyazi ukuthi lokho kuzwakala kuyindida futhi kufana nenkinga yamahhashi enqola ngoba abantu abaningi baba namahloni ngemuva ukubanjwa ukukopela. Kepha izindlela zokukopela zivame ukubangelwa amahloni.

Ngiyakuzonda ukwehlisa futhi ngihlukanise, kodwa lokho amadoda amaningi okopelile afana ngakho — kokubili izitabane nokuqondile - kuyizinga elithile lamahloni ngezifiso zawo zobumnandi.

Indoda ekhohlisayo imvamisa umuntu ohlushwa umuzwa oqinile kodwa ocashile wehlazo ngezifiso zakhe zocansi.

Abaningi babo bayabathanda futhi bazinikele ngokujulile kubalingani babo, kepha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi baba nokwesaba okukhulu ukuthi izifiso zabo ziyaliwa.

Lapho omunye wethu esondela kakhulu kumuntu esimthandayo, ubuhlobo buya bujwayeleka futhi bujwayele umndeni, ngakho-ke kuba nzima kakhulu ukufuna injabulo njengabantu ngabanye - ikakhulukazi uma kukhulunywa ngocansi nezothando - ngaphandle kokulimaza omunye umuntu kwabanye indlela, nokuzizwa unamahloni ngenxa yalokho.

Esikhundleni sokubeka engcupheni ihlazo lokudalula izifiso zabo nokwaliwa, amadoda amaningi anquma ukuba nakho ngazo zombili izindlela: ubudlelwano obuphephile, obuvikelekile nobunothando ekhaya; nobudlelwano bezocansi obuthokozisayo, obukhululayo, nakwezinye izindawo, lokhu kuyimpendulo yombuzo othi, "kungani amadoda ekopela"

Njengomelaphi, ngisiza abantu ukuthi bazulazule emsebenzini oyinselele wokuxoxisana ngezidingo zocansi nabalingani babo, kunokusebenzisa ukukopela noma ukuhlukana okungadingekile. Ezimweni eziningi eziningi, imibhangqwana inquma ukuhlala ndawonye ngenxa yalokho.

Kwezinye izimo, ukuxoxisana ngokungagunci nangokusobala mayelana nezifiso ezingqubuzanayo kungaholela ekuhlukaneni okudingekayo.

Kepha ukuxoxa obala ngezidingo zocansi kungcono kuwo wonke umuntu obandakanyekayo kunokukhohlisa umlingani wakho nokwephula imithetho eyaziwayo ebudlelwaneni.

4. Amadoda kwesinye isikhathi anenkinga yokusondelana

IGREG GRIFFIN, MA, BCPC

UMeluleki Wokwelusa

Yini okufanele uyiqaphele emadodeni akhohlisayo? Noma yiziphi izimpawu zomuntu wakho obhekene nezinkinga zokusondelana kungaba ifulegi elibomvu.

Abesilisa bakopela ngoba banesifo sokusondelana, noma ngabe benza ukukopela online noma ngomuntu.

Cishe abazi ukuthi bangacela kanjani ukusondelana (hhayi i-JUST sex), noma uma bebuza, abazi ukuthi bangakwenza kanjani ngendlela exhuma nowesifazane, ephendula ukuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

Ngakho-ke, indoda bese ibheka indawo eshibhile yokunciphisa izidingo zayo nezifiso zokusondelana.

5. Abesilisa bakhohlisa ngoba bakhetha

UDkt. LAWANDA N. EVANS, LPC, NCC

Umeluleki

Kungani amadoda ashadile enezindaba? Akukho “okwenza” amadoda akhohlise abalingani bawo, amadoda akhohlise ngoba ekhetha ukwenza kanjalo.

Ukukopela kungukukhetha, uzokhetha ukukwenza noma akhethe ukungakwenzi.

Ukukopela kuwukubonakaliswa kwezinkinga ezingaxazululiwe ezingabhekwanga nazo, igebe elingagcwaliseki, nokwehluleka ukuzibophezela ngokugcwele ebudlelwaneni nakumlingani wakhe.

Indoda ekopela unkosikazi akuyona into eyenzekayo, kungukukhetha okwenziwe yindoda. Ayikho incazelo efanelekile yokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

6. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa ngenxa yobugovu

SEAN SEARS, MS, O.M.C.

UMeluleki Wokwelusa

Phezulu, kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

Okufana nokuthi: “Utshani buhlaza,” uzizwa ufiswa, injabulo yokunqoba, uzizwa uvalelekile, ungajabule, njll. Ngaphansi kwazo zonke lezo zizathu nezinye, kulula kakhulu, ubugovu.

Ubugovu obubophezela ukuzibophezela, ubuqotho besimilo nokuhlonipha omunye ngaphezu komuntu uqobo.

7. Abesilisa bakhohlisa ngenxa yokuntula ukwazisa

UROBERT TAIBBI, uLCSW

Usonhlalakahle wasemtholampilo

Yize kunezizathu eziningi ezibekiwe, indikimba eyodwa edlula kuzo kwabesilisa ukungabi nokwazisa nokunakwa.

Amadoda amaningi azizwa ukuthi ayisebenzele kanzima imindeni yawo, afaka ngaphakathi imizwa yawo, ezwe ukuthi bekade enza okuningi kodwa engatholi okwanele ngokubuyisela, lokhu kuchaza, kungani amadoda ekopela.

Le ndaba inika ithuba lokuthola ukunconywa, ukwamukelwa, ukunakwa okusha, ukuzibona kabusha emehlweni omunye umuntu.

8. Amadoda afuna uthando nokunakwa

UDANA JULIAN, MFT

Ohlinzeka Ngocansi

Kunezizathu ezimbalwa, kungani amadoda ekopela kepha esivele sinamathele kimi, amadoda afana nokulalela. Ebudlelwaneni ukukopela kukhulisa ikhanda lalo elibi lapho kunokushoda komuzwa wokuthandwa nokwaziswa.

Izikhathi eziningi, ikakhulukazi ekugijimeni kwethu okusheshayo, ukujaha, umphakathi, imibhangqwana iba matasa kakhulu ize ikhohlwe ukunakekelana.

Izingxoxo zigxile kakhulu ekusebenzeni kwezinto, "ngubani oqoqa izingane namuhla," "Ungakhohlwa ukusayina amaphepha asebhange," njll. Amadoda, njengathi sonke, afuna uthando nokunakwa.

Uma bezizwa benganakiwe, bexhashazwa, noma betatanyiswa njalo bazofuna umuntu olalelayo, ame abancome futhi kubenza bazizwe behle, ngokungafani nalokho ababezizwa bekukhona nabalingani babo, ukwehluleka.

Abesilisa nezindaba ezingokomzwelo ziyahambisana lapho kunokunganakwa kowakwakhe.

Ukukopela ngokomzwelo kumlingani wakho, noma kunjalo, kuyindlela yokukopela.

9. Amadoda adinga ukuziphulula kwawo

ADA GONZALEZ, L.M.F.T.

Umelaphi womndeni

Kungani amadoda ekopela? Isizathu esisodwa esivame kakhulu ukungavikeleki komuntu siqu okwenza kube nesidingo esikhulu sokuthi ama-ego abo aphulwe.

Noma ikuphi “ukunqoba” okusha kubanika inkohliso yokuthi bangamangalisa kakhulu, yingakho amadoda enendaba.

Kepha ngoba kusekelwe ekuqinisekisweni kwangaphandle, umzuzu lapho izikhalazo ezintsha zokunqoba nganoma yini, ukungabaza kubuyile ngempindiselo futhi udinga ukufuna ukunqoba okusha, yingakho amadoda ekopela.

Ngaphandle ubukeka ephephile futhi ezikhukhumeza. Kepha kunjalo ukungavikeleki okumshayelayo.

10. Amadoda ayaphoxeka emshadweni wawo

UDEBBIE MCFADDEN, D.MIN, MSW

Umeluleki

Kungani amadoda ashadile ekopela?

Imvamisa abesilisa bakhohlisa omkabo ngoba sebephoxekile emshadweni wabo.

Babecabanga ukuthi lapho sebeshadile, impilo izoba mnandi. Bebezoba ndawonye nabalingani babo futhi bakwazi ukukhuluma konke abakufunayo futhi benze ucansi lapho befuna futhi behlala ezweni elingenakubalwa ndawonye.

Kodwa-ke, baqala ukwenza impilo ndawonye nomsebenzi, izibopho zezezimali nokuba nezingane. Ngokungazelelwe injabulo ayisekho.

Kubukeka sengathi konke kumayelana nomsebenzi nokunakekela abanye abantu nezidingo zabo. Kuthiwani "ngezidingo zami!" Lokhu kungani amadoda ashadile ekopela. Amadoda aba nomona ngalabo abancane endlini abadla sonke isikhathi namandla wabalingani babo.

Kubonakala sengathi akasamfuni noma amlangazelele. Konke akwenzayo ukunakekela izingane, agijime nazo zonke izindawo futhi angamnaki.

Kungani amadoda ekopela?

Kungenxa yokuthi baqala ukubheka kwenye indawo lowo muntu ozobanika abakudingayo, bobabili - ukunaka nokuncoma ubulili. Bangaphansi komcabango wokuthi omunye umuntu angakwazi futhi uzohlangabezana nezidingo zakhe futhi abajabulise.

Bakholelwa ukuthi akukhona kubo kepha kuya komunye umuntu ukubenza bazizwe bethandwa futhi befunwa. Kakade, “bafanelwe ukujabula!”

11. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa uma benomlutha wezocansi

EDDIE CAPPARUCCI, MA, LPC, CCSAS UMKHANDLU

Umeluleki

Kungani amadoda ekopela omkabo?

Kunezizathu eziningi zokuthi kungani amadoda enza ukungathembeki. Umkhuba owodwa esiwubonile eminyakeni engama-20 eyedlule kube ukwanda kwesibalo samadoda atholakale enokulutha ngokocansi.

Laba bantu basebenzisa kabi ucansi ukuze baziphazamise ekucindezelekeni okungokomzwelo lokho kuvame ukuba ngumphumela wokuhlukumezeka noma ukunganakwa kwesikhathi esedlule.

Balwela ukuzizwa beqinisekiswa noma befiswa futhi nansi incazelo yokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

Kaningi baba nemizwa yobuthakathaka nokuzenyeza futhi cishe bonke balwa nekhono lokusondelana ngokomzwelo nabanye.

Izenzo zabo ezingafanele ziqhutshwa ngumfutho kanye nokwehluleka kokubeka ezingeni lokuziphatha kwabo.

Abesilisa abathola ukwelulekwa ngomlutha wezocansi bafunda ukuthi kungani behlukumeza ucansi - kufaka phakathi ukukopela - futhi ngalolo lwazi bangakwazi ukubhekana nezinkinga ezedlule futhi bafunde ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo nabalingani babo ngendlela enempilo ngakho-ke kunciphisa kakhulu amathuba okungathembeki esikhathini esizayo.

12. Amadoda afisa ukuzijabulisa

I-EVA SADOWSKI RPC, MFA, RN

Umeluleki

Kungani abantu bekhohlisa abantu ababathandayo?

Ngesifiso sokuzijabulisa nokuzijabulisa, ukuzibeka engcupheni, ukufuna injabulo.

Lapho amadoda ekopela abalekela inkambiso nobugovu bokuphila kwansuku zonke; impilo phakathi komsebenzi, uhambo lokuya emsebenzini, izimpelasonto eziyisicefe nezingane, phambi kwesethi ye-TV, noma ikhompyutha.

Indlela yokuphuma emithwalweni yemfanelo, imisebenzi, kanye neqhaza elithile abanikezwe noma abazitholele lona. Lokhu kuphendula ukuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

13. Abesilisa bakopela ngezizathu ezahlukahlukene

UDAVID O. SAENZ, Ph.D., EDM, LLC

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo

Okokuqala, kufanele sazi ukuthi kukhona umehluko phakathi kokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela:

  • Okunhlobonhlobo
  • Isizungu
  • Isasasa lokuzingelwa / ingozi yokuthandana
  • Amanye amadoda awazi ukuthi kungani ephoqeleka ukuthi akwenze
  • Ayikho ikhodi yokuziphatha yomshado
  • Ukushayela ngaphakathi / isidingo sokunakwa (isidingo sokunakwa seqa okujwayelekile)

Izizathu ezinikezwa ngamadoda zokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela kuzokusiza uqonde imibono yamadoda ezindabeni:

  • Umlingani wabo une-low sex drive / akanantshisekelo kwezocansi
  • Uyawa umshado
  • Awujabuli nomlingani wabo
  • Umlingani wabo akayona leyo nto ababeyiyo
  • Ukhuluphele
  • Unkosikazi Nags kakhulu uzama ukumshintsha noma "ungumuntu odlala ibhola"
  • Ubulili obungcono nomuntu obaqonda kangcono
  • I-chemistry ayisekho
  • Ngokombono wokuziphendukela kwemvelo– zazingakhelwanga ukuba zodwa
  • Isikhumba nje esikhumbeni– ingane yocansi nje
  • Ngoba bazizwa benelungelo / bayakwazi

Ekupheleni kosuku, noma kunjalo, noma ngabe abalingani babo bengabekezeleleki emazingeni amaningi, kunezindlela ezingcono kakhulu zokuxazulula le nkinga.

Iphuzu eliyinhloko ukuthi inkosikazi ingenza indoda ikhohlise kakhulu ngangokunokwenzeka ukuthi ingayisebenzisa kabi utshwala noma izidakamizwa– akusebenzi ngale ndlela.

14. Amadoda ayaqola ngenxa yobumnyama obusezinhliziyweni zawo

U-ERIC GOMEZ, MS LMFT

Umeluleki

Kungani abantu benezindaba?

Esinye sezizathu ezivame kakhulu ukuthi amadoda akhohlise abalingani bawo sigxile ebumnyameni enhliziyweni nasengqondweni yabo, lapho kunezici ezibandakanya inkanuko, ukuziqhenya, ukuheha kokuthandana, nokukhungatheka komuntu siqu nomlingani wakhe noma nempilo, ngokuvamile, zibenza bathambekele ekungathembekini.

15. Abesilisa bakhohlisa ukugwema, isiko, ukubaluleka

ILISA FOGEL, LCSW-R

Udokotela wezifo zengqondo

Kungani amadoda enendaba?

Akunasici esichazayo esichaza ukungathembeki.

Kodwa-ke, lezi zindawo ezintathu ezibalwe ngezansi yizinto ezinamandla ezisebenza ngazwilinye ezinganquma ukuthi ngabe umuntu wenza ukukhetha ukukhohlisa oshade naye.

Ukugwema: ukwesaba ukubheka izindlela zethu zokuziphatha nezinketho zethu. Ukuzizwa ubambekile noma ungaqiniseki ngalokho okufanele ukwenze kubonisa ukwesaba ukwenza ukukhetha okwehlukile.

Amasiko egxilile: Uma umphakathi, abazali, noma ubuholi bomphakathi buvumela ukungathembeki njengenani lapho singeke sisakubona ukukopela njengokuziphatha okubi.

Inani: Uma sibona ukugcina umshado njengegugu elibalulekile (ngaphandle kokuhlukunyezwa) sizovuleleka futhi sizimisele ukwenza izinqumo ezintsha ezisebenzela ukugcina umshado.

Lezi yizizathu ezichaza ukuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

16. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa uma abalingani babo bengatholakali

UJULIE BINDEMAN, PSY-D

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo

Kungani amadoda ekopela izintombi noma abafazi bawo?

Abesilisa (noma abesifazane) bayakhohlisa lapho abalingani babo bengatholakali kubo.

Bobabili abalingani basengozini enkulu phakathi nohambo lokuzala kubandakanya izinselelo zokulahleka noma zokuzala, ikakhulukazi uma izindlela zabo zosizi zihlukana isikhathi eside.

Ubuthakathaka obuza ngukuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

17. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa uma kunokuswela ukusondelana

JAKE MYRES, LMFT

Umuthi Wezokwelapha Nomshado

Kungani amadoda ekopela? Kungenxa yokusondelana.

Ukukopela kungumphumela wokuntuleka kokusondelana emshadweni.

Ukusondelana kungaba yinselelo, kepha uma owesilisa engazizwa “ebonwa” ngokugcwele ebudlelwaneni bakhe, noma engazivezi izidingo zakhe, kungamshiya ezizwa engelutho, enesizungu, enolaka futhi engaziswa.

Angabe esefuna ukugcwalisa leso sidingo ngaphandle kobuhlobo.

Yindlela yakhe yokuthi “omunye umuntu uyangibona nenani lami futhi uyaziqonda izidingo zami, ngakho-ke ngizothola engikudingayo nengikufunayo lapho”.

18. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa uma kunokushayelwa ihlombe

ILAYI ELIKHULULEKILE, i-LGSW

Umeluleki

Kungani amadoda ekopela futhi eqamba amanga?

Isizathu esisodwa esivame kakhulu yile.

Ngiyabona ukuthi kungani abesilisa bebheka ngaphandle kobudlelwano bobungani ukungabi bikho kokuncoma nokwamukelwa ngumlingani wabo.

Kungenxa yokuthi bathambekele ekusekeleni umuzwa wabo wokuzethemba ekutheni abantu abasegumbini bababheka kanjani; umhlaba wangaphandle usebenza njengesibuko sokuzihlonipha. Ngakho-ke uma owesilisa ehlangabezana nokungamukelwa, ukwedelelwa, noma ukudumala ekhaya, bafaka leyo mizwa ngaphakathi.

Ngakho-ke lapho umuntu ongaphandle kobudlelwano bese enikeza ukuphikisana naleyo mizwa, ekhombisa “ukubonakaliswa” okwehlukile endodeni, indoda ivame ukudonsekela kulokho.

Futhi ukuzibona ngokukhanya okukhuthazayo, lokho kuvame ukuba nzima kakhulu ukumelana nakho.

19. Abesilisa bakopela ukwehla kwamandla emali kwe-ego

UK'HARA MCKINNEY, LMFT

Umelaphi womshado noMndeni

Kungani abantu abajabulayo bekopela?

Ngiyakukholwa lokho amanye amadoda akhohlisa ukwehla kwamandla emali kwe-ego. Kuzwa kukuhle ukubhekwa njengokufiselekayo nokuhehayo kwabanye, ngeshwa ngisho nangaphandle komshado.

Kungenza indoda izizwe inamandla futhi iheha. Lokhu kulimaza umuntu obathandayo. Lokhu kuyadabukisa kepha yisizathu esitshela ukuthi kungani amadoda ekopela

20. Ukungathembeki emthethweni kuyicala lokuthola ithuba

TREY COLE, PSY D

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo

Kungani amadoda ekopela?

Ngenkathi kunezizathu eziningi ezingachaza ukuthi kungani amadoda ekopela abalingani bawo, esinye sezizathu ezivame kakhulu ukuthi 'kuyicala' lamathuba.

Ukungathembeki emthethweni akusho ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni; kunalokho, kukhombisa ukuthi ukuba sebudlelwaneni kuyisinqumo sansuku zonke.

21. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa uma bezwa ukuthi owesifazane wabo akajabule

I-TERRA BRUNS, CSI

Isazi sobudlelwano

Ngikholwa ukuthi amadoda ayaqola ngoba amadoda aphilela ukujabulisa abesifazane bawo, futhi lapho engasazizwa ukuthi ayaphumelela, bafuna owesifazane omusha abangamjabulisa.

Akulungile, yebo, kodwa kuyiqiniso ukuthi kungani amadoda ekopela.

22. Abesilisa bakhohlisa njengesici somzwelo esilahlekile

UKUVUTHA KEN, LCSW

Umeluleki

Ngokwami ​​ukubona, abantu bayakhohlisa ngoba kukhona okushodayo. Isici esingokomzwelo esiyisisekelo umuntu asidingayo esingafezeki.

Kungaba phakathi kobuhlobo, okuvame kakhulu, bese kufika umuntu ogcwalisa leso sidingo.

Kepha kungaba yinto elahlekile ngaphakathi kumuntu.

Ngokwesibonelo, umuntu ongazange anakwe kakhulu eminyakeni yabo emincane uzizwa emuhle impela lapho ethola ukunakwa okukhethekile noma ukhonjiswa intshisekelo. Yingakho amadoda athile ekopela.

23. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa uma bezizwa bengabalulekile

USteve STEWART, MS, NCC

Umeluleki

Ngenkathi kukhona amadoda athile anamajezi afanelekile, angahloniphi abalingani bawo futhi azizwe sengathi angenza noma yini ayifunayo, okwami ​​ukuthi amadoda akhohlisa ikakhulukazi ngoba azizwa eziswa.

Lokhu kungavela ngezindlela eziningi ezahlukahlukene, kunjalo, ngokususelwa kumuntu ngamunye. Amanye amadoda angazizwa edelelekile uma abalingani babo bengakhulumi nabo, bechitha isikhathi nabo, noma behlanganyela ezintweni zokuzilibazisa nabo.

Abanye bangazizwa bedelelekile uma abalingani babo beyeka ukuya nabo ocansini njalo. Noma uma abalingani babo bebonakala bematasa kakhulu ngempilo, abendlu, izingane, umsebenzi, njll ukubabeka phambili.

Kepha okwenza konke lokho kungumqondo wokuthi le ndoda ayinandaba, lokho akabaluleki nokuthi umlingani wakhe akasamazisi.

Lokhu kubangela ukuthi amadoda afune ukunakwa kwenye indawo, futhi futhi kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami ​​kuvame ukuthi kube yilokhu kuqala ukufuna ukunakwa komunye (lokho kuvame ukubizwa ngokuthi "yinto engokomzwelo") okuholela ekuhlanganyeleni kwezocansi kamuva ("ekuthandweni okugcwele").

Ngakho-ke uma ungabeki umuntu wakho kuqala, futhi ungamenzi azizwe ebalulekile, ngakho-ke akufanele umangale lapho efuna ukunakwa kwenye indawo.

24. Amadoda ayaqola lapho engakwazi ukuxhumana nawo

MARKI GLOVER, MA, LMFT

Umeluleki

Kungani amadoda ekopela kungenxa yabo ukungakwazi ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo nengane yabo yangaphakathi elimele efuna ukondliwa futhi baqinisekisa ukuthi banele futhi bafanelwe ukuthandwa ngenxa nje yemfanelo yabo yokuzalwa kanye nokuba yigugu kwabo.

Njengoba belwa nalomqondo wokufaneleka baqhubeka nokujaha inhloso engafinyeleleki futhi basuke komunye umuntu baye komunye.

Ngicabanga ukuthi lo mqondo ofanayo usebenza nakwabesifazane abaningi futhi.

25. Amadoda ayaqola uma enezidingo awanakekelwa

I-TRUL PAULS, MA, RP

Udokotela wezifo zengqondo

Angicabangi ukuthi kunesizathu esivamile sokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela ngoba wonke umuntu uhlukile futhi isimo sabo sihlukile.

Okwenzekayo emishadweni ukudala izinkinga, njengokuthandana, ukuthi abantu bazizwe behlukanisiwe ngokomoya nabalingani babo futhi abazi ukuthi izidingo zabo ziyanakekelwa kanjani ngendlela enempilo ngakho-ke babheka ezinye izindlela zokuzifeza.

26. Amadoda akhumbula ukukhonzwa, ukunconywa nokufiswa

UKATHERINE MAZZA, LMHC

Udokotela wezifo zengqondo

Kungani amadoda ekopela kungenxa yokuthi awanawo umuzwa owabadonsele ebuhlotsheni besikhathi eside abakubo. Umuzwa wokukhulekelwa, ukubabazeka, nokufiswa yi-cocktail yothando ezwa ukuthi iyadlisa kakhulu.

Cishe ezinyangeni eziyi-6-18, akuvamile ukuthi le ndoda “iwele phansi” njengoba kwenzeka ngokoqobo, futhi izinselelo zempilo ziba yinto ephambili.

Abantu, hhayi amadoda kuphela, ngasendleleni, baphuthelwa yilesi sigaba esifushane futhi esishubile. Lo muzwa, odlala ekuzethembeni nasekunciphiseni okunamathiselwe kusenesikhathi, ulwa nakho konke ukungavikeleki nokuzithemba.

Igxila ngokujulile kwi-psyche futhi ihlala lapho ilinde ukuvuselelwa. Ngenkathi umlingani wesikhathi eside enganikeza eminye imizwa ebalulekile, cishe akunakwenzeka ukuphindaphinda lesi sifiso sokuqala esinganeliseki.

Kuza nomuntu ongamazi, ongavusa lo muzwa ngokushesha.

Isilingo esigcwele ngamandla singashaya kanzima, ikakhulukazi lapho umuntu engakhushuliswa ngumlingani wakhe njalo.

27. Abesilisa bayakhohlisa uma bezizwa bengaziwa

VICKI BOTNICK, MFT

Umeluleki nodokotela bezengqondo

Asikho isizathu esisodwa sokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela, kodwa umucu owodwa ojwayelekile uhlobene nokuzizwa ungaziswa futhi anganakekelwa kahle ngokwanele ebudlelwaneni.

Abantu abaningi banomuzwa wokuthi yibo abenza umsebenzi omningi ebudlelwaneni, nokuthi umsebenzi awubonwa noma awuklonyelisiwe.

Lapho sizizwa sengathi yonke imizamo yethu ayamukelwa, futhi asazi ukuthi singazinikeza kanjani uthando nokwazisa esikudingayo, sibheka ngaphandle.

Isithandwa esisha sithambekele ekuthandeni futhi sigxile kuzo zonke izimfanelo zethu ezinhle kakhulu, futhi lokhu kuveza ukuvunyelwa esikulangazelelayo — ukuvunywa okuntulekayo kozakwethu nakithi uqobo.

28. Izimo ezehlukene lapho amadoda ekopela khona

UMARIYA KAY COCHARO, LMFT

Izithandani Therapist

Azikho izimpendulo ezilula kulo mbuzo zokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela ngoba indoda ngayinye inezizathu zayo futhi isimo ngasinye sihlukile.

Futhi, impela kukhona umehluko phakathi kwendoda ebambeka ezindabeni eziningi, ukuluthwa yi-porn, izindaba ze-cyber, noma ukulala nezifebe kanye nendoda ethandana nomuntu osebenza naye.

Izizathu zokulutha ngokocansi zifakwa ekuhlukumezeni, kanti imvamisa abesilisa abanezindaba ezilodwa babalula ukungabi nokuthile abakudingayo ebudlelwaneni babo bokuqala.

Kwesinye isikhathi balahlekile ucansi olumnandi, kepha kaningi, babika ukuthi abazizwa bebonwa noma bethandwa ngabafazi babo. Abesifazane baba matasa, baphathe imisebenzi yasekhaya, basebenze emisebenzini yethu, futhi bakhulise izingane.

Ekhaya, abesilisa babika lokho bavame ukuzizwa benganakiwe futhi bethathwa kalula. Kuleso simo sesizungu, baba sengozini yokunakwa nokudunyiswa kothile omusha.

Emsebenzini, babhekiwe, bazizwe benamandla futhi befanelekile futhi bangahlakulela ubudlelwane nowesifazane okubonayo lokho.

29. Inhloso yothando yesimanje iyimbangela yokungathembeki

UMARCIE SCRANTON, MA, LMFT

Udokotela wezifo zengqondo

Kungani amadoda ekopela kungenxa yokuthi ukugxila kwethu kwesimanje kokuhle kwezothando cishe kuyisethaphu sokungathembeki.

Lapho ubudlelwano ngokungenakugwenywa bulahlekelwa wukucwebezela kwabo kokuqala, akuyona into engavamile ukulangazelela uthando, injabulo yezocansi, nokuxhumeka okulungiselelwe nomunye owawukhona ngenkathi kuqala.

Labo abakuqondayo nokwethemba ukuvela kothando okukhona ebudlelwaneni obuzinikele ngokweqiniso ngeke bazithole belingeka ukukopela.

30. Amadoda afuna ubusha

UGERALD SCHOENEWOLF. I-Ph.D

I-Psychoanalyst

“Ucwaningo lwakamuva lukhombisa ukuthi abesilisa nabesifazane bakopela cishe izinga elifanayo. Isizathu esivamile kungani amadoda ekopela ukufuna ubusha.

Isizathu esivamile abesifazane bakhohlise kungenxa yokukhungatheka ebudlelwaneni babo.”

Lezi zingcezu zeseluleko esisebenzisekayo zizosiza abesifazane ukuthi babone izizathu zokuthi kungani amadoda ekopela futhi mhlawumbe banikeze nokuqonda kokuthi amadoda acabanga kanjani nokuthi bangenzani ukuze babavimbele ekukopeleni.